Hi,
I wanted to tell you about a person who works for me. Her name is Michele. Now, Michele wasn’t always the stable person with bipolar disorder that she is now.
Michele used to be:
• A drug addict and alcoholic
• A terrible mother
• Married 5 times
• Couldn’t get any credit
• Had every car repossessed
• Was evicted from her house
• Was homeless
• Couldn’t have a checking account
• Couldn’t have a savings account
• Maxed out her credit cards
• Had creditors calling all the time
(until her phone was cut off)
• Went from bipolar episode to bipolar
episode with no medication
Today she is:
• Happily married
• Restored her broken relationships with
her family
• Off drugs and alcohol
• Has good relationship with her children
• Has good car
• Has beautiful home
• Has checking account
• Pays all her bills every month
• Bipolar is stable and she is on medication
• Has great job (working for me)
Michele actually even has a c.redit card from my company to make business purchases.
What makes the difference? The difference is having a plan. A system. But how do you explain about someone who suffered so much over so many years who now is married for awhile, stable,
good with money, etc.? You heard that bipolar disorder gets worse with age, right? Then why is it that so many people with the disorder who work for me, it has actually gotten BETTER with age? It seems to be the opposite of what has been predicted. It’s because they have a plan. They have systems in place.
Just because you’ve got bipolar disorder doesn’t mean you have to stay at home all the time and hide under your covers letting your supporter do everything for you!
These people who work for me have proven that. And Michele has proven that! Look where she came from, and look where she is today! Because she has a plan. She has a system.
What makes the difference? I think it is having that plan and that system. Even if you don’t have
bipolar disorder, you can still have a plan and a system. It will set you apart.
You will get more things done. You will be more productive. You will not panic when other people do. You will have less stress. You will have more money.
See what I mean? That’s what makes the difference.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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My sister was mentioning how “supportive and nurturing” it is to TURN ON THE SET!!! that way you get to watch and be uplifted by shows and programs that help relationships – she said her friend with THE BIG BROTHER ANGLE truly helped – i got this info from a magazine about Everyday Love (It’s my new drive) – THAT’S ONE FOR THE NEWS!!!
Marriage is likened to Bipolar in this sense —
One of the best parts about marriage is being so comfortable with your hubby that you can say just about anything to him. But if you don’t watch your mouth, sometimes the ugly truth comes out in hurtful—not helpful––ways. Though you may have legitimate concerns to express or issues to bring up, doing so in a harsh manner can be damaging in the long term, to both your husband’s feelings and your relationship. According to Judy Ford, psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love, “Speaking kindly is a skill that couples have to learn. Everyone feels battered by life and the outside world. You shouldn’t feel that way at home.” Here, nine statements that you should never utter to your significant other––and the words that you should try instead.
1. “You’re just like your father – WHAT IF HUBBY’S DAD WAS THE DEVIL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?? YOU DON’T WANT TO SAY THAT!!! LOL!
“This is just a no-no,” says Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker and author of The Pathway to Love. “It’s nasty and belittling, and it gets at his fear that he may be exhibiting the worst traits of his family.” If you’re about to spout a criticism like this, stop and think about what’s behind it: Maybe your father-in-law is the kind of guy who never cleans up after himself, and your husband’s habit of leaving dirty dishes around the house is getting to you. According to Ford, you should skip the insult and get right to a reasonable request, such as: “Hon, when you’re done with your sandwich, can you bring your dish over to the sink?” That way, you can achieve your goals without hurting him in the process.
EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL HOW YOU SAY THINGS TO YOUR “LOVED ONES” Period
That sounds great having a plan, but if your loved one
does not accept that they have a problem, then what can
one do? Mental Health professionals tell you if they
appear to be a danger to themselves or others, then you
can go to court and have them “sectioned”. I never
heard of this option, have you?
Hi Dave, I couldn’t agree more. Basically, medication and routine are the major part of my “plan”. I would be lost without them. I get up and go to bed at the same time every day. I make sure to get out for a walk at least once a day (I have dogs, that helps). I interact with friends regularly. I get a massage once a week. I eat my meals at roughly the same times each day. And I keep my mind active by reading LOTS and taking evening courses at school. And volunteering.
It most definitely helps to have a “plan in place” and stick to a routine. AND above all, Take Your Med’s!!!
Oh yes, I forgot to mention: I pay all my bills at the bank AS SOON as they arrive in my mailbox. And I stay OUT of shopping malls unless there is something specific I need to get. Then I make sure I just get that one item and get out before I spend money that I don’t have! Also, I quit drinking completely. It did not mix with my medication. In fact, it made my moods more unstable. I did not cut down. I QUIT. Huge difference!!
The challenges I’ve faced with a bipolar husband have been devastating. As the main breadwinner – I had an incredibly lucrative consulting business before I met him, with high-earnings in the early years of our marriage. Since his disease worsened (and after I LEARNED he had this disease), I have since lost all my investments, my business contracts, most all of my resources, my extended family relationships, five homes, have been reduced to renting, have bad credit, no credit cards, emotionally abused and confused children, and have dealt with ongoing verbal and emotional abuse.
I have lost most of my own confidence and feel hopeless. He can be charming – and well for awhile – which always drew me (and the kids) back in. The kids loved him, but have suffered with all these numerous losses. He doesn’t have a problem, we all do. He uses alcohol to substitute for medication – which he calls “crazy pills” – and has torn down one daughter’s desire to get help and has convinced her that I am trying to “drug” her. Now my children are at odds, and I know she is ill too.
I signed up for this newsletter to receive hope and help. In my case, I finally had to bring the police in to help me get him out of my life once and for all. This has been very debilitating.
My kids are living the illness. This is the most horrible disease that has ruined not only my life, but that of 3 children’s and now a grandchild’s.
Maybe he’ll be made to get help if my case against him for domestic abuse stands in the court system. Otherwise, how do you make someone get help? This has taken over my entire life and I am exhausted, angry, hurt, sad, financially devastated and starting over in my mid-fifties. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. The disease takes down the entire family – He’s living in la la land, and I’m here trying to pick up the pieces.
Thank you for letting me vent.
JANNA, my heart goes out to you. Venting is good therapy sometimes. I feel like venting myself, after the goings on of the last 3 weeks.
.
DAVE, thanks for sharing Michelle’s story. It gives me a lot of new hope. My boyfriend is very close to another episode only 3 months after the last hospitalisation. For a while we had a wonderful time together and everything looked like turning around at last. Then out of the blue some big upheaval happened in his life and all came crashing down. For 3 weeks he was in a depression and didn’t want to see me or speak to me. Now he is very confused, up and down all the time and drinking again, which is a very bad sign. I have felt for a long while that in addition to bipolar he probably has PTSD. 15 years ago he witnessed a horrific event and never had counselling or any help for it. Soon after he went into a bad episode landing him in the psych ward for 3 months, where he was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I will speak to his psych and hope he can help get him treatment for PTSD, which I’m sure can make his bipolar easier to control and hopefully make his episodes less severe. Maybe in a couple of years we will have a success story like Michelle.
Thanks for the advice. I have been diagnosed with this illness for almost 3 decades now. I take my medicine regularly. I can see that my need is for a routine and for positive actions. I can see that I depend too much on my main support of my sister. I can see that I can try to do things for her in return. I used to have a very good routine and I have let it get away from me.
I cannot tell you, Dave, how appreciative I am of your periodical input to my inbox. It stregthens me even though, so far,the person whom I am supporting hasn’t reached a good place as of yet.
At least, his problems don’t pull me down as much as they used to – at the beginning I suffered from irregular heartbeat and palpitations at unpredictable times and various intestinal ailments to boot. Learning to accept the condition and not blame myself for precipitating it “cured” me.