Hi,
How’s it going? Hope you have a great day today.
Update.
You know what I was thinking. I am like 95% certain that I can grow the entire organization by only hiring people connected to my list.
That’s a great thing. We have done some experiments with hiring and looking at the retention and have concluded that through my list we can get all the good people we need.
That’s a great thing. Keep reading these daily bipolar emails for new notices of new positions.
If you see a position a friend might be interested, please forward the information to him/her.
Okay?
Today I want to talk to you about jumping to conclusions.
It has to do with minor depression and major depression.
I was reading this article in one of the journals that I get, and it gave this description of minor depression:
“Minor depression is a proposed diagnosis for depression which is not severe enough to meet the criteria for major depression
and has not lasted the two years necessary to be considered dysthymia.”
Even major depression doesn’t come close to the deep depression of a bipolar depressive episode, as you most likely know.
But still, there is a difference between your loved one being just depressed and being in a bipolar depressive cycle.
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
I talk about the different types of bipolar disorder, and one of them includes more depression than mania, So if your loved one has that type of bipolar disorder, you’re probably familiar with that type of depression.
But I still want to talk about not jumping to conclusions.
What I mean by that is that maybe your loved one is just having a bad day.
Or maybe they’re just in a bad mood.
Or maybe they are in a minor depression, for a very short span of time (not by the definition above) – just for a day, I mean. With someone who doesn’t have bipolar disorder, or even you, that would be ok. You wouldn’t assume they (or you) are in the beginning of an episode, would you?
But too many people jump to the conclusion (wrongly) that just because someone has bipolar disorder that they’re never allowed
to have a bad day, get in a bad mood, or just plain get normally (minorly) depressed.
It’s ok if your loved one gets depressed. It happens to everyone. Not everything is going to be ok all the time. Not everyone is happy all the time. That’s just normal.
You know Michele who works for me. Well, her and her husband (her supporter) have a system. He allows her to have one bad day (they call it a bad bipolar day). It’s even ok if she wants to spend the whole day in bed.
If she’s still depressed on the second day, he at least makes her get out of bed. But if she’s still depressed on the third day, he makes her get out of the house and go somewhere, so that she doesn’t go into a bipolar depressive episode. He watches her signs/symptoms very closely at that point (it’s not the same as jumping to conclusions then).
That’s their system. But just one day doesn’t count. One day is ok.
See the difference?
So, remember – don’t jump to conclusions just because your loved one has one depressed day. Everyone does, and that’s just normal. Don’t assume they’re going into an episode.
I remember this one time that my mom got cut off from someone while driving. If you are from the New York area, you know that people can be REALLY, REALLY mean when they drive. It’s like a war zone sometimes.
Anyway my mom got cut off. The guy screamed at her as well. How do I know it really happened? I was there with her.
My mom came home and was mad about it. My brother was over my parents house at the time. He said, “here’s she goes again going into an episode.”
He had clearly heard the story and still concluded that she was going into an episode and she didn’t have the right to be mad.
I on the other hand was SUPER mad at the person that cut her off. Between the two of us, my mom was way more calm.
I would have spent the day trying to find him : )
But my brother focused on my mom and didn’t look at the situation?
See the difference?
If you are a bipolar supporter have you jumped to conclusions?
If you are a survivor has someone constantly jumped to conclusions with you?
Let me know.
Hey I have to run.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
post responses below
You talk so much sense and give so much food for thought – I think your daily service is an invaluable source of information and comfort to supporters. This delivery was particularly useful – and a sufferer would be pleased that they could be allowed a normal fit of pique!
Thank you so much David – you’re brilliant!
Maggie from England.
Hello David;
How do I apply for the jobs???
I have tried without success. I am about
to retire and this will free up more time
to consentrate on the at home positions.
Please respond.
Ann
Hello,
YES! I have had people play the jump to conclusion game with me all the time. I am never allowed to just have a bad day even if it is only one. My supporters are learning a lot from your emails and how to deal with me. I am soooo glad I get your emails. I feel they have helped me a lot understand just what Bipolar is and how to live, and deal with it. Before your emails I wasn’t even sure what it was. Other than being told I have it and here is some medicine, let’s see if it helps then I had no clue. THANKS Dave for being there and helping us all with Bipolar and our supporters learn just what this disease is and how to handle us and live with it! Barbara
Yes, As a supporter I definetly have jumped to conclusions. My daughter likes to push the time she needs come home, like all teenagers . I always suspect she is manipulating me and am ready to correct her. I also often suspect a friend of hers who is untreated bipolar. That is a way different thing. I think I could use the situations to just be there, guiding them to the correct behavior instead of being so ready to suspect the worst.
Dave, my husband, Mike has bi-polar disorder. He works for the P.O., but the mail has been so light……..40% reduction in mail due to the internet and e-mail, that he needs to find a second job. He or I would love to assist you from home in any job that becomes available. Combined we have managerial skills, marketing or sales associate skills, billing, word processing, data entry, etc., and are great on the phone. Please let us know when something becomes available. Much appreciation. Sue and Mike
I know about this situation well. I lived with three boys and a man. Everytime I have had some bad reactions or bad days. They are always accusing me of being in a mood or even yet being on my period. I usually laugh at them under my breath. Because now I am going threw menapause. Whats their move now, what can they blame me for my time of month(ha,ha)lol. Keep up the good work Dave your doing an excellent job. You have helped me bunches already so I will continue to read your emails. Godspeed.
Susan
Dave:
Obviously your brother is ignorant, and you haven’t been able to educate him about bipolar disorder. Some people have an attitude where they just can’t learn. It’s unfair, and it makes the person with bipolar disorder feel really bad – put down. People should not jump to conclusions.
Obviously many of us have “the blues” sometimes – even people without a mental illness. But there is a huge difference between “a bad day” and
depression. Major depression is defined as a set of symptoms that persists for two weeks or more. I’m not going to go into all the symptoms of depression.
But you’re wrong on one thing, Dave. While people diagnosed with bipolar are different from people with major depression, the symptoms of a bipolar depression and a major depression are the same. The severity and types of symptoms vary from person to person and from episode to episode. The difference is, of course, that people with major (or unipolar) depression do not have any history of hypomanic or manic episodes, where bipolar patients experience both ends of the spectrum, to one degree or another.
It is true that people shouldn’t “jump” on any behavior or reaction and “accuse” the person of going into an episode.
It is true that sometimes people just have “the blues”, or a “bad day”.
But it is also true that any signs of depression should be noted, brought to the attention of the Dr. and therapist, and that a person with those symptoms should be watched carefully. It would be dangerous to have any other attitude towards any depressive symptomatology.
Thanks for this valuable insight!! Sometimes as a supporter it is sooo easy to become hypervigilant and try to read everything from a bipolar standpoint!! It is refreshing to be reminded that BPs are just like the rest of us in dealing with ordinary every day situations–Thanks again and keep up this fantastic site!!!
dave
i go thru this with my granddaughter a lot she also would like a job with you she is very computer let well voice on the phone she can do power point and many other things just has a hard time holding down job in public she is 19 and very smart
thank you for all of your information it is a grat help.
thank you so much nora
Dear Dave,I really hear you on this one! In fact,just today I woke up and discovered that my water on my property ,as well as all my neighbors,has had the water line severed unintentionally by the contractors hired by the state of GA to expand highway 247,which,until now,in my opinion at least has been just fine. It is two lanes but the state believes that we need 5: 2 in coming and going and one turn lane. I think they think it will bring in more industries,growth,translation-money,to our fair city. I have my doubts,but that is just my personal opinion. So,what does this have to do with your blog? Well, I am leaving for Ca at six thirty-five A.M. out of the ATL and I have major laundry to do. I will be there helping my daughter with my 3 grandsons-the last one,Wyatt,was born on the 11th of July,and his brother,Hunter,is just 19 months old. I am somewhat angry about this. Oh not to the point of being ugly,a Southern term we use when one behaves badly. It is,I believe justifiable to be put out,even some one whom has not been diagnosed as bi-polar,as i am. What I am trying to say is, life has ups and downs that affect everyone,not just people whom have bi-polar,like myself, just the whole human race would be upset over this minor event. Oh,I of course,have a fallback plan:should the water out here not come back on,I will go to the laundry mat in town and do my wash there. I believe in always believe in having alternatives,other options should the obvious one not be working,they are backup plans,so to speak. well,enough about that! I need to get a move on! thank you for listening. It does indeed help to have have this website to turn to. Well,I need to get a move on,maybe while I have been hunt and pecking on this keyboard,the water line has been repaired! I sure do hope so! Sincerely yours, Marilyn Bauer
Dang it,still no water! over and out from Ga!lol Marilyn Bauer
I was JUST discussing this issue with my husband. I am recently diagnosed as BP and awaiting a Psych appointment to get proper treatment (been treated for depression for 15 years)….I told him that people who know about my diagnosis are forever going to blame my quirky antics or my anger about legitimate issues on my illness. It makes me want to keep my illness tucked under my hat….but then again I don’t want to live some ‘secret life’ either.
Just discovered your site today, I am looking forward to having some free time catch up on previous posts! Great work!
Hi Dave, in the past I have jumped to conclusions about my partner thinking he was going off on another bp episode but lately after reading the email you have been sending me I have become more aware and I try not to jump to conclusions it is hard trying to get the doc to refer my partner to a phsychiatrist as when I asked the doctor if my partners illness could be bp and he said that he would not just be thinking about things like there was goiing to be a war the doc said that he would see aeroplanes coming at him. I think I will need to try and find a decent doctor. thanks for all the emails they have helped me a lot. maybe I should send them to our doctor so he might understand this illness a bit better.
Jackie
I know exactly what you’re saying. It seems that lately I can’t even give my opinion or disagree or I get accuse of being to depressive or getting too involved and becoming manic. It’s like there’s no in between. It really complicates the relationship because both people are walking on egg shells and one thinks the other is a ticking time bomb. I feel like that I’m constantly being reminded that I have an illness. And sometimes that is Okay, but it also says to me you better stay in your place because you have limitations and issues you can’t handle. There are things that I hear on the news or read about, or behaviors that disturbs me and I express that It bother me, but it do not mean that it will send me into an episode. I am not desensitize to all the human suffering, neglect, crime and injustices I see when I watch TV, read a news article, or go out to do what I have to do. I can’t harden my heart.
I understand the concern, but if you don’t give a person a chance to be or feel and respond how ever it is that they do then you are not letting that person be who they are. I just want to people to meet me where I am and see things from my point of view and not pass judgment. As long as it is not detrimental and way out of the norm, then let that person have their moment to just be.
It is indeed wonderful to have the support you need, but it works both ways. I love the system that Michele has. Give a person a chance to re coop from the stress or allow them a time to just do nothing.
One thing that I do when I get into a slump is remind myself that:
WHEN YOU DO NOTHING, NOTHING HAPPENS.
Yes someone has, many times. Also people can get quite rude with it…even family….expecially family. My own husband called me a kook and told me to take my crazy pills because I got upset over the house being dirty. And any time I’m ever depressed my step-mother wants my husband to run me right to the hospital or make an appointment with a doctor. But what they don’t realize is that by acting that way they are upsetting me and basically pushing me into an episode.
Hi.
Very-very nice to say you want to hire people connected to your list…
…………………………………………………………………………………….
Me, I like to think of myself I don’t jump to conclusions; study before conclusions.
Bye-bye.
my husband and his family do not understand this disorder he tells everyone that he talks 2 about it and anytime that i am upset or mad he blames my disorder i want to feel normal but the way he makes me feel is like i don’t belong or im not normal i feel that r marriage is suffering badly from this i hope it will get better i have a5 yr old who is the light of my life and i feel she has saved my life so many times if it was not 4 her i would not b here
I think it’s so important for people to realize that the person with bipolar is not the illness. It happens to be something they live with, not something they choose to have. With that perspective, I think it’s more possible to separate the person from whatever imbalance they may be suffering at the time or not.
I totally agree with you on today’s comments. For years family and friends would be upset with me because I let my wife go off and spend a day or two or three with another friend. But it is what she needed to get back on track. Away from the stress and kids at the house. And the friend wasn’t demanding and just let her rest or read or visit whatever she felt like doing. But after spending 2 weeks with her on a trip her mother finally saw what I was going thru and called when they got back to see if there was anything she could do and I told her just be there for her and let her know that your house could also be a place to go and as I like to call it recharge without the stuff that is or may be bringing on the attack. Since then she has had fewer down time but she still spend one or two nights at her friend or her moms house. Thank you for all the great work you are doing.
I have been diagnosed with depression, social phobia and bipolar and also suffer severe anxiety attacks. I have been on all the medication and even had an E.C.T. I spend most of my time at home not in the mood to go places or see people. The only time I leave home is when I go to my family, church or the shop. My children find it hard for me to be in a bad mood most of the time and it is not easy on them or my husband. I did research at the library on the net and are trying to put together as much info on what these ilnesses are doing to families and their relationships. I also wish to complete a book, but because of my many lows I am not always in the mood. I pray that I will be able to finish it for the sake of myself and my family. It is true what you are saying that we must try and help others and that is what I am trying to do and at the same time I can work on myself by listening to others and know that I am not the only one.
David, Thank you so much for this web site. Im am working w/ my son aged 33 for past two years on bi-polar disease. A nicer, more intelligent person you will never meet. He does not admit bi-polar disease as of today. He is working w/ several doctors @ this time on medications. I was so encouraged by the statement you made about “talking to bi-polar people using your heart and not so much technical stuff”. It has helped me w/ comunication so much!!!! Also, what’s the alternative to not taking meds? Isn’t it just as painful…. Thanks Much, Deb Young
Dave, today’s topic is so true i am sometimes mistaken that an episode is coming, it has reached a point where my wife and parents get confused. cya
I am newly married to a 48 year old who has bp but is currently “handling it on his own”. From what I understand he has been off meds at least a year and taking natural supplements instead. I knew he had bp, and I accepted that there would be times of difficulty. I personally suffer from depression and understand the stigma attached to mental health conditions.
I understand him not wanting to be treated, but recently we have been going through a major episode and I don’t know who to turn to or what to do. He tends to take off. He is not known to be violent, and he usually ends up at a rescue mission or with “religious” people. He has been gone 5 days now. The only way I knew anything was by calling his mother-who told me to leave him in God’s hands and not worry. He had been at her house the first two days. That’s all she knew because that’s the way it has always been with them. The third day he text messaged my son’s phone saying he was going to FL. The fourth day he texted again and specifically said for him to tell me he was with a friend in SC. I am thinking that at this point if he actually thought of me enough to specify for my son to tell me, that he may be coming out of it and I can hope he will be home soon.
So now I don’t know what to do or how to react if he does come back. We have been through about 5 minor episodes in the past 4 months and this is the second time he went away overnight. The first time he came back in two days and couldn’t understand why I was upset. I don’t yell at him or accuse him, but I tried to explain to him how it affected me. I told him I understand he needs to be alone sometimes. I only asked that he remember to communicate while he is gone. I feel like I gave him permission to run away.
Because we have only been married a few months and he moved in with me, I have not had the opportunity to arrange with him what we should do in case things get real bad. I do not have access to his previous records or even know if he has a current doctor, medical coverage or anything. He won’t discuss finances with me. I was being patient so not to push him, and figured we would get around to it. Now I feel trapped. Not by the marriage-I do love him and married the whole man, but trapped in a helpless state and useless to him or even myself. I am starting to slip into a depression (yes I’m under care) and can’t decide between kicking him out until he gets help or forgiving him because he can’t help it and go on like there’s nothing wrong. I know neither of these extremes are the answer.
I am posting this here in hopes of getting some advice. I am also on the other end of Jumping- in that I did not see it coming. He usually comes out of it within a few days and so I wait it out. Everyone says I am too patient. I guess that’s all I need to say for now. Thank you, but HELP if you can.
I find that this holds true more for me in the mania department. Everytime I get excited or too “emotional” about something, my supporters think I’m manic. It can be very frustrating and somewhat annoying. Although I know they have my best interests at heart. I even find myself questioning me at times to determine whether I’m in an “episode” or not. My docs tell me that I will probably never be even, and most likely will have slight ups and downs even though I’m on meds. It would be boring to be just “even-keeled” every day, right? That’s what makes us all unique individuals!
A little over a year after my first nervous breakdown for mania, my father died suddenly in my arms. This was traumatic as such, but I’ll NEVER forget a close friend of mine asking my Mom (behind my back), to watch me so I don’t “get sick” again, or if it would make me “sick.” At the time, I had a job and was feeling almost “normal.”
Although I appreciate his concern – it made me mad. I AM separate from my bipolar – I war against it, not it warring against me. I am quite proactive with my biipolar – take medications religiously, TRY to have a regular sleep/wake cycle, eat nutritously, exercise, etc. – but unlike most of the people on this blog, I have NO supporter. I must do it all on my own. I do rely on the Community Mental Health center’s psychiatrist and therapist; but they are not always available in the middle of the night, so to speak. I have to be “off my rocker” and call Emergency if I want to talk to someone at odd hours. This makes it especially difficult if I have an “off” day; I feel guilty if I spend most of the day in bed. It throws off my schedule on the computer, and getting things ready for a roommate to move in.
ALL of my friends know I have bipolar, and, except for my ex-boyfriend, who sees “mania” around every corner, they’re pretty cool about it. I suggest that if you ARE a supporter, treat your loved one with respect and as “normally” as you can. There will be times, like Sharon’s husband, that the person with bipolar WILL act-out; THAT is the time to get them to a qualified psychiatrist and on MEDS and a treatment plan. To answer the other blogger – there is NO cure for bipolar, and MEDS are the ONLY answer to maintaining your loved one on a more “normal” behavior.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
My bipolar ex g/f and I had a baby boy and we are currently going through child custody (she never called me to tell me my son was being born and her step-father threatened to shoot me between they eyes and also said I had to check in with him before I come see my son, which made me iratre) . I have jumped to conclusions on a couple of occasions. I regret it also. I am just tryin to make it through this and hopefully in the end when she gets back on her medication we can work things out with my son. She has stated to me that there it will “never be me and her again.” I had to call her sister, whom “loves” her sister but “doesn’t like” her, about twice a week to see how the baby appointments were going. And her sister was the one that called me to tell me my son was being born. I had been told by her sister that her family, excluding her mother and step-father, that I have their love and support and to not give up. Don’t know what to do. Give me your thoughts and e mail me back when you get the time. Thank you, Will Arrowsmith
I was diagnosed with Bipolar and PTSD when I was about 13 yrs old..I have been on and off medication, since then..Currently I am not on any medicine and have not been in a very long time…I have tried to work in the past few yrs, but I can’t hold down a job..It has been very hard on my Husband, because he doesn’t know what to expect from me from day to day..I have a question…Can I get disability for my disorders…Please help…I have applied in the past and was denied…Someone please help me..You can send me an email, my address is feliciabrown60@yahoo.com..Thank You
To FELICIA: You have to keep on APPEALING your disability application. It takes an average of THREE denials from Social Security, and then you NEED an attorney to appeal the denials. It took me almost 9 months to get my disability; Social Security pays your attorney’s fees – they are taken care of by SS. You will get BACK pay – for the months you kept on applying. With your husband working, this shouldn’t be much of a hardship. BUT – anyone with a VIABLE disability – like bipolar disorder – CAN and SHOULD apply for Social Security disability. It will ease your financial straits, and you automatically get Medicare.
Good luck with your application to Social Security!!
