Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

How’s it going?

Let me ask you a question:

If I lie, but I tell you it’s a lie, am I really lying?

(I guess that’s a kind of If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one around to hear it, does it really make a sound? Kind of question, huh?)

No, but seriously, think about that question.

Because Michele, who works for me? One of her sons, when they were little, actually said that to her!

Now, how do you answer that?

The reason I asked you to think about how you would answer that question is because I get a similar question a lot.

I get asked, “How can I tell if my loved one is lying?”

And here’s where it’s similar.

Many times, in a bipolar manic episode, your loved one may lie to you.

But the problem is, they may absolutely, positively, believe that they’re telling the truth.

So, are they really lying?

Here’s another way where it happens.

AFTER the episode.

Say, you and your loved one are talking about a situation that happened while your loved one was in their episode.

You were both there when it happened. But you both remember it a little differently.

You say that it happened one way, but your loved one absolutely swears that it happened another way.

You say that your loved one did or said something, but they fervently deny it.

Are they lying?

Or do they just totally NOT REMEMBER doing or saying it?

And is that the same thing as lying?

I have interviewed some people for my courses, and they have described this behavior in their loved ones.

I have also interviewed parents with children who describe this lying behavior in their children and teenagers.

Also, in my courses, I talk about bipolar disorder and lying, and that the person with the disorder should not “get away with” the behavior.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

But there’s a difference between lying and taking responsibility for what happened during your bipolar episode, whether you remember it or not.

That’s what you really want after all, isn’t it?

That’s what a lot of the responses I get are about.

There are a lot of angry supporters out there, whose loved one tells lies, hurting them (and others) with their lies.

And it’s not even so much that they lie, but that they get away with it.

That’s what makes these supporters so angry. That’s what made me so angry with my mom, anyway.

She would do all the yelling, manipulating, and lying, and I would get all the blame, and be the one left to “clean up after” her.

I hated that. And I didn’t think it was fair. It really made me angry and resentful.

And it hurt a lot. You may be feeling hurt, too. And the worst part is that your loved one goes along not even knowing that they’ve hurt you at all!

In my research, I found that it is very common that a person with bipolar disorder will not remember what they said/did when in an episode, after the episode is over.

In my courses, I urge people to not take it personally, and that’s why.

I know it’s hard to believe that your loved one is probably not lying to you on purpose, but ask yourself these questions:

Is not remembering what happened during a bipolar episode the same thing as purposely lying?

Is your loved one purposely trying to hurt you?

Or is it part of their bipolar disorder?

The main question is this:

Is your loved one willing to take responsibility for what they did during their episode?

Hi,

How are you doing?

I was thinking about a place where I have found a bunch of people to work for me.

Now I have found some terrible people at this place but I have found some of my very best people from this place too.

For a while I started to think of the place as a bad one and hated it.

Then I thought of all the good people that I’ve gotten from this place.

It made me think of the expression, “You have to take the good with the

bad.”

In other words, what if I had condemned this place, saying that I would never go there again to get any more people to work for me, just because I got some bad people from it?

What if I focused only on the bad?

Then what if the very next person I would have hired from there would have been the best employee I ever would have hired?

I really would have missed out on something good just because I didn’t take the bad with the good.

Just because I judged something without having all the facts.

Just because I was too quick to judge.

And just because I had a few bad experiences, I could have decided to hate the whole thing.

Many people with bipolar disorder do the same thing that I started to do.

They start focusing on the bad.

They don’t take the bad with the good.

They condemn without getting all the facts.

Or they even make decisions before they consider all the choices, or all the consequences.

Like the bad side effects from their bipolar medications.

Instead of thinking that ok, there are some bad side effects, but the medication is good…

Or calling the doctor and telling him about the bad side effects to see what can be done…

They just jump right to wanting to go off the medication.

And in my courses/systems, I talk about how dangerous it is for you to do that, and how important staying on medication is:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Some people judge a doctor as a bad doctor just because one time he didn’t call back in exactly 30 minutes.

Or maybe he kept you waiting in the waiting room for an hour.

Or maybe you don’t feel like he treated you the way you expected to be treated when he did see you, etc.

You have to take it all into account before you condemn something or someone in the medical or mental health field.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some bad doctors, but you can’t just jump right in there and say that your doctor is one because of one of these reasons.

You have to take the bad with the good.

Just like with the medications – you can’t condemn all bipolar medications just because some of them have some bad side effects.

