Hi,
How are you today? I hope you’re doing fine.
Let me ask you a question: What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?
I asked this question to a woman one time, and she said, “To give birth to twins, before they
gave you anesthetic!” LOL I certainly didn’t expect that answer!
I asked a man one time, and he told me it was to build his home with his bare hands. I thought that was admirable.
I’ve gotten answers such as:
• To watch my mother die slowly of breast cancer.
• To raise 3 children all by myself.
• To go back to college at age 35.
• To get divorced after 30 years of marriage.
• To forgive my husband for having an affair.
• To start my own business and make a success of it.
• To start over after having been homeless for 2 years.
Wow. Some pretty serious answers, don’t you think? But some pretty great success stories, too!
Some people have accomplished some pretty hard things!
And so I asked you: What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do?
Now, compare it to this.
This may not seem like much to you, but for someone with bipolar disorder…
Did you know that, in a bipolar depressive episode, the hardest thing for them to do sometimes
is just to get out of bed? It can be.
If you are a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, you may have had to deal with this very situation. And it may have been hard for you to relate to. Because for you, getting out of bed may be no big deal. But when a person with the disorder is in a depressive episode, they can
feel so overwhelmed, that just the simple act of getting out of bed can be something that they just cannot face.
I know a woman who was in a bipolar depressive episode so severe one time that she spent an entire week in bed, so overcome with sadness and despair that she couldn’t even get out of that bed, no matter how much she knew that she should.
That’s how much an episode can take control of them. It can be very frustrating and disconcerting for a supporter to watch, when their loved one gets that bad. It can be very hard to understand as well, but it is part of the disorder.
Obviously, it is imperative that your loved one get out of bed, or they will just get worse. But how? Either they or you need to contact their doctor for help. If you can’t get them to see their doctor, you need to at least get hold of them on the phone and tell them what’s going on.
The doctor may be able to prescribe something over the phone or increase their medication so that they are able to improve and get out of bed. Bipolar depressive episodes, as bad as they can be, can pass, but not without help.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
i had to persistently motivate a person with bipolar disorder to get of bed by reminding her of the goodness of life
i know this isnt the answer to the question.i went to the sight about your programs i dont have a printer .and i dont have any money to buy them i am disabled and get ssi check me and three kids live on it .so we are always broke .if you could send me any programs or anything that can help with bipolar it would be greatly appreciated.i have found someone that understands me ….you thank you brandi wilder 316 AMOS ISBELL ROAD LEEDS ALABAMA,,35094..MY HOME ADDRESS
The hardest thing I have ever had to do is to say bye to my boy friend when he has had to go to an inpatient program for his PTSD/Bipolar condition. He had not taken his medication for the past 4 months. When he was able to bring himself to the point of going to speak to his therapist and take his meds he was already in a difficult place with his PTSD. He always chooses to go to a program in Florida and I live in N.J. It is so difficult to say bye to him for that lenght of time, any lenght of time really.
I know that he has to do this and that it is the best way. But oh how I wish I could visit him, which would be possible if he entered a program here in Jersey or New York. However this is not the time to be selfish. It is a time to want the man I love to have the best possible care.
What is it besides being supportive that I can do to help him. When we first met he took care of me through
poor health. I had uncontrolled diabetes, kidney disease, cardiac problems, and a mother who just had open heart surgery, and he got me through all this.
I want to get him through all he is dealing with.
This time is the hardest of all the times he has had to be away for an extended amount of time. Usually he is away for 2-3 months. This time he will be away for 4 months.
Hi Dave,
The question itself was hard for me to even read much less answer. The hardest thing that I can remember ever
having to do is trying to let go of my partner of 10 years when she left me in Dec. of 2008. I am still trying to let go and am unable to do so. I lost her because of my illness and how I treated her because of it but we didn’t know why. Finding out after the fact has made no difference. She was my Once in a Lifetime.
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was quit work and take care of my Mother with Alzheimer’s, followed 6 months later, by the death of my husband. I am a bipolar survivor, and the ups and downs of my illness were sorely tested during that four years. By the time my Mother got so bad I had to put her in a nursing home, my nerves were almost shot. I remember clearly her looking at me at the “home,” and saying, perfectly lucid, “You’re putting me in a nursing home.” Her stay there was eventful, as she was strong-willed to the end.
Six months after that, my first husband collapsed and died of a sudden heart attack at 35. I found him dead on the floor after visiting my Mother in the “home.” The first thing I did was call my psychiatrist, and he ordered increased meds for me at the time. I spent a week with my in-laws, and, in their ignorance, they took my meds away at night after I had taken them. I was NEVER suicidal during this period (or at any OTHER period), as I’ve never been suicidal, even when clinically depressed. I stayed on my husband’s farm for 8 months before I could get back to my apartment house in another city, taking care of 5 dogs and 8 puppies, and visiting my husband’s grave on-site. It was the hardest eight months of my life. I know now I should have taken the dogs to the Shelter, but wasn’t thinking clearly. When I finally got back to my apartment house, things settled down “back to normal,” although I spent many a sleepless night because of “situational depression.” I’m glad to say I wasn’t hospitalized because of this, which happened in 1989, and haven’t been hospitalized since 1977, so I must be doing “something” right.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I continue to pray for my country.
Rachel has the depressive side of BP quite frequently she tells me by saying the key words mum Im feeling overwhelmed or mum today is a difficult day.
Plan A goes into effect no stimulants or stimulation so we practice quietness quiet games inside and we spend a bit of time outside running around (Rachels young boys and if we want to make a noise) and we have plain wholesomefood and the boys are told mum is feeling low or unwell and will be unable to play for a little while
If after 2 days Rachel has not managed to surface I put plan B into effect I ask her if we can talk I say that this low period always passes. I ask- she need doctors help for sleeping, and are all her medications there for her? otherwise I let her be.
After 3 days its time for action and I say things like The funniest thing is early morning sometimes feels really tragic and the worst time( for Rachel)but if she just gets up and goes to work the day always gets better it always gets better this mood will pass – and here I add her latest achievements- and there are many we can boast of.
I guess as a supporter Im there to reflect back at Rachel the many ood things she has achieved in the last year.
Then another way is to say – staying in bed is not beneficial for Rachel it does nothing for her state of mind- in fact it gives the Bipolar the opportunity to dwell in that very dark place. When Rachel is busy- and at work Rachel gets through the dark space far quicker and there is so little time to brood.
Regards
Shona
when my son goes through a really bad depressive state and cannot get out of bed we try to find some of his favorite things to interest him such as fishing, deer or turkey hunting. If its not the seasons for either then we invite him to a family get together or i tell him if he gets up and showers we can go get icecream. Theres always something that works.
David,
I am not able to stay in bed even if I wanted too. I have two dogs that have to be walked every two hours. Sometimes, I can get them to lay down with me if I say ‘Momma needs a nap’. More often than not, they are restless and want me to get up and check my e-mail. They have ME on a scheldule. he-he!
I do have dark days and then I do nothing but sit in the living room and stare at nothing. The dogs are on the couch with me, but get me up to go walk. But then, we are back on the couch. My husband calls several times a day and is really starting to understand the role of a supporter.
He will come home and make hamburger patties, baked potatoes and some veggie. It is like a comfort food and gives my mind a kind of jolt. I might feel dark the next day, but it is lighter. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar l.
Thank you Dave for your site! It is both inspiring and heartbreaking to read some of the comments on this site. I’m not sure of the hardest thing I have ever done, I think it is something I have not done yet which is to truely focus on myself, face and work on my own problems and get my life in order. I wanted to say though that I too have a family member, an older brother, with bipolar and its been a struggle for him most of his life. I know he gets overwhelmed so as a release for him, we go on road trips which he likes to do but I’m trying now to motivate him to help himself by suggesting him to attend a support group (I offered to go with him) or reading material about how to manage bipolar but he refuses it. It’s very difficult to see somebody you love or care about be in this type of situation and give up without knowing he can work with the illness and have a better life for himself. If anybody has any suggestions I would appreciate it very much!