Bipolar Supporter? Through Their Eyes

Hi, how’s your day going? I hope it is a good one.

I had a good day today. I went to a class on disability awareness, and they did an interesting demonstration to show us how it felt to have a disability.

First they had us try on glasses that had been painted black, and carefully walk around the room. So we got a small taste of what it is like to be blind.

Then they put earplugs in our ears and had us try to understand what other people were saying, just by reading their lips. So we got to understand what it might be like to be deaf.

Then they did something that I didn’t expect. They gave us mirrors and told us to put them next to our papers, so that we could see the paper in the mirror. Then they told us that we could only look in the mirror to see what we were writing. This was a very difficult task. When we were done, they told us that this was a small taste of what it was like to have dyslexia.

These were great exercises, and it was wonderful that it was promoting disability awareness.

It got me thinking: what would it be like to look through the eyes of someone who has bipolar disorder? Is there some trick I can do that would show me even a little bit of what it’s like? I don’t think there is anything that could be done to show exactly what it’s like, but maybe there are things we can think about, that will help us to understand better.

Bipolar disorder is a disorder that is based on a person’s moods. How many moods do we have throughout a day? I mean, if we were really to count exactly how many times our moods change in a day, what number would we end up with?

Most of the time, we don’t react to all of our moods. Our moods change a little when we see a sad commercial, or think of a funny thought, or get irritated by something that we know isn’t that big of a deal. These little moods usually get ignored as we go about the rest of our day.

What would happen if we had a pressing urge to act out each of those emotions? We would end up in tears every time that sad commercial came on the television. We would laugh hysterically at that funny thought, even though no one knew what we were laughing about. Every time we got irritated, even by something little, we would become angry, maybe even irate.

How would we handle this turmoil of emotions? Sometimes it is easy to think that if we had the disorder we could do better. But could we really do any better than our loved ones already do?

Many of our loved ones have learned to adapt to the change of their moods. They may have learned to follow their treatment plan so that they can live the best life that they can. They may have learned who they can go to for help when things get out of hand. There are many things that they do to adapt.

Could I have done better? I have to say I don’t know.

I am just so glad that there is hope for a good life when their treatment plan is followed. I am so glad that I can be part of my loved one’s life and support system.

What would it be like to see things through your loved one’s eyes?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

  1. The link provided is a link to my blog which may help you better understand one side of bipolar. There are so many people that struggle daily to maintain their “normalcy” that is accepted by society and keeps us from doing things that we did when we were untreated. If you read my archives, there is more information of what I was going through. I hope this helps you to better understand. There are people that experience bipolar differently, this is just my experience of it. I have attempted suicide five times in the matter of a year, and have not attempted in 6 months, where I was going every 4-8 weeks of attempting suicide. Let me know if it helps or not. Thanks,
    Kassie

  2. Hi Dave, Everyone,

    I have bipolar and I have tried to explain it to people who don’t have it and the best way I can describe depression is like being blind, but not blind to physical things, being blind to the positive side of life. It is like trying to walk in a room without being able to see. When we are depressed, we “cannot” see hope, a reason to live sometimes. We see everything as hopeless, futile, or that there is no point in carrying on or trying sometimes. This is a lot like trying to walk around without physical site, but the site we lose is of hope. Trying to point out to someone in an depressed state that there is hope is alot like turning on a light bulb for someone who is physically blind, it just doesn’t help. The best a supporter can do is to ask their loved one if they can remember what life is like when they are not depressed and tell them that is what life really is like. That their perspective is disorted by the episode and that it may seem like there is no hope, but they just can see it at the time. And, that their sight or hope will return.

    Mania on the other hand is like when you have been in a dark room and go into the sunlight. Everything is so bright that you can’t see either. But instead of not seeing hope in life, you can’t see a limit of things. Like you can’t see tomorrow, you can’t see that you only have a limited amount of money, that what you do has repercussions. You can’t see that what you want to say or do may not be a good idea to say or do. You may get blinded by anger, or turn rageful at simple little inconveniences because you don’t see that it has a limit and is not a big problem that won’t last for ever. It is also kind of like looking through a magnifying glass or microscope. Everything looks bigger or worse than it actually is!

    Now mixed episodes are a lot worse, we cannot see hope, nor that things are not 100 times bigger than they really are. We think things are worse, or are magnified and see no hope of them ever getting manageable. Impulsivity with a lack of concern is basically what a mixed episode causes. This can cause a rage with a lack of hope that there is any chance of things getting better.

    I hope this is helpful. I know it is a pale explanation, but it truly is difficult to put into words just how difficult it is to manage with bipolar mood swings in episodes!

    Thanks,
    Bob

  3. my fiancee has left, he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he will not speak to me and has cut me off
    I feel helpless

  4. Hi David. VERY good article. I have Bipolar. I am also a supporter, as both of my children have Bipolar too. My husband, has depression, but not Bipolar and it is very difficult for him to understand me and my children sometimes. Even my children don’t understand why the other acts out of control…even though the other child has Bipolar too. It took my a long time to get myself under control. I take 10 medications a day to keep me “balanced” or “normal”. I still have my moments and even though I would not wish Bipolar on anyone, I do wish they could see what I see, feel what I feel and maybe they would understand why I am the way I am. My family can’t understand why I seem to not care about anything. I stay calm when there is a crisis. Perhaps it is because not only the medications won’t let me ‘flip out’, but also I went through intense, extensive therapy to learn how to control my emotions and thoughts and how to sense a major manic or depressive episode before it is full blown. My husband says stop being this way. So I tell him to stop being Diabetic. I get so aggrivated sometimes when people think they know what Bipolar is. They only know the stigma Bipolar is, unles they have Bipolar. Try not to judge someone with Bipolar, just love them and be patient with them…because before you know it they will change again and you will have to start all over with trying to figure them out.

  5. This disease is horrible. Everything is exaggerated. Happiness, sadness, that feeling I can’t describe, so I just call it the black hole. I tried to drink it away, and only ended up with 2 DUI’s and 6 weeks in jail. I don’t drink anymore, got help from my doctor, the sober community, and my psychiatrist. Still working on getting the proper meds…have tried two that make me feel worse, but I will not stop trying until I find one that does work for me. Even when I don’t feel strong, I rely on that strength God gives me, and trudge on.

  6. Hello dave,
    I am responding to ur last email about looking tru the eyes of the disabled/Bipolar. Well I am finding out first hand what that would be like. I used to be just a supporter of a loved one and now I am dealing with my own diagnoses. I spiraled out of control and one day I snapped,not one of my finer moments and not proud of it either. I am bipolar and have PTSD also just like my brother. It is scary and unsetttling,never knowing what the next moment holds and learning to follow treatment is hard. I used to just think it was severe depression and that it would get better but it got much worse. Im glad you send these emails because it helps me to get thru each day. God bless you and thank you for all your insight into this disease.

  7. http://www.bipolarnow.org
    I am bipolar and wrote a blog posing about this on Jan 3, 2010, “Freaky Friday,” about what it would be like to switch brains for a day. It is pretty lonely to feel like you are not understood. Dave got it right, there is no way to feel the disability. I think there are a lot of us out there that work pretty hard to live in the linear world (without shifting in and out of phase all the time so we can act ‘normal’) It is hard work. Allies that work at it have it hard as well, having to be patient in the dark so often, not knowing what is going on in their loved one’s mind. And thus it is.

  8. My daughter has bipolar.
    Rachel gave me a heads up this morning “mum” she said “I’m finding it overtwhelmingly tough this morning”
    and that should have rung an alarm in my head but for some reason the alarm wasn’t working. instead I leapt to the conclusion Rachel was feeling bad over something that had occurred the day before – not that her BP had kicked in yet again and she was in the middle of a mood swing which she had no control over.
    Darn it!!
    Rachel wandered back upstairs to her bed to weather the storm of emotional turmoil and instead of following her and harping in her ear about negative nay sayers affecting the way we feel about ourselves, I sat down and tried to figure my role right now.
    And then it dawned on me- Rachel was in the middle of one of her awful mood swings(I now liken it to an horrific migraine attack) and immediately I realised what I had to do.
    My first task was to reduce time down to the NOW the this minute : not yesterdays happening or tomorrows anticpation but the NOW because that is all Rachel right now, could deal with.
    And about an hour later, I proceeded up the stairs to first apologise to my daughter for leaping to the wrong conclusions and assumptions and cluttering up her mind and and second could we please start again for right now.
    So then with Rachels approval we discussed how she was right now and agreed her mood swing was right now and was not predictable nor was anything else to blame for it it just happens.
    Rachel I could see was struggling to stay with me in the now in the minute but she hung on – she is soooooo brave and I told her so
    then we talked about her new kitten ( a distraction mechanism) and how it was beginning to bond to the family members especially her youngest son.
    Then we talked about what should happen in the next ten minutes -( she should get up and get dressed because she had an important meeting to go to)
    I reminded her that some days its like this but as the day wears on things do get better and sometimes they can be great but that if she stayed where she was her mood would probably stay where it was too ( I reminded her of a couple of other days like today)
    And what I could do to help ( just being there)
    So then I left her room to let her get on with it or not.
    And soon she was up and dressed and down with me talking about the latest news and we were in no time at all in the car and away.
    All I can say is BP is like a cunning thief robbing joy from our loved ones sometimes in broad daylight I have to keep reminding myself what that must be like and what my darling daughter must do each and every day to keep one step ahead.
    Regards
    Shona

  9. Oh if I could only be in my daughters brain just for a little while , maybe then I wouldnt get so hurt when she verbally attacks me.

    yesterday was a horrible day for the both of us, today has been great.
    I wish I could take this bipolar dis order away from her & everyone else that has it, it is so disabling for them.

  10. I have had bipolar disorder now for 20 years. It’s taken a long time to recover and to get on the right meds and keep them adjusted when I start noticing a difference in my general mood, especially depression. At first I’m in denial and almost want to punish myself or to withdraw into myself. I lie to myself about needing a break, but eventually realize what’s happening. I wish I had someone to support me when they notice this happening. When I get high I make decisions without much thought, things that could be a life-changing event. I usually don’t notice this because I’m feeling so good. But then comes the depression as it always does after a high. The higher you go the lower you go. Part of my treatment was counselling and treatments for PTSD.
    Also, I had to grieve. People with bipolar are not able to grieve. We run from unhappiness towards mania.

  11. I am 40 years old and have 4 children. I am Bipolar and ADHD, Not to mention dislexic!! I feel that the information and insite that Dave’s DVD provides is the best thing to come along since G od said let there be light!!!!! Not to belittle God in any way shape or form!!! GOD IS AL:WAYS FIRST IN MY LIFE!! Anyway , if this informatuion could have been around when my ex BRIAN and where together then we could of had a REAL chance to keep our Marraige!! I Still am the LOST-ONE! Because there are others in my life that will never have the chance to know the truth about my Disorder, Because they are to Blind to there own wall of disception! Holyer than thow B.S. Hipocrits!! I live with being Bipolar ECT ECT!!! SO Thank full to have known GOD since a youth of 6 or 7 years old!! My FAITH IS WHAT I CLUNG TO !! NOW I can learn more for ME abouth My Disordersd! THANK YOU Dave, And GOD Bless you Allways!

  12. As has been said many times here, our bipolar does make our perspectives very different than people without bipolar. It is this way for everyone though… Many people feel misunderstood in this world and I don’t know how many times there has been someone who has said, “If you only walked a mile in my shoes, then you would know how it is to be me!” Bipolar of course is much more difficult to understand than your average problem. But I think we all feel very misunderstood at one point or another. While I don’t mean to take away from how difficult it is to be understood as a survivor, as I am one, I just hope to help other survivors who are misunderstood and supporters who are misunderstood as to why they continue to help us feel a little better by explaining that no one can see how anyone else really feels until they are in our shoes. It is not a personal problem but a global one. As a survivor to other survivors, don’t feel like no one understands you because other people with bipolar do. There are great support groups for us. There is the DBSA, or Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance that has an online support group here: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_OSGnocomponent they also have local support groups in most areas, and the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill has local support groups in most areas. They can be found at http://www.nami.org While it is true that not many people understand us, most others with bipolar do. And for supporters, those who support other people with bipolar understand us too. I both support others and survive with bipolar. So don’t give up, while it’s true that not everyone understands us, that doesn’t mean that no one ever will. You ARE able to be understood. Someone out there will understand you. You just have to find them : )

    Bob

  13. Dave (and readers),
    As excellent as this article is, it does not address the unfortunate reality that we are primarily, as is usually the case, preaching to the choir. The so called normals spend little to no time assessing or caring about their actions, provocative or not, and the results potential thereof, seen or not. In fact I discern that these ignorant, careless provocateurs are often undiagnosed ill that unfortunately dominate society at large, consequently exacerbating not only the variously challenged but all of societies ills. Yes, were the average individual taught to think and exercise compassionate thinking of walking in others shoes then not only would the emotionally and otherwise challenged benefit but again all of society.
    But there’s no sign in sight of revamping our present politics around any social justice reform , education, employment, money, food …the list goes on….
    The big question is how much longer will we have a chance in time to correct our behavior collectively before mother natures hand trumps all other hedged uncompassionate systemically sick bets.

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