Hi,
Do you know a complainer? Someone who always complains about their situation and their problems, but doesn’t seem to have any solutions for them? Do you know a blamer? I think they’re related to complainers, to tell you the truth. They blame their situation and all their problems on something else (or someone). These two types of people are REAL people! I know, I’ve met them at bipolar support group meetings. They will complain about their problems with their loved one. They will even complain about their loved one themselves. And/or they will blame all their problems on bipolar disorder. Or, worse yet, on their loved one. There’s one thing that these two types of people definitely are NOT. And that is solution-oriented. That’s what you need to be.
Being solution-oriented means that you don’t complain or blame. You take responsibility. You look for solutions. You even look “outside the box” sometimes for answers. It means that you are willing. Willing to admit you don’t know the solution right now, but you sure will look for one.
You are willing to try different solutions, too, to see what works and what doesn’t work. Like your loved one may have to do with their medications. They may have to try different ones to see which ones will work for them. Being solution-oriented means that you will not always end up on the popular side of an opinion. But you stick to your guns and do what’s right for YOUR loved one and family anyway.
You must be motivated as well. See…Complainers and blamers just sit around giving “lip service” to what they say. They don’t look for or offer any real solution to their situation or problem. They are lazy. Solving problems can be hard work. But it’s worth it in the end. Say you look at a problem that you and/or your loved one have and you look for ways to solve it. You may come across a totally off-the-wall way to solve it, and do that. It may not be the easiest thing to do…It may not be what someone else would do…But it WORKS for YOU! So you stay solution-oriented.
Being solution-oriented also means that you look at a problem every way that you can. Then you look at solutions every way that you can. The answer to your problems may not be obvious, but if you keep looking, you will find them. There have been times when I have come up with a solution that other people thought was impossible, or the wrong thing to do, but it worked.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
There are people in my life love one and family who just want to complain and you give a solution they will not listen you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink situation.
I find they just want to complain and don’t want a solution I call it destressing because if they listened to the solution they would carrie it out and I give a fair few and make them choose.
But I know what you mean some time you feel like an emotional punching bag you need to be on your guard with that sort of situation some time no answer is best or take a moment to think about it, because your emotions can jade the answer.
I totally agree with the sentiments expressed in the above article with just one proviso. There are times when I am in my right mind that I can look for solutions to problems BUT for reasons that are unclear to me my thinking brain does a runner!Then I will be ruminating and not being able to see an answer.
I write this only becuase for years i felt guilty that i didn’t know how to deal with situations and problems BUT now realise that i don’t have to beat myself up anymore. it was just that my primitive brain had taken over the running from the executive and it didn’t know the answers either. it is our neocortex that is the problem solver and even if all the lights are on but it’s not a home then you are stuck!
This was a fantastic lesson to learn for us all. Thanks, Dave…
I would like to add though, in concurrence with the first comment,that it seems to me some people WANT to be Complainers and Blamers. Even though one might suggest and show untold amounts of solutions, they seem to reject everything and continue complaining and blaming… It’s as if that’s their lot in life.
It tends to bring others down around them.
Maybe you have a way in to help that mentality ?
Kind regards,
Gerald.