I am a supporter who is on your mailing list by error. I have been trying to block your emails for months. BUT, I am constantly amazed by your emails that appear and create an “Aha” moment for me or get me through a hard supporter day. So, thank you. I am a retired education professional who was also an English major. I have really tried to ignore you but you just make too much sense!!!
MoodTracker.com offer three different levels of depression: Mild, Moderate, Severe. My own definitions for each are:
Mild – generally feeling depressed – tired, listless, sleeping too long, etc
Moderate – all the above but more so and emotional – uncommonly quick to tears, disinterest/unenthusiastic about most/many things
Severe – All the above but much more tiredness and over sleeping, suicidal thoughts, “out of body”, slow and hesitant speech, slow psycho-motor, avoiding interaction with people, VERY emotional (not just tears but wracking crying) OR emotionally wiped and and unable to cry.
Dysthymic Disorder, which I also have in addition to the BP, is continuous, largely unrelenting Mild chronic depression. Mild though it is, its delibilatng effect should not be under-estimated because it drives a listlessness and lack of enthusiasm for Life and all that goes with it. That can shape your whole life. “Career? Why bother? There’s not pleasure to be had in it.” PLUS, it is generally under-estimated in terms of its long-term effects. It works like the Chinese Water Torture, a drip, drip, drip of constant feeling of depression, with little let up, can lead to a dislike of Life itself because there is little or no pleasure in it, or if there is, it’s fleeting. Hence, some docs thnk it may be responsible for more suicides than are realised.
So, don’t under-estimate a mild depression, most certainly not Dysthymic Disorder – it may be a lot more dangerous than is realised. In fact, don’t under-estimate any depression because – remember supporters – people who have long-term depression are very practised at hiding it, and you may not find out how deeply depressed they really were until it’s too late.
Dave,
Thank you the information which you have provided for people who suffer from bipolar disorder and for others who are caregivers. It is a difficult disorder to understand, and I know personally, it is very hard to get by day to day, when you have a loved one who challenges your time, day and space, when they are not taking their medication or neglecting outpatient counseling care. My husband has not been consistent with taking his medication is a big concern of mine because he wants our son to go back to Phoenix and live with him, and because he does not stick to his regamin nor does he keep appointments with his doctors. We have been separated for three years, and he is dating again, but he has also become physically abusive, not towards me, but to his new girlfriend, he has been verbally abusive towards me, and it is getting more difficult to deal with him. We have a 12 year old son and I am concerned for my son’s well being. I am not sure of the statistics, but does anyone know the outcome of a child’s mental health of being raised with a parent who is bipolar. My son loves his dad, but his dad is beginning to pressure him to come back and live with him and I am not getting any support from my in-laws, who have also notice the change in my husbands behavior, I feel as if I am in a war and losing the battle. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can handle the situation.
Hi, what a great read on peolpe jumping to the wrong conclusion. If I am in aquiet mood my Mum will ask me if I am having a ‘BLIP’ Her way to describe a minor episode. My husband will ask why I am quiet and if there is something wrong. But its simple, some days I am not as chatty as others but this does not equate to the start of an episode.
Peolpe in life and during day to day living experience different moods and emotions regardless of having bipolar disorder. I know my family ask because they care about me, but at times theitr questioning can make me think ‘ is there something wrong?’
It was really refreshing to read about peoples views.
Thank you
Kathryn
Sure, some of Dave’s tips are great, but come on, the prices for his “courses” are crazy! Who can afford $200 for a supporter’s course when you can just look up most of the info. for free on the net or at the libary? You’re right about the financial problems a lot of bipolar patients have, not to mention their supporters who often have to bail them out (financially). I’m sure he has spent a lot of time on researching, but he’s attempting to make financial gains at the expense of less knowledgable people. And why are there only positive comments on “What people are saying about dave?” Come on, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has complained about your high prices! I guess that’s so people will be further persuaded to spend a large amount of money on your “courses.” You talk about being scammed, when you are scamming people yourself! If you were really trying to help people (not your wallet) you’d be guiding them to the vast info. available on the net or at the library for free.