Hi,
I hope you have a great day today.
Hey, I was working a bunch of stuff yesterday and had to run out.
I was in a store and speaking to someone and I bought up how I run www.bipolarcentral.com
The person told me how she had a family member with bipolar disorder but she was totally out of control and there was no hope.
I spent some time educating her that there is hope and she can do well.
Eventually she said to me, I just don’t understand what bipolar is or why people have it. You can’t see it. What does it look like?
Today I want to talk about what bipolar disorder looks like. I know, a funny thing to talk about, right?
Well, what DOES it look like?
To a person who has bipolar disorder, it looks one way.
To a supporter of a loved one who has the disorder, it looks another way.
To a doctor diagnosing the disorder, it looks still another way.
Here’s a scenario to illustrate what I’m talking about:
One week Sally worked 50 hours, exercised every day, cleaned the house, and still had time to finish two novels. The following week, she could barely get out of bed.
Her mother said that Sally was a workaholic who only cared about herself, had no time for her family, and certainly didn’t care about her mother or anyone else (referring to the fact that Sally had no friends, nor any time for them).
Sally’s doctor diagnosed her with bipolar disorder.
—————————————————————
Same scenario, but three different views entirely.
A person with bipolar disorder looks at the disorder from the inside out. They look at how it FEELS to have the disorder.
Sometimes they feel as if they could tackle the world – that they have more energy than they know what to do with – that they are intelligent and creative – that they can produce more than the average person – that they have these really great ideas – that they hardly need any sleep at all, etc.
Then sometimes they feel as if they can’t even get out of bed, as if they could sleep forever – that they are worthless – they feel helpless and hopeless – they wonder where all their energy went – they don’t feel the least bit creative – they are totally depressed – sometimes to the point of suicidal thoughts or even suicide attempts.
This is really, really serious, and one of the topics I go over in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
The supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder looks at it totally different. They are looking from the outside in. They watch their loved one, and sometimes it is very confusing to them, the difference in this person they know, or think they know, or used to know.
Sometimes their loved one seems like two totally different people. Sometimes they feel sorry for them. Sometimes they feel sorry for themselves.
They experience feelings that trouble them. They want to be a good supporter. They want to show concern, love, and understanding toward their loved one.
However, sometimes their feelings are negative ones. Sometimes they feel insecure, angry, frustrated, resentful, unappreciated, lonely, and downright tired.
Sometimes they are nostalgic. They just want things to be the way they used to be, before their loved one had bipolar disorder.
The doctor looks only at his/her patient. They look at the signs/symptoms and make a diagnosis of bipolar disorder based on that.
They are not concerned with the patient’s personal life – they are much too busy to be concerned with how the supporter feels – they have other patients to see, and a busy practice to run.
Bipolar disorder is a complicated disorder.
So how does bipolar disorder look?
It depends on who you ask.
Hey, I have to head off to the gym. I have to actually do a TON of training this week. I have to work out twice a day 5 days a week. I am also walking about 40 miles a week as well.
But after the 17th of October everything changes and I get a week off and then my training is much easier.
Okay, have to run.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
I am supposed to have bipolar, according to doctors. I don’t drink medication and feel that my responses to external stimulae are as every other normal person. My mother in law thinks I am totally crazy, my husband is frustrated and my mother worried. I just feel I have normal feelings like everybody else. I think other people are more bipolar than I would ever be. I am not asking them to deal with my feelings rather just let us all carry on with our own lives.
Hi Dave,
I am a Bipoler supporter, supporting my fiancee. We leave together with our two children I love my family very much but I keep on having these thoughts about my children having the same illness in future just like their father.
We live in South Africa, at the moment our relationship is stragling and i do not now how to fix things between us. I do not want to say it is because of his illness our relationship is taking a strain but its because things has been too cardual and now its like we are just together for the children.
I tried taking to him about this and what he said was that i am only overracting everything is just fine between us.
How can I make him see things from my point of view.
Best Regards,
Priscilla
Hi. I have a mom with bi-polar. Everything you said in this e-mail I can relate to. Right now I am feeling both sadness and anger. It varies on the day. My mom is currently in an episode. She was hospitalized twice in this past year. I feel like giving up. It doesn’t seem like the dr she’s seeing is helping her. Also my dad is taking a back seat approach to the whole situation. She is bringing up things from the past, breaking everything I have ever bought her, etc. any thoughts? Does bi-polar ever get directed just towards one family member? It seems like I am the one she is currently focused on “hating” right now. Thanks.
Mr. David Oliver,
Thank you so much for your email letters, I have bipolar disorder for 14 years, my last eight have been very stable, the first ones of course a night mare.I appreciate your work in helping others, is not an easy thing.
But I read something in your last article that says “sometimes they feel they are intelligent and creative”…can you explain that to me, because even though I got the illnes I am a smart person, and actually a passionate artist, that left this work of beautiful paintings because of the illness…I dont paint anymore and I don’t teach anymore, and I have years of not having a mania.Maybe I misunderstood your point of view, again thank you for your time, your research and support.
Rocio Picado
Your description of the various views of a bipolar person seems to be right-on. We are grappling with the realization that our daughter-in-law suffers from this illness. It explains our confusion in relating to her. We love her dearly, but since she is almost two different people it’s difficult to know what to expect. It makes our relationship with our grandchildren difficult, too. Since her mother, who we now understand must have been bipolar, committed suicide, the extremes of her “episodes” has deepened causing much concern.
Hi David,
I hope YOU have a great day!
Sometimes in your emails I read just what I needed to hear that day. It feels like you can read my mind (probably a delusion … lol … just kidding!) Anyway, as someone with the disorder (I think) I can only imagine how hard it is on our supporters, having to watch someone they care about go through all the ups and downs and “craziness” of bipolar. I do know that, as a survivor, the last thing in the world I’ve ever wanted is to hurt the ones I care about in any way, stress them out, cause them to worry… I miss the way things were before the illness got so bad, too. What I want most is to be the “real me” again so that I can take care of the needs of those I love … give them whatever support that THEY might need for a change.
Thanks so much Dave- what you do here is great!
Kat
THANK YOU, DAVID.
THAT IS AN ABSOLUTE PERFECT ILLUSTRATION OF BI-POLAR, FOR MYSELF.
AND THE CONFUSION THAT MY SPOUSE MUST FEEL AND MYSELF…
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE TIME AND EFFORT YOU PUT INTO THIS EMAIL MINISTRY.
David,
You overlooked what Bipolar looks like from the perspective of a medical psychologist – it’s different again! And then, there is the Bipolar researcher … also different again!
The psychologist sees psychosomatic symptoms – when ‘extreme moods are triggered by a lack of skill in a patient’s ability to manage their reactions to events’ that may be inherently emotionally charged, or perceived to be emotionally charged.
The researcher sees DNA and genetic abnormalities, and more recently, those WITH psychological influences. This is the one that tends to drive the perceptions of the psychiatrists, the psychologists and patients/supporters (when they bother to find out the latest research on the subject.)
(Oh yeah! Forgot one more – the Pharmaceutical perspective, which also varies depending on the job in the companies developing and selling the products used to treat BP.)
Wow, Dave that is a lot of excercise… 🙂 Thank you for all that you do and know that you are appreciated.
Many blessings,
Filiz
I am not only a suppoter of a bi-polar teenager, but I “suffer” from it as well. I have read and acknowledged your writings as the truth in that they come from only a supporter. I have become such a great supporter of my teenage son and his bi-polar disorder that I have neglected mine. I have all my meds and take them most of the time, but seem to have this spiraling staircase on when I want to forget them, like at night.
I said that I suffer and I do suffer, believe me. I don’t know when I haven’t. I’ve been medicated for close to 20 years and I have become immune to medications, allergic to some, and just down right adverse to what their effects, so I know. The doctor just started me on effexor and I don’t like it. I feeled stoned all the time. I feel like I smoked several joints and eat everything in sight. I would love to have a sit down with you because while you are right in your views, you are also trying to show the views of an affected person, without personal knowledge and that is where I have always wanted to come from.
My dream is to write a book from the view of a bi-polar person without the aides of medications or without any kind of re-writes. The only way a person can possibly know what I suffer from is to read it in my words not medicated and try to keepo up with the rambling that occurs in our minds.
We are also extremely vulnerable and played easily by those around us, which open us up as targets for the cruelty that the elite can bestow upon us.
It’s amazing how very different bi polar looks to people, especially to those that have little to no knowledge about its complexities. I believe that for the most part, very little has been attained to educate the general public and therefore the stigma and the unknown cripples the carriers and the supporters.
People have a tendency to shy away from one who will admit that they are bipolar suffers. So I believe many feel it necessary to become isolated and ill informed to some of the resources that are available.
I have experienced family members and friends that were ashamed and over protected because they did not have a clue as to how to deal with my Beautiful Mind.
It is not like there are physical signs that suggest that one is a sufferer, which makes it difficult for the average person to detect. One has to really go through extremes most of the time in order for most to detect the abnormalities of the disease. That’s when the crazy stigma gets attached and makes it less likely for the disturbed or the supporter to seek professional help.
It will always be a challenge for the impaired to maintain a level of stability and success if they are not educated on how medications, therapy, exercise, proper diet, journaling and having a support system can work in their favor.
It really saddens me that because I look and appear a certain way, this sometimes deter many in the professional world to second guess the condition therefore, overlook the complications of bi polar until ones has an episode.
So, most of the time I feel that I am my own worst enemy because it is difficult to control the many highs and lows, ups and downs, erratic and perplexed behavior one has to try to control along with the suicidal thoughts that are constant and debilitating.
Looking from it from the outside-in and not knowing the facts, most people believe that bi polar sufferers can just shake it off. If only it was that easy. However, looking at it from the in-side out is a very scary, complicated, and never ending situation that is very challenging but, it can be managed with the right attitude and support.
To all that have a support system, be thankful and feel blessed, because to not have one is a nightmare.
Thank you, Dave, right now, you are my supporter.
God Bless.
Hi there David
Thanks for the 3 views. I have Bipolar and I couldn’t have explained it better. I have been trying to write blogs explaining my thoughts and feelings and what I have been going throu, but it’s always a jumble of words Strug together from confusion. At this moment blogging seems to help sort out my feelings and thoughts; Most of my friends and family couldn’t comprehend what I am going through. Your mails has reminded me not to blame them for feeling alone. They simply didn’t understand and I was blinded by anger to think clearly.
Thanks again Dave
I think that you discribed a bipolor person right on the head. I have some days where I get so much done and I am up most of that night then the next day I crash and burn. Then sometimes my depression really kicks in if I am really stressed!! Thank you for putting into words what I have been going through!!! I have only known about my bipolor about 6 months so I am still learning so much right now. THANKS
Unfortunate/Fortunately, Scioto Paint Valley Mental Health apparently have amended my daughter’s diagnosis and elimnated bi-polar but as she is an adult they will not share any more information with me. I have attempted to gain guardianship over her and get her properly evaulated since her apparent suicide attempt of 2 weeks ago(which is a documented statement she made to police) Dispite the facts that her probation office, the Pros. Attorney and the County Sheriff were “relieved” that I was taking that step, That she admittedly goes off her Meds. frequently & neglects other medical needs(infections etc..), Also she has been envolved in at least 4 documented traffic accidents and 3 non-documented ones ove the past 4 yrs. and is currently on probation for crack-cocain, her mental health professionals at SPVMH who have been treating her for the past 18 months have told the court that it is not neccesary. They put her in an unsecured shelter in another city and led my attorney to believe that she was in a proper facility to be evaluated. However she called us on her cell phone and we drove there to see her so we know where she was for the weekend. It was a better place than living out of her car which was destroyed in the car/train “suicide” attempt but it was little more than a place to come in and sleep at night, not a treatment facility. I will gather all the information I can from this experience and be better prepared the next time. At this point I’m not sure of my own mental state this is certainly a difficult battle that for the first 15yrs. I never seen coming!
P.S. I still think its Bi-polar because it all sounds so familar when I read what you write.
Dear David et. al.,
I am daily amazed at and grateful for your e-mails, David. You express things so well.
I have bipolar, and I feel that you really know nwhat it’s like from the inside as well as from a support person’s position.
I am 65, have had this since about age 20, and for the last 20 ish
years I have been diagnosed and trying different medications. Nothing helps my depressions (I don’t have really manic ups). I just got out of a long depression by staying up all night, watching reruns of educational programs on T.V. and sleeping all day. I told myself that I’m retired, noone
has any right to say I can’t sleep all day and I began to really enjoy myself and then, finally, I wasn’t depressed anymore and now I’m getting up early and doing a lot like the rest of the world.
It’s double depressing not to know whom to consult about my
depressed periods. I have tried to get appointments at some of the top teaching hospitals to get a good second opinion but they keep telling me that the academic people don’t see private patients. What’s the point of
seeing a resident when I’m in a good period and would just have to describe my bad periods, anyway. If anyone knows how to get seen by a
really good doctor or has any unusual medications or natural substances
to recommend or any toher behavioral tips, I would love to hear from you.
Regards,
June M.
to: TRIED THEM ALL:
Hey, dear friend!
Are you out there? I just read yesterday’s blog today, and it didn’t sound like you were feeling very well. I tried to send you an e-mail but, well, you know… Hope that gets fixed soon!
I know the mental health system stinks out there.. if you can hang in ’til you see your psychologist tomorrow, that would be great. But if it gets really bad, even though I know it would be a huge pain in the neck, I would go to the hospital and tell them you’re suicidal. Last time you were there, I think you were a little better when you came home.
As soon as you can, get in touch with me. I’m thinking about you!
Love, Sue
Hi there David,
just read “how it feels.” I have been “up and down” pretty much all my life , with my first MAJOR episode after the birth of my darling son and simultaneously the removal of a Brain Tumour.
23 years later our beautiful son has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, it has been a year and we are still “getting there”; he haas tried to take his life several times because he is in the LOW and can’t see his life is worth anything without the wonderous CREATIVITY he had while in the prolonged HIGH.
Sadly at the moment I cannot seem to get through to him that things CAN AND DO GET BETTER, we just have to become stabilised or a place that is more comfortable.
I am extremely fortunate I have a husband of almost 30 years who is supportive – we do have our moments though sometimes.
Your descriptions are so on the button right down to the Drs ,
your descriptions make me feel like we are not alone, and that really is something we all have to remember EVERY DAY.
I count myself as being extremely fortunate because I can relate totally to our son because ,although not the same experiences , we have similar.
Heaven help the rest of our family if we are on a high together = ) Dee
hi david,
i am a supporter ,your emails r quite encouraging i can read and relate my experiences,though i feel i am lucky that my husband is well under controll ,but i always have this this question in my mind , is there some way we can prevent it like if i know i have heridity of diabetis or hypertension then i can prevent this disorder my taking care and precuasions,similarly are there some ways by which i can prevent this illness.
god bless
ash
Hi Sue. I am worried about TRIED THEM ALL too. I can’t get ahold of her either. If you hear from her will you let me know? I just moved so my computer wasen’t up and running. Thanks Sue. I hope all is well with you. Jeannie
To Dave. This blog was extremely helpful to me and my co-workers. I am so glad to be back on this site. I would be lost as a supporter if it wasen’t for the ability to get information from not only you, but the person’s who suffer from bipolar. Thankyou so much everyone.
When I had my first “nervous breakdown” in 1968 (at 20), I was misdiagnosed with “schizophrenia.” Your (three) ways of looking at bipolar DO make me feel as if I am TWO different people (“split personality.”
I am going to be up all night (slept until 4 this afternoon), to catch up on emails and get ready to show the room to a possible roommate tomorrow morning. I’m just afraid I won’t hear the alarm (a usual response). I’m hyper tonight, having watched the Presidential Debate, and taking my night meds (which ALWAYS give me a “high” for an hour before I sleep).
The reason I slept so late was I was “down” about a letter I received from the VA Dept. of Taxation telling me they were going to my bank and withdrawing “all available funds, up to the amount due” on my back taxes! I don’t even HAVE that much money in my account! I’ve called the tax office twice, and, apparently, after the first call, they relented and Faxed the bank NOT to send the money, as I have already sent an “Order in Compromise” telling them I DON’T have the finances to pay them. I also owe the IRS an insurmountable amount of money. This problem started when my CPA FAILED to file 2005 income taxes! I feel I can SUE her, because she was in a fiduciary relationship with me, and knew of my bipolar disorder and ignorance of what was needed to file. It’s a “Catch 22,” in that I can’t AFFORD a lawyer to sue her.
I have NO supporter, other than the Community Mental Health Clinic, and they look at me through the “professional” lens, monitoring my moods and taking blood tests.
I’m a 60-year-old, twice-widowed woman on Social Security Disability and a small pension. That is ONE reason I’ve decided to rent out a room in my condo, not only for the money (which is important), but to have someone ELSE in my apartment who can call for help if I fall and injure myself.
Keep up the good work, Dave. I think today’s email was one of the best you have EVER done. It puts bipolar in a wholly NEW perspective for those of us WITH the disorder, and those who live, and love, us. Thank you (but don’t overdo the training!).
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
suzanne,
What we now know as BP/Manic Depression was once thought to be schizophrenia. I understand (and I find this most interesting) that a difference between them was believed to be that BP is genetic pure and simple, whereas schizophrenia was thought to be partly genetic and mostly environmental factors. More recently, BP is now thought to be a combination of genetics and environmental factors – almost full circle! This might explain why some people with the errant inherited genes never develop BP. (An alternative explanation is that it takes a combination of errant genes. There again, it might be a combination of errant genes and environmental factors …)
BTW, lest anyone doesn’t know, schizophrenia is NOT the same as having multiple personalities. Disassociated Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) is, I understand, a psychological condition, when distinctly different personalities emerge from one person. (I have a friend who is a medical psychologist in the US, and she tends to specialise in giving therapy to people with DID. About DID this is said, “Diagnoses of DID peaked in the mid 1990s and have since declined sharply, a pattern described by Pope et al. as “a brief period of fashion” ” (Source: Wikipedia) Interesting in view of the fact that the increase of BP being diagnosed is ALSO considered by some to be another ‘brief period of fashion’! If you’re interested, read “Sybil” by Flora R. Schreiber (which is a fictionalised true story) or the film of “Sybil” starring Sally Field brilliantly playing as Sybil Dorsett. (Even if you’re not interested in the subject, it’s worth seeing the film if only to see Sally F acting everyone else off the film set!)
To GRAHAM: Although your definition of schizophrenia may be what the psychiatrists and researchers deem an “environmental” disorder, I lived with a man who was a paranoid schizophrenic. There were times when I just didn’t understand his rambling, incomprehsible conversations. I don’t believe this is “environmental,” but, as with “nurture vs. nature,” this man exhibited his mental aberration his whole life.
He had two brothers and a sister WITHOUT mental illness, but were self-medicating with street drugs and alcohol. My boyfriend used weed AND beer, which only exacerbated his condition. He spent weeks in psychiatric hospitals, only to return the same person he was when he went in.
I stayed with him for three years because I was “addicted” to him! I needed my daily “fix” of Rene; there was no getting around it. I more than tolerated his behavior; I was an enabler. I do believe that schizophrenia is a documented mental illness, incurable to be sure. The only reason I left him, was to marry a man who did NOT have a mental illness, and could “take care of me” while I worked. To be perfectly honest, I was in contact with Rene during the first month of my marriage, but did NOT cheat. Only when my relationship with him turned into an issue with my husband, did I sever all ties with him.
I KNOW schizophrenia IS different from DID. Rene was NOT 2 or 3 or even 4 different personalities. He had a diagnosis and problems with cognitive issues. He couldn’t work, and was on Social Security Disability. BUT – he was the victim of a very REAL illness nevertheless.
Thank you for your discussion of schizophrenia and how it is viewed by experts. I only know of my personal relationship with someone who had it.
suzanne.
Sorry – I didn’t mean to be “teaching granny to suck eggs” with regard to DID!
My understanding is that schizophrenia is considered to be PARTLY environmental because like BP it doesn’t always ‘seem’ to be inherited, that it occurs without there supposedly being any previous issues with blood relatives. But I take your point about the siblings – they could be undiagnosed! I suspect this is true for BP – damned sure some of my relatives from the past were BP and I have suspicions about a niece and a sibling, too. (Either that or the sibling really is/was a very calculating crook!)
I totally agree with the different views. When I’ m out in public around strangers, I appear as normal and nice of a person as one could be with the perfect family and life. At home its a totally different situation. Before I was on meds, I got mad everyday, yelled , got suicidal, but as soon as I walked into the public view it dosen’t show. I don’t do it voluntarily it just happens. Only my family sees the bad side or my brother who stays with me or people who are close to me for awhile. My BF is BP and we don’t hide or pretend in front of one another because we understand each other and share alot of the same symptoms. Most of my family and friends have no idea and wouldn’t believe me. My therapist, I feel half ok around but she still doen’t see the symptoms or real me as I call it, that I go thru. Which I think makes it hard to get the proper help when there not around you to know and they just see how you are when you come in. Which I had this problem because I don’t look like a troubled person or act like one in public so I did my own family history because my dad has multiple mental problems and info on BP and made them listen. So anybody out there who has the same issue with Drs. not wanting to listen, MAKE THEM!!!! If they would have listened 5 yrs ago I wouldn’t have gotten so bad.