Bipolar Disorder? Relax by doing this.

Hi,

Hope you’re doing ok today.

Here’s an email I got recently:

“Dave- I have bipolar disorder, and I know my husband loves me and all, but I’m tired of him hovering over me all the time, like I’m going to have a bipolar episode in the next 5 minutes. I’ve been stable awhile now, and I’m doing what I should be doing and I know I could go into another episode I’m not denying that, but I hate the way he watches me so closely, I wish he would just relax and trust me sometimes. Anyway, thanks for listening. Donna.”
——————————————————–

Interesting email, and it does bring up some good points.

Although I do tell you to watch for triggers and signs and symptoms in your loved one so that they don’t go into an episode…

If they’re doing everything they’re supposed to be doing to keep themselves stable and they haven’t gone into an episode for a long time (not to say they won’t ever go into another one)…

You don’t have to hover over them so much that it makes them so uncomfortable, because they might come to resent you, or they might actually feel like you’re interfering with their stability.

There comes a time where you need to relax and trust your loved one.

In my courses/systems below, I teach about what to do to maintain stability:

NEW EARN THE SECRETS OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarmastersystem/

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

So if your loved one is doing these things, and has been doing them for a long time, you can relax a little bit and cut them some slack.

You need to trust them sometime.

If you don’t, you’ll burn out yourself!

If they are:

• Taking their medication
• Seeing their doctor
• Seeing their psychiatrist
• Seeing their therapist
• Getting the right amount of sleep
• Exercising
• Eating right
• Being productive
• Having hobbies
• Not isolating
• Not sleeping too much
• Not sleeping too little

Then I would relax and trust them more than you used to in the beginning.

It would sound to me as if they have a good handle on their stability.

And YOU need to take care of yourself!

You need to do the things that you need to do for yourself so that you can be there for them should they need you.

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t still watch for PATTERNS of triggers, signs, and symptoms that may go on for awhile, because these could still indicate a bipolar episode.

This is just being a good supporter.

But just not on an hourly basis! : )

So relax and trust your loved one.

What do you think?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

  1. Dear Dave,
    I am not sure it is such a good idea to have an imposing and highly visible ad in the middle of your blogg such as the one above and in the left-hand margin. It gives the impression that you are almost sanctioning Scientology as a tool for working with BPD. You have successfully defended your credibility during attacks from those who think you are in the hands of the pharmaceutics industry. Please do not risk it now, in this manner, for a fistful of dollars from other sources, even though very welcome and needed I am sure. A disclaimer, at the very least, is in order. Otherwise, good work. You seem very dedicated to a noble cause, I am convinced.
    Regards,
    Randall

  2. HI THERE
    If my partner as bipolor or not i dont no but i sertenly do not bug him all the time. Yes you do have to learn to trust them or my say is to let go, or they will resent you
    or misunderstand you. We all should be able to live our lives with out being run buy some one. Man or Woman we are all equawel in my eyes. Yes i understand in special sercamstancers poeple do need surpporting to live in sersity but somtimes they need there own space just like any one else do you agree.

    Take Care Linda x

  3. You are right on the mark here…2 years ago I
    had a nearly fatal meningitus attack…but God
    had a plan and I am here today to write this:)
    But for a long time my husband hovered like
    that…to the point where I felt I was in jail!
    I know it was just a fear that something might
    happen to me, but it really cramped my style!
    So yes….do not hover…keep an eye out…but
    let them be free to be!

  4. Hi my boyfriend has bipolor, which i have only just found out, i thought he had just gone off me but that’s only because i didn’t understand what bipolor was. why he had changed he was not sleeping and didn’t want to come to bed and would sleep on the sofa and had no purpose in life, he knows he has a problem and told me which i think is good but i find it hard to understand he was fine when i first meet him because things were good but now work is hard and he tells me he is depressed and would be better off with out him, i don’t know what to say to reasure him i love him but not sure how to handle this situation, any advise would be helpfull.

  5. Hello David,
    I hope you and yours are doing well.

    The reason that i first signed up ? (clicked a link) for your newsletters is that my wife has this Bipolar disorder, and at that time I was just looking for an outlet, and some info on the dreadful disease.

    Well, for an introduction to my side of the story, my wife, my girlfriend at the time, and I had been living together for less than a year, and then got married…for a total of about 7 years of being together. I Had been staying with a Friend and paying rent to, who was Yes a female, but where there was absolutely No relationship, (barely friends) going on whatSoEver. She was also a member of A.A., in her own special way. I met my soon to be wife at an A.A. meeting of all places while at that same address. I became friends with her and a guy who was then a boyfriend. She was living at a 1/2 way house at that time for about a year, far away and separate from “Ken”, all except for a couple of earlier visits from him, I think. She informed me of what she says was an abusive relationship with him. Like him throwing a piece of furniture at her and cussing her name etc. I know what it might sound like, but i am not a home wrecker, and I hope and Pray that she wasn’t “playing me”. my soon to be and I, Ken and his A.A. sponsor “Rob”, who was My sponsor before Ken, had a lonnng talk on a beach in Seattle. Rob had set this up to settle our differences without carrying any ill will towards each other. I even told them in our chat that maybe this was destined, or meant to be. Ken accepted that maybe it was, after our talk about it. Thennn, we all hugged/shook hands and went our own ways.

    Well, for about 6 years total my wife and I got along pretty well, with the ups and downs in our marriage. Her 2 girls, ages 8 & 14 at the time, (different fathers) even moved in with us. They were staying with her parents before this, a result of their mother not being able to handle the parental duties needed at the time, before we had met. Apparently due to her dependencies on drugs and alchohol, her disorder and the choices that she had made for fathers and “dads”, who were also apparently abusive towards her. The youngest, Ashley, even called Me “Dad” after a couple of years. Gotta admit that That felt pretty good after where I had come from.
    I had received a fairly well paying job and after my wife had went back to work, after being on SSI, we were living rather comfortably. I can’t take any of the credit for her being employed. All I did was ask her if she’s going to take her therapists word that she can’t work, or find out for herself. Welll, “long story short” she did quite well on the employment front. With some kind of office job first, that i’m not sure of, then a check cashing place, a casino soft-count job, and then…a Major bank position even.

    We were doing rather well for going on 7 years total. We had some Really Good times that I personally will never forget. We rode that emotional rollercoaster of marriage after the first few years, attending some A.A./N.A. meetings and I even found a wonderFull church in the area where we lived. We signed up for the marriage builders class there. We even had a 2-on-2 with a married couple of the excellent members/teachers of what was our church, as teachers of it at our home once a week. The results were astronomical in My heart and eyes. We just had to stay away from the Selfish ways of Old, and remain accountable.

    But Then, after getting laid-off from a good paying job in ’04, I Ignorantly was waiting for the phone to ring for a new job and running out of the checks from the downline I inherited in an online business venture.
    I really do believe that if i would’ve went back to “drinkin’ and druggin” she would have been a whole lot more….easy to…get along with? When I had brought up some of my “Old Days and Old Ways” she would break into a hysterical laughing mode, like all I had to do was bring home something to drink or smoke and it would’ve made her happy-er. Do people with BPD really need an “escape” from reality more that those without mental health problems? Even after, not just going to church, but maybe being “Born Again”?

    None of Us are Perfect though, Just Forgiven. I could just as easily “Go Back Out” tomorrow, if I “forget where I came from”. I have come to realize that with Prayer, God’s redemption and My Repentance, that drugs and/or alchohol are not going to solve any of the “drama” that I must go through while I’m still here. The problems will still be there the next morning anyway, they’ll just have a hangover to go along with them. Orrrr, I’ll need some More of Whatever else it Was that helped me forget that “problem” that I had the day before. I chaired a quite a few A.A. meetings that helped me “Climb Out Of My Shell”, and realize that there were other people that were staying Clean and Sober with problems, as bad and Worse, than what I was and had gone through. There Are some mind altering substances that i Haven’t tried “Yet”, and By The Grace Of God, I won’t have to find out about…”One Day At A Time”. I said that Now, There was one disturbance that “getting buzzed” wouldn’t help with until the next day. But, Enough about me though and back to the relationship side of the story.

    She had a friend? in the complex in which we lived in, who was into champagne and crack, that i didn’t like at all; and they both knew it. And, i believe that that’s one of the reasons that my wife?…”gave me the boot.” My wife? has a way about her, i don’t know what it is, but she just didn’t want to be done with the mind altering substances and/or alchohol. She said later in an e-mail that I should have taken her to more meetings! She did have a sponsor. I mentioned to her that if she Really needed a meeting while I was away, sometimes on the other side of the mountains, that there was one a mile or so down the street…and she had a car. She didn’t want to go by herself, was her other reason for not going.

    Her sister Michele, (same first name from this site) contracted? or developed the same disorder within the last couple of years…in her 30’s? Fortunately for her and her husband though, she is not into the mind altering subtances. By the way, as far as i know my wifes? parents, her sister and her husband are church going, spiritual minded?, born again…maybe.
    Once again, “I’m Definetly Not Perfect, Just Forgiven.” Although, I am definetly Not who i was, after casting My burdens aside and accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I Am responsible for my Own past and Have lived to redeem myself. I am currently employed, and have been since i left the state she’s in. One of the casual labor jobs that i worked turned permanent. Long story short, I have been able to keep myself fed, clothed and with a roof over my head. I have been living in a “different state and with a different state of mind”; my own quote, for close to 5 years now. I have not had an affair since “we” have been separated, and don’t intend to. AlThough, It’s Not like i haven’t had the opportunity. By God’s Instruction, Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness, I am Clean, Sober and on that Straight and Narrow.

    So, the dilemma i am facing now is that the last time that i received an e-mail from
    my wife?, she’s more less saying, send me a ticket and I am There! No talk about her daughters or anything else. Just, more less, send her a ticket to change the situation that she’s in and everything’ll be just fine.
    Is this normal for someone with BPD? To be what seems Totally Selfish? Or maybe just, in a way, forgetful. Maybe i should’ve did some research before, or while we were together, so that I would’ve been better prepared for the “episodes”.

    I would appreciate Your evaluation of “our” relationship. Is there any Real Hope for a marriage to a woman with BPD, that has a substance abuse problem, and who has already had 2 affairs…While we were married? And, the first of those while “we” both had rewarding employment, even?

    Any Information that you could afford to send me, aside from my stopping to tell you all my troubles lying down on a psychiatrists couch, would be Greatly appreciated. [:o)!

    Thank You in Advance, for taking time out of your undoubtedly busy day to read and/or respond to this dilemma, that I am experiencing for the first and Hopefully the last time. And Any advise from you will be Thoroughly appreciated and considered.

    Thanks Again and God Bless You and Yours, Carl A. Schultz

  6. Hi Dave,
    I thank you for this article. I have been trusted my loved one for a while now, and he is doing well. He is completing a treatment program which he went into in order to get himself stabilized, and I am very proud of his hard work and determination. I love him deeply, and I am willing to work with him to keep this disease at bay. I try to look at it in the same way that we look at diabetes or other chronic illnesses. I have severe arthritis, so we work with that as well.
    I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your newsletters, and how beneficial they have been for me in making this relationship work. Some of the things I read in the beginning are what made me realize that I could have a relationship with this person, and deal with the issues of his illness and my own. So thank you for what you are doing for people with bipolar disorder and for those, like me, who love them.
    Karimah

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