Bipolar: Expect the Unexpected

Hi,

I was looking at greeting cards the other day, and I came across this one that made me laugh out loud: On the cover it says, “Open this card to find your birthday money.” And then on the back it says, “Gotcha!” Because…You can’t open the card! I thought it was so funny. But it reminded me of the saying, “Expect the unexpected.” See, like with the card, the way it gets you is that

you ASSUME something (that turns out not to be true). Well, we do that in life, too. And when it comes to bipolar disorder, it can be dangerous for your loved one.

For example, if you ASSUME that they are stable, so they will never have another bipolar episode…That episode can come unexpectedly and you won’t be prepared for it. First of all, no matter how long your loved one has had bipolar disorder, you still need to update your knowledge of the disorder. That’s one of the biggest reasons why I post the Bipolar News on my website, and why I stress the importance of information when I talk to people.

There is always new information coming out on bipolar disorder. You can’t afford to fall behind.

So you need to stay informed. That’s one thing you can do. Another thing you can do as far as expecting the unexpected is to have a plan in case your loved one DOES go into an episode. This plan should be something you develop together, when they are NOT in an episode. You might want to come up with a code word that they can say to you at those times when they are “feeling bipolar.” Then you can determine how you will respond to it.

Here is one couple’s plan: Their key word is “decompensating.” If she uses this word, telling him that she feels like she is decompensating, he knows to put their plan into effect. The first thing he does is determine how serious the situation is. He asks her if she’s feeling suicidal. If she is, (especially if she has a plan for it, how she is going to do it), he calls her psychiatrist right away,

and they decide whether to put her in the hospital because she is a threat to herself. If he believes it’s a real threat, like if she’s got a plan and intends to carry it out, he may take her directly to the Emergency Room (for her own safety). If she is not suicidal, he tries to determine if she is in a full blown bipolar episode, or just on the way to one. He can determine this by talking with her and finding out how rational she is. If she is in a full blown episode, he goes ahead and calls the psychiatrist and the doctor either adjusts her medication, or her husband takes her to the Emergency Room.

Sometimes, if your loved one is only on the way to an episode but not in one right now, or at least not a full blown episode, they can be controlled by a temporary increase in the dose of their medication, and you may not necessarily have to take them to the hospital at that time.

This is the plan that this couple has developed, and you can copy it and/or make one of your own. But you still have to expect the unexpected. In other words, you may think that your loved one is stable and perfectly fine, but then they may say their key word to you, and you will have to put your plan into action. The point is to have a plan you have worked out in advance, so you know what to do.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

  1. Can someone email me and let me know what to do? We believe our son is bi-polar, drinks, and I think he’s in denial. We don’t know what to do, as when he drinks, he won’t even discuss much with us, and now he says he’s feeling better than ever, so I don’t know what to do. He says he likes living like this and doesn’t have a problem. Please, can someone email me and give us advice? We’re moving and he feels, as he’s 27 years old, he doesn’t want to live w/his parents, though he doesn’t have a means to support himself financially. We’re at our wits end on this! Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advance, Andrea

  2. Your advice today is something that everyone needs to implement. Thank you for the reminder and continuing to educate everyone. we can never be too prepared.

  3. Hi David,Thanks for sharing the information with me. My mother has B.P 1 and I have been dealing with this for a long time before I knew what it was. I loved you article it does give me insite and an outline of what to do. I love the examples that you give as to when I should do something or what to do. I am not very optimistio about the outcome of the relationship,for it is already shattered because too much has happened. I don’t think it will ever be repaired. My mother is the type she doesnt want help,doesnt want anybody to know what is going, she wont talk about it, she takes meds but on her terms and when she feels like it. All of her anger,hate,grief,vengance and ect. are always directed at me. I am fed up with the abuse and her controll issues that it makes me sick, hopeless,helpless, and outraged. I have to sleep at nite with the door locked because I don’t trust her at all, I cant relax around her at all, no friends she can know about,she does really mean stuff to me and anything or anybody important to me. Like just this evening, she made dinner, she cooked everything in honey, she know I cant have honey because I am anaflactic if I eat it. There is also the incident of trying to prevent the reinfestation of lice, me and my ex were frantically trying to do what was necessary to kill the lice, I was treating my daughter and she has long thick hair and takes a long time to go thru, here comes mother walking in the cut hair with the lice nits, and tracking it thru the house in her bare feet, she took the clothes that my daughter had worn from me and didn’t want them to be just thrown in the dryer to kill the eggs, she was more conserned with heat set stains and how much work that was going to be and why we couldn’t wash them first. I didn’t have the money after the last episode last week when she was in the hospital for surgery. The other night it was all quiet,everybody settled down to go to sleep and bam, the comotion in the kitchen woke me out of a peaceful sleep, only to find the dishes were thrown in the sink covered with vegatabel tray from the fridge, with a chef knife sticking out of the floor,it was bent to a curve!! I didn’t expect that, but then again, like you say “expect the unexpected” I wish things were different and that she would recognize and work her “recovery’ and we had a plan but the truth is, I don’t see that happening ever. I feel and have always been on my own with being her supporter as its called. I just don’t know how much longer I and my kids can put up with the psychotic episodes. People say we should just leave n move out, but thats easier said than done when your credit has been ruined, and you don’t have enough money to do so,because of the “sabatour” covering for their spending sprees, and because of the instability of living with some one with bipolar1. It seems like a neverending cycle that only gets worse over time and with time. Please stop the roller coster or tread mill I want to get out or off.

  4. thank you so much for posting your stories and help i enjoy reading them and they have helped me understand my friend she has different moods so i must be on my toes but reading about this and knowing i am not alone helps out

  5. I think it was a great plan. But my problem is that my person lives in another state and she never tells me the. When something happens it always the other person fault. She is homeless now because the lady she staying with put her out after she had surgery to her hand. I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t given her Dr.permission to talk to me about her. I think it very important I do but I can’t. I just Pray and ask God to keep her safe. Thank you David. You have been a great help to me. Sincerely Rita

  6. THAT’S FUNNY DAVE I’M STILL LAUGHING OUT LOUD BECAUSE CURRENTLY I’M ALL ALONE IN THE HOUSE; AND I’M JUST REMINISCING OVER A VALENTINES DAY CARD MY NEIGHBOR AND A RELATIVE GAVE ME THAT SAID “OPEN UP WIDE FOR A SURPRISE”

    WOE!! MONEY!!!! LOL! I WAS SOOOOO HAPPY TO FIND THAT $200.00 COMBINED THOSE TWO NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME.

    THANK YOU NEIGHBOR AND RELATIVE – YOU CAME THROUGH LIKE the RIDING WHITE HORSE OF CANADA!!!!

    she knows!

  7. I feel sooooo exhilerated after a Jerry Lewis concert! Ahhhhhhh

    my boyfriend and kin are having the same problem currently – money issues – at least they are not in love with money they are just conscious that it doesn’t stay very long in their wallets when they invite the wrong “mothlike” ones near by.

    ok – i’m watching Fox 5 right now

    I have arrived!!!!

  8. I as just reading the news on be careful not to do this! All I could do is answer it with an experience

    I went to an apple picking delight with special people and once we got to the farm, we started running through the trees. You know we are City folks so the country experience was just that new to us and it’s amazing what a brush with “Ivy” can do. broke us out with itchies and even spots!!!!!! Fortunately there was that one special friend that said “gotcha”! already seen ya as ya truly were – so dont’ worry just get some “special lotion” and it will clear right up! My 29 year old sister’s friend once said now that should make you feel very important! we just laughed at that “brush” everything is returning back to normal!

    p.s. just like complaints, they usually are brought on by some experience – that wasn’t always the way we were…..just gotta find our way back to the truth

  9. Bipolar: Be Careful of Doing This in Your Life‏

    The clearest question I’ve ever been asked was this one: “how did it “feel” when you arrived to your desired place but discovered not many were there? did you feel isolated and alone or lonely.”

    even christians have a principle known as “do not forsake the gathering” what I like about this particular article is that it pointed out the “isolation” whether self-inflicted (as a result of just not knowing who to trust your situation with) or perhaps you have good friends that work countless hours and have busy lives etc. is never a good thing as it brings on “episodes” – isolation is a trigger.

    once one starts identifying what the triggers/trigger are/is then taking the necessary steps to alleviate it is the way back to reality.

    I had a little girl and her 3 friends in mind they used to be amongst the few who had to eat in the nurse’s office because they had allergies until they got integrated in the “group”. I also know of this man who was mercilessly teased because there’s not wife for him, has no children is extremely self sacrificing but he spent many of his days alone busy with school or other things and look today, he is joining his friends on an outing – it’s healthier that way. isolation is never a natural thing.

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