Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re doing well.

I was reading this book on bipolar disorder called “Bipolar Disorder: Insights for Recovery” by Jane Mountain, M.D. It’s very interesting, and has much helpful information in it for both supporters and survivors.

I wanted to share an excerpt of it with you:

“The emotional pain of bipolar disorder is completely different from physical pain. For one thing, emotional pain deeply affects relationships with friends and family. When someone has physical pain, you may easily find words to console and encourage that person. But when you suffer the deep emotional pain of bipolar disorder, you likely feel you’re not getting support from others. Indeed, to protect yourself, you hide your pain and try to disguise your symptoms.

This doesn’t mean that people who do not experience a mental illness do not feel emotional pain. There is not a person living who has not known emotional pain from loss – the loss of a loved one from death or divorce, for example. Even the loss of a beloved family pet can be extremely hard to bear.

But the emotional pain of bipolar disorder has a different quality – and is experienced much more intensely – than these examples. This pain can be so intense that we may not want to live. This pain, coupled with

hopelessness, can lead to suicide.”

This doctor has great insight into how a person with bipolar disorder and their supporter can feel.

I think she makes some excellent points. Mostly about the difference between physical pain and emotional pain. I like that she includes everyone in the part about experiencing emotional pain, because many supporters feel like they shouldn’t experience it – That emotional pain is only for their loved one. But that’s not true.

Supporters sometimes feel a great amount of pain, especially from watching their loved one when they are suffering from a bipolar episode.

And it’s true, too, about not knowing what to say. When someone dies, you tell the family, “I’m sorry for your loss,” or other such things. When someone is injured, you say, “I hope you feel better.” But what can you say to a loved one suffering from bipolar disorder?

You can’t tell them, “I know how you feel,” because you don’t, and a comment like that may make them angry or react in another negative way.

So how do you express to your loved one that you feel their emotional pain so that they don’t feel so alone? You just have to be honest if you don’t know what to say. It will happen at times. And it’s ok not to know what to say – just let your loved one know that you’re there for them, that you care about them, and be compassionate.

Many people with bipolar disorder have been emotionally damaged by family members who say, “Why can’t you just snap out of it?”

But we both know that’s not true, or your loved one definitely would do it, right? But you do always have to keep in mind that this emotional pain is just as real as a physical pain for your loved one. It’s not so much what you say as that you show an understanding of the pain they are suffering. And always, always – if your loved one expresses thoughts of death or suicide, take them seriously, and get them to get help immediately.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave