Hi,

I saw a post on my blog from Mona that I wanted to share with you because I think it’s really important.

She said:

“I have a question, Dave, if that’s alright. BTW, I do agree with you on the ‘baby steps’ concept. My question is this: Can you tell me what kind of responses might come from a person with bipolar if they are trying to repair a relationship (from a bad episode) and the person does not want to have anything to do with them (because of what happened)? Could that trigger a suicidal response? (Or some sort of retaliation?) And if so, how can a support person help their bipolar loved one get through such harsh reality, or how can they help prevent such a response?”

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Well, first of all, like I always say, I’m not a doctor, therapist, or any other kind of medical or mental health professional, so I can’t give that kind of advice. I can only give my opinion, based on my experience. But I will tell you, this is not the first email I’ve gotten like this. And Mona does bring up quite a few points. Many times, a person with bipolar disorder will do things during a bipolar episode (especially during a manic episode) that has consequences to it. And sometimes these consequences are bad ones, and it’s hard for their supporter to handle them, or even to forgive them for what they did during the episode. There may have been risky sexual behavior, or even an affair. Sometimes it could even involve a pregnancy. There may have been excessive spending, or poor business decisions, that may have affected (or even drained) the family’s finances. Some people have even gone bankrupt because of the person’s manic episode.

There may have been other things that happened as well that hurt the relationship. The supporter may have some negative feelings, like hurt, anger, resentment, etc. Then these things might cause some real damage to the relationship. Even though the one with bipolar disorder wants to repair the relationship after they come out of the episode, the supporter might be reluctant to accept these attempts. Communication breakdown is very common in these instances. But if the supporter is no longer even willing to communicate with their loved one with bipolar, then it may cause their loved one to get worse, and they (the loved one) might go into a depression.

One of the symptoms of a depressive episode is suicidal thoughts. If this happens, it may not be your fault. After a manic episode, many people with bipolar disorder will “crash” into a bipolar depressive episode and have these kinds of thoughts anyway, because their thinking is distorted.

If this happens, they may have these suicidal thoughts. It’s part of the depression, part of their bipolar disorder. You can’t prevent them going into the depression, if it’s part of the crash from their manic episode to a depressive episode. The only thing you can do to help them at this point is to notice the signs of suicide, and to try to get them the help that they need. At this point, if you want to help them, you will need to put your own feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness aside. If they are starting to talk about suicide, you MUST take them seriously, whether they really intend to go through with it or not.

Try to talk to them about it. Or at least try to get them to share their thoughts and feelings.

This is where the communication I was talking about earlier comes in. Try to convince them that they need help. If possible, try to get them to at least call the suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE.

Try to get them to call their doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist for help. The point is, as Mona pointed out, this is a harsh reality that must be dealt with if your loved one’s reaction is one of threatening suicide. Please, take ALL threats of suicide seriously!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave