Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re doing well.
Do you know a complainer? Someone who always complains about their situation and their
problems, but doesn’t seem to have any solutions for them?
Do you know a blamer? I think they’re related to complainers, to tell you the truth. They blame their situation and all their problems on something (or someone).
These two types of people are REAL people! I know, I’ve met them at bipolar support group meetings. They will complain about their problems with their loved one. They will complain about their loved one themselves. And/or they will blame all their problems on bipolar disorder. Or, worse yet, on their loved one.
There’s one thing that these two types of people definitely are NOT. And that is solution-oriented.
Being solution-oriented means that you don’t complain or blame. You take responsibility. You look for solutions. You even look “outside the box” sometimes for answers. It means that you are willing. Willing to admit you don’t know the solution right now… But you sure will look for
one. You are willing to try different solutions, too, to see what works and what doesn’t work. Like your loved one may have to do with their medications.
Being solution-oriented means that you will not always end up on the popular side of an opinion.
But you stick to your guns and do what’s right for YOUR loved one and family anyway.
You must be motivated as well. See, complainers and blamers just sit around giving “lip service” to what they say. They don’t look for or offer any real solution to their situation or problem. They are lazy.
Solving problems can be hard work. But worth it in the end. Say you look at a problem that you and/or your loved one have and you look for ways to solve it. You may come across a totally
off-the-wall way to solve it, and do that. It may not be the easiest thing to do…It may not be what someone else would do… But it WORKS for YOU! So you stay solution-oriented.
Being solution-oriented also means that you look at a problem every way that you can. Then you look at solutions every way that you can. The answer to your problems may not be obvious, but if you keep looking, you will find them.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
Dear Oliver,
I am totally grateful for your effort to give encouragement to me who has a daughter diagnosed as bipolar I seven years ago.
I really appreciate your e-mail almost every other day to support me as a supporter for the loved one. I also appreciate your $1.00 bill sent to me with your note the other day. I have not done anything with it, but it really captured my attention that you really care about the conditions that we share about “Bipolar disease”.
I have to confess that I have not signed up with your course yet.
Seven years ago, while I was searching for help, I came across your name and received your packet. I followed your instruction and suggestions, etc. more or less and almost seven years have passed. Meanwhile, my daughter graduated from the collage and held the job for over two years. Anyway, make a long story short, my daughter had a major lapse this last June. She was voluntary admitted hospital due to auditory and visual hallucination, etc. while I was out of town, etc. Anyway, she was on medication Lamictol and Abilify (had a doctor and therapist), but she was drinking with medication. That cause this mess. She was living at home, but my husband and I were not aware of her drinking, etc. for how long??? I need more time to explain the situation. Is there anyway, I can send you a personal e-mail. By now, she was admitted to the hospital again two month later due to total manic episode (with psychosis). She is ok now, but I had a lot of issue to be discussed and want to get some ideas what to do. I really appreciate your thoughts and I would like to hear your personal opinion. I am sorry that I have not signed up you DVD courses. Probably you might have discussed the situations like mine in your courses.
Thank you for reading my poor writing, but I really needed to talk to someone who may be really sincere about the conditions.
Best Regards,
Sachiko Hineno Gardner
512-327-6832
sgardner@usjapan.com
ps I am really concerning about my daughter’s treatment plans, that is why I started writing this letter.
What do you do when you move? As a supporter of a Bipolar husband, he is hesitate to “start all over” with a new therapist..He says he doesnt remember all of the things he needs to tell the therapist anyway. I tell him the therapist is the one who prescribes his meds so we must find one..I offer to go and he resists that idea..
Thank you for once again getting me back on track. i ran out of my meds because the clinic i was going to fired me because i owed them $37 and have no insurance. Thanks to bristrol mayers i am back on my abilify, but i haven’t seen a mental health specialist for months. i’m going to make those calls now!
My loved one is up to the eyes in a big bad bipolar episode – the 2nd this year, and the worst ever. He is off his meds, refuses every type of help, hides away from his real friends because they want to help him. The doctors and the police are on alert, but there is nothing anyone can do. Right now, no one knows where he is, no one has seen or heard from him for over a week. He is not in touch with me by phone either, but has been leaving little clues in places that he is still ok. However, I’m worried sick and his psych says that without treatment he can only get worse. He believes he is some sort of super hero and denies having bipolar or any sort of health problems. Before he disappeared, he was always hungry and never tired.
Yes, my daughter is lying, stealing,etc. & refuses to be evalueated/followup of her bipolar! This was notated by the psyciatrist at the time of her incarceration (x one year in correct. facility) An appt. has been made and “no show” each time for “things that always seem to come up) I am SO burned out/stressed don’t how much longer can take it w/o having a nervous breakdown. At present time,thinking about Baker Act or some type of intervention–any suggestions,input???? thanks in advance, mairlyn a greenhalgh,branford,fl 386-935-1731
Daniel:
I was diagnosed in 1993. I didn’t trake my pills correctly since 2000. I belive it is badly treated in the US. I have my regular pills, morniong and evening from a doctor in Argentina that was the world president for biological psyquiatrist. I also have emergency pills in case I don’t feel ” normal”. I went to support groups here in thE US AND THEY TELL ME THEY HAVE AN EPISODE EVERY 4 MONTHS. Mainly depression. I can spend an year without episodes, counting on the emergency medicines. You need to learn to listen to yerself.
i am a mother of a 21 yr old female. She is involved with a man who likes to beat her up. I’m at my wit’s end as i don’t know how i can help her. She calls me when she gets sick of him but she always goes back to him. She refused to take her meds. keeps going back to this person. I am afraid he one day will kill her. I was just wondering if there is any legal way to pull her out of the situation. i am so afraid for her. she can’ seem to think clearly for herself…..and i have no place for her here. The mgr of my apts won’t allow her to come here as she has also assaulted me. And he knows where i live anyway…
My wild ride into madness began several years ago after my grown daughter received the diagnosis of Bipolar disorder with Borderline Personality Defect. I was flying blind by the seat of my pants so to speak, for so long, not really knowing what to do or how. It wasnt until I started doing web searches to learn about this condition and educate myself that I started to feel better and more empowered through better knowledge and understanding. This is when I came across David, subscribed to his email list and started getting more information and a support system of sorts thru the newsletter and this blog. The most frustrating thing about dealing with a person who is Bipolar is when that person refuses to accept the diagnosis, stay on their meds and consistently and continually follow a treatment plan. My daughter knows there is something wrong with her and has signed herself in at the local mental health facility VOLUNTARILY three times. Those treatment opportunities last for a minimum of two weeks up to a maximum of 30 days. I had to do an INVOLUNTARY commitment once because she was so out of control and self-mutilating. I feared for her safety and that of everyone else around her and didnt really no what else to do. Of course she viewed this as a betrayal and to this day resents me for taking that action. I am her main supporter and of course also the person who receives the most abuse when she is cycling thru episodes of being manic to returning to the near normal state of calm and lucid thoughts and actions. All other family members and friends can conveniently ignore her or distance themselves when things are bad and they tell me they dont see why I dont just shut her out of my life and refuse to deal with her mood swings and violent episodes. I cant count how many times I have tryed to do just that when she has lied to me, stolen from me, manipulated me and then cursed me out to boot, only to call me a few hours or couple of days after an outburst and talk and act like she doesnt remember or chooses to ignore how badly she has treated me without even so much as an apology. She also resents me because I made the decision to tell my grandchildren’s father that he needed to take physical custody of them, which he has now. This was a decision that I agonized over for several months. But even with all my support, encouragement and help, I couldnt ignore the fact that at the end of each visit with me when it was time for them to return to their mother, my grandchildren would cry violently and finally got to the point where her son was saying he refused to go back with his mom. I’d had feelings and were getting indications from what the children were saying that things had gotten bad and that my daughter was not acting responsibly and I was terrified for the children’s physical safety and mental well-being. Looking back on things I have no regrets for doing what I did to ensure my grandchilden’s safety. Given the same circumstances I would do it again in a heartbeat! Now add to this the fact that my daughter has chosen to self-medicate using ‘street drugs’ (Cocaine) and the situation is even more unbelievable and unbearable. When a person who already has a mental deficiency chooses to indulge in mind altering drugs as a means of trying to cope with the misery and pain of an uncontrollable life, you have a prescription for a truly volatile situation with definite unpredictable outcomes. I am truly at the end of my rope and today is a very bad day for me emotionally. Dont no how much longer I’ll be able to stay in the saddle. My faith in GOD sustains me and when all else fails, I cry out to him and simply say, ‘Lord, please have mercy and please help my child to the point of acceptance of this condition and lead her to getting the help that’s available if she just reaches out and grabs it. My purpose in posting here is not to host a ‘pity party’. But rather to vent and hopefully release some of the pressure I feel. Also to let others know who are wrestling with the same or similar situations, you are not alone. No matter how bad you think things are going in being a Bipolar supporter, there is someone, somewhere out there who may have it even worse than you, believe that! Lean on GOD – trust him and pray for his help – pray for strength and patience to face and endure the many challenges thrown at you. I pray for all of us who are trying to love and support a person who is afflicted with this disorder. May GOD bless you in all your efforts And I pray that tomorrrow will be a better day.
Tricia, I totally relate to you. I haven’t seen my 3 granddaughters in 8 months because my daughter beat me up and nearly choked me to death back in Feb. She refuses to tell me why and it just came out of nowhere! To this day, I don’t know why! But, she has had problems all her life with bipolar and throw in that I also am bipolar. When my kids were young, I was in and out of mental hospitals all the time and I tried many times to kill myself and I am ashamed to admit that once I even took out enough pills and laid them on the counter and told my kids to take them so we could all die together! I was psychotic and thank God they ran to the neighbors house and they called 911 and an ambulance because I DID take about 400 pills that time and I remember walking out to the ambulance and them being very kind and we were in 5 minutes from the hospital and I was comatose before they could get me there and I was given a 2% chance of coming out of it and I woke up a week later in ICU and I was so mad that I lived they had to put me in restraints and sedate me! Of course, I was sent to a mental hospital AGAIN! But, that was the last time I ever tried to kill myself. I suddenly realized that since I survived that, there must be a reason that God was saving me and not letting me die, there must be a reason for me to keep living with all the odds stacked against me. But at the age of 14, I had to put my daughter in a year long residentail treatment center and at first she hated it but then she blossomed with the structure there and did not want to come home. Then by 15, she was pregnant and I KNEW THAT was why I still around – for that new baby on the way and I supported her all through her pregnancy and went with her on every drs appt – she didn’t even have a driver’s license yet! 2 years later, she had another daughter and was married by then and her husband got killed in a car accident and his second daughter never knew her father. Then my daughter met a wonderful man and they got married when the baby was just a few months old and he is the only daddy she ahs ever known. Then together they had another daughter. I was completely in love with my 3 granddaughters and they moved across the coountry and I flew to see them regularly because my daughter was a self mutilator and got into meth and other things and was committed a few times and I always came to the rescue for the kids and my son-in-law. I also had moved in with my parents and so did my son, who had extensive brain surgery as a child and that was one of the stressors that sent me over the edge, but we both moved in with my parents and Ihad several spine surgeries and spent a year paralyzed from the last one and I worked with physical therapists for a year learning to walk and feed myself. My son had a lot of behavioral problems because his frontal lobes were removed and that’s where the conscience is located and your impulse control and I was also a single mother most of my kids lives and their dad had nothing to do with him. He was a stepfather and after that he had nothing else to do with his own kids. His dad also raped me several times and that was when I first tried to kill myself. I did not get the counselling I needed and we were in a cultlike religion that controlled members – I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and finally left them after my mother died. My mother also had Munchausens and she MADE me get sick and sicker until I was REALLY sick and I have lupus and severe diabetes now and I am 50 now and STILL in weekly therapy and see a psychiatrist every month. But I just now have admitted that about my mom because my