Hi,
How’s it going?
Yesterday I was watching my godchild Anna actually I am not really in charge because I don’t know much about kids. I kind of just watch.
Anyway she was cry a lot. Michelle, her godmother, who is in charge while her parents were away said that she had a sore throat and was sick. I am kind of like an assistant for her. That’s okay with me, because I really don’t know anything about babies. I ask a lot of questions most of them very basic and dumb. The good news is Barry, Michelle’s brother asks more questions than me so he makes me look better : )
Anna is only 9 months old and I was thinking in my head, “hmm. I haven’t heard her talk so how do they know she has a sore throat?” I kind of thought that was a dumb question so I didn’t ask : ) Everyone was so certain so I thought maybe I missed something. I know it’s simple. Someone on my list will probably clear this up for me.
So Michelle’s brother Barry was there and I said to him, “hey, how does everyone know Anna has a sore throat and that’s why she is crying?” He said, “I don’t know, I was wondering that myself. I asked a lot of dumb questions and I felt like I used them all up for the day. I am going to ask tomorrow.”
I thought that was funny. I have seriously no idea how they all knew Anna had a sore throat. Everyone said it with such conviction I just thought it must be true.
So I was talking to Barry and he said “It’s the good, the bad and the ugly with babies.” He thought of a baby being sick and not knowing if they had a sore throat the bad and ugly.
He was like, “hey what if her foot hurts and we are thinking it’s her throat?” I said, “I have no idea, I just follow orders. I do what Michelle says to do and when she says to do it. I know about bipolar disorder but not baby’s and sore throats.” He rolled his eyes at me : )
Then I was thinking of that movie. Do you remember the movie, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly?
Well, in bipolar disorder there is this thing that happens where the patient at first doesn’t like their doctor that much and will dump or download everything onto them – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The patient doesn’t really care, because they don’t really like their doctor.
Over time, as the patient starts to like their doctor more, they report the good and the bad, but not the ugly, because they want their doctor to like them.
Then, as they start to like their doctor even more, they only report the good, because they are starting to trust them.
Then it comes…
Now they like AND trust their doctor…
And they only report the best…
Because now they really want their doctor to like them and not think anything bad about them.
BUT THIS IS BAD! REAL BAD!!!!
In my courses/systems below, I talk about how important it is to be HONEST with your doctor:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
This isn’t a matter of whether you really like your doctor or not (although you should like them enough to go to them).
This isn’t a matter of being worried about what they think of you!
This is your bipolar disorder that we’re talking about here!
And your bipolar disorder doesn’t care whether you like your doctor or not!
Your bipolar disorder doesn’t care whether your doctor likes you or not!
Your bipolar disorder doesn’t necessarily want you to get better!
Remember? IT wants to control YOU, instead of the other way around!
The idea is, for both supporters and survivors, that you like and trust your doctor, and to be honest with them…
Good, bad, and ugly!
Because otherwise, they can’t help you!
Supporters, this goes for you, too –
Even with your own doctor or therapist.
You can’t get/stay well if you are not completely honest with your doctor and only tell them the good things, just because you’re worried about what they’ll think of you.
Look at it this way:
Your doctor/therapist is NOT your friend!
They may act friendly toward you, but they are NOT your friend!
They only want to help you get better, and they can’t do that unless you are completely honest with them…
And that can only happen if you share…
The good, the bad, and the ugly!
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Dear Mr. Oliver,
You had quite an interesting topic this morning!!
I think what you said is true but so many of us do not like to own up to the fact that we are labeled bi-polar. Society has such a stigma and it took me a long time to get thru that and to forgive myself for many things i did when i was bi-polar. I am maintaining very well now but still take my medicine “Trileptal”
I started with Lithium, then Tegretol, then Depakote and now Trileptal….I see my doc. about every three months.
I do believe the more you can educate yourself on this illness the more you can help others.
One question I have for you is “What kind of jobs are okay for bi-polar people?” I am on disability for my illness but just am so outgoing it makes me feel bad about myself to not work……
Joni
Very interesting topic!! We just went through this with my son, for ten months we’ve been dealing with psychosis, rapid cycling of moods, delusions. He was put on anti-psychotic meds and given a diagnosis of Psychosis NOS and referred to a dual diagnosis doctor because he is developmentally delayed.
We finally got to see this doctor, and after ten months of dealing with episodes that went way beyond off the wall, being accuse of being on drugs, being a drunk, the police being told my husband was a child abuser, was abusing me. The most recent episodes resulted in my son threatening us with physical violence. This new “expert” met with my son for a total of 40 minutes, refused to speak with myself and my husband alone, said that my son did not want what he told the doctor shared with us and the doctor stated ‘there is NO illness!’ When we tried to explain some of what had been going on and my son’s bizarre behavior, my son cut us off, telling the doctor we were trying to control him, that my husband has a personality disorder and marches around barking out orders. We felt like it was my son and the doctor against us, my son had found an ally and was using it to his full advantage.
Although the doctor stated there is no illness, he wants my son to continue the medication! Duh!! Why would someone who has no mental illness take anti-psychotic medication? The doctor said my son told him the medication makes him feel better!
Mind boggling to say the least!
I absolutely agree. Very interesting!
When a baby is crying almost everytime they swallow, it is usually due to sore throat and/or ear ache.
I read you topic this morning. It makes a lot of sense. My son is high functioning autistic. He also has bipolar. He says he has his highs and lows. He is very bright. Of course when he was having problems he did not share them with me until it got out of control. The sleepless nights got overpowering and he started to get depressed. He cried out for help and we started the ball rolling to get him help. Now he is on medication for about 6 weeks. He is better but still has some anxity with college. Sometimes I think it is a combination of bipolar and autism. So it is the Good, Bad and the Ugly. Thanks for the insight.
I have watched my son do this and didn’t realize that being Bi-Polar could have something to do with the fact that he always seems to fight liking his doctors at first and as he begins to accept them he always answers “So, —-, how have you been doing since I saw you last?” with a glowing report when we have seen problems.
Angela H
Dear David,
Thank you for the article this morning. It made me think about me. I now have a doctor I trust and feel comfortable with. for the past two years I had a doctor that I did not trust. My family tried to get him to help them to have me committed to an institution. I would not say anything but “I am fine.” I now have a doctor that is about me not the family. I had a therapist in California and unfortunatley I fell in love with him. He was very friendly and shared his personal life with me. He is the only one I have ever shared everything with. I just wanted to thank you for hitting on this subject. It will remind me to be completely honest with my new doctor and not to mistake concern for me as friendship. Your emails really help me a lot. Thanks again.
sandie
It is very important to have a supporter accompany you to see your doctor whenever possible. I will report back to my doctor about how things have been going during our last appt., and I really truly believe that what I am recalling is the 100% truth. So often, when someone I TRUST goes with me, they will remember things I do not. These things can be very telling and help your/my doctor know whether or not changes need to be made.
So, even if you are not people pleasing (and yes, I have definitely fallen into the “sure, every thing’s OK” just to play nice), you may legitimately not remember important things. Your doctor should encourage others to join in the session. If they do not, that is a HUGE red flag!
HI. WHEN A BABY CRIES WHEN THEY EAT OR DRINK CAN INDICATE SORE THROAT. ALSO IF SHE HAS GONE TO THE DOCTOR THEY CAN LOOK AT THE THROAT AND SEE IF IT IS INFLAMED AND FEEL THE NECK AROUND THE THROAT. I WENT THROUGH THESE THINGS WITH MY DAUGHTER AND EAR INFECTIONS TOO. SHE HAS HAD A LOT OF PROBLEMS. THE TOPIC TODAY IS REALLY GOOD. I HAVE DONE THE OPPOSITE OF THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY. I HIDE THE BAD AND UGLY. I AM GETTING BETTER EXCEPT FOR NOW. I AM HIDING AND GOT TO TELL CAUSE IT IS BRINGING ME DOWN FAST. IT SCARES ME. GOT TO TALK TO MY BOSS/BEST FRIEND,BUT HE GOT SO MUCH TO HANDLE WITH ALL THIS MESS AND OUR DOCTOR I SEE MONDAY, BUT I DO NOT LIKE TO TALK TO HIM UNLESS I TALK TO MY FRIEND FIRST SO HE KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON AND I’M JUST A WRECK RIGHT NOW GOING DOWN. SORRY WANTED TO GET LITTLE OFF CHEST SO TO SPEAK. I GO FOR NOW LATER.
Although necessary, it is very painful to speak all that is on my mind to the therapist. I feel embarassed and uncomfortable. Much of what I have to say is ‘bad’ and ‘ugly.’ But, I need a lot of help with my negativity and ways to think positive as my attitude is bringing down my entire life. He said it is hard to change because I have been thinking this way for over six years. I often feel down/depressed when I think negatively and often feel hopeless, and often suicidal. I feel as though I am in a downward spiral and can’t get out. It is not a fun place to be and definitely hard to get out of it. I seem to lack the drive and determination to change for the better. I often ‘feel sorry for myself’ and blame others for my problems. I just don’t know how to change, but I know I must change to get better and out of the place I now am in.
I have 4 grown daughters. When they were little, I just KNEW when their throat was sore. A couple of things; I noticed they would cry or make a sound of discomfort when swallowing, and even if they can’t speak, they still make cooing or noises to try to communicate, so you hear their voice.
That’s my explanation and I’m stick’n to it. It worked for me.
🙂 Kath 🙂
PS
Question; Can someone USE bipolar as an excuse to get out of doing things?
It’s not a good way to think, but after someone who has the condition has been eliminated from different activities or not urged to participate in ….even daily chores, they get used to it and do nothing. I’m speaking of one person……not most. Bipolar is no one’s fault or voluntarily accepted……I KNOW that fact.
Hi Dave,
Boy you hit my nail on the head. Ouch! I am guilty of only reporting the good but I didn’t realize it was because I didn’t want the dr to thing poorly of me. I am doing good, but I do have some questions I could ask of him. I am brutally honest with my psychologist. We have much more time to spend together and she has helped me through thick and thin over the past 4 years. I was a complete disaster area when I found these two drs. Now I am very high functioning. But my therapist had a nice way of putting it the other day. We were talking about why I still see her even though things are going relatively well. She said you do the coloring, but I help you keep it inbewteen the lines! I was like, exactly! I need to open up a little more with my psych though. Thanks for the great tips!
Bob
BTW, I think you can also see if a baby has a sore throat by looking in their mouth at their throat with a flashlight, if it is red, that means it is sore.
Good Morning David, you sure had an interesting day, but better than that a very good question about the baby crying! Everything was mentioned except teething, which can cause fever, crying, not wanting to suck on a bottle, so unless a pediatrician has actually seen the babies throat, no one can say for sure why she is crying!
I’m not bi-polar, but have MS and I have gone through the same sequences, if I come up with a different symptom that isn’t readilly recognized, my regular doc’s want to send me to see a psychiatrist! Last week it was my left foot, in the arch area that was hurting so bad I didn’t want to walk on it, but because I know that if that was brought up I wouldn’t be treated for the discomfort so gave them another area that had about the same symptom, it is too bad that patients have to resort to such trickery to be properly taken care of!
Be blessed and I hope Anna is feeling better!
Charla
For David and Barry:
The sore throat for a 9 mo old….
If a baby doesn’t want to eat (appetite changes) with my kids (3 of them) it is a good indicator that they do not feel well. If you feel the side of your godchild’s neck and feel little nodes that are swollen and she winces when she swallows that is a good indicator also of a sore throat. If she coughs then cries or is cranky then I immediately deduce they have a sore throat.
Micki
David – whether it’s babies or anything you’re unfamiliar with, the only dumb questions are the ones you don’t ask. How else are you going to learn? Keep right on asking!!
I wanted to add that usually you can see that a baby’s throat is swollen and red and is a good indicator of a sore throat. Sometimes there is also a slight fever which will make infants cry. Both my daughters went through this growing up. My oldest at one time had a fever of 108, Praise God no damage was done and she is now a grown wonderful woman with a great job she loves and a husband who I love as a son.
I also want to thank you for you words, they do help. I just joined your newsletter and read everything you send out.
Sandy
I had to learn to share the “bad” and “ugly” with my psychiatrist – but – this took TRUST. When I first started seeing both my shrink AND therapist, I was still slightly delusional (religiously) and acted meek and mild. EVERYTHING was GROOVY, no problems, just euphoria.
After taking the meds for awhile, I “came down to earth,” and began to be HONEST with my shrink. This took about 3 years. I don’t CARE if my shrink likes me or not – she’s there to help deal with the psychosis, and NOT be my friend. SHE is the one, after all, who regulates my meds; just 2 months ago, while dealing with my tax problems and readying the extra room for a roommate, I was “nervy” and unable to cope. I asked her for an extra Valium – and she ordered it for me! I’m now taking 2.5mg in the morning, and another 2.5 PRN. Sometimes I take the “extra” one if I’m hyper at night and need something to help me sleep. As I am STILL being bothered by both problems, I’m still on the “extra” Valium.
If you’re NOT honest with your doc and therapist – how can they help you? I know those with bipolar need reassurance that what they are experiencing is “normal” after awhile, but the BIPOLAR creeps in, and upsets the applecart. It’s THESE times when we have to open up and let them do their job.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
I think I need valium to calm down….how do you get your doctor to prescribe it? I have ativan, but it really does not work long, even if I up the dose from 1 to 2 mgs. I have tried temazepam for sleep and that works well, along with Ambien CR. However the psychiatrist does not know I mix the three or take more ativan than prescribed, sometimes. I feel like I need something to relax during the daytime, but Klonaxapan is too sedating. With my prior numerous chronic suicidal attempt ‘history,’ doctors don’t want to prescribe many tranquilizing meds for me. Any suggestions?
My sister has had her condition so long, that the drs. that she has shared with over her lifetime have since changed from who she use to have. So now she has had to start all over again, and that takes a little time to re-do everything, even though they probably have ‘notes’ from the previous dr’s evaluation of how they percieved things to be. I had met the old one shortly before he was to leave and we didn’t know that it was going to happen. I was there during the time of my father’s needing to move from one place to another,and so was there long enough to help my sister out in her appointments. That is how I got to meet him, and now she has a new dr. that she has seen for a few years as it has been that long a change for her.
I feel like, as my cousin says, “Whining” and not “helping myself.” I can’t seem to feel calm and relax. I feel as though I am not in control of my surroundings and everything is going past me. Hard to explain, but it is kind of a feeling of doom….as if whatever I try, it won’t matter, anyway. As if I have no control over my own destiny and there are people (family) waiting for me to fail. I feel helpless. Are there drugs that can help me? What do I do now?
maybe i am just experiencing an ‘episode’ or having a ‘relapse?’
should i have my mom remove the pills so i don’t take them all tonight?
To TRIED THEM ALL: By ALL means, have your Mom REMOVE the pills and ALL other temptation to take your life. Sue from OH and I have tried to keep you alive this long; you are a worthwhile Child of God, and you deserve a better life than you are having right now. Be a good girl and go to bed; sleep on any decision, and maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.
My prayers are with you, sweetheart. Take care.
Suzanne
I am going to TRY to make it through tonight. Things are not looking good.
I have found your emails and information to be very informative ….though i am no longer married to my x who has bipolar and perhaps some time of borderline personality disorder i can still find out what happened. he wont listen to me now and for the 25 years of marriage i was his kick start to the day or weekend….i didnt know what was happening and enabled him by thinking it was me i should have done something better or tried harder ,paid more attention but each time he upped the anti he would always step it up a tad more… calling from out of town many times a day to see if we had done what we were told. even now he enjoys scaring me my daughter told me how to diffuse the situation …he was threatening me with this that and the other thing i was making a major mistake and soon my head would be spinning…i still give him power over me…i cringe when i see his name in my emails he knows i am afraid and un nerved by him…I get upset for days! she said keep it short and nice so i wrote thanks for the information ..God bless you. It felt soooo empowering when i got the response i was not afraid oh and his response was ????????????? he likes to start trouble he gets our son involved and it escalates the drama is unreal! he said i did him a wonder favor leaving him he has never been sooooo happy i dont know that without help he can ever be happy but i dont want to feel insecure everytime he threatens me….my daughter said if the guy across the street said something like that you’d tell him to buzz off my x talk nice or not talk at all i live 6 hours away from him i will not be threatened anymore…..
The good the bad the ugly—-its one of my favorite movies, Thanks for sharing your blog about the baby and the Doctors write-up, I believe all can be seen as good bad ugly-behaviors, environments, our attitudes, politics, families, people, animals, ect ect. but feeling comfortable with your Dr is a great asset and trusting too, its so hard to see love ones and family suffer so much due to med changes, or mood changes and I have noticed that where you are from a fast pace city or slow paced city people are different in supporting each other funny how it may seem but thats how I figure like Las Vegas people that may have not been diagnosed can stay up all day and night and who would notice any different because the city is up all day and night and for our small town most things close around 10pm so here its like only the bad people come out late at night here not saying all of them are bad lol- good, bad ugly- but are usually up to no goodSo I feel people move to where they feel more comfortable and feel more normal for there situations ok guys Does that make sense???? Well thanks for the comments and blog and I pray everyone hangs in there cause right now life is a struggle for all of us with our economy tc Godbless Diana
Hey! You really made me laugh today! 😀 This is not about bipolar is about babies 😉 probably she took the baby to the pediatrician o some doctor and he said it was sore throat after evaluating her…otherwise I’m as clueless as you about the “sure diagnosis” and I’m a mother of 3, we can say maybe without a doctor’s diagnosis but nothing for sure, after all you are not so offbase in the babies topic. Good Luck and take care! 🙂
I totally agree with your comments on the good bad and the ugly on bipolar and your therapist. A person does not pay a friend to help them get better as most of our friends do not have the knowledge to help us in this instance. Actually some of our friends loose patience with some of our behavior, good and bad.
I have thought for years I have bipolar and just recently found a doctor that would listen to my family history and agreed with me.
Hi Dave
I walked out on several doctors as I wasn’t quite happy with them. I just wish I can find a good doctor that will really understand and can give me the best medical care. It is not about the friendship or their qualifications, but how they make the treatment available. I had doctors that gave me no after hour emergency care or they go on holiday and if I found myself in a state of instability where I should be admitted the doctors that fill in request that I wait as they first want to attend to other patients who are stable. In my research I have done I can actually control myself, but I actually need to see a doctor as I think I am about to have re-bouts and my meds need to be changed or increase. I just wish I can find a doctor that really cares and who will give me proper treatment and not do it in the interest of the money alone, but because they care about us as patients.
I just hope I will find the treatment I need to stabalise me as my behaviour are really bad and pray that it will become good one day and that will also drive away the ugly in me.
Thank you Dave