Hi,
How’s it going today?
I need to tell you this story about something that happened to me.
This organization is getting very big.
But it isn’t like one of those big corporations that is out to make a lot of money and make people rich.
Like, I don’t even get a salary from it! Honest!
The main thing about this organization is that our motto is to help people with bipolar disorder and their supporters.
That’s what this organization is all about.
And I always hope that that is what we do.
Always.
That’s why I hire the people that I hire…
Because they believe in our motto as well.
And that’s part of what makes them good at what they do.
That’s also why I have so many people who work for me who have bipolar disorder themselves.
Because they understand the disorder better than anyone else.
Well, you would NOT believe what happened to me in the last month.
Scroll down to find out.
Keep scrolling.
You’re not going to believe this!
It’ll be worth it to keep scrolling…
Ok, here’s what happened:
I GOT CONNED!
Not just by ONE person…
But by THREE people!
And not just three people over time…
But by three people over the last month!
See, part of the down side of this organization is that you trust people, because you think that everyone else believes in the same cause, of helping people.
Unfortunately, some people are just out for the money, and I guess they see me as an easy target…
Because that’s exactly what happened.
These were companies that were supposed to be helping this organization.
Instead, I got conned.
I just can’t believe that there are people out there like this.
But I guess there are.
Hopefully, I learned my lesson, and it won’t happen again.
But here’s the thing…
The difference between these people and someone with bipolar disorder is…
That someone in a bipolar episode 99% of the time does NOT do it on purpose, where these people did.
If you think your loved one has lied to you…
Or kept something from you…
Or manipulated you…
Chances are, they were in an episode, and didn’t know what they were doing.
So they didn’t do it on purpose.
They didn’t mean to hurt you.
They weren’t exactly in their right mind.
That’s why I explain what a bipolar episode is in my courses/systems, and what to expect.
NEW
LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH
BIPOLAR DISORDER?
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarmastersystem/
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
The important thing you’ve got to know is that your loved one is not doing any of these things on purpose.
It’s the bipolar disorder, and NOT them!
Ask yourself, would my loved one normally do any of these things?
That might help you to separate them from their disorder.
And help you to believe that they are really telling the truth when they say that they never meant to hurt you with their behavior…
Or that they didn’t mean to do any of those things…
Or that they didn’t do it on purpose.
Have you been able to accept this?
Has it helped you to accept your loved one’s behavior during an episode?
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
I’m sorry you got conned but it should be made clear that not everyone with Bipolar will be in a state that they don’t know what they’re doing. Only if they are in psychosis can they really state that. I think some people are doing things on purpose and blaming their mental illness when in actuality they knew exactly what they were doing.
David,
I love your newsletter so much. I tell everyone I know that is touched in some way by bpd to find you.
I feel like you are a friend, and I have tears in my eyes to think someone would EVER rip you off!!!
The best term I’ve found for people like these is “Trust Bandits”. They look for honest, open people because it wouldn’t cross our minds that someone would ever act like this.
They target single moms, people who have been through a lot and have developed an open, giving heart.
So, in a sad way, it is almost a compliment. lol
I have been ripped off severely, just as I started a new journey with my boys, alone. I had to divorce their BP Dad.
There are two basic types, one is the guy that keys into your dreams and says they are his too. Then, next thing you know, you are funding his “dream”. Once he has all your money, he’s gone.
Other type helps you out, then parades his family in front of you and says he needs your help, you’re his only hope.
I met one of each.
These people are almost hypnotic, and they fool professionals. Don’t blame yourself!!
It’s an awful feeling, David, and I’m sorry it happened to you!!
Pati
This email makes so much things come to prospective. I have a child that is bipolar and we are having a very difficult time with him right now. until I read this email I though a lot of this was true but you just helped me know that he can’t help it and hopefully my other children will be able to understand this when I have them read this email! thanks David, Sorry you got conned. People are just mean!!
Dave,
Great point that when those of us with the bipolar diagnosis, when in an episode, don’t have control over a lot of the things that we do and say.
Most of the time we don’t do these awful things “on purpose”
A lot of the time, when we remember or are reminded, feel very embarrassed and sometimes ashamed of our actions.
Felt very much understood and supported by this posting that you wrote today.
I had ordered your supporters guide a couple of years ago and found them to be very helpful…unfortunately my dear husband who was diagnosed with bipolar II did not stay on his meds and as a result, took his own life on Christmas this past year….his family refused to believe that he had this disorder and would not support myself and my husband with dealing with his illness(they also have issues)….I had finally convinced my husband to return to his doctor…he was only 2 days away from his appt when this happened…I am now dealing with being a suicide survivor…I believe it is so IMPORTANT that one diagnosed with this illness get the right medication, therapy, support and STAY with it…..Thank You for all your help…I know now that my baby is not suffering any more…I also know that he did alot of things that he didn’t mean to do……
What you said about a person with bipolar disorder not knowing what they do is true. My son (he is fixing to be 19) when he gets upset goes into these manic episodes and he either beats on himself or he puts holes in my walls and doesn’t know he does it until after the fact. Our bipolar disorder (mine and his) seemed to be brought on by Graves Disease. After my treatment for a goiter with radioactive isotopes, I was diagnosed with bipolar/borderline manic depressive disorder back in 1974. After being medicated for a while, I learned to deal with it and I think mine was brought on from this. My son was diagnosed with Graves at 12 and then he started showing symptoms of Bipolar after taking meds for it. He has been tried on several different meds but he doesn’t like the way they make him feel, so he won’t take them. When he starts to go into an episode he will take Kava Kava Root and Valerian Root which calms him down. This doesn’t help my walls, but it does help him. Now he has started blacking out when he get extremely stressed either physically or mentally. His thyroid is probably out of whack but he hates doctors and probably won’t go get it checked. Had I not gone through this myself I would be ready to throw him out of my house!! But I understand!!! Thanks for your information on this disorder cause it has helped me to understand him because his episodes are different than mine.
Hey Dave, Sorry about the con. It’s true there are alot of people out there who will very much take advantage of a trusting soul. But don’t let those three people keep you from trusting. I did and am sorry for it. I was conned too many times by people I trusted and put up a wall and found out later that some I could have trusted, I didn’t and lost big time. Lost a good relationship, a good friend, a good business venture.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell who is real and who isn’t. I found time will eventually reveal all you need to know.
Keep yourself safe and to all you hard workers in Bipolar Central, thanks for your hard work, keep yourselves safe, wash your hands etc. this swine flu is going to be big….if it isn’t already. Makes me think of your friend Dave 🙂 “THEY have started germ warfare”. OM gosh! just kidding. But really take care. Shauna
Both me and my husband are bipolar. He is bipolar 1 and I am bipolar 2 also with major depression and panic disorder. Even though I know and understand the disease, when something comes up like you spoke about, I can still react to it with anger, frustration, and hurt. I used to not believe that my husband truly did not even remember a hurtful thing he said or did when in an episode, but I do now. You have to be a master of “letting it go” and not be so defensive about it. He says I do it to him, but, again, I am not aware of it. So, we work hard to very quickly deal with it and say we are sorry to each other, then we let it go. We tell each other when we are feeling a “bipolar day” so that we can be extra careful not to be offended easily or have to argue about what was said. It is a very hard disease to understand for those who do not bother to be educated about it. I am very open with my bipolar diagnosis. I try every time I get a chance, and there have been many chances, to educate people about the disease and the behaviors that can come out of it, and that when in an episode or a really bad day we with the disease can and probably will say something or do something we aren’t even aware of, but that it is not meant to hurt anyone. My husband and I say I am sorry often to each other, but we also understand what happened. It is not fullproof, however, some things slip through the cracks, especially if both of us are having a “bipolar day” or an episode. I am talking about the minor, everyday things that happen, not a full blown episode that may require intervention by either a psychiatrist or a stay in the hospital. We both recognize when the other is starting towards that point and try to help prevent it with the tools we have learned along the way. You HAVE to have a plan in place for what to do for someone you support with bipolar as Dave says always. We have a plan which keeps our lives pretty much stable and we are able to acknowledge our disease and deal with it with a plan. If you are a supporter of someone with bipolar, educate yourself as much as you can, as you will have to understand what happens to a person with bipolar in order to help them. You will need to understand and overlook alot of things because none of us with bipolar want to hurt anyone, it happens with this disease. It is probably the most frustrating part for me and I have the disease. This website and Dave’s extensive study of this disease is a God-send to those of us with bipolar and those who love and support us. Thank you, Dave, for all your hard work, your encouragement, your tools you have put together, the education that you offer, and how you have dealt with your own mom’s disease. You are an outsider who has taken the time to educate yourself about how to deal with bipolar and you have turned it into a very helpful website to help others. God bless you, Dave. When you get aggravated or upset, think of all of us you have helped along the way. I am sorry you were conned, that is so outrageous, but, mankind has many people who have no conscience or they don’t care about conning people. It is a shame we have to be so careful about who to trust anymore. Keep up your great work! Those who do you harm will pay for it in the end.
HI David, I am an individual with bipolar disorder. I have told many untruths when I have been manic, but none of them were lies since I was not intentionally attempting to deceive anyone. One of the things my Mom (who has been a real supporter) has done has been to recognize the real me from my behaviors that are part of my illness. Also, after a manic episode, we have many discussions so that we can debrief each other regarading interactions we had when I was manic. I applaud you for informing others that there are behaviors we do when we are manic that we would never engage in if we were our typical selves. Thanks, Kelley
My Wife has asked me for a divorce and later on retracted the statement, also she has called the police on me for domestic violence and kidnapping when I didn’t do either. I had no idea that the illness would be this bad. She also told her Mother, Father, and me that she hated us all. As I write this I am waiting on the investigation to be over with for the domestic charge. She has come home, while I was at school, College, with bruises on her and cannot explain them. She has struck me in front of her mother and father. I try to be good to her but now I feel like I have let her down and I don’t know how. I am totally lost. I have started counseling, one on one, to be able to get through this. Now I seek group sessions for education, along with the library at school and the public library here in town. I feel as if I am at my end. The love in my life for her is unbeleivable and I don’t know where to turn to.
My son has never been diagnoised. he is now 33 this all started at 18 and has gotten worse and is still getting worse. I have custody of his 6 year old son. which is a source of problems. He thinks he is capable of taking care of him which he is not. He has told me on a number of occasions that He wished the Lord would strike me dead. because I wouldn’t let him take his son
out of school early. There was no good reason too. I wont let his son stay with them if his wifes mother is there as she smokes and my grandson can’t be around cig. smoke due to asthama. He calls me up again and wishes me dead, and that I will never see my grandbaby which is on the way. I have cut off ties with him as
I can no longer take this abuse from him. He seems to aim at me and his father. We are the ones who have stood by him til now. It’s caused his son to have high blood pressure due to stress and he is only 6 years old.
I guess my question is. Did I do the right thing, I love my son there is no dealing with him. I want to help
and have told him that his son can’t live with him until he becomes stable.. and gets help..Thanks Marge
I really wish I could separate Lee’s behavior from him. He says he loves me and would do anything for me. But he doesn’t work, tries to get me to buy him everything, has run up all my credit cards with promises to pay every dime back, ruined my credit rating because I am struggling to pay them off and pissed off I finally drew a line and said no. I have been called every name, hit several times, sent him to jail on domestic battery, left him time after time, and he calls and says he is sorry, but won’t take his meds and is addicted to methamphetamine. Dave, many people with borderline personality disorder do illegal drugs and then it is hard to tell what is mental illness and what is the meth? Dual diagnoses. I wish you taught us more on how to deal with that one? But for now, I pray he gets arrested to get him some clean time so he doesn’t kill himself. I can’t do it anymore.
Hi David:
I am a supporter of an adult bi-polar son. Your newletters have been invaluable to me in learning more about this disorder. The past few months have been especially challenging, as my son quit his meds, then his job, then his relationship, and consequently was arrested and detained for a misdemeanor. Because the law recognizes he has a disorder, they have tried to get help for him although they are limited buy the state cutting funds, and lack of beds, and the laws they operate under. My son is still refusing meds (now 5 months off) so I have taken legal steps to become his legal guardian with the hope my doing so will make the courts job easier for them, and hopefully make meds mandatory for my son — because, as you have said, not taking medication is not an option! And thanks to your encouragement and the advice you provide in your newsletters (and books, etc.) I’ve been able to learn more about bi-polarII w/ocd and share this information with the people who are dealing directly with my son.
But, I digress — your topic today was about trusting people. I have found my own perceptions shifting about my son’s disorder and his irratic behaviors + psychosis during episodes. I’ve learned not to take his comments personally, or from anyone else either. I now handle his verbal storms calmly and without changing the tone or pitch of my voice. These changes in me have had a noticeable effect on my son.
Your newsletter opened with the fact that you had been conned 3 X this week, and I’m sorry to hear that. It got me thinking, though. I suppose we all need to reach a healthy balance between trust and understanding and caution and potential danger. For supporters as well as people living with bi-polar disorders. It’s important that we all stay aware, and one step ahead. Thank you for your continued good work. Linda
My grown 32 year old son lives with me and I feel I’m enabling him by letting the laziness prevail, lying around, not doing his portion of the work load or even being able to perform the most minimal of tasks to completion. Am I expecting too much because he can then give me very wise comments on what’s happening politically on the news, think very soundly yet can’t see that cabinet doors are left open after he has taken something out. Lights are on all over the place, door are left open and just being in a dazed world. My son without the illness would not do these things yet, I’m frustrated living with the traits that are involved. What can I do about this?
Just wondering how far you can allow this thinking to go in terms of a bipolar not being in their right mind and let them off the hook for the things they do while in episode. It is getting really very old being on the receiving end of their escapades. Particularily the running around …. I mean how far out of their mind are they really if they have the foresight to be secretive? They know what they are doing is wrong enough to hide it?
Sorry about your con experience.
I´m living at the moment with my husband who is in a major manic episode. Tomorrow we are goning to the doctor togather. He is agressive and angry with mee and I understand that he dosent have any control over his sayin- still it hurts.
Ive got a lot of advice from your experience so thank you! We live in Finland so its a long way from where you are. Thank you fo your support . Susanne
David, I am sorry you were conned. But I take issue with the second part of your email. I think you are giving people with BP “carte blanche” for bad behavior. Regardless of having bp or not, you can still have morals and differentiate right from wrong. And I’ll tell you straight up that I would never accept the excuse “I couldn’t stop myself – I was having an episode” for infidelity. I am experienced with several different people with bipolar, and have been told by more than one that they are fully aware of their actions, but perhaps not concerned with the consequences at that time. They know if their words or actions are hurting you – they just don’t care at that moment. Please note that I am not talking about a psychotic break, just the general manic or depressive states.
I was conned BIG TIME in 2004. My last husband had just died in September of 2003, and I met this computer repairman who came to my house. Well, one thing led to another, and we became intimate. Of COURSE it was tooo soon after I lost my husband, but I was gullible, vulnerable, and bipolar, and the attention felt so good.
In February of 2005, this guy asked for a loan of $25,000 for his business (he said). I had just refinanced my house for $200K, and felt I could afford to allow him to have that much as a “loan,” to be paid back, monthly, for 48 months. He made cursory payments (about 5), and suddenly disappeared in June of that year. Needless to say, he didn’t repay the loan.
I now go to Court tomorrow to get him to pay me what he owes me. I would like you to say a little prayer that 1) he doesn’t show, and judgment is made against him, 2) that everything goes smoothly, and 3) that I leave the Courtroom $33K richer. (The extra amount is for interest over 4 years – and, yes, we had a NOTE for the loan). Every little bit helps 🙂
I have also been conned most of my adult life where I used to live. Long story made short – a woman moved into my apartment house, and I immediately made her Manager with free rent. Then I was hospitalized for surgery, which turned into acute pancreatitis, and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. I gave this woman an extra $1,000/month to watch over the house. When I was released from the hospital, I continued to give her free rent and $1,000/month for five months while I recovered. To be fair, she DID make me ALL my meals for 5 months. BUT – I had bought her an SUV before surgery, for her to make payments on – you guessed it – she never did. If I were to add up ALL the monies she conned me out of, it would come close to $50,000.
I don’t know if she was totally aware that I had a mental illness or not, but I think she did. I believe she is a sociopath, with no conscience about her behavior. She is also a crack head, with two children to raise. I felt sorry for her, and got “took.”
I always had a tendency to trust ANYONE when I first met them – until they gave me a reason NOT to. I’m glad to say I’m a LOT more conscious of people’s motives NOW than I have EVER been. I no longer have the cash reserves to even loan somebody $10 in a crisis – I “think” that’s a GOOD thing. At least I won’t loan any more money to ANYONE from now on – in fact, I may need to BORROW now 🙂
Dave, I’m sorry you were conned; it is NOT a very healthy thing to contemplate. It humiliates us, and makes us feel like “chump change.” It made ME feel stupid and guilty. I HOPE you weren’t taken for much, but just remember – what goes around, comes around. They will get their’s in the end.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
HI DAVIE…..
You must of been to trust werthy, Never the less its not your fault, What goes around comes around. KARMA
Take Care Linda.
Sorry to hear about your situation.Please don’t get discouraged and keep up all the great work you are doing!
DAVE, SUZANNE, sorry to hear about your experiences. There are too many con-merchants out there, especially on the internet. If someone commits a crime during a bipolar episode s/he can plead “not guilty” on grounds of “diminished responsibility” and would often be sent to the psych ward rather than to jail. However, if they are of “sound mind” and callous enough to take advantage of your kindhearted nature conning you out of money, they should be fully held responsible and be sent down for it. Con-merchants are usually very crafty and good at acting and pretending. In Ireland and the UK, if they get caught, they will go to jail. If you are a victim of a crime like armed robbery or rape you can claim compensation. If you are the victim of a con-merchant you rarely get compensation, as it was your decision to lend the money. I am much more suspicious of people now than I was years ago. In my experience, people with bipolar often tend to be trusting and generous and easily get taken advantage of.
LOGAN, it seems like your wife needs to go into treatment. It depends on the law of where you live, whether you would have the authority to get her signed in. You didn’t say if she has been diagnosed with bipolar and taking meds. She certainly seems to have a lot of the common symptoms. Last year my boyfriend was in a very bad manic episode. I spoke to the psych dept at the hospital and they took him to the psych ward for 6 weeks. After a very tough year he is now stable and religiously taking his meds.
MARGE, my heart goes out to you and your little grandson. Your daughter-in-law seems to be putting up with a great deal, too. The health and safety of children is usually priority within the law, even if your son does not agree with the fact that he needs medical help.
My prayers are with you all.
Dear David, your letter has a lot of truth in it: recently I handed over a lot of money to a dear old couple to keep for me in trust : to cut a long story short they wouldnt’give it back and I think I was more bemused and disbelieving than angry ( remember these two dear old people are have all their faculties and they looked trustworthy and honest pillars of society etc) on the other hand my daughter, during one of her episodes went out and stole my money card spent up to the tune of $800 on alcohol and I remember being very angry with her at the time : she was unwell and had no idea what she was doing.I can see that now.
you email serves to remind me that my daughter would never be dishonest or lie or steal when she is well
that cannot be said for others in the community.
Regards
Shona
David, I just read a book “I Am Not Sick I Dont Need Help” by Xavier Amador, (I read everything I can get my hands on about this illness) Just curious if you have read it and what your thoughts are. As someone who has a son with extreme BiPolar I (and all the madness that goes with it) and has refused all medication and treatment for 4 years I am at the end of my rope and wondered about this different approach? It is a relatively short read if you have time. You can email me with any feedback/comments I would appreciate your opinion.