Hi,
Hope your day is going ok.
You know those quizzes, maybe in a magazine, or on the Internet, where they’re always asking you things like, “If your life were a car, what kind of car would it be?” and things like that?
Well, I saw one that said, “If your life were a movie, what kind of movie would it be?”
Well, at first I thought it was stupid, like I think all these quizzes are sort of stupid.
But then it made me think about my life.
Is it a thriller?
Is it a horror story?
Is it a love story? (I don’t think so LOL)
Is it a comedy?
Is it a drama?
Then I got serious.
My life isn’t a movie at all.
My life is my life – it’s real, and I need to take it seriously.
Hopefully there’s some good times in it, and some hope in it, but there isn’t going to be someone
who comes along and rescues me or does all the hard work for me…
Or who makes my life all easy and ties it up with a bow with a happy ending like in the movies.
This is my real life.
So this quiz made me think of you, and bipolar disorder.
Being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder is very real.
Your life is NOT a movie.
It is VERY real.
Every day is not a happy one.
Of course, we hope that every day is not a bad one, either.
But sometimes the reality is that your loved one may be depressed.
And sometimes they may be manic.
That’s why, in my courses/systems, I go over the signs and symptoms of both mood swings, so that you
will know them:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But living with a loved one with bipolar disorder cannot be put into one category of a type of movie.
There are too many ups and downs to your life, aren’t there?
Sometimes things are good, and sometimes they aren’t.
When your loved one is in an episode, things can be very, very difficult.
If they are in a depressive episode, for example, you may have to watch their sadness, helplessness and hopelessness, tearfulness, and the other ways they act… and not be able to do anything about it.
And at worse… you may even have to put them in a hospital, because they may even be suicidal.
This is no movie… this is real life.
If your loved one is in a manic episode, there may be terrible consequences.
Talk about a movie drama!
You never know what they’re going to do, because they can be so impulsive.
Their risk-taking behavior can cause financial and even legal consequences for you.
The consequences of their actions can definitely affect your relationship.
And the worst part of it is that they may not even remember what they do during their episodes!
But again, this is no movie – this is real life for you.
You have to deal with the reality of your loved one’s episodes…
And enjoy the “normal” times between episodes.
The closest you’ll get to a movie happy ending is when your loved one becomes stable, and you have to hold onto that hope.
Do you sometimes feel as if you’re living in a movie?
Do you believe that someday there will be a happy ending?
Post responses below
Today is our 8th wedding anniversary. She is living with another man and is still denying it to me. I am at home with our 4 children that she has so little contact with that it is just unbelievable. Actually it reminds me very much of the movie “Girl interrupted”. Have you seen it? If not you really should. It’s a recommended watch according to McLeans hospital. That is our life. I think it’s time to give up. I never thought I would, but I see things differently now. Bi-Polar is so much like two people rolled into one body. And sadly, The manic personality that I deal with is uncaring and hurtful, selfish and dangerous and just plain mean. There was a time when we managed it but she now thinks she is “cured” and is not willing to accept the realities that are so obvious to everyone that REALLY cares and loves her. You can not help someone who does not want help.
Every one that knows her well all say the same thing: There are two of her.
Does anyone else see this in whomever they support?
And do any other supporters go through depression during really bad manic episodes?
My life IS like a Movie…as a supporter…It reminds me of the the movie “The Notebook” where James Garner keeps on trying reach his wife…and does this…waiting for those lucid (stable) moments where his wife is back…he get’s those moments…and then she is lost again…he starts over again and again.
I wish I could say that I have always been as righteous as James Garner’s character…but I know that my heart has always had the same desire as his character.
My wife is just recovering from a 2 month long Major Manic Episode…where I had been trying to reach her by reading to her “our notebook” about our life together of 30 years…I am just now getting those moments of Love…just like in the movie…having to decide while I have this moment again…do allow the hurts that have occurred over the last 2 months..spoil this time? It wasn’t easy…but my Love for her won over my hurt…and I am choosing to enjoy the moment.
I have been told I must be the “dumbest guy in the world”; I have been told I must be Truly Truly in Love with My Wife; I have also been told that I am being pulled along by God’s Will…(I believe the third statement is causing the second)
And with it I have peace again!
Good Morning Dave:
How are you this morning, fine I hope. I have been reading your newsletter for quite some time now. To set the story straight I am the one who is Bi-Polar. My daughter may be but we have put distance between us. You see we are both drug addicts and alcoholics and maybe whatever other OCD’s. I am in recovery and I fear even though my daughter was on a methadone program she may be back to active addiction because of her associations. I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar in 2007 where I was self referred to a place called Epoch Counseling Center for relapse-prevention and mental health issues. I really never gave it much thought how all the issues so to speak { meaning OCD’s, drugs, alcohol and when I was in denial } played a part in changing my life be for the better or for the worse. From 1987 to the present I have had 16 different jobs. That’s not good and the fact is I am unemployed now and can’t seem to find a job and I have been denied unemployment totally because I; being one who is set in his ways about how to work smart and not hard went off on my boss and went to see his boss and when nothing was done I shut down from everything and everyone and gave up on the same. All my working career I feel that I have been fighting for the cause and the injustices of the working mankind. My last job was a good example of a place where a person is put in a position of supervisor or responsibility but TOTALLY lacks people skills or how to talk to people in a professional manner. Well I know you are a busy man so if you can read this and drop me a line I’d appreciate it. Have A Blessed Day.
Dennis Schott
YE DAVIE A THINK MY LIFE IS LIKE A MOVIE;
AV YOU SEEN THAT ONE THELME AN LOUIES TAKE A LOOK AT THAT ONE. ITS NOT A FAIRYTALE ITS FAR FROM IT. ITS MORE OF A DRAMA.
TAKE CARE LINDA :-)XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hi,
My husband is almost always in a manic frame of mind and refuses treatment. Sometimes he disappears altogether and I have no clue where he is. Others, mania turns to agressive mania and he becomes irrational and dellusional. I have a baby and I try to be very patient and understanding, while focusing on my son.
I have studied psychology but this is way far from my field…I do feel my life is a movie, excessive and whirlpooling.
I think that manic supporters all end up feeling lonely and drained.
HEY DAV WERS MY SMILEY FACES GONE. AM SORRY HAVE I SAID SOMETHIN TO UP SET YOU IF I HAVE I AM SORRY PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ LET ME AV THEM BACK ON THER LOOKED BETTER THEN THOSE ONES :-).
TAKE CARE LINDA X
WOW out of all the e-mails you have sent me, this one really hit a cord. My poor son has battled this illness and it has been so very difficult, when he is manic its something we can get though pretty regularly, but the depperssion is very stubberon and it lasts months even with meds, somethimes its good but most of the time its bad. You had mentioned hope, not anytime soon my husband and I are so tired.
Lisa
Al,
My wife too had been dating/living with another man (19 years younger than her, mentally ill and had also criminal record) while she WAS in a Major Manic Episode…Just like you said…she had become a totally different person…her family and our own kids and myself could not reach through her Major Mania…I went through a Deep Dark Depression..took off my wedding ring, took down the pictures in the house…all of that was a reminder to me who she was…and now gone. But even worse…all attempts by me to connect with her..was being answered with escalating nasty replies…that tore right thru me.
While she was committed… this guy was still coaching her on how to liquidate her 401K plans over the phone…so “they could buy a house together”…right…he was trying to swindle her…I had to get a court order to freeze the assets)
I/We were fortunate…she said the magic words…I am going to Kill Myself….I got voice recordings of it…got them to the police…and they FINALLY committed her…forced medication…and 2 weeks later she is now coming back to being the person we all knew and Loved.
I also turned to Prayer…”The Power of a Praying Husband” and also “Praying for the Deeper Issues in Your Marriage” by Stormie Omaritan
I recorded some of these prayers in my voice and got them to my Wife…all of this helped break thru the Mania….My head told me to run…but my heart would not allow it.
Before your wife went into a Major Manic Episode…was she a Loving caring Wife and Mother?
I hope that you and your family will also have this opportunity…make a plan…and be ready to act…the system wants proof of danger to self or others…record all VM’s to or PC, Scan all notes…have the family kids, write her letters…so she can “maybe” in a lucid moment start to doubt what she is thinking and feeling…all of this will help her get the help she really needs.
Been going thru this for 16 years…and I still find happiness in Loving My Wife.
I will say a Prayer for you and Your Family!
Beleive that no matter what we think needs to be done…God knows something even better! Turn to him…it may take some time to witness answers…but I am living his answers right now!
Rob
I have often thought of my life as a movie since becoming a supporter of my boyfriend. We are still awaiting official diagnosis for bipolar but all the signs and symptoms seem to be present according to his family doctor. The movie would be a horror, even in the good times you keep yourself a little tense waiting for the next “monster” to scare the crap out of you. Who will it be this time, family members who don’t want to admit anything could be wrong, friends who like the energetic manic person who is such a party animal. the questionable women from the past, or god forbid when they all jump out at once to reverse any and all progress that has been made. Bipolar is not the only problem in these situations, if you are like us, you deal with individuals who actually don’t want to see your loved one get stable.
THAX DAVE 🙂 X
I know exactly what David Oliver is talking about. I was in a relationship with a man who is bipolar/schizophrenic. I have put with lies, cheating, and theft. The last straw was when he attacked me last month because he was cheating on me with prostitutes. I was the only support he had and he now lost me because I deserve better and he doesn’t want help. He has been off his medicine for a year and feels he is “cured” and that I am the one who needs medicine. Our relationship reminded me of the movie “What about Bob”? In the movie, the psychiatrist was driven crazy by the actual crazy person. It can happen. He is a ticking time bomb and I refuse to be in a relationship where he is just concerned about his next high or sexual tryst with people who doesnt care whether he lives or dies. I am an enabler. I have been holding him up for so long that he cant stand on his own. I have to let him fall and get out of his life so he will see “who is truly” there for him. I still am in love with him but I cant have this destructive man in my life. What if he kills me while he is in one his episodes? I cant take the risk anymore. I have been with him for 4 years and he is getting worse. What can I do? You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink. A person has to want to change on his own.
But again, this is no movie –
this is real life for you.
You have to deal with the reality
of your loved one’s episodes…
I have to deal with MY episodes – oh the poor supporters, always throwing their pity parties trying to see whose family can out crazy each others’. Episodes hurt, excruciatingly; this movie will never end until the final credits roll.
I have to deal with my son’s episodes, too, knowing that I passed on the genetic material that caused his illness. To have bipolar and to support a bipolar at the same time can be nothing but a tragedy.
hi there Dave,
I would say that for 2 years , before my daughter was hospitalised and diagnosed with BP, every day was a drama, it was as if both her and her partner thrived on the headiness of the dramatic gesture , the risky exchange, they were of the belief their relationship was high drama and center stage and normal , sadly their relationship was but another blip on the police radar. That sort of destructive behaviour wears out a relationship – and they split up.
Now my daughter and her 2 sons are with me and the emphasis is on routine, and steady as she goes and normal like all ordinary house holds have every day no dramas.My daughter is in recovery, she has been offered a position at the university.She is finding it very hard to cope with the success of her new status- I just keep saying calmly – although this is exciting and the promise of a new start- lets just stay calm, normal , I understand that success can be equally unsettling and stressful as failure and depression I have reminded her of her daily routines and her coping tools in her tool box, our little household stays the same routine quiet stability steady as she goes, no dramas.
I will save my own jubilation for her success for when I go for my walk , such a spritely step I will have, the sun will be shining and the sky will be so blue.
I love my daughter we have been home our family untied now for almost 2 months.
Regards
shona
Definately a movie. Relatives, friends and doctors joke that a better fiction book could not be written based on our family’s patheticness. But that means to me that there is still hope for a happy ending. From Dysfunctional to role model family. But this is not going to happen until the bipolar one gets on the right medications, ditches his anger, delusions and irrational thinking and behavior and wants to stop abusing. I would say the movie that our family most closely resembles is The Dream Team – he resembles a mix of all 3 of them!!! on a good day. On a bad day – it’s more like a horror flick. He makes bipolar look like it is impossible to treat, and impossible to be functional with. He would rather stay “sick” and “ill” to have an excuse for his intolerable behavior.
Thank You David for all the information I have gotten from reading your Mini Course on Bipolar. It has been very helpful. Please keep up the good work.
Betty Pitman
David, how are you doing? Listening to all of our issues must be very staggering and overwhelming and yet it is very nice to be able to talk to someone who understands.
Though it was years before we knew what to call it, mother had maniac depressive disorder and I am sure her grandmother also had it (was institutionalized for years). My mother had 5 from her second marriage and me from her first. Her first marriage came about when she was 9 and 1/2 month pregnant, He never acknowledge to anyone the he was married. We had to hide in his car on the floorboard in the backseat.
Her second marriage had 5 more my 2 twin girls and 3 boys.one twin was a diabetic died at 46, 2 boy are diabetic, the other twin has bipolar issues and I was diagnosed at age 56 having Bipolar Disorder which after the initial shock and finding that most of my friends already assume I might be BiPolar and my husband and family all pretty much thought I did for years.
I just integrated it into my personality and dealt with alot of things.
My mother lied, stole, manipulated
In fact from my mother,s side my cousin Terry has a granchild with bipolar-schizophrenia, a grandchild with adhd and bipolar, my cousin Kathy has 2 children with OCD , 1 bipolar, my uncle Jerry has 3 children, Michelle has OCD, her if her 3 sons 2 are bipolar and adhd, Kathy has anxiety disorder her of her 3 sons 2 have bipolar and 1 has bipolar- schizophrenia and all have add. Tommy died at 34 from kidney failure from not having his medication in jail and then not getting treatment he was out because he didn’t understand the severity of this – he was bipolar and adhd. Uncle Herb had 4 children Gary died of a ancidentally gunshot wound to his head, his 16 year old daughter thought that he was trying to commit suicide because of his depression from losing his job, bills etc, Gary was Bipolar – she was tackling the gun from him and he tried to tell it was loaded and to be careful and the gun did go off, shot her angled thru her neck in her head and out her eye and into his head and killed him instantly left her blind in one eye and partially paralyzed.
MY LIFE ISN’T A MOVIE. I WISH IT WERE. THAN I LEAST IT WOULD BE OVER IN ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
YES I AM BI POLAR IT SUCKS.
ONLY OTHER CRAZY PPL UNDERSTAND, MOST OTHER PPL ARE CLUELESS TO WHAT LIFE IS REALLY LIKE.
I, also, am a bipolar supporter. If my life is like a movie, it’s not one I would care to watch. My husband was diagnosed 3 years ago. I didn’t know what was wrong with him at that time. I convinced him to let me take him to the hospital. They signed him in for 30 days and told me he was bipolar. When he was released from the hospital we both just thought, “ok, he’s all better now”. He went off the meds and we continued on with our life. Two months ago, I realized he was in another manic state. I tried to get him to go to the doctor, but he refused. I was forced to call an ambulance. The doctors again have certified him for 30 days. I now realize this is not a disorder that will go away. My husband must always be on medication. I need to recognize his triggers and seek help early on. My husband’s doctor actually told me I left him in this state too long. He is very angry with me for getting him to the hospital. He is always talking about divorcing me. He is very hateful towards me. It is so difficult to not just pull away, however, we have been married for 27 years. I now see that some of our difficult periods were due to this illness but never recognized. It is so totally like he is two different people. It encourages me to read about other people with this disorder and their supporters. To know that it can be kept in check and we can have a harmonious life in spite of it.
I to live with a bipolar mate. We are in a very ruff period right now, he started new medication and is like a zombie almost everyday. I need to learn to keep my mouth shout. I do set him off at times. Does anyone else blame themselves?
I also have been a bipolar supporter. I also have bipolar myself. A movie no I would never compare our lives to. It has been times of hope and faith and brightness. But also a life of sorrow and sadness. I still love him deeply and he loves me no more. I thought we would make it be careful if you are in the same situation the lies can start again at any moment. Take care of yourself if you do not you will be lost forever.