=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
I hope you are doing well.
Last night was the first night I went
to bed before 11:00pm. What a difference
it makes J. Instead of going
to bed at like 2:00am every night.
Anyway, I was looking over past emails and
responses to them, and figured out
that the biggest one was about being
high-functioning – that the survivor
wants to be high-functioning, and
that the supporter wants their loved
one to be high-functioning.
So today I want to talk about one
area associated with that, since it’s
such a hot topic.
I want to talk to you about one way
supporters can help your loved one
to be high-functioning, but also how
the survivor can become high-
functioning as well – I”ll be talking
to both of you.
Here it is:
You both need to focus on what you
want, and NOT on what you DON’T
want.
Too many of you focus on what you
DON’T want and never focus on what
you DO want, and this is a HUGE
mistake.
It has to do with your attitude, for
sure, but it also has to do with your
FOCUS.
Your attitude and your FOCUS.
Both things about which I teach in
my courses, but parts of which I can
talk to you about today:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
If you focus on what you DON’T
want, you will be “spinning your
wheels.” You will get nowhere.
It may even make you fight with
each other.
You will certainly be focusing on
the most negative aspects of the
disorder.
But you can CHOOSE to focus
yourselves on the positive side
of the disorder.
Here’s one way:
You can make yourselves a list.
On one side, put all the things you
don’t want. For instance, you
don’t want to fight. Or you don’t
want to go into an episode.
Then on the other side, put all the
things you DO want. For example,
you DO want stability, and you DO
want less episodes, and you DO
want to be high-functioning.
Well, part of being high-functioning
is to be focused. Pick a goal, and
work toward that goal. For instance,
if your goal is to have less episodes,
you have to de-stress your life.
So you make a list of ways you can
de-stress your life, and you set forth
to do exactly that, checking off things
as you go. It may mean switching
jobs. It may mean working from home.
It may even mean starting a home business.
Whatever it takes to de-stress your life.
The main thing is that you have the
POWER to change your life. You
have the ability, especially if you both
work together toward a common goal, to
be stable, to have less episodes, and
to be high-functioning.
As long as you stay focused on the
goal. As long as you work together.
And as long as you work toward what
You want, and not what you don’t want.
Hey, I have to run and head off to the library.
Catch you tomorrow.
Your friend,
Dave
–
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dear dave; thank you for ur emails they do help.i have a question..as i said before my son is 12,and he has bipolor/and eplipsey, he goes to counciling every monday,which he has done for a year now,i of course set in with him. this season the councilor told him he has to own what he does. she gave him a chose to own what he does or be sent to a facillity to live where they will make him own what he does or 3rd shes gona sign papers to discharge him from the help there. dave i really feel like he cant help the things he does and sometimes he doesnt realize hes doing them, or doesnt remember. is this a normal reaction from this woman? is she correct in her thinking?please tell me what am i supposed to do? what am i to think?is she wrong? when we left there my lil boy was so mad he kept saying moma,ill just run away! im so desperate for answers, on the school thing where the school thinks suspinsion or detention is the only thing to do, and this please help!can any one tell me what to do? and how to do it? ur friend kat
For Kat,
Your Son must learn to OWN what he does ; This is a basic principle of any program of becoming a fully
functioning human of sound mind .. It is part of growing up ……
Consider this …
To thine own self be true.
this is a great key to maturity as you grow you get in far less trouble if you learn this concept .
people really need to consider the end result of everything they do .. this is not hard to learn .
Wm.
Dave, Awsome advice.
Positive brings forth positive, negative brings forth negative.
When things are bad, it is not easy to be positive and/or focus on positive. But, I have found that if you look hard enough, you can always find SOMETHING good that can come out of the bad.
Wishing you a beautiful, blessed day.
Thank you for all of your hard work. And for your patience you have with people who try to discourage you from helping others.
Hi David:
Just read your email and, of course, you hit the nail on the head. I like the list idea and I have tried it several times with my daughter. She will cooperate for a short period and then it is like the list never existed. I am weak and she really knows how to manipulate me and make me feel guilty, so she will always get what she wants from me. If I had access to the information I receive from you every day when she was younger and her BPD was starting to show itself, I would have done things a lot differently back then. Instead of working 70-80 hours every week I could (this includes travel too) I think I would have worked less and let welfare help me along the way. But I wanted to teach her that you can do anything you want if you are willing to work hard enough for it. That you can provide for yourself and not have to depend on the welfare system. All my “good intentions” have done is hurt both of us because we missed so much time together while she was growing up so I could try to buy her every thing her heart desired. I am trying very hard to get her involved with your emails and this blog because I know it would be a great way to get her out of the depressive mode she has been in for so long. She did write a piece about how she feels with BPD and asked me to post it here to see if any other people feel as she does. I told her she needed to do it herself, but as usual, I gave in and here it is:
A Bi-polar’s Definition of Bi-polar Disorder
Written by Kathryn Moore
You never know the disease that plagues you because it only makes you act like a suicidal asshole in other’s eyes, but really, you are trapped in a prison worse than any man’s hands could ever create: Your own mind, inescapable and no chance of parole. The Bastille is Heaven when compared to the cell in your own head. Remember this forever!
