Hi,
Sex and bipolar disorder is a topic that I get questions and comments about more often than you know. Sometimes because of the obvious reasons… Someone might write me an email about their loved one who is in a manic episode… And you know that with manic episodes sometimes
comes the symptom of an increased sex drive. In fact, that can be one of the symptoms or indications that your loved one is in a manic episode. Or they talk about their loved one being depressed… And that they have lost all interest in sex. And that can be a symptom of or indication that your loved one is in a bipolar depressive episode. Depression can take away their sex drive. But if that does happen, just know that it doesn’t have anything to do with you – it is not your fault that they are not interested in sex.
That’s one thing that is common with supporters – They wonder if their loved one’s lack of interest in sex is their fault, or if they’ve done something to cause it. Sometimes all they need to know is that it’s because of the bipolar disorder itself that their loved one is not interested in sex.
Another major reason that your loved one may not be interested in sex is because of their bipolar
medication. This happens frequently with people who have bipolar disorder. There are two problems with their medication: One is that it takes away their sex drive altogether. Again, if this happens, just understand that it has nothing to do with you, and it is not your fault. The other thing could be that even if they do have a sex drive, the medication makes it difficult for them to perform sexually, or to achieve an orgasm. If the problem is due to medication, sometimes the problem can be remedied. If the problem is that the medication just makes your loved one too sleepy for sex, simply have sex before they take their medication. Or you might be able to talk to your loved one’s doctor and change the time that they take their medication to allow for a more active sex life. If your loved one is a man, something like Viagra may be able to help – talk to their doctor about this.
But when it comes to bipolar disorder and sex, sex is only one part of the equation. What you are really probably concerned about is intimacy, and intimacy is more than sex. Intimacy is more about the closeness that two people can share. You don’t have to sacrifice the closeness just because your loved one’s bipolar medication makes it difficult for you to have a normal
sex life with them. Even hand holding or snuggling can be considered intimate acts and can show the other person that you care about them and that they care about you.
Just being together can be intimate. Maybe just talking about your relationship or things that concern just the two of you, or sharing past memories together… even that can be intimate.
A romantic dinner with some candlelight and soft music can be considered intimate as well.
What matters is the closeness. Just being together is what counts when you’re talking about intimacy.
If you’re concerned about problems in your sex life, talk about it with your loved one’s doctor –
he or she may have other suggestions for you.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
My question is what if you have Bipolar Disorder, and you sex drive is increased and you partner has no interest in intimacy or sex so you find it elsewhere. Is that normal for the disorder, if so how can I work on stopping that. I have tried everything to no effect.
hi dave my question is what if the partner has lost intrest in sex and pulls away from having sex or the Intimacy even being held or doing things with the partner exspsholy for when the woman pulls away it makes the man feel like they are not wanted and go looking for the sex else where because even if the women doesnt want sex they allso can pull away frome beign heald so how can we keep frome the man leavign the relaship because hs not geting either the sex or the closeness naomi
My medication has me virtualy impotent it is bad.
I have found there are other ways to express intimacy other than straight sex, and I mean heterosexual sex. Sometimes if the two of you don’t consider it unnatural, oral sex can be a very important way of expressing a tender, loving way of “making love.” Of course, meds have a BIG part in inhibiting intimacy, so do as Dave says, and TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Years ago, I lost my interest in sex, and I went to my doctor. He changed my meds, and within two months I could express love again.
The posts by Paul and Naomi struck home because in our relationship, there has been so much irritibility, hostility and negativity in our relationship, that whether it is from rapid-cycling or forgetting medication or acute anxiety, I do not want to be intimate with a man who is verbally abusive, disrespectful and has cheated on me. No matter what heightened sex drive the bipolar disorder may cause, I think there is no excuse for leaving your four children and wife to pay for sex with strangers (and this is not in a full-blown episode — this is in “pretty normal” mode). The problem is that this mean man is not the one I married and he “turns nice” on a regular basis, too. Most likely when he is taking his meds regularly. He gets mad, however if I check on his taking them, so I have to trust that he will or gently remind him. Sex is important to men, but intimacy is also very important and I cannot have one without the other. I wish there were classes for men to learn how to be intimate without necessarily being sexual.
Yes Dave…this topic caught my eye, and after reading it, kind of chuckled……
I struggle with sex,like you said, in my mainic highs, yes very much into the sex, but yes whn I am in my down, depression hits, it kills me off of the sex, it is a hard roller coaster, and not having the most supportive husband, again who thinks Bi-polar is a myth, all in your mind, is a hard one to deal with, our marriage almost came to an end over it, it is a hard thing to keep balanced!!
(Christina.MacDonald168@gmail.com)
nope. I wasn’t surprised by this topic at all. Actually I was wondering what took you sooooo long to get around to thta….We are sexual beings from birth!
humans were created to do this but when something interferes with this “very natural” process, like a sickness and disorder quite naturally the relationship can be strained but if you are not in one than out of sight out of mind…….
I actually agree Depression would be one of the end results to such interruption but happily there’s medication
things to dow while you can’t frou frou with each other
Meditation
Medication
Exercising
and special hobbies until we are well again to reunite with what is natural for lovers – frou frou (that’s what my last friend called it)
it’s not the end of the world but it’s an opportunity to “self improve” and vitalize in the meantime….
Thanks Dave, your insight can help me stay balanced. After all i read somewhere you must love your neighbor as urself so if you take the time to care for self – the frou frou with the neighbor will be that much better! What Good Advice from Above! i didn’t expect that!
You really must get out more Dave. Haven’t you heard of pink Viagra? My lady now has a spring in her step and a zing in her zang.
In normal mood, my bipolar man was very sexy as well as loving and intimate. Our love life was the best. In a manic episode he could get oversexed, wanting it all the time, and making demands. When he was going off having sex with all sorts of people, I knew he was going into an episode. I only hope he was telling me the truth and used protection with them. When he was depressed he wasn’t into intimacy either, but always wanted to be left alone. It was bad when he was on zyprexa. He gained 2 stone in 3 months, was always tired and in a down mood, lost all interest in sex and then didn’t want to do anything with his life. This went on for nearly a year. Eventually he stopped taking meds and went into an episode. He has done this so many times now, that we can’t be together anymore.
My grandson just turned 21 in September. That’s the less. Ever since he was small like 7 he was asking social workers did their bra and panty match. This came from
victors secrets commercails. As I learned more about bipolar I read about hypersexuality. Sexual commits about teachers large tits or big butts, or that they looked nice, have him home schooled. His comments to home schooled therapist and his dayhab staff have him in hot water all the time. My questions are is there any way I could help him since his professional staff say he is not going to change his way until he gets locked up. On the other hand they tell me that he IQ is 52, that he has bipolar and adhd, oppositional and deefiant behavior. I am looking on line for social training skills since he doesn’t seem to know what and what isn’t aceptable. Could you help direct me please. Pam