Hi,

Did you know that there are two types of pride? There is a good kind…And a bad kind. And the bad kind of pride can wipe you out! Webster’s dictionary gives one definition as: “a reasonable or justifiable self-respect; delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship (to congratulate oneself because of something one is, has, or has done or achieved).” That’s the good kind of pride. The other kind is described by Webster’s dictionary under prideful, and means: “full of pride; disdainful, haughty.” That’s the bad kind of pride.

Both have to do with EGO as well. And Webster’s defines ego as: “the self, especially as contrasted with another self or the world.” So, on the one hand, we can be talking about positive self-esteem, which is very good for someone with bipolar disorder and/or their supporter. BUT…

We could also be talking about self-esteem as in too much of it, or thinking you’re better than someone else. That’s where the disdainful and haughty attitude comes in. And that can cost you.

That’s what happens a lot of times to someone when they’re in a bipolar manic episode. They have grandiose ideas and think they’re better than they are. What if your loved one was prideful and thought that they no longer needed their therapist? That can truly interfere with their treatment and recovery from bipolar disorder. Or what about a supporter attitude of “You’re sick, but I’m not,” acting superior to their loved one? Think how awful that would be to your loved one.

In the past I have gone over goal-setting, and that you can take pride in yourself when you achieve your goals. Especially the goal of stability with bipolar disorder. Again, this is the good kind of pride. You should have goals – both short-term and long-term, and you CAN take pride in meeting those goals, or in a job well done, and especially in achieving stability with bipolar disorder. But you have to watch out for the bad kind of pride.

I’ve seen this illustrated in person in some of the support groups I attend: Say, Mary, thinks she is a better supporter than say, Joan, because her loved one is more stable. Now, that’s not right. It’s a very negative thing. Because then Joan’s self-esteem might suffer, thinking she is not a good supporter just because her loved one is struggling more than Mary’s loved one. So pride and ego have to be juggled, kept in balance, and you have to have the right attitude.

Here is the key: You need to be HUMBLE. Webster’s defines humble as: “not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive.” Arrogant is being full of pride and ego. So the point of all this is to encourage you to have good self-esteem (take pride in what you accomplish), while avoiding the bad kind of pride that makes you think you’re better than someone else. In other words, don’t compare yourself or your loved one to anyone else.

Just do the best you can and strive toward stability. Don’t let the bad pride wipe you out. Because it can if you let it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave