I read this and think that no one has the right to knock another down because of any affliction. My younger sister is bi-polar. She lives alone in our recently deceased fathers home. Unforunately, she will not stay in compliance with her medication.She is delusional and hates us all. She lives in flith and has clothes piled on top of clothes and magazines and newspapers everywhere. She won’t let us clean or throw anything away. When she gets hospitalized for a few days at a time we rush in and try to throw out the junk. Last Saturday, we used 50 large trash bags and finally could see the floor in two rooms. We were going to finish cleaning out room by room but she was let out of the local hospital yesterday, so we now have to stop and wait until she gets put back in jail as she calls it. She will not let us have any knowledge of her medical stuff and only calls us when she needs a ride or something from the hospital. She is very much a bully and we are all afraid of her. My little brother said that we should stand up to her an tell her we aren’t going to take her bullying us around anymore and we are going to clean her house whether she likes it or not. Ha, ha, right! Anyway, we let our poor father deal with her and he died and now we are in a world of hell. It is exhausting and scary. I feel sorry for anyone with this problem.
Sonya

My comment here is that perhaps this person’s claim against their family blaming them and them being the scapegoat could and likely should be taken with a grain of salt. It has been my personal experience to see a bipolar pity themselves and spin things to make strangers feel sympathy for them all the while not taking accountibility for their own actions. I’ve seen them demonizing innocent people who have stood by them, supported them and then been treated with nothing but contempt for all their efforts. I believe that some people are treated with stigma but most likely outside of the family. There is indeed a lack of understanding of this disorder unless you’ve been in it.
They could be mixing up being held accountable for being blamed. Some bipolars like to take the road that they can’t help themselves and so therefore should be excused. Lord knows their perceptions can be skewed.

And there is also the stigma that some people with mental illness like to hide behind, like “i’m bipolar i can’t help it, it’s just who i am” when they sure can help it by being on the right meds, not manipulating their doctors, and going to therapy so their families can stand being around them and they can be productive functional adults.

As a supporter of someone with this unasked for and many times debilitating disease, it breaks my heart to know that anyone would blame someone for something they cannot control! My supportee has dealt with this all of his life for himself and also his father and sister, and many times asks why God would allow certain people to live with such pain in their lives. His ex wife, with whom he shares a daughter with, has blamed and actually tortures him ever since a horrible episode he had 3 years ago, which landed him in jail. Knowing him for over 20 years, and being totally aware of his condition, has lied to the court system about child support, back child support, and the safety of his child to keep him away from her. He is in constant fear of going back to jail, as he has been trying to get disability, just to pay his child support. All of his adult life has struggled with maintaining a job, and the stresses with just that alone, not to mention fearing being caught in the system~again! People with a mental illness, DO NOT belong in jail, and our so called justice systems, should be trained on characteristics of this disorder. I am thankful that he was able to withstand 11 weeks there, as I feared him taking his own life because of it. Although our relationship is in jeapardy of ending because HE feels he cannot maintain ANY relationship with a woman. I find it hard myself at times, because it is very hard to understand for himself, much less for myself. I just wish others would TRY to understand it, for the sake of someone like him, who longs for a normal life. It’s comforting knowing that others feel and go through some of the same tragedies as he has. I pray everyday for his safety and happiness in his life, as he truly deserves it.

No dave or mem day is not to day in the UK. I dont no what I would do if I were geting punished all the time I would probly crack up.
Take Care Linda x

This article goes farther than just family. My best friend who I am helping get the help he needs for his disease, is going through a bad spell with doctors. I finally got him to go to the psychiatrist, she wanted to put him on lamictal. His insurance does not kick in until he pays $3,800 in deductable for meds. Also, the side effects concerned him. When he went back to this doctor and told her about his inability to pay and his concerns on the side effects she berated him as a “bad” patient. Someone who challenges the doctors orders and is mad at everybody. He was scared and concerned but wanting to get the help she offered. I was there in the room with them. I was appalled. She decided to put him on abilify and said she had several patients who couldn’t afford it and would provided him with samples, as she has with them for “years”, until he could find a way to pay for the deductable. The next appointment she told him she would not provide it because his insurance would cover it and wouldn’t give him the samples she promised. He subsequently crashed off the abilify. We have been trying to get him supplemental coverage adn a new psychiatrist of which no one can get him in earlier than 3 months. His general doctor just berated him for not seeing a new psychiatrist (he’s in the same office as the one that wouldn’t help him). There is a new psych at that office that we got an appointment with 3 months in the future, I tried to get him in earlier with this doctor but the nurse who said she would talk to the doctor to see what he could do for an earlier appointment never called back. I called her 3 days later and she said she hadn’t had time to talk to the doctor but it was still on her list. His general doctor then berated both of us because he see’s it that we aren’t doing anything. Then yesterday, 2 weeks from the appointment with the new psych, we got a call postponing the appointment for additional two weeks. On top of the red tape and people we are having to deal with trying to get public services, oblivious nurses and a GP who thinks berating a BiPolar in deep depression is the way to go…my best friend is deffinitely feeling like there is a stygma applied to him becasue the depression is keeping him from fully functioning but the doctors think he is lazy and difficult because WE ask questions. I am dealing with major deprssion myself and as stable as ever..but.., had to sell my house and am in the middle of moving us AND helping my buddy get what he needs to survive this disease. When even the doctors don’t take this disease seriously,or they don’t want to be involved for fear of liability, I can understand why people give up. Something I will not let my best friend do I assure you. But people who have lots of money and/or don’t have a mental disease have no idea how horribly difficult it is just to get help, let alone trying to keep hope alive.

I have to say thank you to all the people that have written in to say that they are there for the person in their life who suffer with bipolar, I wish more people understood it. I kept my disorder from everyone except my husband for a while and I can tell you I wish I never come out and told anyone, since the day I told people I have been judged. My husband has no idea of the disorder and refuses to try and understand what I go through. I understand that there are people who are not trying to help themselves but you can never, never judge anyone unless you have experienced what they have. I have gone through many problems in my life but I can tell you trying to deal with bipolar is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I wish everyday that I would wake up in the morning and it’s all just a dream, some people might think that I’m in denial but I know the person that thinks that does not have an understanding of bipolar. I recently went for a scan on my brain and when I was in their I was praying that they would find a tumor cause I know they can fix that and know that everyone would then understand. I know for a fact that people are going to say how could you say that but all I can say is YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I have had enough of trying to get help and just getting know where. I search the internet for support and ideas on how I can help myself and all I see is how it affects the family and their loved ones. Yep since I have had this disorder it’s always been about the other person how hard it is on them how it affects them. All I can say is if you do have a family member or a friend who understands and helps you deal with your struggle hold on to that and thank god every day for that gift cause I would give anything to have that. For the people who criticise people with the disorder I just hope one day you do understand and truly understand just how much of a battle it is everyday.

The lady who says to walk in the shoes of a supporter is right. Also it can take it’s toll after many years of the nightmare before you feel that way so the girl who wrote about a relationship that sounds relatively new and was defending the bipolar in her life I just want to wish you luck with him but you may want to rethink things and let him go if he wants to for your own sake now. While you are likely a genuine loving person just like the rest of us were when we started out on this journey you may find eventually being taken for granted may just wear you out. It is a thankless relationship for many of us. But at times I think some people feel fulfilled by doing all the giving which is a whole different situation that likely requires therapy. Many times we remain due to the committment we took and our sense of decency and our humanity or as is mostly likely the case, we have kids and you are rather torn as staying or leaving presents many issues. I agree with the person who commented about the stigma originating from the actions of the bp themselves. They will manipulate and be none compliant with their drugs and not consider the ramifications to those around them. Remember if they are stable when they make that decision to stop taking medication they really don’t deserve much sympathy as they are making those decisions while in a state of mind where they know better and know what they are about to do and are doing it anyhow. Selfish? absolutely. I guess ultimately there is a limit to the sympathy/accountibility thing. They cannot and should not be allowed to just wreak havoc as like the rest of us we have to consider the needs of others and they are not exempt from that just because they have an illness. If they have qualified appropriate help and supporters then they have more than many have but amazingly they will still feel sorry for themselves and mess up your best laid plans if the notion takes them.

Hi Dave, this is the first time I’ve posted but just had to after reading todays email.

Last fall my 36 year old daughter decided that I was so unstable that I needed to get OFF all my meds before I can see my by my emotions!. I was not even in an episode, everything was going along fine for a while, then she tottally turned on me this time. She doesn’t even answer my calls. She thinks this disease is controlable by my emotions!

I live alone, in the woods, know no one where I live, and have no support. I need a new doctor and therapist since I moved here in November after a divorce last June. November was when my son-in-law kicked me out of the house I was renting from them, next door to them.

I feel like a leper most of the time and I have recently developed agoraphobia also.

I have had Bipolar since I was 17 now I am 29. My family does not understand Bipolar. Partly because they are not educated about the disorder, second because it can be very scarry when you are manic, or depressed. So if you have someone in your life who tries hard to understand and be there for you, cherish that person. I’ve been like the black sheep of my family because of my disorder. People stay away from me, and I have a large family, mostly of women. And you would think women would be the ones to stick together. I have learned to be alone more. But I am a writer. That helps me not to be alone. So if you have a love of art or whatever focus on that, and you won’t need people to accept you so much.I write poetry, books, and short stories. Alot of it is about Bipolar. My two books are based on my life from childhood, up to about 25 dealing with Bipolar. I am not published, or have no agent. But when my writngs come out they will help alot of people with the disorder, and also family members understand. Understand the pain we go through, the suffering. Most people could not live with what we have to deal with.