Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi, how are you doing today? I hope this is a good day for you.

I got a post on my blog from someone who is struggling, a supporter, and I wanted to share it with you to get your feedback:

She says:

“I am sure there are others with the same situation as me, but,
mine feels a bit unique. It’s a long story, but, my daughter,
who is 26 does not live with me. She has been diagnosed with
bipolar disorder, and has chosen to take out all of her anger on
myself and her 22 yr. old sister. I have no way of supporting her,
as she will not take my calls, or respond to text messages or e-mails.

I have no way of knowing if she is taking her medication. I worry
about her daily, and there is a hole in my heart where the loving,
caring daughter I knew use to be. I built my world around her and
her sister, and this hurts more than I ever thought anything could.”

Now, I’m not a therapist or anything, so I can’t advise this person about their situation. But I can give my opinion about it, based on past posts I’ve gotten from other supporters and what I’ve experienced myself with my mother.

And the main thing is that, although she feels as if her situation is unique, it really isn’t. I’ve gotten lots of calls, emails, and post comments saying the same thing – that the supporter is worried about their loved one and that they are being hurt by them (or their behavior, specifically) and their anger.

You can’t just put a bandaid on the hurt that your loved one can cause you because of their bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, it’s much more serious than that. Because you can feel the pain so acutely sometimes, and it’s hard to take. Especially, like in this person’s case, where her daughter does not live with her, and she can’t tell whether she is even taking her medication or not. She has reason to worry, as without medication, her daughter could be in serious trouble.

I know that can be very frustrating, as well…the not knowing. It’s a helpless feeling. It’s hard when you can’t do anything to help or support your loved one. Because you just can’t help someone who doesn’t want your help. Still, because you love and care about your loved one, you worry. And that’s just natural. So is the anger.

Many people with bipolar disorder, in a manic episode, will be angry or even rage at those close to them. It sounds simplistic, but it’s not really them – it’s the manic emotions and shifting to mood extremes that makes them that way. You may or may not even do anything wrong, and they can still get angry.

Anger is one of the hardest things to deal with when you’re trying to deal with a loved one with bipolar disorder. The only things you can really do are to love them unconditionally and brace yourself against their anger. You have to remember not to take it personally – they could be mad

at something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Still, it’s hard to take when someone is raging at you or blaming you and it comes out as anger. And sometimes you can feel pretty

helpless as a supporter.

But I tell this woman, like I tell you, don’t give up on your loved one. With time and treatment, your loved one will learn how to manage their anger. The more stable they are, the less angry they will be.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how is your day going? I hope it’s a good one.

Today I want to talk about being a cheerleader (are you one?).

Whether it’s high school, college, or Pro football, they always have cheerleaders. And what do cheerleaders do? They encourage the team. They excite the audience in the grandstands. They perform for your entertainment. They are a necessary part of any football game. Just watch some of the cheerleaders and how they act at the next football game you watch or go to. You will always see them smiling. They have a lot of energy. They take their job seriously. And they do the best they can to encourage the team as well as the people in the stands.

Are you a cheerleader for your loved one with bipolar disorder? Because sometimes you need to

be. It’s a cheerleader’s responsibility to encourage – to keep the team and the people from getting discouraged, no matter how bleak the outlook. They believe in the team that they are representing. They are behind them 100%. They do their best to show a positive attitude. Their actions, like cheering on the crowd, show their positive attitude.

I know you weren’t called to be a cheerleader. But there are times that your loved one needs you to be a cheerleader for them. Think about what I just said about the qualities of a cheerleader. They believe in their team. You should believe in your loved one. They are behind them 100%.

You should be behind your loved one 100% too. They have a positive attitude, no matter how bleak things look.

You can maintain a positive attitude, if you try. If that’s hard for you, then just rejoice with your loved one in small victories – like every day they go without a bipolar episode (which is a big victory, actually).

A cheerleader’s actions show that they take their job seriously. So should your actions. Be a good supporter. By being the best supporter you can be, you can show your loved one that “cheerleader” in you.

Sometimes your loved one can get discouraged, especially if stability doesn’t seem to be coming

very easily for them. But knowing you are “backing” them can help with that discouragement,

especially if you are encouraging yourself.

Times will be tough, like when your loved one goes into an episode. You know that can happen at any time, right? But if they know you’re going to be there for them, it will make things much easier. Be an encourager. Be a good supporter. Be there for your loved one. Have a positive attitude.

Your loved one will appreciate your “cheerleading” efforts more than you know.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re doing fine.

My little goddaughter is just starting to learn her ABC’s, and (not that I’m prejudiced or anything, just because she’s my goddaughter) it’s so cute! But it made me think, “I wish everything in life could be as simple as ABC.” You know, like if life could come with a set of instructions (of course, the women would say that us men wouldn’t read them anyway LOL). Unfortunately, life just isn’t that way.

Neither is bipolar disorder.

BUT…

There is an ABC that comes with bipolar stability.

A = Acceptance and Attitude

B = Belief and Bettering Yourself

C = Commitment to Treatment and Confidence

Simple formula. I like simple, and I like formulas, systems, plans, etc.

So let’s talk about the ABC’s of stability. If your loved one follows them, they can achieve stability with their bipolar disorder.

Let’s talk about the A’s : ACCEPTANCE

Your loved one won’t get to first base without first accepting their disorder. They have to accept the fact that they have bipolar disorder and that it is incurable (but it is treatable). You have to accept some things as well. You have to accept your role as your loved one’s supporter. And sometimes that might take more patience than you have, but you have to keep going.

ATTITUDE: Attitude has a whole lot to do with bipolar stability. You have to have a positive

attitude, and try to look on the good side of things (because you know there will be a bad side).

Both you and your loved one have to be optimistic that it is possible for them to achieve stability.

Now let’s talk about the B’s : BELIEF

Your loved one will never reach stability unless they first have the belief that they will. They have to believe in themselves, as well as in their medical and mental health professionals that

they are all working for the same thing. They have to believe in your support as well. And you have to believe in them, and that they will someday be stable.

BETTERING YOURSELF: Striving toward bipolar stability means bettering yourself by doing

things like changing your lifestyle. Here I’m talking to both you and your loved one. You should both be doing things that keep you healthy and balanced – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

And now the C’s : COMMITMENT TO TREATMENT

Your loved one not only needs to take their medication religiously, but they also need to go to all their regularly scheduled appointments such as doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist. They have to be willing to do what it takes to make their treatment work for them. And so do you. Don’t let them get away with skipping medication or not going to appointments.

CONFIDENCE: If your loved one does all the above things, they should have confidence

that their treatment will work and that they will achieve stability. As you see your loved one making lifestyle changes, committed to their treatment, and trying to better themselves, you can have confidence as well – both in the process and the achievement of bipolar stability for them.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. Of course, it’s not as easy as ABC, but if you do these things, stability is more than a possibility, it is a probability.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

Here’s the current news on bipolar disorder

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews464/

Here are the news headlines:

New Book By Tom Wootton Challenges Everything We Believe About Mental Conditions
DO> Wow, what do you think about this?

Enhanced relapse prevention for bipolar disorder by community mental health …
DO> Great article, take a look.

Researchers investigate handbook for living with bipolar disorder
DO> Good idea, don’t you think?

Through Ups and Downs of Illness, Creativity Endures
DO> This is very true…

Jail’s inmate medication bill large
DO> Wow, what are your thoughts on this?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews464/

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you? I hope you’re doing ok.

I’ve been thinking about something, and wanted to share my thoughts with you. It’s about what happens when you try to accomplish too much too fast. Think about it.

When you try to accomplish too much too fast, you are just setting yourself up for failure, because you’ll never be able to do it. It can also get very frustrating and discouraging for you.

Also, if you don’t know how long something should take, you can start to think it’s taking too long.

For example, after an episode. It could take up to a year to fully “fix” the after-effects of an episode. Like the financial ruin – you can’t fix a bankruptcy in just two weeks! But some people think you can just do it overnight! We don’t rush the stroke victim or even the cancer victim, why do we rush the victim of bipolar disorder? Thinking that they should be over an episode after just a week or two is just plain unrealistic expectations sometimes. Would we have that same expectation if they were getting over a physical illness? Then why are we expecting it from a bipolar episode?

There are certain things in life that take a certain amount of time to happen. It’s just the way it has to be. Think about things in nature.

Like the butterfly – it starts off as a caterpillar…then it goes into a cocoon… and only after a certain period of time does it metamorphose into that beautiful butterfly! It just doesn’t happen overnight. And if you interrupt it at any point in the chain of events, the whole thing would be ruined! Some things just can’t be rushed. Other things just have to take place in a certain order. And still other things have to take place at a certain time.

Wanting your loved one who has bipolar disorder to get over their episode overnight is like wanting them to be that beautiful butterfly without going through the cocoon phase! Some things are just worth waiting for. You just have to be more patient sometimes. And I know that isn’t easy, because it wasn’t easy for me.

Sometimes it takes time for your loved one and their doctor to find the right medications for them to be on. It definitely takes time for your loved one to make the changes they learn about in therapy. But as long as they are making strides toward stability, you can be encouraged that someday they will reach it.

Yes, it will take patience on your part. But it will be worth it in the end.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope things are going well for you.

Well, it’s a new year, and each new year brings with it new beginnings. That’s when people make resolutions. A resolution is kind of a promise you make to yourself – usually that you will do something better this year than last. Like quitting smoking, or going on a diet. Those are probably the biggest, most common New Year’s resolutions that people make.

