Hi, how are you feeling today? I hope you’re feeling well.
With winter coming on, a lot of people are catching the flu. I know some people on my staff are getting sick, too. Remember that you need to take care of your own physical health and well-being to be a good supporter to your loved one. You can’t help them if you get sick, so you need to make taking care of yourself a priority.
Anyway, onto today’s topic: KEEP AN OPEN MIND
Sometimes, you may not like what your loved one is saying to you or the way they are acting toward you. If you react to what they’re saying in a negative way, they may stop talking to you,
and you don’t want that. If you react in a negative way to how they are behaving (as long as you don’t believe they are in an episode), you’re probably better off keeping your feelings to yourself, as expressing them in a negative way may start a fight, and you don’t want that. They may even stop talking to you.
If you want your loved one to communicate with you, you have to keep an open mind. This way, you can hold the disorder responsible and not your loved one. You can disagree with what they
say but agree with their right to say it, if you have an open mind.
Just think how you would feel if you were in any of the following examples:
EXAMPLE #1:
Judy has bipolar disorder. She’s been feeling stressed and depressed all week, feeling like she is alone. She tries to talk to her husband (her primary supporter), but he just seems so distracted that she chooses not to talk to him, and keeps her feelings inside.
EXAMPLE #2:
John needs to talk to Cynthia about the way he is feeling, because he is scared. He’s been having suicidal thoughts again. When he does talk to her, she tells him, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Right away, John stops talking, because he feels like he is being judged.
EXAMPLE #3:
Donna is feeling out of control. The hallucinations are back, and she is hearing voices. She is hesitant, though, because the last time she tried to tell her supporter about it, they said, “It’s just all in your head, they’ll go away in a little while.”
EXAMPLE #4:
Steven suspects he is in a bipolar episode. He has been trying to hide the symptoms, but at this point he doesn’t think he can hide them any more, and he wants help. He tells his wife how he is feeling, but she responds with, “You’ve been through this before, you’ll get through it again.” Steven feels as if he and the way he is feeling are being dismissed as not serious, so he doesn’t
ask for help.
EXAMPLE #5
Sheryl has a boyfriend with bipolar disorder. She is just beginning to learn his behaviors, and learning about bipolar disorder in general. She has researched it enough to know that his behavior is not normal right now. He seems scared, and is hesitant to talk to her about what
is going on. Sheryl encourages her boyfriend to talk to her about how he is feeling, and she continues to be encouraging throughout the conversation – even though at times, she doesn’t agree with what he says. After her boyfriend has shared how he feels, they have a discussion on
whether it is time to get help and what help they should get.
Only in the last example does the supporter act properly, because they keep an open mind.
Can you see yourself in any of the other examples? If you do, try to practice having an open mind when your loved one talks to you. This way, they will be more apt to tell you what’s really going on with them.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave