Hello, I hope things are going well for you today. I was thinking
about how we all go through tough times, and people with bipolar disorder often suffer through many challenging times. It may seem like the depression will never lift, you will forever be going to therapy appointments or that your new medication is making you feel sick. People that have a loved one with bipolar disorder will often wonder if the worrying will ever end, or if their relationship will ever be free of turmoil.
During especially difficult times, it is important to stay positive and look ahead. When we wallow in our sadness/frustration/anger, it gives these emotions more power. Thinking positively is always a good idea, even during the darkest of moments.
My friend Jack says that when he is having a tough time dealing with his wife who has bipolar disorder, he tell himself one positive thing about their relationship, or relives one good memory. He claims that this helps him to put things in perspective and it guides him to push through the especially challenging times without dwelling on the negative.
Try this next time you are having a particularly bad day. When those voices in your head start to tell you that your life is in shambles, or that you will never feel well, stop these thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts.
So if you tell yourself “Gosh, I feel so ill today from my medication, I HATE taking my meds”, replace this thought with “ It is a bummer that I have to take medication and that it is making me feel ill right now, but I will call my doctor tomorrow and discuss with him the options I have on switching to a different med. Plus the medication does help a lot with my depression, so I guess it is not so bad after all”.
It may seem hokey, but trying to replace negative thought s with positive ones really does help your overall outlook on things and can help to turn the corner during a particularly difficult time.
Try this the next time you are feeling down and let me know how it goes
Well I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
“Learned happiness,” or deliberately putting positive thoughts in my head has been a huge part of my recovery. I’m bipolar II and have managed to avoid episodes for over two years now.
When I was at my sickest, it was simply impossible. But meds eventually enabled me to start overwriting some of my negative thoughts in dribs and drabs. With practice, I got better at it.
I’m getting there. Slowly. And forcing myself to think positively isn’t easy, but it’s working.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “it’s impossible!” please don’t give up hope. I never believed it would be… and I’m so happy to have been wrong.
It is very tough having this illness and there are more bad days then good. I like reading your emails though,it helps me look at things from another perspective.I try to keep a positive outlook for the most part.Thanks for the info. Michelle
Dear Dave,
Rachel, my daughter has Bipolar, went through another rapid cycling bout of depression over the weekend . I know her pain is indescribable and is nothing I have ever experienced myself and there are times I feel so helpless and angery. So the only thing I know I can do is support her effectively and that means – remind her every now and then that this current bout is just temporary and that in a short while it will leave : on a personal aside I have to reign in my impatience and frustration with the depression so I have to tell myself, over and over, that this depression will soon pass and her really beautiful and positive self will appear like the sun from behind a cloud: Rachel truelly has a beautiful disposition, I know, I am her mum.
regards
Shona
Dear Dave,
I have recieved e-mail from you but I thought I was going to recieve a dvd on bipolar. I have not gotten this. My 21 year old son has bi-polar. He is currently in prison because of the bad deciesions he has made.He is only on wellbutrin in the afternoon. When he was home the drs. tried to find the right meds for him but everey time he started doing well he would stop taking them or add something else to the mix. hope to get a response from you. Thank you. tammi
Our group leader handed out rubber bands at our last Group Therapy meeting. She told us to wear them on our arms, and whenever we had a negative thought/emotion, to “snap” the band, and bring us around to a more positive thought. I’ve worn mine ever since, and it seems to help. Just knowing it’s there has been a very positive thing.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I continue to pray for our country.
Hi Dave,
I feel I need to share my story with you…I am a proud mom of four beautiful children whom I love with all my heart…5 years ago my husband whom I loved dearly and was with for 21 years walked out of my life as he had fallen in love with another woman…it was so hard for me but I let him go and said to myself if he is mine he will come back but he never…almost 2 years after I met a man who did not have much as he was living in a bachelor apartment but sharing the washroom with others living in that building..When we first met I fell in love with him, it was almost love at first sight, He is very smart and has a good job but would talk about things that did not make sense…he would push me away often during the first months but I would always go back and I did not know why…after around six months I met his parents, his mom looked at me and said your just as I pictured you and that I was the first woman they met since Larry’s divorce which has been 7 years…Larry never really spoke to me about his x-wife but his mom and sister told me she was crazy, stealling money from Larry etc…the second time I met his mom she told me Larry had a problem with lying and swearing, I found that weird and thought to myself that’s not normal, his sister said he was a manipulator and I would shake my head…After 10 months he finally met my children, I lived around 40 miles from him and he only came at my house once or twice so I moved to moncton, it was a big decision as I had a beautiful home but things where not settled yet with my x-husband so I told him he could keep the home and I got 35 000 00 dollars. I was maybe in Moncton for 1 month then Larry moved in with me, I loved him and new it was not normal to lie…He was very angry at others often and wanted to beat them up (his dad told me he would fight alot in school….I would ask him why r you so angry all the time and felt often it was my fault but I did not know what I did…after living togeter for 6 months we decided to have a baby as he did not have children and I love children and always wanted four, I knew I was starting over as my kids were 17, 14 and 11. I got pregnant right away and that x-mas we did not have much money and my partner so he asked me to pond my camera which was worth over $5000.00 with lens, I never pond anything before and was not sure how it worked, he explain that he would bring my camera and get it back within the month, I told him to only get what we need, he got $400 and we had money for x-mas…before he pond it I had him promise me I would get it back as this is what I used to take care of my children…I am a photographer…Months went by and I never got my camera back, it caused a lot of problens, I cried so much and when he would see me crying he would yell at me…I knew something was not right as I could feel it…he would have this attitude where nobody was better then him, and within a couple of days after he would be paid was broke again…Things went on…then I noticed how at times he would sleep all the time…always stayed in his room and would shut people out of his life (family members)…after time went by things would get worse as he would verbally abuse me and then the physical abuse started, I beged him for us to go to counselling but he would refuse, when I mentioned something was wrong he would yell me and say I was crazy…After x-mas actually in january 2010 he wrapped a rope around my neck and said he would do me as on Dexter, it scared me as Dexter would strangle his victum, cut him into pieces and throw them in the water and all that came in my head when he said it and all of this happened as I did not want to ask my doctor for a certain prescription for him…I would say ask your doctor but he would get angry…He abused all sort of drugs, soft drugs and hard drugs but when we met he would only do soft drugs I think…
After this incidence has happened I ask him to leave and he would get angry and say I will leave when I am ready…as time went by and we got into arguments, he would always bring it up and say I should of pulled the rope but I hated it as I beleive that you solve nothing when arguing or lying, he never appologize and it scared me sooo much that I went to domestic violance they said I was in danger and my kids also and he needed out…I asked what was the worse that could happen if I testify, he said he would be sent for a psychiatric evaluation and get help as he did not have a record. He told me he tried cocaine, acid, benises, crack and much more and loved the feeling, I told him that I never wanted that in my house if he ever does it again not to do it when he is with me…I then made a testimony as I did not want him to hurt us but I told the rcmp that he was sick and needed help….He then went to court and got a no contact list with me or my children including Jaden, I cried so hard and told them he would not hurt his son as it was me he would take it out on..I then wanted to find out why he was angry all the time and why I would cry all the time…I then started studying bipolar as I saw all the symptomes in him but certain in me. His symptomes were anger, road rages, finding something bad to say about other people, sleeping a lot and other times not sleeping at all…then I read about certain symptomes of another bipolar type and it said you have more downs (depression for no reasons) and when on there high would be very creative and like to spend money for things they did not need…that is so me, I even tend to start things and not be able to finish it, when I would get mad I would say things I did not mean it’s like I would just loose it and felt so bad afterwards, I felt suicidal but would never do as I don’t want to leave my kids without a mother but I know if I did not have my kids I probably would not be here typing to you right not….So then I deeply beleive I am bipolar, I will be proporly diagnosed next week. But Larry had all the symptomes also so then I felt he was not responsible for his actions as he had no control of his emotions, right there I forgave him for what he did. He is soooo much in denial and would say he was not crazy, I was the crazy one and he does not have bipolar, I even told I may also be bipolar but in his eyes if you are bipolar you have a mental problem and I could tell he did not like that….I wish I would of know all of this before I took action but I was sooo scared…He is in denial and still a no contact order…it hurts me as I know it is treatable and not his fault that he had the disease but he absolutely refuses and says he does not have a problem, I was the one with the problem…I want to help him but I don’t know what to do…For me I will be diagnosed soon and if there is not group here in moncton I want to start one to help the people with the disease to understand it and know it is not there fault and they can get help to have a normal and healthy life…He lied in court and denied everything and the trial is end of june 2010, I was told he was going for full custody of jaden and I was going to be used as an example of charging people for abuse that was not true…I know I was in an abusive relationship but I know now he had no control of his emotions…he also said I was being watched and he could get half of my pension…I am afraid now as I feel I must defend myself, he wanted me to lie and say he did not do it so he would not be charged but I could not lie as the truth always comes out…I don’t know what to do anymore could you please help me…
Thanks for the backup. I’ve been dealing with BPD for quite a while now, fortunately I’ve been positive for the most part. I tell my depressed friends to tell themselves that it’s a great day and enjoy it the best you can, even when my body doesn’t agree I always tell myself and anyone who asks that I really feel great and I start going on about my business and start to feel the way I tell other people I really start feeling great again.