You can’t expect all medications to work perfectly every time.

Medication isn’t perfect.

But you have to take the bad with the good, because you have to take medication for your bipolar disorder.

You just have to work with your doctor.

But you can’t expect your doctor to be perfect all the time.

They aren’t.

They have bad days just like you do, and what if that day that you felt you weren’t treated exactly the way you wanted to be treated was just a bad day for them?

You have to take the bad with the good.

Just like what if I had expected this source for finding people to work for me to be perfect and to give me absolutely perfect people every time?

And what if I stopped using them just because they weren’t perfect?
Have you learned to take the bad with the good?

Can you give me an example of how you had to apply this principle?

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope things are going ok for you today.

I have a friend who went back to college at a later age, and she had a lot of problems with it.

Seems it’s not so easy if you don’t go to college right after high school, because for one thing, you get out of the habit of studying.

For another thing, she said, it seemed, at least to her, that it was harder to absorb the information.

She was in college with a lot of young people, and they seemed to get the subject material much easier than she did, and it was very frustrating for her.

She had to study very, very hard.

Eventually, though, after much hard work on her part, she finally got it, and went on to get her

college degree.

She said it was one of the hardest things she ever did in her life.

I asked her if it was worth it, though.

And she said, “Definitely.”

What does this have to do with bipolar disorder?

Well, I’ll tell you.

There is a lesson to be learned from this story.

There is something that I call the Bipolar Disorder Learning Curve.

In other words, just like my friend in college, they didn’t just hand her that college diploma the first day of school and say thanks for coming, did they?

There was a whole lot she had to learn before she could earn that college diploma, and it was hard. Very hard for her.

Well, it’s the same thing with bipolar stability.

I go over this in my courses/systems. How you have to learn all you can about bipolar disorder, first of all. But then you have to build on that knowledge. That’s the learning curve. Stability

doesn’t happen overnight.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Like I said, you have to keep learning in order to become stable with bipolar disorder.

You don’t get it right the first time, or the first day, or even the first month.

Stability takes time.

It involves a learning curve.

It took my mother 20 years!

It took Michele (who works for me) 10 years!

I’ve talked to other people who’ve told me it took them many years as well.

And you have to constantly work at it.

You can’t just assume that it will take care of itself.

As far as learning about bipolar disorder itself, new information is coming out all the time, so you have to stay on top of it.

You have to stay on top of your medications, too. And you should be informed about them.

Work hand-in-hand with your doctors and mental health professionals. Learn what they know about the disorder, the course of it, and how it relates to you.

When it comes to your doctors and your therapist, don’t be afraid to ask how you’re coming along. You should learn as much as you can about what they think about your progress. You should be a part of your own treatment, as much as you can be.

Learn how to communicate with your supporters. You have to tell them what you need from them. Find out who can help with what, and then let them help you. It’s up to you. They can’t help you if you don’t communicate with them. This, too, is part of the learning curve.

Learn about yourself. Learn what your triggers are. What makes you better and what makes

you worse.

Learn how to manage your bipolar disorder. Learn how to recognize when a bipolar episode is coming on, so you can head it off at the pass.

You have to respect the bipolar disorder learning curve, so that you can get better.

And remember that it doesn’t happen overnight.

Has the learning curve worked for you?

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

You know the most important part of any movie, right?

It’s not the title.

It’s not the director.

It’s not the actors (even if they are the biggest stars in Hollywood).

It’s the PLOT.

Without a good plot (a good story), it doesn’t matter how good the director is, or even how good the actors (stars) are.

The only way a movie is going to be good is if it has a good plot.

Well, in a way we can compare our lives with a movie in that we are living out a sort of plot as well.

But what if we want to change the end of our movie?

Well, The only way to change the end of a movie is to change the plot of that movie!

That suggests that we have some control over our lives, doesn’t it?

Many people with bipolar disorder and their supporters don’t believe that, unfortunately.

But I have talked to many, many people who HAVE changed the plots of their lives so that they WILL have a happy ending!

These people have bipolar disorder, but have learned to manage their disorder.

Even some of the most hopeless cases have been able to turn their lives around to become bipolar success stories!

For some, stability was just a dream – something that seemed unattainable.

But with concentrated effort and a lot of hope, they finally reached it – they changed the end of their movie by changing the plot of their movie.

How does this happen?

Well, when your loved one is first diagnosed, they will be put on a treatment plan.

That treatment plan should include medication and therapy.

Those are just the basics, though – the foundation of their treatment plan.

They also need to do some work themselves to get better.

During their “movie,” both of you will have “parts” to play.

So will other people, as your loved one develops a good, strong support system.

They cannot get better by themselves, which is one of the points I make in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your part is the role of the supporter.

You need to be patient and understanding.

You need to be supportive, without enabling your loved one (doing things for them that they can do for themselves).

If you are living with your loved one, then you need to keep as stress-free an environment for them as possible.

But you also need to remember to take care of yourself first, because if you’re not healthy (physically, emotionally and spiritually), how can you take care of your loved one?

Your loved one has a role in this “movie” as well.

Their “role” consists of:

– taking their medication

– seeing a doctor, psychiatrist and therapist

– sticking to a good sleep schedule

– eating a healthy diet

– exercising

– being productive

– etc.

Taken all together, it is a recipe for stability, which is the happy ending of the movie for anyone with bipolar disorder.

What about you and your loved one?

What have you done to change the plot of your “movie”?

Can you tell me some of the “tricks” that have worked?

Hi,

How’s it going today?

Many of us have heard the expression, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

But think about that…

“Anything worth doing…”

Have you ever had to ask yourself if what you’re doing is worth doing?

Like going to school perhaps?

Or doing the job that you’re doing?

Or being in the relationship you’re in?

Or training or keeping that pet?

Or driving that car?

Or living in that house?

Or following that dream?

Now look back at those questions.

Some of them, well, you just have to answer no to.

Or, at least, you’ve had to answer no to in the past.

Some people have had to drop out of college because it just wasn’t worth it all that time and effort to get that degree, when they could make more money in a lucrative career without it (or start their own business).

Some people switched jobs because it wasn’t worth the hassle in the job where they were, or it wasn’t worth the pay, or… well, for whatever reason, it just wasn’t worth it.

Some people have been in relationships that may have started well enough, but then got so complicated that it just wasn’t worth the energy they had to put into it to sustain that relationship.

Some people, and I know this may sound cruel, but for some people it’s just been necessary, have had to give away animals because it just wasn’t worth all the time and money they had

to put into them to try to train and keep them, so they had to make that tough decision.

Some people have had to sell their cars (actually, a lot of people) because the maintenance on the car just wasn’t worth the money they had into it, and it was just cheaper to buy a new one.

You know, the same can be said of computers these days, as well.

Unfortunately, many people have had to sell their houses, because so many things started going wrong that it just wasn’t worth it after awhile, and it was better to find another house instead.

And some people have even had to give up their dreams because it just wasn’t worth it after awhile to pursue them in light of reality, or in light of all the time and money and energy they had to put into making those dreams come true.

So how does all this relate to bipolar disorder?

After everything I’ve just pointed out, let me ask you to think about this question:

Is it worth it to continue to support a loved one with bipolar disorder, who may not be getting better?

Who may be going into episodes, and you can’t help them?

Or they don’t seem to even want your help?

Is it worth it to keep hanging in there with a loved one who has horrible mood swings?

Who has acting out behavior from their bipolar episodes?

Where you have to deal with the consequences of what they do during their episodes?

I’ve written all about mood swings, bipolar episodes, and the consequences of those episodes, as well as how you can cope with them in my courses/systems, because I know what it’s like from what I went through with my mom.

And I had to ask myself if it was worth it, too.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Is it worth it?

Is it worth it when your loved one doesn’t want to take their medication?

Or go to the doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist?

Or sleep right, eat right, or exercise?

Or do the things that will keep them stable with their bipolar disorder?

Well, it was worth it for me with my mom.

And today she is stable, happy, productive, and successful.

And so I challenge you:

IT IS WORTH IT!

If it was worth it to me, it can be worth it for you, too.

If your loved one can learn to manage their bipolar disorder like my mom did…

Then there is every reason to believe that your loved one can become stable, happy, productive, and successful, too!

Then it will all have been worth it!

Just hang in there, it will be worth it.

Do you agree with me?

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re doing ok.

Today I’m going to talk about the pain of childbirth.

This lady in the gym was telling me about childbirth that’s why I thought of this daily email today.

Anyway, I know, you’re thinking well, what does that have to do with bipolar disorder?

Well, bear with me, and I’ll show you how it does.

In childbirth, there is immediate pain, but then the pain goes away, and in its place is something

very beautiful.

Ask around, and you will not find one single mother who will tell you that the pain was not

worth it.

Well, I’m here to tell you today that recovery from bipolar disorder can be every bit as painful (you already knew that) but is also worth the pain.

In my courses, you learn how to grow and to learn from diagnosis onward, learning how to manage your disorder:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

But when talking about childbirth itself, the act of it, the pain of it, that’s called the birth process.

Well, there’s something I call:

THE BIPOLAR PROCESS.

And the Bipolar Process is compared to the birth process.

In the Bipolar Process, you grow in your stability like going from a child into an adult.

You go from low functioning to high functioning.

See, learning to manage bipolar disorder is a process.

It won’t happen overnight.

And it will be painful.

Any process that is worth doing can sometimes involve pain.

You know I work out a lot, so in the gyms I’m always hearing the saying, “No pain, no gain.”

Well, in the Bipolar Process, it’s the same thing. There will be pain.

But it’s like the childbirth process.

Whatever pain there is, will be forgotten in the end, when you are left with something beautiful –

When you become that high functioning person with bipolar disorder.

But it is a process…

And no process happens overnight. Even the birth process takes time.

The mother first has to go through the pregnancy, and that takes nine months.

And for some women, it’s easy.

But for other women, it’s not as easy.

For those women, they get sick a lot.

For some, in the end, they are even bed-ridden.

Then a woman has to go through labor, and sometimes that can take a long time.

For some women, they say their labor was easy.

For other women, they say their labor was very, very hard.

For some women, they say the pain was bearable.

For other women, they say it was the worst pain they ever had to go through in their whole lives.

But again, like I said before…

Ask any one of them about the nine months…

Ask any one of them about the labor…

Ask any one of them about the birth and the pain…

And every one of them will tell you it was all worth it.

In other words, the birth process is all worth it in the end.

So what I’m saying is that everything you have to go through in the Bipolar Process…

Everything you have to go through to become stable…

All the pain… the side effects of medication… the doctor visits… etc.

Will all be worth it in the end, when you are something beautiful.

When you are a high-functioning, happy, productive, STABLE person with bipolar disorder.

Hi,

How are you today?

Yesterday there was a daily email but it was never sent. I have no idea what happen to it. It’s a mystery. It vanished.

Anyway I have to try to figure what happen but in the meantime let’s jump into today’s topic.

I hope you’re feeling fine.

I wanted to share with you a comment I received on my blog the other day:

“There is a difference between a symptom

and a behavior. A symptom is what is

experienced by a person as a result of an

illness. A behavior is an ACTION that

person takes in response to that experience.

Hypersexuality, for example, does not

mean being unfaithful. Hypersexuality is

a symptom. It is the experience of a

suddenly or dramatically increased sex drive.

There are many choices as to what to do

in response to a sudden increase in libido.

The vast majority of those choices are

not harmful to self or others, illegal,

irresponsible, or regrettable.

So I don’t dispute for one minute that in

general, there is a set of symptoms that

is typical for a person with bipolar disorder.

Most of us here agree that bipolar disorder

doesn’t go away. That means if I have

bipolar disorder, I will have symptoms —

EXPERIENCES of the illness for the

rest of my life.

My responsibility to myself is to think

about how I want to conduct myself, what

kind of life I want. Responsibility means

I keep tabs on what I DO. Yep, I know

that typical set of symptoms. What I DON’T

do is ACT just the same as every other

person who has those same symptoms.

And therein lies the difference which some

people tend to disregard when talking

about the whole big bunch of us.

I could feel like doing all manner of

destructive things. I could tell you the reason

why I feel like doing destructive things is

because of symptoms of bipolar disorder.

And I could be right! At the end of the day,

it doesn’t matter what destructive thing I

felt like doing, nor does it matter why.

It matters which CHOICE I made.”

——————————————————————–

So, he is basically talking about the difference between a symptom and a behavior.

He’s defining a symptom as what is experienced by a person as a result of an illness.

Then he defines a behavior as an action that the person takes in response to that experience.

He uses the example of hypersexuality (increased sex drive), which is one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

So hypersexuality is something that a person in a manic episode might experience, because it’s a symptom.

In his words, “Most of us here agree that bipolar disorder doesn’t go away. That means if I have bipolar disorder, I will have symptoms – EXPERIENCES of the illness for the rest of my life.”

I like the way he put that, because it is realistic.

It’s not realistic to assume that you won’t have symptoms if you have bipolar disorder, because if you have the disorder, no matter how long you’ve been stable, you WILL have symptoms from time to time.

That’s why, like this person who wrote that comment, I take the realistic approach in my

courses/systems. I go over the symptoms of bipolar disorder as well as how you or your loved one will experience them.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

So then he goes into CHOICES.

This has to do with what he said in the beginning of his post:

“A behavior is an ACTION that person takes in response to that experience.”

So you have a symptom, then an experience, then a CHOICE, then an ACTION (behavior).

Now, some people stop there, and make poor choices, or impulsive decisions, which cause

wrong actions.

So what is the key, does he say?

RESPONSIBILITY.

He says, “Responsibility means I keep tabs on what I DO.”

He uses the example of wanting to do destructive things, and he concludes, “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what destructive thing I felt like doing, nor does it matter why. It matters which CHOICE I made.”

And that would be great if everyone could do it that way.

Unfortunately, when someone with bipolar disorder is in an episode, their thinking is impaired, and they won’t necessarily be able to make good choices, or exhibit good behavior.

When they are in an episode, your loved one may throw responsibility out the window and be unable to control their impulses as a result of their “symptoms.”

At that point, everything this man said is “out the window,” since the person is “experiencing” a bipolar episode.

At best, though, in my opinion, I agree with what he said.

What about you?

Do you agree or disagree with what this man wrote?

Hi,

How do you feel today?

I hope you feel good.

I want to ask you a couple of questions:

How do you feel about the things that you own?

Are they just possessions, things you could easily sell at a yard sale?

Things that you wouldn’t even miss if a robber came in and stole them from you?

Things that you could give away to a charity and not think a thing about it?

Or do they mean something to you?

Something you can’t define?

Oh, not that your possessions own you instead of you owning them, that’s not what I’m saying.

What I’m getting at is that these things probably took you years to obtain, didn’t they?

Some of them are most likely heirlooms, handed down through generations.

Some things you had to save for, took time to get, even had to wait a long time for.

Some things were gifts from other people that you cherish very much.

Some things maybe your children made when they were little and, like the commercial says, are “priceless.”

There are some things you might not miss, but I bet if there were a fire in your home, the majority of things you would miss very much, wouldn’t you? And how do you feel about your house itself?

Is it just a shell? A place to “hang your hat,” so to speak? Just a place to live?

Or is it your HOME? A place that matters very much to you?

How would you feel if you lost it?

What if you had to move somewhere else?

Would you miss your home very much, or would it be easy for you to make the move?

There’s a couple that I know that are facing these very same questions right now.

As are many other people, because of the economy.

Some people are facing foreclosures, and some are even facing bankruptcy, like this couple.

They are facing the loss of their home and their possessions, which took them many years to obtain.

And it’s not their fault, really – it’s not that they’re living a lavish lifestyle or anything; in fact, they live very frugally.

But do you know what they have to say about it?

“This is awful, losing all this. But at least we still have our stability.”

You see, this couple, well, they both have bipolar disorder.

And just like you may have worked so hard for the possessions that you have…

Well, that’s how hard they have worked for the stability that they have.

In my courses/systems, I discuss just how hard you have to work to attain and maintain stability:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

In my courses, I talk about the different elements that make up stability.

Just like the gathering of possessions, it doesn’t happen overnight.

And it takes hard work to do these things.

So stability is hard fought and hard won.

So, like this couple I was talking about who are losing their home and possessions, people who have obtained stability are grateful that they have it.

But like I was saying, just because your loved one may be stable, doesn’t mean it was easy to get that way, does it?

If you are living with a stable loved one, be grateful for it.

If not, be encouraged that someday they may be.

Hi,

How are you?

Here’s the bipolar news. Enjoy.

To read this week’s news visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews438

Mental Illness Affects your Job

DO> Good insight for bipolar supporters.

Is There a Lab Test for Bipolar Disorder?

DO> HMM. Very interesting article, take a look.

Consequences of Childhood-Onset Conditions

DO> WOW, great for parents of kids with bipolar.

Stanford to Offer Bipolar Education Day on July 25

DO>Great idea, other places should do it.

Study will Try to Follow Genetic Trail of Bipolar Disorder

DO> This is going to be a great study.

Clocks and Bipolar Disorder

DO> Interesting article, take a look.

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews438

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave