Hi,
How’s it going?
This might sound strange, but…
If you were your loved one,
would you depend on you?
I told you it would sound strange!
But I mean, put yourself in your loved one’s shoes. They’re depending on you to be their supporter, so they have certain needs that they’re hoping you can meet.
For instance, they need you to be understanding.
They need you to understand that they are not always going to be themselves – in other words, they might swing from one mood to the other (depressed to manic and back again)…
And even they may not know why, so they may need you to be understanding of that, too – so that you won’t expect them to give you a reason for their mood changes.
They need you to be understanding when they might not want to be around people – they might feel anxious or stressed when they do. This might even include family gatherings.
This might even include plans that you’ve made, and it might happen at the last minute, so you have to be real understanding if it does happen.
Understanding is just one of the characteristics of a supporter that I go over in my courses/systems:
NEW
LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH
BIPOLAR DISORDER?
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarmastersystem/
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Hopefully, you’ll have this much understanding in you to give.
If, at times, you don’t, just put yourself in your loved one’s shoes and ask yourself, would you depend on you?
Your loved one may also depend on you for help.
They might need you to help remind them when they forget appointments with their doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist.
They might need you to help remind them to take their medication.
Or maybe to help them come up with ways for them to remember to take it.
They might need your help in explaining bipolar disorder to their family and/or friends, because they may be scared to do it by themselves.
They may need your help in accepting their diagnosis.
They may need your help with small things.
They may need your help with big things.
But somewhere, down the line or now, however it’s going to happen, your loved one is going to need your help.
Are you going to be able to help them?
If you were your loved one, would you be able to depend on you?
Your loved one may even need your forgiveness, and this may be the hardest part of all for you.
As you may have already experienced, when someone with bipolar disorder goes into a bipolar manic episode, they exhibit behaviors that are very unlike themselves.
They do things they wouldn’t normally do – risky and impulsive behaviors, even some that might shock you!
Behaviors like excessive spending of money, or even shoplifting.
Draining out your bank accounts, maxing out your credit cards.
Poor or foolish decision making, bad business investments.
Causing you to re-mortgage your home or possibly lose it.
Driving you to bankruptcy.
Will your loved one be able to depend on you then?
Or risky driving, gambling, or even substance abuse.
Jail, high lawyer’s fees.
They might exhibit risky sexual behavior, promiscuity – they might even have an affair, get pregnant, or make someone else pregnant.
I’ve heard these stories too often not to accept the reality of them, and you may have to as well.
Will you be forgiving?
Will your loved one be able to depend on you then?
Or have you already been in any of these serious situations?
If so, how did you handle it?
Because others need to know.
Your response might help someone else.
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
I am a supporter for my grandson who has been diagnosed with bipolar. I purchased your Bipolar Supporter Course Teen Edition. I have read almost all of it. Things are not going well lately. He 17 and is a senior in high school with only a couple of months to go. He has gotten in trouble with the law. One of the things was a fight and he was accused of having a gun. He is guilty of some things but we really believe this accusation is not true. There were witnesses that said there was no weapon anywhere and that he was hit first. He did defend himself and got pretty angry. We are dealing with this and it is getting him down. He was doing pretty good until now. We hate to see him give up with just a couple of months to get his diploma but I don’t know if we are going to be able to keep him going. Just needed to vent. We need a lot of help right now.
I have been in some of the situations mentioned especially spending money and the yelling that everything is my fault. Somehow I got through it and everything was fine. I know this does not pertain to the question but my husband is 61 and has not been doing well for the past two years. He is on Depakote because his body could not tolerate lithium. He has not been sleeping and his doctor (supposed to be the best for bipolar) is to me unfeeling and doesn’t really care. Also he has refused medication to help him sleep and not be agitated, but he refuses to take it. How do you make someone take medication when they won’t. I am at the point that I really want to leave him, but I know he would not make it in the state he is in. Any thoughts?
HI……Dave
buy thats a lot to take in. If I found out that the person
I am living with went behind my back with some one elese there would be no forgiving there bipolor or not,Am sorry he would have to go.He carnt have is cake and eat it.
P.S Wot promiscuity
Take Care Linda
The way I’m now dealing with my fiance’s Bipolar Disorder is to put my trust in God with the understanding that it is the Bipolar causing the problems, not my fiance, and I tell her that it’s not her fault and that I love her forever and always and will always be there for her to take care of her. Since my attitude changed to a more understanding attitude the things she says doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it had. I read all the e-mails from you but I’m not able to remember all of it to put what I do read into practice. One day I will be able to afford your course(s) but right now we are just struggling to pay bills.
Thank you Mr. Oliver,
Terry L Cole
Hi Dave,
Very interesting topic indeed. I like that word you use “depend”. In all my years (60) I have never had someone that I could depend on. I have been the black sheep of the family all my life and whenever I needed a family member to depend on for the least little thing I was told and still to this day told “we’re to busy”. I on the other hand through my illness have and always will be there for them. This family thing is understandable because I know that there are a lot of people out there like this. Now when you can’t depend on your medical team that one is supposed to depend on is another thing. They not only have lied to me numerous times but just the other night when I was in crisis and called the emergency line they told me to keep doing all the “tricks” as I call them that I had been doing all day for my panic attack. Well, Dave I might not be the sharpest crayon in the box but wouldn’t it seem logical to anyone that if you had pulled out your last “trick” out of the box and had been working on them all day and they hadn’t worked that why after talking to this professional who I am supposed to depend on come back saying keep doing what you are doing even though it hasn’t helped you all day. Does this sound like someone you would like to depend on??? Then you are thinking Well why doesn’t this woman change her dr. and theripist. That ,my friend isn’t so easy becaues I live in a very rural area and the next clinic is over an hour away one way. With all that said and off my chest I guess the only person one can depend on is themself.
We are over 150 miles away. We are tired. My wife is a semi-invalid and I am concerned about her. We have just about accepted the fact my wife’s daughter is going to end up being a bag lady. Our greatest concern is for the grandchildren. But as far as she is concerned, we have given up.
My husband is diagnosed bi-polar. He has maxed out our credit cards, spent time in jail and alienated most of our kin folk. We aren’t aloud to participate in family get-togethers and rejection is all that it seems he receives. Being the caretaker it is frustrating, exhausting and sometimes I just want to give up, but through the Agape love of Christ, I will never do it. The best way to handle the episodes is to let them know that you are going to stand by them and not reject them as most others do. I pray continously for him and let him know that I love him just like Jesus does for all of us in spite of our ugly sinful ways. We have been trying to pay back the credit cards for the last 4 1/2 years. My husband said we have an appointment with the bankruptcy lawyer on April 26th and this is very embarrising, but we will make it through this one too, with the grace of God. I know that I couldn’t not have made it through the years without my faith and belief that the Lord will and does provide all of our needs, so that is how I manage to love a man who has an illness that is no different than a physical one (they don’t ask for it and they certainly don’t wont it)
I have a spouse who has bipolar and goes very manic and very depressed . Its very hard i have been thru most of the things you mention . the buying and cant affort . running up credit cards . getting violent and otheres
its very hard but you have to remember that they are sick and what they are doing is the sickness . they do need support but at times its very hard on the one trying to support them they feel like they are are alone and no one understands what they are going thur.
I really feel for anyone who is a supporter of a love one with bipolar .
I would like to reinterate what Nancy says.It is a continuing problem for those of us in rural areas.You pretty well have to say with the pdoc or gp you have, and just be grateful that you have any help at all (such as it may be). There are many that have no one at all,we suffer from a chronic shortage of mental health professionals who are being squeezed by too many people trying to access an inadequate system.
When in a rural area quite often you are isolated which can be difficut when you are well, when you are not well the problems can seem to insurmountable.
Nancy, I would suggest that you look at on-line support groups for either depression or bipolar folks. Make sure that you pick carefully though there are those out there that just prey on those that feel there is no, or little hope left.
Dave,
I have my husband to be my supporter and yet Im my daughters supporter. We keep each other in check and she has learned that Im going through the same yet different things. She is accepting my knowledge of our illness and realizing that information is power to help her as she gets older. Thank God she isnt dating at this point , yet I dont know how she would handle it when she starts! Thats where my husband will have to step in more with her coping. Im easy to keep in check she isn’t. She keeps thinking that times are so different now then when I was her age yet just the names and moral standards are the only difference! If she keeps learning from me and her doctors and counselors she will be fine… She knows I love her no matter what and i will be there always to help. My daughter knows That she inherited this illness from my side of the family and If I can survive so can she!
Hello,
I have had Bi-Polar disorder for about 9 years now. I have had about 5 bad manic episodes and have been in/out of hospitals.
My question is what do other bi-polars, experience when they have a bad manic episode.
Regards,
GR
As far as spending everything, draining the accounts drip dry, maxing out credit cards and the like is inexcusable.
Knowing bipolar patients tend to do this, for me, would mean that they have limited access to credit, accounts etc. This would have to be addressed while they are stable of course, but to save yourself the grief, do it NOW before it becomes an impossible situation.
Also, having affairs and what have you is something I could not forgive. How can you expect to have then depend on you when they themselves might not be too dependable. You have to draw the line somewhere. Not just say depend on someone else to bail you out time and again. It’s just not fair to the supporter.
When does support turn into enableing them to continue this behavoir with no concequences. Standing by them no matter what means that there is no concequence for their behavoir. Bipolor can’t become an excuse for anything goes.Tough Love is my approach and it seems to be working.
My family all has had some form of depression as far back as I can remember My grandmother was the first one,but people back then didn’t understand as much as they do about depression/bipolar today.They used to say that my grandmother was mean because she would go through these episodes, and she would do different things that you have listed above.My mother exhibited the same things bringing it on down in the family, and suffered from it for years. When she was in her 20s,she started exhibiting symptoms like her mother.The doctors would treat her symptoms by doing shock treatment and medication.They didn’t do therapy at the time, because the doctors hadn’t figured out yet that people being bipolar needed it as much as they did the medication along with it.I started having eoisodes of depression back in my mid 20s, and was diagnosed as bipolar,just because they knew what my family had gone through before me. But because technology is so much more advanced that they could do some different tests to help figure me out.They decided after those tests that I wasn’t bipolar, but I do tend to have a couple of symptoms.I have been treated with both medication and therapy.Now, my daughter is in her mid 20s and she has been diagnosed as bipolar, and is going through newer things than even I did for treatment.I asked my pshychiatrist once why I was found out to not be bipolar, since it runs in my family with my mother and my daughter. He said it had basically skipped me in most symptoms except a couple of them, more than my family.I started treatment early on and had in hospital stay where I learned better coping skills etc.It doesn’t mean that I don’t have those tendancies, but rather that I learned to deal with it so I could live better with it. And another thing has been being able to get on these comment sites and talk about it.
PROMISCUITY HM THEY DON,T COME UNDER MY RULES, MEN WHO WANT TO GO AND SLEEP WITH SLUTS THERES NO CALL FOR IT.
Today’s newsletter really hit home after a bad day yesterday with my sister. No, I wouldn’t be able to depend on me. Help in urban areas is almost as difficult to find as in rural areas. Unless someone is willing to do whatever the docs say (or do ANYTHING for that matter), not much will change with them…and that’s frustrating for the supporter to come to terms with. Well, heck. Now I’m more depressed about all this than when I began! 😉
Hello Dave,
I gotta tell you what forgiveness is for a supporter. It’s really all about the person with bi-polar. If you have a person who loves you enough, to give you open communication, works with you on a good plan with meds and their doctors, when they are level. Most of the time the supporter would be able to forgive them. These problems that you talk of would be stopped, before they manifested into real problems for the both of them. Because the supporter would be able to support them, when a trigger should come along or an episode should start.
But if you have a person who refuses to do any of the above. When they are level. Then the supporter is always going to have to go through all the things that you had meantion at any given point in their relationship. The supporter has to know that, and where will they draw the line of forgiveness will be up to each individual. No one should have to go through those kinds of situations.
If more people would put their trust in your plan to get and stay stable and both participate in it. There would be a lot less forgiving and more supporting. ;o)
Dear Dave and other readers,
I have commented on other blogs of yours Dave but I felt I should again. My husband of almost ten years as recently been diagnosed with bipolar only 3 months ago.
