Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.
I saw something the other day that made me really stop and think about the differences between children and adults. There were two mothers. One of the first mother’s children took the stroller that belonged to the second mother.
Now, they just wanted to play with it, but the second mother needed her stroller. So the second mother called to the child and said “Bring it back.” This made the first mother angry. She said that the second mother shouldn’t be telling her child anything. Now, this could easily be the topic of debate, but that’s not my point right now.
It made me think of how children don’t accept feedback and criticism very well. Often times, their parents even protect them from having to hear it. But that’s where we need to differ from children.
Feedback and criticism are important parts of life. They are things we need to learn to accept if we are going to progress as much as we can in life. Without feedback and constructive criticism, we can only change the things that we are aware of.
But what about all of those things that we are not aware of? I know one woman who has bipolar disorder who discovered something about herself in a way she thought was surprising. She never realized how she was when she was manic, until the day when she met someone else who had bipolar disorder.
This someone else wasn’t on medications. So she got to see just how a manic episode looked from the outside. It made her stop to think about herself. She told me about her realizations later. You know what she said? She said she never realized just how ANNOYING she was. LOL.
But it’s true. That, and other things. She probably never realized just how fast she talked, or just how poor her decisions were. But after meeting this other person, she started to realize it. Then she was more willing to accept feedback as to how to change that.
But do you see how there are things that we are not aware of about ourselves? I don’t know if you realize this, but most people who are in a manic episode don’t realize that anything is wrong. That’s when feedback comes into play.
If someone is there to tell you all the symptoms that they have noticed, and to help you realize that you are in a manic episode, then you have a much better chance of getting the treatment you need. That is to say, IF you listen.
We’re not like children. We don’t need to be protected from feedback or criticism. Sometimes the criticism even comes to us in a harsh way. Someone might rudely demand to know why you can never sit still, or why you are talking a hundred miles an hour.
But you can choose how you take that kind of criticism. You can either take it as being rude, and respond in a like manner. Or, you can surprise them (and probably yourself) and instead choose to thank them for pointing that out to you.
After all, you probably didn’t even realize that you were doing that. That’s why feedback and criticism is so important. The more we accept it, the more we can grow on our way to recovery.
What are your thoughts on that?
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
I REALLY LOVE YOUR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHILDREN AND ADULTS
ADULTS DON’T NEED THE PROTECTION
I CORRELATED IT TO THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY MAKER AND MY LEADERS/EVEN BIRTH PARENTS
THE ONE THAT’S THERE TO GIVE CONSTRUCTIVE (UPBUILDING) CRITICISM AS WELL AS FEEDBACK – IS THE ONE YOU REALLY NEEDED, ESPECIALLY IF YOU WERE NOT AWARE OF WHAT YOUR IDOCYNCRACIES REALLY WERE…. it’s always best to accept that from someone who truly knows you…MANKIND JUST PROVED IT!!!!
Wow, what a great post.
I have actually been called a freak a few times because I have such high bursts of energy and passion for what I do. Of course there id the flip side of that.
I asked the person why they would say that and they said – you never stop moving and are so intense.
I never knew that! What an eye opener. I am now paying closer attention when I am in my high creative and passionate times!
This is a great article and I am going to send it to someone who has been very obnoxious and hurtful with her lack of her awareness. The devestation that comes from someone who has no ability and/or executive function to realize that people around her (the forest)
are being affected by her insensitive nature (the tree which is herself).
Point to make…as a retired Licensed Professional Counselor, I have worked with many Bi-Polar clients and enjoy them so much…they are extremely intelligent,
and have many times also become addicted to alcohol and drugs. It is a form of self medication,,,,but it can be complex.
Some wonderful people I have know who are Bi-Polar say they enjoy their Manci episodes so much, that they do not want to take Meds…
With Bi-Polar, it is hard to know the “Real YOU” so to speak, and with a broader understanding of people in general….most people have cycles of all kinds that they go through, but do not go outside the spectrum without checks and balances.
Bi-Polar is a strong inherited tendency….
There are a lot of geniuses with Bi-Polar disorder….
I pray for everyone who suffers with living with Bi-Polar and the support groups who serve them….
Janet
It is very important for me to get and receive constructive feedback on my condition since others notice things before I do. It helps me get back on track, focus my priorities, and try to stay balanced. Critical remarks are hard to take yet because they can hurt so much, unless they are said in a kind, loving manner. I need all the help I can get to prevent an episode of either manic (which I’m in right now) or depression (which I just recently came out of a severe one.)
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE DAVID…
THAT IS SO TRUE. I HAVE BIPOLAR AND SO DOES MY SISTER. I TAKE MEDS, AND SHE DOESN’T. I CAN NOT HANDLE BEINGAROUND HER. SHE DRIVES ME INSANE WITH HER NINETY MILE AN HOUR TOUNGE AND HER SPEEDY GONZALAS FEET. SHE IS ALWAYS DIGGING AROUND IN HER PURSE AND BABBELING LIKE SHE IS ON DRUGS OR SOMETHING.
I HAVE A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTERTHAT REMINDS ME OF MY MANIC EPPISODES BY SAYING MOM YOUR ACTING LIKE AUNT CONNIE. AND I DO MY BEST TO CONTROLL MYSELF.
I’LL GO IN ANOTHER ROOM AND READ ABOOK OR SOMETHING. BECAUSE I DON’T
WANT TO LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
I to am manic and never knew it untill one day my mother and day and my wife and me were having a cock out
and my mother went in to the house to do something and she started to ask me why i was mad at my wife and I said I was not mad at her,mother than asked why did I yell at her,I said that I did not remember yell at her. So the next thing I did was go to my doctor and she referred me to another doctor ther I was told I was manic bipolar so I was told to tack some meds andwas told give this list of things I needed to do to make my life better. But they have not work I’m looking for better ways to to cope with I and yes I did tell my wife that day I was sorry and we all had a great day. The point I’m making here is that little hint may come from someone that will surprise you.
ive been having manic episodes i didnt know it but thanks to you i do now thank you
My wife is currently manic and was caught stealing from a neighbor, yet she denies any involement. Do manic people simply deny or do they simply forget that they are inappropriate or wrong?
Hello David:
I just want to thank you for all the info and up dates I receive from you. I came across your web page doing reserach on the subject of bipolar and manic depresion due to the fact that my older son that recently have come to live with me due to the many problems he has had in the pass 6/7 yrs. He has hit bottom few times he is 31 yrs old and has been diagnose bipolar manic depressive with perhaps a touch of schysophrinic. He refuses any kind of med. and also dislikes psychitris. Also he has dependancy with alcohol and drugs, so you can see the mountain I have infront of me. Thank you for listening and thank you for your E-mails. Best regards
Ernesto
My x boyfriend was bipolar when we were together I was very supportive and always trying to help him. He seemed interested but then he went right back to his destructive way of being it was to difficult for him. He cheated on me and continues having multiple partners and hires prostitutes now I’m angry and don’t trust him anymore. He also feels like there’s nothing wrong with him and blames me for our relationship falling apart, meanwhile my whole life fell apart because of him I been going to therapy since we broke up because I need to rebuild my whole life again. He’s been seeing a psychiatrist many years and he has given him all different types of medication but nothing is working maybe because he smokes alot of pot every day and also drinks alcohol and I wouldn’t be surprised if he does other drugs.
Broken hearted
Yes, this story hits home. So does the inability for so many of us to set limits, because we don’t understand how to do that appropriately. I got feedback from my entire community on my behavior during a severe manic episode, after which i checked into a psych hospital and was brutally treated there. All the other patients were depressed and suicidal, and “easy to manage.” We’re not, for the presise issues you spoke about. We appear rude, arrogant and self absorbed. Who in history was manic? Very interesting to contemplate when you know the condition and symptomology. Dr. Patricia Rodier, Scientific American, 2002; News week 2005, results of the thymerisol(mercurybased compound)in DTP shots and perhaps check out Dr. JM Frazier’s study, 2002, Mass. General Hospital: co-authored. Link to Autism and treatments for co-morphology in children/ADULTS?
THe clinical manual on Bi-Polar illness clearly defines something called “autistic pattern speech. Think about it.
This is a good article and I always enjoy reading your posts. Feedback on yourself is always a difficult thing at times but necessary to proceed in a positive manner. I have anxiety and depression and have not been on meds for a year due to no medical insurance. This has made my life a bit challenging as I am supporting a bipolar teenager. Sometimes your own children can be a wealth of knowledge as well as others around you.
This article is good advice except for one thing. The person that is bipolar would have to be in an advanced state of realization and be taking medication. My sister is neither of those. There is no way that she will listen to “constructive criticism” because she thinks she is always right. It’s ok for her to tell us what she thinks, but we can never tell her what we think, ever! When she’s in her depressed state, she won’t talk to any of us, it’s not allowed. She pushes us all away and says very mean and hurtful things to us. We have never been able to “help” her and get her to respond to our suggestions for help without getting extremely angry and then shutting us out.
Great insight and very helpful. I have had a friend tell me I was in Bipolar mode, and yet I thought it was my ADHD (Hyperactivity) side of me at that time. How do I tell the difference? God bless.