By Kathryn Moore,
Forever Kathryn Moore,
But Never Kathryn Moore,
Or what I want Kathryn Moore to be….
I have learned, through trial and error, that if I don’t push her too hard, I can gently manipulate her into doing what I want and some of what she should be doing and just the fact that she wrote this and asked me to post it for her is a step toward her actually getting involved. The problem we have to overcome now is my “maintenance meds” I have to take each night knock me out until 6 or 7 AM and my daughter’s BP episode keeps her awake all night and thus she is going to bed when I get up and she is just crawling out of bed when I am getting ready to go to sleep. But we will manage a way around this sooner or later. Sorry I wrote another letter. Thanks to all of you for putting up with me.
I am high functioning, with a college degree and a very good mind and heart, but I am bipolar. Sometimes I wish I was blind or minus a limb then my disability would be visible for all to see and believe. I am 50 years old and cannot keep a job for more than a year. I am very punctual, never miss work and am always very organized. At my last job I worked for a local mental health organization for low income individuals. I thought they would understand and take my needs into consideration, but it was pure hell and they used my illness against me on several occasions. All my clients loved me and I them but management saw it as something else. Now I can’t find a job at all.. Bad working background not stable enough. I just want to be totally self-suffient. I live with my elderly father what will I do when he passes on ? I can’t get disability because Im high functioning and can work. And people wonder why suicide seems like the answer to many..
rhondaj
“The main thing is that you have the POWER to change your life. You have the ability, especially if you both work together toward a common goal, to be stable, to have less episodes, and to be high-functioning.”
Very Inspiring!!! I remember a time when I thought this was impossible. My spouse and I didn’t see eye to eye, I couldn’t stay stable because the meds were all wrong. I had frequent episodes simply because I always bit off more than I could chew.
Once the meds were right and I was stable, then I could work on the rest of my recovery and become high functioning again.
This whole process took years of refining nothing happened over night, but if Dave had been around then it might have been a whole lot smoother.
Yes you might be responible for what you do,but sometimes it happens before you know it.
I am 57 years old and at times feel hopeless give the kid a break it is hard enought having bipolar and being 12 years old.
Why don’t you get a second opinion sometimes, if it feels wrong it might be wrong.
Dave,
Thank you for the e-mail. It is very educational and so correct.
It’s so hard to be positive in this world, exspecially being BP.
But I do have comfort in the fact that even those who are “normal” have a hard time staying positive.
It is the key to enjoying life no matter who you might be or what you might have as a challenge to overcome.
Suzannewa,
I am so glad you read my comments to you and thank you for responding to me. I’m glad that you have the strength to carry on so positively with your life. I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors.
Please God remove all negativity,anxiety,& fear from our hearts and minds. And fill our souls with your infinate white light of love. Please help all who need it and thank you for our blessings.
Thank you, Dave, for this particular email. As always, you’re “right on the mark.”
My therapist said that one of the most important things I had to do as a person with bipolar, is to “pick your stressors.” One example: I had the opportunity to take a mystery shop at a local fast food restaurant. I was motivated to do it, but after going over ALL that was required – which included both going inside for an order and going into the drive-through, ordering two different meals, and observing about 30-45 different things in both – I decided it was WAY toooo much for me to handle. I chose to call my supervisor and give an excuse why I could not do the “shop.”
Also, when activities come up on the same day – I have to pick and choose which ones I can do comfortably, and which ones I cannot. These decisions alone have helped to save my sanity.
I feel I am a highly-functioning bipolar for two reasons: 1) I chose to be, and work at it, and 2) the grace of God. You know that all the preparation for a treatment plan, and all the right medications don’t ALWAYS preclude an episode. THAT is the one major obstacle in “controlling” this disorder. There is NO controlling it. You can do all the right things, as I’ve said, and still the bipolar can/will affect you.
The best that I can do is stay in direct and close contact with my support staff at the local Community Mental Health clinic, my psychiatrist and therapist, and be completely honest with both of them as to how I am feeling. A mutual trust has helped me stave off a major manic episode for 31 years.
I am NOT perfect by any means. I have my “sins” and my “backsliding.” But I make it a priority to focus and come on the computer every day and open my surveys and emails, and continue to function as best I can. Every day, I thank the Lord that I can get out of bed and remember what I have to do that day. Sometimes, it’s a struggle; I stay in bed until the afternoon sometimes, because my medications won’t let me hear THREE alarms. But – I deal with it. “It’s not easy being green (bipolar).”
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. May God hold you in the Palm of His Hand.
i have been in denile for years about what is wrong with me . so has my family .all three generations on both sides of my parents. im fourty eight years old. a nurse . the stress really started getting to me . i was miss diagnosed in 1996 with major depression . prozac was popular then . they kept increasing the dose to the point that i was a zombi. unable to maintain a thought and sleeping very long hours . somewhere in the middle of all this i managed to get excepted into nursing school . i pretty much dared myself with god’s help , to go and graduate nursing school . the only way i could do it was to get off the prozac and retrain my brain to think . being a nurse means everything to me . i love it so much . i work with the elderly. this past year my energy left me . it took all my time to just rest so i could work . no time for family or friends . my husband was doing the shopping and a lot of cooking . my depression got worse . i was up at night . sleeping all day when off . i would manage to pull it together long enough to work my shifts only to crash later. my thoughts started racing and i was very negative and was critical of others . i went from dr. to dr. i was desperate . any and all test were done. i deleloped bone and muscle pain . ringing in the ears . for the first time in a long time i was out of control and did not know what was going on . i just knew that all the med.’s i was on was working against each other and i was sicker . going from one job to another . i even went part time , working only eight hour shift . i would be so mentally and physically exhausted that i would literly drag my self in the door and fall in bed with clothes and all on . i never would allow myself to consider that i was bp , i mean just because my father had it ( undiagnosed) . and just because i have a daughter with it didnt mean i had it . it was just depression . just because my mother has shown thru the years that she pqssible has it . this is a way of me saying that i just found out that im bp . i went thru all the emotions and finally except it . i have had the flash backs to times of episodes that i have had as well as family members . i have done some reserching on both sides fo my parents . it goes back as three generation . my family is in denile about this and there is several layers to uncover like an onion . it is going to take time and patients to understand more myself and hope with time my family will come around to understand this disease . it will take alot of forgivness as well . there has been alot of pain and destruction as a result of bp . we are all here for a purpose . david thanks for being who you are and doing what you are doing . you got me thru my time of anger and excepting . im enpowered now to do what ever it takes to help myself and my family . im now starting to take my second type of med . my first one was to strong hope this one goes better . im beginning to do better . keep up the good work . debra k
This is for SuzanneWA and probably not very ethical or may not even be allowed but I was wondering if the WA in your name meant the state of Washington, and if so, if you live in the Spokane area, we live in the Sandpoint Idaho area, and I would love someday for you and my daughter to meet (and myself, of course) because I read all your blogs and you really sound like a great person. God please you.
For RhondaJ:
Please hang in there and don’t get so depressed you hurt yourself. I do not know what state you live in (or if you live in the US) but there are several states where it is illegal to fire you because you have a disability and in many states it is illegal to give a “Bad Reference” to a possible future employer. I know this because I used to be the “employer” and there were a lot of laws I had to keep up with in the State of Washington. Check into the labor laws for your state and if your former employer has broken a law, then go after them, even if you have to get the attorney general involved. I don’t know if the Attorney General can help you but at least he can send you in the right direction. But do not tarry, I know it is difficult to get motivated in certain directions but get going down this road ASAP and don’t let them get away with what they have done to you!
kathryn moore,
i am new here but i do know how you feel, to be in the prison of your mind is torterouse,fustrating and a life sentence of trying to run away from the dark cloud that is forever there trying to get me,i try to hide from it but it always finds me,nowhere is a safe haven.
leanne.
hey wat to do control my bipolar disorder
I am in a relationship, for the third time in 7 yrs, & my boyfriend who suffers from BiPolar, is very jealous of me
& it causes us some difficulties in our relationship, due to the fact that I am high-functioning. My motto is ‘get-r-done’. I have lists for my lists, & a lot of strokes thru them. When he sees me getting organized & prepared for my multi-tasks, or I tell him what I want to accomplish for the day, the very thing he says he loves about me, he hates about me. My independence. I rarely use the word “can’t”. I have been asked for advice often. If I don’t know, I will find out how or why. I am a student of the knowledge of life, & I am in the classroom everyday. I never say that I’m better, or smarter, or more skilled than him, or anyone. I will say that I was smarter today than I was yesterday. And I will say that I don’t know, if I don’t. I am honest. He doesn’t like this quality either, nor does he practice it. Go figure!!
Each time I was made to believe that things were under control, as it took a lot of convincing on his part, for me to try it again. Love is blind, sometimes. He has wanted to run off & elope too many times to count. I’m not going to marry out of desparation or dependence. He has learned exactly what to tell me & others in order to get what he wants. But he also knows how much I care about him, & uses that against me, as I have made it clear to him that WE have to make it work this time bacause this was the final time. I sometimes ask my self why did I try again, & my answer to myself is that I do love him, & I believe that if he could just be honest about it, (the illness), to himself & the people that he cares about & visa versa… well we all know where that goes. I am a determined problem solver. And like you Dave I just want to help everybody. I believe in honesty. Big conflict between he & I. I don’t want to feel like I am giving up (the in sickness & in health vow). I am having this battle, well more like tug-of-war, between my head & my heart, about my relationship. My patience is wearing. I’m really looking forward to receiving my how-to info. Sounds like I really need it!!