When we first met I never knew that there was any problems he was having. After 2 yrs together we had our first and only child. My husband started to get depressed, angry and very stressed. I thought he was just overwhelmed with being a father and husband. When our son was 18mos. my husband suddenly became like a different person. He started lying to me alot,working alot and eventually had an affair and left very suddenly. Leaving me devasted with a small baby and in shock. He left the province and moved with this new girl and within a few months she was pregnant(we still don’t know if the baby was his). He didn’t see our child alot and had become a different person than I had ever known him to be.Two and a half years later we started talking alot more and eventually reached the decision that we wanted to reconcile. I thought he had just made a decision he regretted and I still loved him very much. There was a part of me that always thought there was more to what happened then he was just a jerk, but I didn’t know what. We were back toghether alomost 3 yrs and all heck broke lose again.(you’ll notice the pattern of about every 2 and a half yrs).
My husband had started to feel depressed,worried and anxious and this time he himself went to his GP and said something wasn’t right. We stared going to counselling together to help deal with and understand his anxiety and depression. Meanwhile more symptoms started to appear like not sleeping, overworking and withdrawing from me.I brought these to our counsellores attention and that is when Bipolar became an official part of our lives. That was in December and in those few short months my husband had serious rapid cyling,began performing self injury and had another affair. He left home once again exactly one month and one week after his diagnoses. He is trying to straighten out medications and do things “on his own.” I love this man so much in spite of what this disorder has done to us. We get along well and he is trying his best I believe.Others don’t understand how I can even want to look at him but I cannot turn my back on him. What ever that means for our relationship I don’t know. He says he is tired of hurting us although the other girl is still in the picture because I believe he is terrified to be alone. I also don’t hink she knows everything about what is going on with him. She is much younger and doesn’t know much about life. Anyway that is my story at the time. It is so hard to say what is right for anybody’s situation. I just think it is all so sad and I relate to anybody dealing with this in their lives in any way.
I suspect that my son is now bipolar (when he was young it was ADHD and we tried all kinds of medications). He doesn’t want to take medication, so he ends up in jail for fighting or drugs. I’ve tried to help him, but feel that I am enabling instead. I want to be there for him, but he has to want to help himself too….and that means taking medication, going to therapy, etc. Otherwise, I’m not going to be able to help him any more. There are consequences for unacceptable behavior, and if he keeps choosing no medication, drugs, and erratic behavior, I have to choose not to be around him and his unacceptable behavior in order to keep MY sanity.
Dave and to all the blog posts…
First and foremost the ones that post sayings such as “cheating” is unforgiveable and the like, obviously have NO clue how a BP person perceives relationships with people. Everyone fights with the inner “wants” and the inner “needs”. As children and into our teens we develop the ability and the machurity to distinguish between these urges. During a manic episode or even sometimes on the low end of the cycle, that switch that tells us whats right and whats wrong gets turned off. However the problem is, we dont realize its off. What would come naturally to someone as dead wrong…isnt perceived the same way to us in that frame of mind. I can tell you from experience, I have cheated on a spouse. At the time, i had myself completely convinced i was doing it for him, for the sake of our marriage. You can laugh or take the all to familiar road and shake your head and not beleive me, but i am here to tell you. listen to the person dealing with the BP first, even if they just screwed your brother and stomped all over your heart. If they are just looking for an excuse and want to go out and get laid…well you have other problems that have nothing to do with BP. However, if they are in a crisis episode, legitamitely, they probably didnt and never will realize that what they did was wrong. If they remember it at all…
Hugs and Kissess…
-Brandy
Hello Dave and anyone reading this….yes this post really hit home for me as well….I have lived through it all…from jail..no job…no help with anything..to being pushed around…physical and verbal abuse mostly verbal and yes of course the cheating…and I have gotten over forgave and tried as hard as possible to realize what is BP and what is just bad choices…I’m still lost…the cheating hurts the most…I have been 100% faithful and understanding…yes some times I yell and cry and say things I mean but not in the way I say…we split up and get back together so much that I DON”T EVEN KNOW WHY….I know I love him and want to support him….BUT….he has no doctor…no tharipist and no program or meds….we tried for 2months everyday to get to the ONLY phycitrist in this area that deals with BP and NOT ONE CALL BACK….the tharopist he was seeing (only 2times) said she couldn’t help until he got meds….sooooooooo the dr said…lets do antidepressents ya well from past tries on those we know they make him worse…ya so this is my life as a supporter for over 3yrs now…YES I WOULD TOTALLY TRUST ME TO BE THERE if I were in his shoes…but I’m so tired of the pain and hurt I dont know if I can do this much longer…I have two children (not his) that I have explained his condition to…but I’m starting to feel like maybe they need to have a better life and not live in the TERMOIL all the time!! GRRRR ITS HARD and I’m really frustrated with it all…thanks for listening:) I hope everyone else is strong and finds a happiness somewhere in the midst of this;)
To BRANDY: You’ve explained the sexual, promiscuous side of a bipolar manic episode in a VERY real way. I see it as an “impulse” problem. The switch goes into “off” mode, and anything that pleasures me is worth going after. I never cheated on either of my two late husbands – it was before and between that I was literally a little “slut.” I slept around for the excitement of it; the thrill of something “new;” the flirting and testing of my sexuality. That was back in the 60s 70s, 80s, and 90s, WAAAY before the threat of AIDS and other STDs became so frightening. I was on the “pill,” but never used “protection.” This day and age, you HAVE to, unless you’re in a monogamous relationship, and even THEN, you can’t be too careful.
I also did the non-sleeping thing; the racing thoughts; the running around. It was only when the “bad” things started to happen, that I signed myself into a psych ward or hospital. It seemed to me that the Lord was “protecting” me by removing me from a dangerous situation when I would go in the hospital. At least, I’m still HERE!!
I don’t have a live-in supporter, and rely on the local clinic to monitor my moods. Like Dave said – go over all the stop-gaps while your loved one is STABLE, so they will recognize when they are being triggered and stressed. Then, they will KNOW they need HELP.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
My daughter has Bipolar. Even before we knew she had Bipolar my family use to say you do so much for her and she treats you so bad. Why do you put up with it. It’s simple i love her. She is 31years old and she tries so hard.
The hardest thing about being a supporter is the high and constant level of having to keep on examining my own reasons and motives for doing things I have to continue to remind myself that any sudden or unusual changes in routine for instance any sudden sickness or death or marriage or celebration in the family, or anything like shopping or visiting friends and relations where there may be a lot of people present have to be thoroughly discussed with Rachel first and for her to be ok with the arrangements and for there to be a way out for her if she needs it .We go through a minute or two of what ifs before we leave on any trip or any excursion so that she knows and is comfortable – such planning saves disappointment in the long run. So what I may think of these events (they may be obilgatory or tiresome but familial obligations and ties demand my presence) does not necessary apply to Rachel. I have HAD to get my head around such dynamics for Rachels sake-
Getting upset or angry at Rachel because she cant get on with family or be amongst strangers in a mall wont help her get better – neither will making impossible demands on myself It may mean I will go to the family event without Rachel or spend time in a shoppng mall without her company this time!!!
And there are sometimes I am so weary I can hardly lift my head off the pillow in the morning – and that to me is a warning gong for me to find some SHONA TIME means I’ve expended too much energy and need to regroup so its search out my own support- family and friends my doctor
The greatest gift I can give my daughter is – the honestly held belief I have of her ablility to recover and move on with her life . I know shw will recover.
Regards
Shona
I have read some of the stories written on this blog, and some things I don’t like what I see. It seems there is no or little forgiveness for the bipolar individual. When we are having an episode we are not in control of what we are doing. It takes educating ones self to understand the illness, having an open mind, putting your personal feeling aside. I have bipolar disorder, just went through a divorce, and my ex and I have talked about my past episodes, he did NOT educate himself on the disorder, but was always ready to blame me for everything. He still throws the past up to me, he won’t accept his part in the past as my husband and how he could have helped me, he always skips that part, and reminds me how I hurt him. I was faithful to him, just didn’t want to be around him, nor did I want a sexual relationship with him. My husband was and is all about himself. I am stable now, and my sister has been telling me this, advising me to stay away from him, after the other day I realized he was trying to mess with my head, and I can’t afford to allow him to bring me down after coming so far. My sister has been there for me, I have had to educated her on Bipolar disorder. I hope all of you will will understand what I am saying and please don’t take this as criticism, because it is not meant that way. Debra
Thanks Dave I have been living with Bipolar since 2005,but the symtoms were there years before I would have long bouts of Depression and stop my meds when I started to feel good. My doctor never saw me expect when I was so depressed and had to get back on my meds.I caused money problems while my husband was deployed,and two bankruptcys.I just stopped caring about everything and laid in bed depressed for months while my husband was away my Mother and grown children thought I was just feeling bad or missing there Dad. I had a bad life in my late teens and as a young adult. Which I was ashamed to tell my Doctor about,then after seeing him since 1997 all the hurt and pain I had been carrying around came out. Once I let all that go.I started to do things I normally would dare do.I lost 89lbs had a breast lift. Started dressing different.And approaced a younger man[12yrs]In church and we began an affair,and I did’t care who knew including my Spouse and Family members. When my Doctor saw the change he started me on Meds for it right away but I was still in denial.My daughter who majored in physcology,I was a a text book case and she thought I already knew.I continued my affair and felt like I was one person with my family an another with my lover,I took many risk and even went on a vacation with him a could care less what anyone thought I was invincible,and could do as I pleased.But when I started researching Bipolar.I came crashing down and felt terrible and could not believe I could be so uncaring.I starting to see a therapist who helped me understand what happened to me.So now Iam stable and a high functioning Bipolar person and no one knows are can tell unless I tell them.So life is good for me Iam outgoing have discovered talents I never new I had. I take my meds faithfully and ask my family to tell me if I start to act strange.I had to believe I was Bioplar before I could work on getting it under control. So I no longer feel it is abad thing because it changed alot of things about myself and gave me self esteem which I lost in my youth.Thanks again and I lok forward to your words of wisdom each day.
I have been reading all the comments here and somewhat surprised at some statements. I have an 18 year old daughter and what i’ve found so far is she knows the difference between right and wrong; inspite of this she had to learn the hard way there are consequences to her sexual behavior like pregnancy, STD’s and i hope she never acquires AIDS. She had to take responsibility at some point and protect herself. She had to take responsibbility for her education, her son and her money-spending habits. She’s accountable but i have to keep reminding her about everything because she doen’t always make the connection to consequences. It helps that she knows she can talk to me about almost anything. God help us.
I was diagnosed with BP 10 years ago, upto that point my life had been living hell, up and down like a rollercoaster.
After I was diagnosed I was angry my life changed and my 7 year manic episode brought to a crashing halt, as too were the feeling of invincibiltiy and general top of the world feelings.
I fought against my medication, swopped pills and tried to create those momentary highs. Most of the time I got it wrong and ended up being removed from various embarrasing situations by police and ambulancemen.
After one of these episodes I realised that I could not go on, having lost my job, maxed my credit cards and generally down and out I had to move to my sister as I could not afford the rent.
But I got the wake up call I needed. I found a new doctor who I could consult rather than just swallow pills. I spent hours on the internet reasearching BP, I brought every book I could find, I gave up support groups as they depressed me, and I started putting my life back together.
I managed to rebuild broken relationships, land a good job (which I have held for 4 years)and finally jump off the rollercoaster to be a happy, healthy high functioning woman with BP.
It is possible to get this horror under control, but you have to WANT to and you have to play by the “stay well rules” Id just like your other bloggers to know it is possible to live like a regular person.
Im not lucky I work hard at being well.
Where are your boundaries when you are living with a dual diagnosis of severe addiciton (19 years) and BP (8months)? He is capable of “behaving” and not showing any signs of BP disease when he is incarcerated (25 + times over the last 19 years). We have known each other for 30 years, had very little contact for 17 years, dated long distance and been married for 2 1/2 years. I was not made aware of his past issues before our marriage, but they revealed themselves quickly. He has been in jail 13 months of our marriage. I have considered divorce multiple times, but our finances are so bad I can’t afford one. He was only diagnosed as BP 8 months ago, so now I do feel a responsibility and I do love him. But, when the alcohol and drugs start, so starts the fighting, destrutive behavior, blaming, spending, hotels, drug dealers etc. I am really frustrated. The treatment for both of these conditions are polar opposite-support and forgiveness for BP and accountability and tough love for the addiction. I am staying in my marriage out of commitment, lack of finances and I wouldn’t divorce someone for having cancer or diabetes. It’s tough to try to support someone who refuses to participate in their care. He will only take meds which fulfills his addiction dx since drugs will fix anything. Needless to say, I am hanging in there by a thread. I see a counselor and I rely on God to get me through.
Hi Dave, I would put my trust in me if I was my wife.I do all the appnts. and I also do everything else from cleaning the house to raising the kids. I am as understanding as I can be but, after all the lies and betrayal, all the times she went behind my back to get high with ex-lovers (she has confessed to a lot of the lies but not all of them) I have forgiven her for the lies she has confessed to. My question is how do you regain the trust???? I forgave her but I can’t forget the stuff she has done. I need answers and help. Can’t afford your program because of all the money that was spent. I love my wife but don’t know if I can keep our marriage from falling apart. I don’t want to lose her but where do you draw the line????
I am sorry in my last comment I ment to write “I would depend on me if I was my wife” and she does for everything, food ,clothing, roof over her head, transportation, emotional support and everything else
Hi,
Well, I have been in those situations. However, after twenty years, I say get out. It is harmful for your kids if you have them and yourself. A person needs to want to get help and if they don’t I say get out. Short and simple some may think selfish, I disagree, I think staying with the person in someways may be selfish. As a mother my first priority should be my children not waiting for or trying to support a parent who has BP and won’t seek help. As harsh, as all this may sound, I have lived it and I feel that it is much better for all concerned when you are out of an abusive situation.
Peace,
Filiz
This message moved me and I left it on the screen so my husband can read it, as he sometimes find it unbelievable the way I deal with being a supporter and a mother to our son who is 28yrs and was diagnosed at 19yrs with bipolar disorder.
My husband says things like,he will never cope on his own, or do this or that on his own. My answer would be, I am always hopeful and yes he can do those things, but maybe not on his own, but with our support. So being able to be better at understanding, is the key.
I am fortunate that my job has helped me to be better at understanding, I work with children under 5yrs with severe and complex needs, with the majority having a diagnoses of Autism. I see the challenges their family face and through my training I am able to focus and be confident in seeking help, in whatever area that I feel is needed for any given situation.
Thank you so much and I have forwarded to my sisters and my youngest son who lives away from home and who also finds it hard to understand such complex illness as Bipolar.
You are doing a great job, all the best and God Blessings to you and your family.
Bernadette
TO DEBRA: I do hope you read this because i think i can offer a little tidbit of advice. I am in a very similar situation with you. I am divorced from what i thought was the MOST selfish man on the planet. After thinking back on it now, it didnt help with my being BP that i tended to feed into his vanity. We BP types tend to be the most charasmatic and lovable (in pretense) people i know. And we spend so much of our energies, desperately trying to make sure EVERYONE in our lives, even those that dont deserve it, are happy. Because we know deep down that tomorrow, we may not feel that way, and probably wont think to care about them. So its like we spend all of this time, building people in our lives up because we are so used to the little genuine support, that i hear alot of BP people fall victim to the selfishness of some that take advantage of it. In any event, be strong. I know it hurts like hell…my ex still loves to play his mind games both with me and our children. And he likes to use my BP as some sort of tool to change a situation into my fault…EVERY time we have an arguement. Just remind yourself you deserve better than that. And give all of that affection and charm i know you have…hehe we all do…to someone a little more deserving!
Keep your chin up. The one thing i have learned that has meant the world to me since stumbling across this site…i’m not alone. I thought all of my life the “crazy” way i acted and the way my mind worked was a freak accident and i was the only one who thought that way. Thanks Dave for bringing us together! It helps more than you can ever know!!
-Brandy
I have a wife with many mental disorders. I love her with all that is in me. And I have had to deal with alot, hospitals, cutting, no- seual intamicy etc. But As the Lord gives me strength, and she knows this. She says Im her rock, and I know with no doubt she loves me. All sy we are a great couple, and we both agree. We talk things threw, and I do all I can for her, but I let her do things she knows work for her. As far as I know she has never cheated, but when she is stable, we have long talks, and she know you cheat one time it is over, no BP no any thing. I would love her but with all the deadly STD’S, know one I dont care what any one says. you cheat its over and for good, and she is very aware of this, it would be done , first time, last time. call it what you want, but if you get up and know your hungry, you know when your having sex with some one else.good luck all
What?
