=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
I have my big interview today. I am slightly
worried because I don’t even get the questions
ahead of time. It’s suppose to be natural. This isn’t
for bipolar stuff it’s for my consulting business.
I have to get going so I can brainstorm what
I think the questions will be.
Before I take off to go to New York City,
today I want to talk to you about:
THE IMPORTANCE OF GOAL SETTING
Many people have zero goals and as a result get
nothing done. I’m not necessarily talking about
lazy people, either. These people look and act
normal in every way – they may be your friend
or neighbor, your family member, your spouse,
or even you!
They seem to have a very normal life. They
may even feel like they have a boring life, in
fact. That’s because they have no goals to
strive for.
If you have no goals, you will not really
accomplish anything. Every day will seem
to be like the next. You will get up, go to
work, come home, go to bed. Every day.
Your work life will be just as boring as your
home life, again, because you have nothing
to strive for. You are in a dead-end job; you
have no professional goals, either.
In my courses and systems, I discuss how very
important it is to have and to make goals for
yourself – both short-term and long-term goals:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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When you’re talking about bipolar disorder,
typical goals might include: to be stable, to
not miss doctor’s appointments, to become
financially independent, etc.
Making To-Do Lists is a good way to help
you to achieve your short-term goals, and
not to overwhelm you.
I asked 16 people in a day what their goals
were for the next year and only one of them
had even a vague idea.
With the new year coming up, and people
thinking about what their New Year’s
Resolution is going to be, people have
change on their minds anyway. So this is
a good time to be setting goals.
Remember, you can set short-term and
long-term goals. Don’t set goals that will
be impossible for you to reach, or you will
just set yourself up for failure, and you
don’t want that. So make sure these goals
will be ones you can reach – if not sooner,
then later.
Make your goals reasonable goals. Make
sure these goals are suitable goals for you.
Make sure these goals are for YOU, and
not goals you think other people want you
to have.
Setting a short-term goal and reaching it
can be a wonderful boost to a poor self-
esteem. Try it!
Hey, I have to go to New York now.
Catch you tomorrow.
Your friend,
Dave
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Simply put on the goals. I believe that the average human being should always strive for the important goals in life. I have always set many goals in my life. Dreams are the intrepetation of anyone’s goals. Just make them happen.
HI Dave, at first when I was getting the emails, it felt like you were in daily contant with all of us, seeing you doing emails every day was somewhat comforting, so I have some advice to you, I know marketing and advertising techniques and this was a good one, until I received this email today, and it said something to the effect of the new year coming and to set goals. It was obvious this was an old email…I would suggest you update this one so not to lose people, for if anything people with bi-polar are hot and cold, and if they think they are being ‘taken’ in any way they will drop you or anyone like a hot rock. Just my 2 cents! Cheers.
Laura-Lee
Good luck with your interview, Dave. It sounds as though it is a job-opportunity in which you are interested.
I am not sure how your comments relate specifically to sufferers of bipolar disorder. In their manic episodes, I would imagine they set unrealistically high goals; in their depressive states, it’s probably hard to be optimistic about anything. Correct?
i agree with Ilee and catching the resending of an old email. I am a bipolar supporter and hoped you were sincere in your daily emails to all. We all understand you are busy but and if you dont have time to send an updated email, then just say that and re-post some good advice or information. Hope todays email was just a fluke.
Still waiting on hearing a hint at how to get a 28 year old male to go see a doctor. Males are the hardest to convince
To Everyone,
I just got back and I am looking into what went wrong with today’s email. Obviously something did.
Dave
Goals are good and as long as a person with Bipolar looks at how much stress those goals will create before making it a plausible dream, then they will stand a greater chance of succeeding and less time in disappointment.
Being emotionally whole is a goal that is always at the top o’the list!
I REALLY liked this daily email because it challenged me. I have “vague” things I want to accomplish in my life, but no set goals right now. My mind has been so occupied with dealing with my husbands bipolar episodes; I haven’t focused on myself enough. One of my most important goals is to have a stable life and stable partner to share my life with.
I noticed the “new year” comment also Dave, but the content of this message is so good, I overlooked it. All of your emails “feel” like they were written the morning you send them out. I feel like they’re a “window” to your day. Talk about goals and plans!
DAVE, I have saved all your emails and I could swear that I received this one before. I remember talking about goal setting and New Years resolutions etc. It’s not a bad one to come up twice, although it looks like you pressed the wrong button somehow.
Sometimes I set a goal to achieve something by a certain date. When I find I’m getting closer to the date and I’m nowhere near getting anything accomplished, I move the goal post a couple of months further along.
The problem with setting targets is you set yourself up for a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction. Set the goal, get there and find it isn’t as satisfying as expect. So, find a new target and – guess what? – that isn’t what you expect when you get there. The target of fox hunting is to catch and kill the fox. The “fun” is in the chase; but there is no fun in the kill – it’s over within a few seconds. So, the target itself is unfulfilling. What satisfaction can there be in that target? Whatever they may be, it doesn’t last for long. It can be the same with anything else. You want a new car? You get it. So what? The novelty soon wears off and you start looking for another one. You want a bigger house and you buy one. You fill it up and then you want a house that’s even bigger because the present one no longer satisfies you. You want to be a manager in the company you work for. Promotion comes and you get more money. But it’s not what you expect – you find you are accountable for things but you are not responsible for them. (Ouch!) Or, may be you find managing people isn’t quite as easy as you had expected – I mean, you never imagined you’d have to fire someone you like, or tell someone they have a personal hygiene problem and they stink. You buy a nice amplifier for your hi fi set up. Soon, a newer model appears which has great reviews, and suddenly, the old amplifier is no longer good enough, you yearn to upgrade it to the new model. You get it and then you think about upgrading the CD player or the speakers. You travel a hundred miles to see a garden of roses, not really seeing one special fragrant rose in your own garden. You do much the same to see an Eagle in a zoo, without really noticing the subtle and beautiful colours in the plumage of the ordinary Sparrow. And so on. We beat ourselves up constantly looking to find “improvements” in our lives, to find the next fix because we become addicted to finding the illusive God of “something better”. We are as junkies looking for the next fix only to find the pleasure we get from it is transitory, and leaves us wanting for something more. Next time you feel the urge to go on a foreign holiday to see new sights, instead stay at home and look, REALLY LOOK at the buildings in your town, Notice the colours and shades of them in a brick wall, See the beauty in the texture of the bricks. Find the macro beauty in the trees, shrubs and flowers in your own garden. Watch a bee visiting all the flowers. Absorb it all by looking and feeling, REALLY looking and feeling, being aware of what it is you feel and see, not letting your mind automatically fill in the gaps so you feel and see only what you expect. Take time to find out how these things really feel at THAT moment in time, KNOWING it will be different in a moment, next day, next week, next month. Feel the bliss in simply living within the present moment rather than in dreams of tomorrow or inaccurate recollections of what you think happened in the past. You can discover the delights of ordinary things, even brushing your teeth or – dare I say – going to the toilet, because, by living NOW and not in the future or past, you become like a baby, when everything you do is fresh and new, because you have throw off what happened when you did this thing in the past. Even pain becomes less intense and even pleasurable in a way because – again – it is as if you have never felt it before. Do this and THEN you will understand all you will ever need is here, right now, not in the future. So, if you have to have a target, let it be to discover what there is here and NOW, to experience and enjoy what there is right at this moment, not what *might* be in the future. As the adage goes, tomorrow never comes because it is always a day away.
Does this make sense to anyone? ;¬/
First off good luck with your interview. You know what, I actually learned quit a bit in your post. I am going to apply it to myself too. I don’t have bipolar but it is great advice for many people especially me. My daughter was diagnosed as Biploar about five years ago. We are working on getting her stable on her meds first. She is in so much denial it gets in the way of her sound judgement,so we take baby steps. She has had three really bad episodes and they where a major challenge for the whole family. We are still adjusting to this monster disorder. Your info package has been invaluable to say the least. Thank, thank you so much for everything you do. Keep up the excellent work.
Dave, I have been living with bipolar for 30 years, each time I want to expand in my education my Doctor said no. Well i got rid of her. I am in school on line now to get my degreee in childcare, for my long term goal is to own my own day care.but for right now i’m focused on school. I’ve taken two test already i got 100 on one and 85 on the other.I will not let anyone stop me from this goal. I really can’t afford the class but i had to make some sacrifices,to do it and i’m glad i am. i really feel good about myself. even though i am a pubished poet with my first book out.I’m glad to have this goal to. book number two will be out later this year. my first one is going back in for reprint,and I have a publisher,who is going to mass produce my book so no more selling from my car. God Bless You, Dave you make it easier to believe I can make a difference.And bipolar is only a label,not who i am.
Dave, I need to ask you a question, when you can’t sleep at night and only sleep maybe four hours during the day, am I in a bipolar episode,or is one coming? I clean my house at night, I do everything at night. My husband said I’m like a newborn with my days and nights mixed up. I talked to my doctor who persribed sleeping pills but i’m to afraid to take them. Just wanted to know what you thought.
Dave,
It appears that your question is out of context, but it isn’t, no in my case.It is the great problem that all the time I had: the lasy. Many times I think in character lack , not sin.Always the answers : no,no…I can’t,I don’t do that…About simple things. This with relation with out of responsability and lies to manage the situation.This always made me to be with rage and with dispair.But I don’t know, I’m not a professional, just a laic.For this reason is very difficult a work with a therapist.The result depends of the patients’will, and that he don’t fantasize , or change the reality.But in the common sense, to make gools is very important for our improve. Lilian P.
Victoria,
Good on you! Before my BP was recognised, I was in remission for a while and I started a Master degree course. It was a big step because I didn’t have a First degree. Two years on, I got the degree!! (MA in Writing Studies) So, I know what is possible … if the circumstances are right. Now, I am taking a part-time course to become a Teaching Assistant. Of course, given I have the MA I could become a “proper” teacher rather than an assistant. But I know my limits and, at the moment, I’m not stable enough to take on the intense teacher training course. Indeed, the very easy course I am taking now has been blasted difficult at times because Mr BP keep undermining my will and desire to complete the course as well as bashing my energy levels and making it near impossible to apply myself to thr work without stressing myself. So, like so may other things, I guess it’s all about picking your moment, when to jump in the deep end and knowing when to just paddle in the shallows.
Victoria,
A sleeping tip. As you may well know, sleep disturbance is not an uncommon symptom of BP, especially when in a man/hypomanic when you have hyo-sleep patterns. The depression creates hypo sleep patterns, when you sleep longer than normal. The tip is this – if your sleep patters get out of sync, so you sleep during the day and are awake at night, try making yourself stay away during the day even if you have had a sleepless night before. By bedtime you will be knackered! And you’ll sleep so well you should wake in the morning feeling refreshed … and back into a normal sleep pattern.
Hi Dave,
Thanks for reminding us that we need to set goals. I am a person with disabilities and I donot have a job yet. I donot drive a car yet either because I don’t have the money to buy a car. Could you please make some more suggestions about setting goals? Some of us have a tendency to procrastinate whenever possible!
Tammy
I used to procrastinate.
But now I’m not sure.
Dave – Remember back last winter when I set a goal to start a consulting business as “Computer 101?” Well, reality got in the way.
It’s my physical health this time. Last night, I had pulled an all-nighter to have a diagnositc test at the local hospital. It was a BariumGI to find out why I was having difficulty swallowing. I was NPO (nothing by mouth) after Midnight, so was absolutely miserable by the time I made it to the hospital at 7:45.
It was “hurry up and wait,” because they had double-scheduled, and the radiologist had to see three people at the same time!
The test started with swallowing DRY some alka-seltzer-like material with no water – and told NOT to burp! Then, I had to drink the barium contrast dye while the doctor took X-rays. When it was all over, he told me – “What you swallow goes into your windpipe.”
I had NEVER heard of such a thing. I asked him what could cause that. He sounded concerned when, the first thing out of his mouth was – cancer! I said was there anything else that could cause it. He said, it could be an anomaly, my bipolar meds, smoking, or he just didn’t know.
He’s scheduling me for another test, this time, with a speech pathologist! The only reason I can think of having one of those is – my raspy voice! I’ve gone from “Lauren Bacall” to “Tallulah Bankhead” almost overnight!