brother asked me the other day if I really realized what mom had done to me and I said that I did but I never have mentioned it because I thought nobody would believe me and having my little brother telling me that made me come out of denial about so much! But, I stayed with my parents and was with them when they passed away, my dad died in 2000 to a stroke and my mom refused a bone marrow transplant that would have cured her cancer but being a JW she refused any treatment that would have saved her because the Watchtower Society forbidded any kind of treatment with blood and then a year after my mom died they started making exceptions with fractions of blood and crap like that – so to me, they murdered her. But I also blame them for a lot of what happened to me like blaming me for being raped and then humiliating me publicly by punishing me in front of our entire congregation after I went to the Elders for help but instead of helping me they punished me and did nothing to the perv who raped me! So, that ended my marriage and basically my life at that time and I was left with 2 toddlers on my own and I was a loose cannon mentally. But JWs also at that time did not agree with any JW going to a mental health clinic or getting therapy or seeing a psychiatrist and so I suffered til I had a complete nervous breakdown and my parents helped with the kids – why somebody did not take them away from me I don’t know. They should have because I was nuts! And my kids suffered because of it and if I knew then what I know now about being a JW – I would have left a long time ago but because they consider you “DEAD” and cut you off from the only friends you’ve ever had and your family and nobody will speak to you ever again, not even your own parents – well, I stayed because there was nowhere else I knew to go and we didn’t have the Internet back then. My kids are 30 and 31 now. Anyway, once my mom had died, I left that cult and moved across the country over 1000 miles to be with my grandkids and my daughter and my soninlaw and we’ve had a wonderful time until Feb, when my daughter nearly killed me with no provocation. I have been doing everything the last few years to try to make up for what all went on when they were growing up and I even have been accused of trying to buy their love because I gave them money and showered them with presents but I was just trying to make up for all the things they did not get as kids because we never celebrated birthdays or Christmas or any holiday because it was “worldly” and against the rules of the JWs! Like I said, members are brainwashed and that was all I ever knew all my life til I was 45 yrs old and after I moved across the country and got out of the JWs, my mind got so much calmer and clearer and I just wanted to be a good mom and grandma and I was having the girls here every weekend and taught them about cooking as they are almost 11, 13 and 15. I enjoyed them so much and it has nearly killed me not knowing how they are or how school is and things like that. I finally celebrate birthdays and holidays and you want to share that with you family – both of my kids left JWs as teenagers – good for them! I didn’t have the guts because I never had a friend that was not a JW, never went to any other church because I was taught God would kill me. So I lived in fear all the time all my life and I just happened to end up moving next door to a church and I was doing home health care and hospice care and my patient had passed away and she went to that church next door to me and I felt it only proper to attend her funeral because I had spent 80 hours a week with her in her final days and so I went to her funeral fully expecting to be struck dead by God for doing something JWs considered treason and was just amazed that I lived and that the people were so nice and not the evil people I had been taught to fear all my life and so I kept going to church there and now I am a member of that church and have been to several others too, because we are in a small town and we have ecumenical services with the other churches in town and it has been an entirely new start in life for me and I have been a new person since I moved here and I love the freedom I have now and can think for myself. So I know I have skipped around a lot but I
I am sorry, but I am having computer problems and everything keeps either disappearing or posting before I finish. But i just wanted to say that there are many things that cause mental illness, and I really think in my case is was sexual abuse, religious beliefs, being in a cult-like religion 45 years and fear of the unknown or fear of losing a lifetime of friends if I did leave the religion and I did but I survived! For me, moving across the country and bringing my son also to be with my daughter, soninlaw and 3 grandkids really helped me and then going to a new church and living through that and being from a big city to a small rural town of less than 1000 and being FREE to think for myself. Now I also have a Prison Ministry and I write letters to women in prison who have given their lives to Christ and I am on several websites helping others trying to get out of the Jehovah’s Witnesses and helping them learn there IS somewhere to go when you leave them. I go on National Teleconferences helping others. I have also met a young woman who had ovarian cancer and needed a mom and I needed a daughter, so we have adopted each other and that helps me with missing my daughter. I have survived cancer also and 4 strokes, 8 broken bones in 18 months, several diabetic comas, kidnay failure, lupus, brain vasculitis and many other things. I am intending on writing a book about my life to help others realize that it IS true that what does not kill us does make us stronger! I have had a lot of abuse in my life and now I consider myself no longer a victim but a SURVIVOR! My hardest thing to deal with now is losing all contact with my daughter and grandkids. I moved over 1000 miles to be here and yet I was actually closer when I was 1000 miles away cos I could at least talk to them on the phone! I pray all the time that God will soften her heart. She had gotten involved in WICCAN and PAGANISM and ATHIEISM when she attacked me and I honestly wonder if her beliefs made her turn on me as a Christian. But I know her past history and mental problems and her problems with drugs and alcohol and I blame myself for much of it, that I failed her as a child and even though I have done EVERYTHING in my power to try to make up for the past, we cannot turn back the clock because would we all not do that at some time if we could? But, some things are not in our control. We all pretty much do the best we can at the time we are at in our lives and none us set out to ruin the lives of the ones we love and we have to be forgiving because nobody is perfect. I forgive my parents for what happened to me because I know they were sincere in their beliefs but my dad was also bipolar and my mom had him and me to deal with! She did what she thought was best back then, too. She had a lot to do with my illness, both mental and physical. No doubt, I caused many problems my kids had and still have. Just recently, my son had so many back to back grand mal seizures, he was in a coma on life support for over a week and that stress set me back by causing a flareup of my lupus and brain vasculitis and I have pretty much been almost bedridden since June but I am also in many prayer groups and ask for prayers for us all on a regular basis and I also offer prayers for others. I have a close relationship with Jesus and I lean on him to carry me through the hard times and I honestly feel like I can look back and see one set of footprints, even though I was walking with the Lord, and I can see it at the roughest times and I KNOW he is carrying me! I am not a religious fanatic or anything but I am a happy Christian now. I try to take care of myself although I am very ill and in loads of pain. But now I have a support system even though I have only lived here a little over 3 years. Since I left the JWs, I must admit that my life improved exponentially! I no longer live in constant fear but in hopeful expectation that things WILL get better – even with my daughter because I have so many praying for her and I just feel like God will renew her faith once again and we will be a happy family again. I just hope it happens sooner than later. Maybe this is a test of my faith but I feel like I have proven myself because for the last few years, I have worked tirelessly to prove that I love my family and just want to be a good mother and a good grandmother and I am now! But, I have lost all contact with the ones that I need in my life more than anyone and that is with my daughter and 3 granddaughters! Please pray we will be reunited soon. Thank you for letting me tell my story and if anyone has any answers for me, I would appreciate them and if you have any questions, I will answer them. Sincerely, Deb M. My email is DEBBIEGUYMOORE@YAHOO.COM
Dear David,
My son has Bipolar Disorder since 2003.His Treatment Plan was disturbed in Nov last year when he refused to take medication.He went into a maniac episode.Then we decided to give him medication in a concealed manner. We give him medicines prescribed by the doctor like Lithium Carbonate and Ariparazole in cold coffee. Unfortunately we cannot give him Divalproxe like that so we give him Liquid Risparidon in Juice.He is missing his appointments with the therapist. He is doing fine in his job as well as married life. What are you views about medication in the concealed manner.Kindly reply.
Swaraj
I am married and have been Bipolar since before I married this husband. He is my 3rd husband. He is loving and kind. I try and keep on my medication, but I was told yesterday that I am having Kidney problems and need to go off 2 of my medications. I am feeling miserable.
I also need to go back to being on group or individual therapy. I want the later, but it is hard to get for more than a few sessions. My Doctor wants group therapy done at his office, my husband wants to do it – teach the group. I may be able to be a co-teacher with him. Basically that is what our Doctor and my husband want us to do. Only problem is that my husband doesn’t have any training in the area. And we do not have the money to get him trained. It is possible that our Doctor will be willing to send both of us for the training as a Peer Support Specialist.
This Doctor has been willing to do alot for me and he is the one who wants us to get the training and work at his office complex.