Sorry Mate I can’t read.
You see I have made another Justifiable complaint against my psych.
she; it, got a placed me on a CTO so now I MUST do 2mg Respiradone Daily. Blood test every 3 Days…
If BT shows not enough. I am locked up & FORCE injected with far more of the same SHIT! Or worse Mond destroying chemicals.
Which R proven to cause BD resulting in ALL the behaviours described in the DSM. Odd?
I Have now obtained via the Mind Freedom Organisation, their.Forced Drugging Defence Package.
I will need Leagal Aid, as I have NO MIND!
ALL can get it. it is PROVEN in the US.
http://www.mindfreedom.org
No they don’t asociate with Scientoligsts.
Though as a Scientoligist you need only state:
“As a Scientoligist I do not believe in psychiatry.”
Then they can do you NO HARM.
If one can say NO, why can’t ALL refuse if they wish to?
I MUST agree with Linda.
“BP or NOT.”
I am Labled BP and been FORCED drugged almost 9 Years.
I NOW have some of the behaviours listed in the DSM.
As Medical Science has PROVEN.
ALL psych. Therapes Destroy the Brain.
This BD Is PROVEN via Medical Science to manifest itself in ALL those behaviours listed in the DSM!
Though “Manic or Depressed.” I still have my conscience & know full well that which I am doing.
And as we are known to experience 150% or so the range of “normal” Human emotion, & be Whole Human,How could we?
I see NOW BP is being Pushed in ALL Media.
B4 it was ADD, ADDD, ADHD.
Must be the World is onto the A lis in the self written ever changing psych. Bible.
So you and yours’ Davo have moved to the b’s?
Prof. of psych. in the US told me:
“Bi-Polar does not make you insane.”
So what is the problem Little one?
Their is a psych. on You Tube, he is asked to describe the symptoms of ADD, ADDD, or ADHD.
After over 5 minutes (They show the clock) of speachlessness, he comes out with:
“W-well the DSM is forever changing…”
Facts Little One do not change. If they do they are NOTFACTS. Are they.
FOOL!
Thus I have NEVER been unfaithful.
Who would benifit from that?
The psych. and the Drug Cartels they serve.
ALSO YOU!
When does our Debate start?
Dave;
What happend to my last post?
It didn’t even come up for maderation?
Davo;
I depend on Thousands or more whom have what youu chosen tade have a “disorder.”
Who else would I TRUST?
My husband has Bipolar and schizophrenia with some brain damage. Over the last 3 1/2 years he has been real bad. He got abusive and has had to leave our home because I will not put up with it. It is not good for the kids to see. But instead of being left on his own I still help him in every way. I go with him to his appointments and the therapist and I are helping him how to learn to deal with what is going on in his life. Helping him see things differently and helping him to have better self esteem. So that these type of situations do not happen. I have found that with all the commotion in his head and all the physical ailments also that he feels not sense of control in his life and that makes his self esteem go down. So as in his own words the only control he has is in his muscles and that is why he takes his anger out on me. I am pleased to say that in the last four months he has shown some improvement.
Dave, not that there is a problem but I changed ISP’s a week or so ago and hadn’t sent everyone as of yet notice of the changed. I was quite surprised tonight when Dave’s email showed up in my mail. As I said, there’s no problem but I would like to know how you got my email address.
Thanks alot Buddy
I am hoping someone can give some advice. I befriended a woman about a year ago who relocated to a city in Tx from New England. We have entirely different background.S he is of African American descent and I’m northern european. She had a difficult time making the transition .Although she was with the same company her superiors disliked her and she feared for losing her job. As an outsider I was able to her and during the course of the year happened to stumble on the fact she is bipolar .What I don’t understand is the constant lies.It can be about planned vacations, to persecution any manner of items. There is always the sense that I cannot get ” near her ” as a friend and I always feel she has got something or everything to hide about her past .Can anyone shed some light on this experience and the frustration I encounter. Thank you