Hi, how are you doing today? I hope you’re doing well.
You know, one of the worst things I remember about those bad years when my mom had undiagnosed bipolar disorder was all the fighting. I hated that. It kind of scared me, because I didn’t understand why she was fighting so much. Sometimes I didn’t even know what I did that made her so mad. She would just start yelling and screaming at me, and it was awful.
It was especially horrible when she said things that hurt me (but later she didn’t remember them).
So you know that now I am totally against fighting. Except I think that there are some exceptions. Sometimes you have to fight.
Like they say to fight for what you believe in. Or to fight for your rights. Or to fight the big iant corporation that took your money. Or to fight for what is right. Things like that.
But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about fighting with your loved one.
It’s hard when you are drawn into a fight with your loved one, because it will only make things worse. However, there are things you can do to help, like the idea of listening patiently without fighting back, and not taking it personally.
But I’m sure, like me, that in spite of hating to fight, you have ended up in a couple fights with your loved one anyway. Hopefully, you have a good relationship normally, with good communication.
Hopefully, you have learned how to disagree without hurting each other (like the concept of “agree to disagree”) without things getting out of control. But when your loved one is in an agitated mood, it may not be that simple. They may be like my mother was. They may even try to pick a fight with you.
In a manic mood, sometimes a person with bipolar disorder can get very irritable and get agitated
easily. They can get real angry (whether it’s over a big thing or a small thing). And then they take it out on you because either they blame you, or because you are there to listen.
But one thing you do need to fight for sometimes is your loved one’s stability. That is one thing worth fighting for. Remember to keep in mind that there is a separation between your loved one and their disorder. So you’re not really fighting your loved one, you’re fighting their bipolar disorder. Still, things can be difficult. Nobody likes to be yelled at.
One of the most effective ways to deal with your loved one’s anger is by making your voice softer. I know, it seems like too simple an idea. But it forces them to listen to what you’re saying.
You may have to even fight with them over whether to go to the hospital or not. And that is one fight that you do need to win! So say whatever you have to say to get them to hear reason and agree to go get help voluntarily.
Hopefully, you have good communication, so that there are few fights. Just remember that, when it comes to their bipolar disorder, you can never give up the fight for their stability, even if it means fighting them for their own good.
Well, I have to go!