I understand what this woman is feeling because I can try to say things to my husband about the way he talks to me sometimes and having bipolar disorder.. It’s a struggle for all of us and we are all affected differently.
Sometimes I am told that having bipolar disorder is a crutch and that I have to quit making excuses for not dealing with problems well or not wanting to deal with anything because Ic an’t handle it.
I am sorry that this woman feels like her support isn’t there for her. I share a bond in that most of the time. So hang in there and try to find a positive support group for your self or get your man to listen to your doctor….. I hope things get better for her

they are not kids — i just got an email from a man who is turning 33 years old this year…..I AM HAPPY “ELECTED MAN”

******Dave******

I have questions and maybe you can help me with some answers. It doesn’t have to do with this post but it is kind of similar.

I am/was in a relationship for 3.5 years with an amazing man. He always had issues, depression, anger, overanalyzing everything, freak outs, he would disappear/blow up. Anyway he was always on some sort of meds for depression. Finally he went to the Dr. and was diagnosed with bipolar. I was relieved that we finally had answers. I have lived with family members who suffer with it so I am not scared of it, as some people would be. Anyway, he went on his medication and I was amazed at how well it worked. His mood swings lessened and we finally were happy 99% of the time. His manic swings and anger issues were cut in half. He is such a wonderful person, loving, caring, hard working. He still needed someone to help manage normal things like money, and other things that he couldn’t which is normal for a bipolar person. Nothing that I couldn’t handle.

The issues I have are: He does things in excess, he has an addictive personality. So when I say this I mean, if he drinks, he drinks a lot and often. This is also true for other things that are not good, without saying. When he does this, even though they are depressants, and does them in excess, he then feels that he don’t need to take his meds. It takes over and he quits taking his meds. As we all know it takes a few weeks to get the meds built back up in the system to maintain but it only takes a few days to crash!

When he crashes, he crashes huge. No one is hurt more by this than me. I get the blunt of it! He does not fight/argue about anything, even little things, because in his mind two people in love shouldn’t argue at all. (we know that isn’t true in any relationship, because we all are going to disagree on something, like chores or money) So When he quits taking the meds and I tell him he needs to that is an argument or even if I say something he dissagrees with. He Bails, runs away, sometimes with out warning. Sometimes for a few hours, sometimes days, sometimes months. No communication or anything. Like he falls off the face of the earth. I just sit and wait, because I love him.

He leaves all his belongings here, disappears, and then out of the blue he shows back up. Of course taking his meds again.

But, this time, its been 5 months. This time is different. I have talked to him twice and he talks out of both sides of his mouth. (I love you, you need to move on, when I get home, I need to figure things out in my head) Many of his friends are worried too because of his behavior, but “guys” just dont discuss this stuff.

I am dealing with his family and they are blaming me for everything. They say he doesn’t need to be on the medication, that I filled his head with all the crazy stuff. (LOL) OK, I am not the Dr. I didn’t go to the appointment with him, his mother did. They were very supportive for the longest time, always asking me if he was taking his meds, which I monitored very closely. Now this. So in all this, the people who are suppose to be helping him are now telling him he doesn’t need the medication, that he is fine and not bipolar or manic.

He is still out doing all his “crazy” behavior, meaning. Not working, roaming around from friend to friends house. Not caring about anything or anyone. So not living in a reality that everyone else does. I feel like I have lost my best friend, and partner. They are keeping him from me because in their minds I am the one that is messed up. (I am not) I feel like I am his only supporter and only want him to be better. I am not sure what I can do.

I know he is not taking his meds as all his mail comes here still. I get his medical papers and know he has not filled any of his meds since he left. I keep an eye on that since with his insurance they send a receipt to the house after a Dr. apt or med pick up.

I am scared that his family is going to let him self destruct because they are in denial and are keeping him from his treatments. They are trying to keep it a secret like it is a black mark on the family name. Which in fact even his sister is diagnosed with something similar, and over medicates. Yet she used to be a great supporter and now says he is “fine”. I just want to scream “wake up people, your not helping him, your hurting him”. I have to say in all honesty, I wish he was “fine”, because as you well know, not having bipolar is much easier on the person and the people who care. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but something’s in life you just have to accept, if you love them.