Well, putting this unpleasant experience behind me, I ran several hard errands, all before Noon. When I got home, I started on my mail – and fell asleep – until 3:45AM! I had NEVER slept 15hours in a row before! I was out “cold;” if the apartment had caught on fire, I would never have known it. I was STRESSED!!!
What does this have to do with “goal setting?” Being a person whose mind-body connection is sooo close – everything. I can spiritually and emotionally set goals – like teaching Computer 101 and get side-tracked by my physical health. I’m sure there are a LOT of bipolar survivors out there who are NOT lazy, or who do NOT procrastinate, and would LOVE to set goals. But – something in my physical system ALWAYS pops up and I am totally UNABLE to complete them.
My “goals” now are to simply: get up in the morning; feed the cats; have breakfast; read the paper; run errands; do the mail; get on the computer; and basically LIVE my life as best I can as a person with bipolar disorder – and a helluva lot of other problems!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. May God bless you real good.
Graham, thanks for the encourargement. I know what your talking about, my BP wants me to quit and not try. but i can’t allow that to happen. my sleep periods are really off.and during the day i’m to tired to do anything. but i keep pressing. again thank you. TORI J.
Graham, again thank you for the sleep advice, I’ve tried it and still wake uo in the middle of the night. i’m going to my doctor tommorow,but i don’t want any more meds.
David et al,
It’s Friday 7th. Nice tip today about giving positive news when calling someone. I’m sure I’m guilty of this. But then, too many of my associates don’t even want to THINK about BP or its effects. They’d rather I’d be “normal” (in their eyes) and not (“shock horror!” mentally ill! But everyone here knows, sometimes you want and need to let off steam, just to say, “Oh boy! I feel totally cr#p today!” You need SOMEONE to listen. It’s for this reason that I’m part of a network of people with chronic illnesses, no just BP. If we’re feeling bad and need to let off steam, we have permission to call each other and talk JUST about the negative feelings. With all the rest we put on that false smile and pretend everything is normal, just as they want it to be even if you may almost on Death’s door (like some of the others in the network.) Now, I may get some negative news from these folk BUT I know I can let off steam with them, too. Plus, if I do arrange any social meetings with them, I also know they ain’t going to raise their eyes with that “here we go again…” look if I call off at the last minute because I’m not feeling up to it. So, folks get yourselves a support network of others with a chronic illness. It works for me and it might work for you – suck it and see.
Otherwise … I have a problem with my dear old Mum. She’s almost 81, getting a little bit confused and crippled with arthritis. She knows only me in the area and she depends on me to do just about everything. Trouble is she is constantly depressed … and every time I speak to her on the phone or go to see her at home she talks down whatever mood I was in! Like, just what a guy with BP needs!!!
However … GOOD NEWS. My mood may be cr#p a the moment BUT yesterday I met my new pDoc. This one is a youngish lady (well, younger than me!), she is English in all respects (speaks English and is of an English culture – you’d be surprised by how many pDocs I’ve seen at that same hospital who didn’t speak perfect English and/or were very unfamiliar with English culture and mores, which gets in the way of understanding), and she is someone I finally feel totally comfortable speaking to. PLUS, she “knows her onions” and is the FIRST of the pDocs I’ve had who has ordered a blood test to check my liver function (etc) because of the meds I am taking. (None of the others bothered! I had to ask my family doc to do that and he said, “Oh, what good idea …” And she also said the golden words … “If you have any trouble (with the moods) give me a call.” Yikes! None of the others have said THAT!
VICTORIA, Congratulations on getting your book published. I haven’t been very productive with mine recently and have to be stricter with myself to get going. For the last 2 years I have been setting a goal for a date to finish the first draft and keep moving the goal post.
I’m online much earlier than usual tonight, as I’m going out later. It sounds like you have much the same sleep problem as I have. I’ve always been getting livelier later in the day and able to stay up until the early hours sometimes all night. Recently it got worse somehow and I don’t get tired until about 4am or even later, then sleep until about 12 noon, though it’s never quality sleep, waking up every hour or so. Graham, your suggestion doesn’t work for me either. If I stay up all night I’m dog tired until about teatime, then wide awake again until the early hours and then I may be able to catch up on sleep until teatime if I’m lucky.
However, I am not bipolar (at least I don’t think I am). I am developing some symptoms similar to bipolar, which are due to peri-menopause (my doctor told me). I don’t know how old you are, Victoria, but this could be what you’re experiencing, too.
My boyfriend is bipolar and currently going through a slightly more than hypomanic episode (he doesn’t seem to sleep at all for weeks!). All this energy seems sort of “contageous” – maybe I’m somehow symbiotic. We’re up all night having fun in one way or another and never get tired.
When I’m on my own, I write, go online, watch tv and quite often, like you do all the cooking and housework (except that which makes a noise) in the middle of the night. I only work part time and choose my own hours (afternoon and evening) so for now being nocturnal isn’t too much of a problem. The only bad thing is that “society” seems to have everything in the daytime and ordinary people don’t understand you when you’re a bit different. I, on the other hand, don’t understand why they want to force everyone to be “flexible” and be available to work early and late shift instead of sticking to the times you’re good at. What’s the point of forcing yourself to work when you can’t keep your eyes open and then make a mess of it? And what’s the point of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re wide awake? Oh well, society itself maybe more flexible one day. Anyway, must go.
To GRAHAM_N: What a poetic way of looking at life! I soooo enjoyed your recitation of “living in the moment/here and now.” It seems that ONLY bipolars CAN realize this, especially in a manic episode. Colors are more vivid; we see “angels in the architecture*;” life is a little slower so that we CAN notice the butterflies and the bricks in the building; our spiritual life is enriched, and our whole LIFE is, shall I say, different. Well, of course!
Setting goals, and prioritizing, have always been a problem for me. My mind/body connection gets in the way, and there goes the goal, bye-bye. As I’ve mentioned before, when I was 20, I achieved my “dream job:” working as a secretary to the Legislative Assistant in a Senator’s office in Washington,D.C. For me – that was a BIG DEAL. I was from IL, and was attendidng University in D.C. I quit school to take this honored position – and in less than 2 weeks, had my first “nervous breakdown.”
You say that the “anticipation is greater than the realization.” I worked HARD all my life to get recognized for my talent for this job; I had “connections,” but I also could type 121 w/p/m, which was BEFORE computers and was a viable skill. Achieving THIS goal was worth it – or was it? My hypomania had turned into full-blown mania, and I was hospitalized and labeled – Mentally Ill.
As in my former post here, my goals have become more mundane and simplified. Just getting out of bed is a goal. I haven’t stopped “dreaming” of Computer 101 it’s just that I have to “move the goal post” a bit. Maybe by summer…
*With thanks to Paul Simon.
SuzanneWA:
You said, “Colors are more vivid; we see “angels in the architecture*;” life is a little slower so that we CAN notice the butterflies and the bricks in the building; our spiritual life is enriched, and our whole LIFE is, shall I say, different. “
This reminds me of a theory about BP that I read many years ago, a long time before mine was diagnosed. The writer idea was that the BP symptoms were caused by the brain’s inability to filter out all information, that the usual processes employed in the action of Perception, were not working properly. So, the brain was being overloaded with information hitting directly into that part which is receives information into consciousness. In a normal functioning brain, of course, the majority of information we receive goes straight into non-conscious storage, while the rest is mostly automatically interpreted according to memory templates of identical or similar information received before. So, for example, when we see the letters “ro_d” we ‘read’ the word “road because our template fills in the gap. When we need to brush our teeth, we do this so automatically, according to the template, that we complete the task without being fully aware of how it feels to brush the teeth. Yet, we did once before, many years before, when brushing the teeth was a new and novel experience. But that was when the template was created. So, when we have to brush the teeth now, we do it almost on auto-pilot, which leaves the brain to do something else in parallel, like listening to the radio or thinking about what has to be done during the day, or thinking about a conversation had the day before or a TV show seen the previous night, etc.
Interesting theory …
Dear nightlady, I had a hysterecmy(spelled wrong) nine years ago and i’m 46 years old. I know my body has been through major problems with me being bulimic as well as anaxreic(?) its three in the moring my spelling brain stops for awhile(smile). but anyway the sleep problems and other things make me more productive at night.I can get more done at three in the morning than three in the evening.I guess it will correct itself soon.