Unfortunately, too many of them are prone to break their New Year’s resolutions pretty quickly after making them, and they just give up instead of getting back on the horse and trying again.

The problem may be that their resolution isn’t realistic. For example, someone who’s been smoking for 20 years cannot expect that he can quit overnight, or do it without help. A more realistic way would be to cut down first, and stop gradually, or use the nicotine patch or gum

to help him.

An unrealistic resolution for someone dieting would be that they are going to lose 20 pounds

in one month. It would be more realistic to set the goal as 20 pounds, but achieve it in smaller goals, like a few pounds a month over a period of time. This way, they stand a better chance of sticking to it and reaching their goal.

And another point, whatever the resolution, is to not expect more from yourself than you can realistically do. That is a surefire way to be disappointed in yourself.

A resolution (especially like in the two examples I just cited) most of the time involves a change in behavior, but change in behavior does not happen overnight, and it certainly is not easy. For a change to become permanent, you must have consistency.

Do it one day at a time if you have to. It’s actually the best way, anyway. Like with smoking, just tell yourself “I’m not going to smoke today.” Then just concentrate on getting through that one day without a cigarette.

Weight loss can be approached the same way – one day at a time. But it also involves a lifestyle

change. You can’t expect that if you keep eating the way you were, that you will lose the weight you want to lose. You have to start eating differently. You can keep the big goal in mind, but if you think you can do it faster than generally possible, it just won’t happen. It’s just much easier if you take it one day at a time.

If you take care of the days, the weeks (and months) will take care of themselves. Whatever your goal is, only take it one day at a time, so you are not overwhelmed and tempted to stop your resolution altogether.

For example, someone with bipolar disorder may set a New Year’s resolution that they’re not going to have any bipolar episodes this year. But that isn’t realistic! They can’t know that.

But what they can do is vow to be more diligent in their maintenance of their bipolar disorder this year. Then they take it one day at a time, doing the things each day that they need to do to maintain their stability.

You see the difference?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

H A P P Y    N E W   Y E A R

By now everyone my list should be in the new year I think. We have hundreds of thousands from all around the world 🙂

Okay I am going to take my Goddaughter to lunch today so I have to get going.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews463/

Here are the news headlines:

Spotlight on Chinese Executions
DO> What do you think of this?

50 Natural Ways to Overcome Bipolar Disorder
DO> Though this was going to be a scam but seems legitimate. What do you think of this?

Bipolar sufferers ‘lose touch with reality’
DO> Good article.

College counseling centers seeing many more students with complex mental health diseases
DO> Do you think this is because there is more awareness or more cases?

Sick, without a safety net
DO> Sad but true.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews463/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope things are going good for you.

Remember when you were younger, and you wanted something so bad you almost couldn’t stand it? Like at Christmastime, getting that one present you wanted more than anything else.

Then, as you get older, you may have the same strong desire for something, but you can’t always count on someone else providing it for you. Some things you have to do for yourself.

When you know what you want, and you want it badly enough, you’ll find a way to get it. That’s what happens when you’re an adult. No more Santa Clause. Just you. And your ability to attain what you desire.

First, though, you need to know what you want.

So how does this relate to bipolar disorder? Say you want things to be less stressful at home.

Say you want it very badly. Well, no one is going to do the work for you – you first of all have to want it bad enough, and second of all, want it bad enough to do what it takes to attain it.

So you might think of ways to make your home environment more peaceful. You might brainstorm some ideas and then act upon them. You can’t just wait on your loved one to do it for you, because they may either not see the same need, or acknowledge it, or be willing or able to do it like you can.

I know, that sounds like it’s all on you to do the hard work…But sometimes you have to pick

up the slack from your loved one. That is, if it’s something you want bad enough.

Again, if you want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it. Like stability.

If your loved one wants stability bad enough, they will do whatever it takes to attain it. And that may be what you want as well. Although you can’t make your loved one do what they have to do to attain stability…You can do your part.

You can help them remember to take their medications. You can see that they get to all their appointments. You can make sure that they stay productive, even if that means writing up a To-Do List for them. You can go to your own support group and find out how other supporters are dealing with their loved one’s bipolar disorder.

In other words, if you want something bad enough, you’ll do what it takes to get it.

That doesn’t mean, though, that you can’t ask for help. In fact, if you don’t ask for help, you may suffer burnout, trying to do everything yourself. On the other hand, you don’t want to do for your loved one what they can do for themselves. You have every right to expect them to participate in what they can.

Like the example I used of keeping a stress-free home environment. They can help with that, too.

Can you think of an example of something you wanted so bad you were willing to do whatever it

took to get it? That’s the right attitude you (and your loved one) need to have toward bipolar stability.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave