=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi, how is your day going? I hope it’s a great one.
I was looking over past emails and responses to them, and figured out that the most common one was about being high-functioning – That the survivor wants to be high-functioning, and that their supporter wants them to be high- functioning, too.
So today I want to talk about one area associated with that, since it’s such a hot topic.
I want to talk to you about one way you can help your loved one to be high-functioning, but also how you can become high-functioning as well.
Here it is: You both need to focus on what you want, and NOT on what you DON’T
want.
Too many people focus on what they DON’T want and never focus on what they DO want, and this is a HUGE mistake. It has to do with your attitude, for sure, but it also has to do with your FOCUS. Your attitude and your FOCUS.
If you focus on what you DON’T want, you will be “spinning your wheels.” You will get nowhere. It may even make you fight with each other. You will certainly be focusing on the most negative aspects of the disorder.
But you can CHOOSE to focus yourselves on the positive side of the disorder. Here’s one way: You can make yourselves a list. On one side, put all the things you don’t want.
For instance, you don’t want to fight. Or you don’t want to go into an episode.
Then on the other side, put all the things you DO want. For example, you DO want stability, and you DO want less episodes, and you DO want to be high-functioning. So all these things would be on that side of the paper.
Well, part of being high-functioning is to be focused. You need to pick a goal, and work toward that goal. For instance, if your goal is to have less episodes, you have to de-stress your life. So you make a list of ways you can de-stress your life, and you set forth to do exactly that, checking off things as you go.
It may mean getting rid of that high car payment and just buying a used (but in good shape) car. It may mean switching jobs. It may mean working from home. It may even mean starting a home business. Whatever it takes to de-stress your life.
The main thing is that you have the POWER to change your life.
You have the ability, especially if you both work together toward a common goal, to be stable, to have less episodes, and to be high-functioning. As long as you stay focused on the goal. As long as you work together. And as long as you work toward what you want, and not what you don’t want.
In today’s economy, many people are facing financial pressure. So you can also use this method on your finances. You would make your goal list to be “lower finances.” Then you would list the things that you can do to help your finances.
For example, keep the heat down. That will save you money on your power bill. Don’t eat out as much – that will help you save money as well.
The key to being high functioning is being focused, and one of the ways to become high functioning is to set goals and achieve them.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
FOCUSING ONLY ON WHAT IS NOT REALIZED YET – SOMETIMES ONE MAY HAVE TO REPEAT THE JOURNEY 3 MORE TIMES BEFORE BREAKTHROUGH!!! at least it shows dedication!!!!!
THANK YOU, NOW I’M GOING THE RIGHT WAY!!!!
I am a high school student and haven’t been diagnosed with this disorder, but my moms been trying to get me tested or whatever you wanna call it. Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’ll get diagnosed- we all are. But I have no idea how to de- stress myself(I think that’s how you said it). I can’t change the fact that I go to school, and I don’t have a job to change. But I’m still extremely stressed. I don’t play any sports at school or anything. Maybe it’s my family…. but I don’t see how I can change anything.
I faithfully read all your news letters and have learned an immense amount of useable and valuable information. Thank You! So many people don’t know anything about bi-polar disorder–my 19 year old daughter has bi-polar disorder, she’s struggled for years. My biggest complaint is friends and family, refuse to recognize her problem. They say she’s spoiled, given her own way too much, onery, moody, rebellious,and so on. They’re right, but she has a mental disorder. Without extensive reading is there a newsletter describing the effects of Bi-Polar Disorder? Everyone defends me and shuns her–it’s totally heartbreaking to me. She needs their support, not their criticism. She’s a gorgeous girl and intelligent, very creative, loving and caring—-but when she has an episode everything reverses. Her father has even turned his back on her, it’s almost two years since he last spoke to her. Why? because she said something hurtful, during an episode, while staying with him. Thanks for letting me “vent” my baby needs her families support–not just mine.
My dear friend has been diagnosed as bi-polar and has delt with it since he was 12. I have recently bought one of your courses and want to apply it to help my friend. The problem is that he has asked me not to envolve myself in her condition. I would like to have him read this latest article but I know that will just upset him.
There is one other thing you should know, we are both transgender, however he refuses to mention that to his doctor. I don’t see how the doctor can properly treat him if the doctor does not know that he is transgender.
My friend has been spiralling downwards and I fear losing him to the bi-polar condition. Here is a paragraph from his recent email:
“Its not that I’ve been shutting you out for the past couple of months. Its more that I just don’t have anything to say to anyone lately. Its not just you. My brothers call and I have nothing to say. My mother calls and I don’t even bother calling back. Its because I’m not doing anything but prepping for work for the most part. I try to get out and do things, but my gender identity seems so uncertain, and its such a huuuge part of life, that again I feel like an observer. I just need to ride this out and figure out where this ends up.
I find myself gravitating towards Kate more than I used to. I don’t dress. Its a silly reason, too. I’m overweight. When I was out there with you, I was 20 pounds lighter. I probably couldn’t fit into most of my clothes now. Which is a shame, as fall is the most beautiful time of the year, for the weather and for all the wonderful outfits you can wear. I know… you’re thinking… Kate is back? Well I don’t know about that. She still seems in the background somewhere. Like I see her but can’t reach her, can’t talk to her. In the meantime I’m still trying to be the best Matt I can be.”
Matt is my friend, Kate is his female persona. I am terribly worried about him. I am at a loss of how I can help him. Can you help me?
everytime Icome to thissite there is always something relevant to the situation I have with my daughter( who has BP)
Rachel went into an episode not so long ago – this time her unwellnesslasted only 6 weeks all up.in the past it took 2 years for her to recover
we had plans in place and the whole process was both anticpated and overcome with the planning you advise David.
now we are at a new frontier and its called focussing on what we want . and you again are so right David I need to focus on the positives for Rachel everytime.
And she needs to focus on the positives everytime.
So Iwillget her to read this and then we will sit down and plan our next moves
this is a great site
regards
shona
I am new to your website and have been treated for bi-polar disorder for 16 years. I now have new insurance and a new doctor who thank God is no longer over-medicating me like I have been in the past. I came out of a deep depression lasting over a year and went to a very manic mode. I now feel balanced! Your article today focuses on what I have been doing the past few months. It has calmed me down and I believe it may help keep me from going back into a depression. I need to be gentle with myself. I’ve learned not to list too many things to do! I’ve learned how to prioritize and allow a certain amount of time for each thing. I found out it took longer to get things done than I allowed for, so I’ve adjusted that. It is so easy for me to get distracted and side-tracked. Things do come up and I’ve learned to be flexible. I’ve stopped being so hard on myself. It’s been a learning process for me. I have great days, some days I just maintain, and then I have bad days. I’m learning not to beat myself up if I don’t have a good day. I’m starting to plan ahead, keep a daily calendar, be on time for my commitments, say “No” so I’m not over-extended, etc.
The support and feedback I get from my husband and friends is extremely valuable to me and I’ve learned not to take it as critical, hurtful remarks remembering that they love and care for me. That’s been really hard, but it is getting easier for me to understand their points of view.
Setting daily and weekly goals keeps me on track. Just don’t overdo and try to do everything all at once.
Thank you David for another good article. I can really relate to what you are saying about financial stress. Right now I am under tremendous stress from not being to pay all my bills, it is very difficult, and I feel like giving up sometimes, but somehow i am still here. I somehow manage to do this with no meds right now. So anyway , thanks for a good article. I hope one day I can be more financially secure and then get back on meds..but it does not look good for me..