Dealing with Bipolar Disorder? Can You Afford to Lose This?

Hi, how are you today? I hope this is a good day for you.

You know, there are some things we can afford to lose in life. In recovery programs, for

example, as well as in church, you can afford to lose your pride and ego. (In fact, it may happen whether you like it or not.)

You can afford to lose your car if there are too many repairs needed for it, and buy another one.

In other words, it’s not a life or death thing. At worst, you may have to get rides from people until your car is fixed, if you keep it. But still, you could afford to lose it.

You can afford to lose some of your possessions, like if you have a yard sale, or donate to Goodwill or a church or other worthy organization.

But there are some things that you can’t afford to lose. For example, you can’t afford to lose your home, or else where would you live? You can’t afford to lose your job (unless you have another one lined up), because you need that income to live off. You can’t afford to wreck your credit, although too many people with bipolar disorder do. Then it’s a mess trying to establish your credit back.

Your loved one can’t afford to lose your support. Your support is invaluable to them, as it helps them to deal with their bipolar disorder. Your loved one can’t afford to lose their commitment to take their medication. If they lose that commitment, it could lead to going into a bipolar episode, or worse, it could take their life! So they definitely cannot afford to stop taking their medication.

They can’t afford to lose their doctor, psychiatrist, therapist and any other member of their treatment team, either. Because these people help them as much as you do. Your loved one cannot afford to lose sleep, either. Because loss of sleep is one of the biggest triggers to a bipolar episode.

And what about you? You can’t afford to NOT take care of yourself, because your loved one and family need you. You can’t afford to lose your self-esteem and self-respect. These are very important to anyone to have, whether they are dealing with bipolar disorder or not. Your self-esteem and self-respect are how you feel about yourself. And you need to feel good about yourself.

Some supporters suffer in this area, because they believe that their support is directly related to

their loved one’s bipolar disorder. In other words, if their loved one isn’t doing well, or goes into an episode, they blame themselves. They think negatively. They believe that since their loved one isn’t doing well, that it means that they’re not a good supporter. But that isn’t true.

The struggle for bipolar stability falls outside your responsibility as a supporter. You can be the best supporter in the world, and your loved one will still go into episodes.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,


  1. I would say a supporter can not afford to loose their mind. I have been a supporter for a long time and have found that once that goes you are not very helpful in being a supporter. Unfortunately for me I have ADHD and have been struggling from depression after childbirth 3 years ago. I am trying to be a supporter but find I can barely keep myself afloat. I have no confidence or self-esteem left and my husband has been going through bipolar episodes on and off for the past 3 years due to some really difficult life events falling one right after the other. He has become abusive and violent and tells me he can’t control it and that I just bring anger out in him and he can’t be around me, he can’t stand to even look at me. If I felt stronger inside his insults and very cruel words and actions would not bother me like they do. He is not being treated for his bipolar and tells me that he was “faking it” when he was hospitalized and putting on a show and that he is not really bipolar. I am the only one who knows how he really is. We have 3 children together and I feel like I am dieing inside because I am the only one who he treats so terrible. My 3 year old even tells him to stop making mommy cry. I feel like my family has just fallen through my fingers and is gone and I am heart broken. I wish things were different and I could find a way to help this.

  2. I can’t afford to lose my sanity because I have two kids with her and have been married 7 years.I have physical custody of the girls and its only because wife goes into episodes where she makes the kids do stupid shit like if she’s mad at me she make the kids leave with her and instead of driving in the rain they will walk the road,because she wants to take it out on the kids.she was caught by my 9yr old doing dildo shows online so I have custody and have to keep my head strait. And also try keeping moms head strait.Its a hard day to day job.sometimes I just want to give up…

  3. I just want to thank you fos sharing your expertise about Bipolar disorder. Actually is’nt me, it my fiancee who has it. We only have communication through emails and phone calls since he is under medciation in the Sates. I can’t afford to lose him worrying too much of him cause me to trigger my anxiety and panic disorder. Please help me too if you know ow to handle this anxiety that I have. Too much worrying my whole body get nervous. What can you suggest me do. Thank you so much. I appreciate anything that you could share.

  4. That’s the devilish thing about having bipolar disorder. I have been relatively stable for 32 years, with minor episodes treated out-patient. It’s the “waiting for the other shoe to drop” that does me in. You say that someone can be the BEST Supporter in the world, and their loved one will STILL go into an episode. I feel like it’s the “elephant in the room” with me. Though no one else can see it – I DO.

    Right now, I’m going through a VERY stressful time financially and emotonally. I was planning to move into a studio one-bedroom apartment, and the manager called me last week and said I didn’t qualify because my debt to income ratio was too high! And I’ve been clearing out my condo and getting ready to pack and MOVE!!

    I’ve also had a new roommate who was homeless before she came to me. On the surface, she’s a GREAT girl, but when she drinks (and she’s a recovering alcoholic) she gets mean and “in your face,” and she frightens me. Don’t get me wrong…I love her to death, and she’s done an AWFULLY lot to help me through this “crisis,” but I don’t want to be around her when she’s drunk. She also has a TBI and epilepsy, not a good combination with alcohol.

    My individual therapist…whom I have worked with for FORTY years, retires December 31st. I feel like my “anchor” is being removed from me. I’m in group therapy now, and it feels like the State Hospital!!

    There ARE good things, too. I’m getting a refund of my escrow the first of next month to pay off some of my bills I’ve been unable to pay this month. So – there IS salvation out there!!

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country. And may EVERYONE have a SAFE, HAPPY, HEALTHY, and PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!!!

  5. David,
    Wanted to thank you so very much for your daily emails as they have been a source of support and strength to me. I’m an R.N., have alot of experience in my field, but not in mental health, until this past year when I married the man of my dreams only to find out he was Bipolar. I only knew him less than a year when he proposed and we married six months later. I knew something was wrong but marrried him regardless because I loved him. This however has been to say the least a very difficult first year of marriage. His episodes seem to come every 28 to 30 days, and his first reaction is to run away, pack his bags and leave. I’m enclosing the letter I wrote to him in Oct prior to him leaving me yet again…Thanks again. Please read my enclosed letter to him. Carrie

    —– Forwarded Message —-
    From: Carrie Cyr
    To: michael
    Sent: Thu, October 22, 2009 9:51:19 PM
    Subject: Can’t talk to you, so I guess I have to E-Mail…

    Here I am again, me out here in the kitchen and you silent and angry in the bedroom. I know your upset with me again and have been all week, you’ve been angry, silent and withdrawn and here I sit again, sad, crying and not knowing why??? When I said “you don’t know what It’s like” meaning your silence and anger, you rolled your eyes at me, gave me a dirty look, slammed the door and headed to your silent cave. I don’t want to go into the bedroom and talk about It, in fear you’ll get even more angry, pack your duffel bag and leave like you have done in the past. I am not the first, second, third or even fourth person in your life who have thought you were Bipolar…I don’t claim to be a mental health professional, nor would I want to be, but I do know, as an RN, as the person who spends the majority of time with you, the one I sleep with every night that your up and down extreme emotional state is not the norm… You even admitted to Dr.
    Maloney when he asked how long have you been Bipolar you said “all of my life”. I appreciate you going to see him and trying to save our marriage, taking those pills that made you like a Zombie, but I think you need more…He told you that without therapy, meds alone will not work and he was right… I will and have always been willing to go to a therapist with you. Since January you have told me that It was the lact of work that was causing your depression and you being withdrawn. I totally understood that, but that doesn’t explain your emotional state now, when the work is piling in or last year when you did have work. Two months before the Wedding you left and slept at your Mothers for a few days, then after the Wedding you left again and stayed with Patty and many fights in between and threatening to leave in between. I don’t get It, I’m so confused. I have never, ever started a fight with you or would I ever,ever leave you, the way you
    have left me. Maybe your unhappy with me, maybe I’m not what you want and need, maybe I’m not strong enough, maybe your not attracted to me anymore and I often wonder whether or not you really love me. I thought when you loved someone you would never want to hurt them… If any of the last statements are true please please let me know, you owe me that. I have tried to be a good wife, keep the condo clean, laundry, get your coffee, dinner and all the other stuff I do on a daily basis. Maybe It’s not enough, maybe you need more. What ever the case may be, you need to tell me. I know you say your stressed the last week because of Caitlin and her dog, but I feel that may be just an excuse. I think you look for reasons to justify your state of being. No, life isn’t easy, It’s full of ups and downs, but it’s how you deal with the downs and life’s disappointments that shows true character. I need you to be strong, on my side when life gets tough, my best
    friend who will always love and protect me, my soul mate, lover, until death due us part… I’m so sad as I don’t feel that’s the case with us…I’m tired, I’m so tired of trying to make you happy…I feel It’s an impossible feat that I’ll never ever win… Carrie

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