I have read everything you send me and also look at all the other places you suggest. I have read so many books on bipolar and other mental issues. I am at a loss. I try to talk to his friends but they also either have not heard from him or won’t talk about it.

If you have any suggestions or information that I can pass on, it would be helpful. I feel like I need to do something before I loose him, and I don’t mean just the relationship, I mean dead. He is a very angry person with no fuse when not on his meds. He makes references to he won’t make it past 35 years old and he is almost 34 now.

I cry more now than ever in my life, because I feel helpless. I miss him and am scared for what might happen to him. I don’t know what to do!

thanks for listening, reading and hopefully helping me.

Jody Karns
Iowa

I jut had to tell you that what you wrote really touched my heart. I am a 40yo woman with 2 teens and my husband couldn’t handle my mental illness anymore, so we have seperated after 20 years. To be fair to him, I wasn’t diagnosed until after the birth of my second child.

so what you saying dave if having bipolar,, your crazy on the inside…We are talking about a brain desese..
Linda…x

I understand this all to well, my husband’s famous comment to me is “did you take your medicine today?” Oh how it infuriates me, however I have realized this is a journey to wellness and only I can take it, if I focus on myself then all the work and care I have given myself will be evident to all, even strangers. So for this women I suggest, keep your head up, continue to make yourself healthy and don’t worry about the boyfriend, he will eventually figure it out.

Recently, I had to go out of state to get major surgery. My husband went with me and stayed until I woke from the anesthesia. Then he had to drive home almost 5 hours. Of course, the whole time I was gone he had to go to work. While I was recuperating in the hospital I called my husband and best friend of 25 years and my sister, telling them that the nursing staff was not caring for me properly. I had been stranded in my room more than once with no access to the bathroom, my room phone or cell phone, or TV or table with drinks. I was not getting bathed. I would buzz the call button only to be greeted with impatience and then ignored for as long as 45 minutes. I kept trying to tell my husband. Eventually, b/c my best friend told my husband that she had been on the phone with me once and heard for herself how the nurses were treating me, my husband contacted the case manager and began to put pressure on her. He was then told that the hospital was planning on giving me a psych eval, and sending me to the psych unit. When I learned this I freaked. I tried telling my husband all this started because of one nurse who very obviously had taken a dislike to me. (While I was dry heaving into a pan that another nurse was holding for me at 3 AM, the nasty nurse had come in and said “Oh, for God’s sake! What’s wrong with you NOW???”) Because my husband had made a very strong stand, I was NOT given a psych eval, and just came home. When I got home my husband told me that originally he didn’t do anything about my situation b/c he had come to the conclusion that, being so far away from home, I must have become psychotic. I was so upset that he had automatically believed everyone else b/c I’M the one with the mental illness.
I’ve also been aware for years that my husband seems to find it necessary to tell everyone and anyone that I have bipolar disorder. He told me the other day of a co-worker who asked “What’s it like to live with someone with bipolar?” I have been so hurt that the only way he describes me, identifies me, is that I have bipolar. I was so gratified when my sister was telling me that she tells everyone that “My sister is a writer.” I can hear the pride in her voice, and it makes me feel like I’m seen by her as a person and not an illness. And yes, I told my husband of this, and he said he thought he didn’t identify me as a mental illness. I told him that he did and that it hurt…a lot. I said Why is it necessary for you to tell people that I have a mental illness?
I have found myself thinking that the way HE identifies himself is as my caretaker. That my mental illness gives him a sense of identity. I feel like I am not a person but a set of symptoms, and that especially hurts, b/c for the last 7 years I have made huge changes in my life that have enabled me to be more independent, and yes healthier mentally. My therapist says my husband is not seeing me as I am right now, that I haven’t presented any symptoms in years. So, I have to ask, when do I get to be seen as me?