Hi,
I’m lucky. My workers are all virtual. That means that they work from home in other places –
they don’t actually work in an office with me here. So I don’t have to listen to complaints like other employers do. Some employers even put up a Suggestion Box.
Unfortunately…Most of the time they don’t really get suggestions they can use. The business owners I have talked to tell me that the Suggestion Box is pretty much useless, actually. That doesn’t mean that I don’t ask for suggestions from the people that work for me.
Oh no…On the contrary. I’m constantly asking them for suggestions on how we can improve things. And I respect their suggestions, because I respect them. Because they’re not complainers.
See…That’s the thing. You have to know how to effectively state your complaint.
Actually…You have to be able to state your NEED. You wouldn’t like it if all your loved one did was complain all the time, would you? Well…They sure won’t like that coming from you, either. So you have to do what’s EFFECTIVE. And what’s effective is stating your need instead.
If you state your need instead of just complaining, that will be more effective, and most likely will not lead to a fight.
For example: Say you feel frustrated. And part of that frustration is coming from the fact that you’re around your loved one so much that you feel like their bipolar disorder is smothering
you (a common feeling for a bipolar supporter to feel). So you want some time to yourself.
Instead of complaining: “I never get any time to myself!” You can say: “I’d really like to have some time to myself. I think that would really help me. Would that be possible?”
Do you see the difference? If you were to do it the first way, you would not only be complaining, but you could come off as being argumentative. This could make your loved one feel defensive.
And could very well lead to a fight.
But in the second case…You are just stating your feelings and stating your need. You are actually even asking for their help. This changes things. It actually involves your loved one. It makes them want to help you. And should not lead to a fight.
You can also use this method in reverse. When your loved one says something that comes
off as complaining, try to look past the complaint to see what their real need is.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
I think these sugestions you have shared
are GREAT!! They can be VERY HELPFUL in alot
of situations. Thanks for the great advice and
ideas. Your information is ALWAYS so helpful.
I LOVE your Blogs and the way you have it set up
so you can go back and reference the older blog
to be able to refreh the ideas etc.
Excellent suggestions on communication. I just found your website and ordered your Bipolar Support Pack. I am hopeful your valuable information will be helpful to me in helping my 23 yo son who was diagnosed with BP at age 12 and was just discharged 4 days ago from 3 weeks of inpatient treatment for a psychotic episode because he stopped taking his meds. (That’s a mouthful)
WE CALL IT “TALK” AFTER TEST DAY! MY DAD IN THE HEAVENS MUST BE LEAPING FOR JOY
never had i had such an epiphany as 10/10/2012 – MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY IDLE MINDS IS THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND – THIS IS SIMILAR TO HAVING BIPOLAR IT TAKES PERSEVERANCE AND DESIRE TO KEEP ONLY ON THINGS ABOVE – USE YOUR MIND, WILL WHAT IS ABOVE TO COME DOWN AND BE PART OF YOU AND IT WILL MANIFEST WONDERFUL THINGS DOWN HERE ON EARTH FOR YOU
WHETHER YOU DESIRE TO BE ANYWHERE FROM DEPRESSION FREE (A MENTAL DISORDER)
BIPOLAR (ALSO A MENTAL SITUATION)
SIMPLY HAVE TO WANT TO FILL YOUR MIND WITH “THE THINGS ABOVE” THAT YOU DESIRE.
I JUST TOLD MY NEIGHBOR WHAT KIND OF “TEST” IT WAS SOME FRIENDS WERE GOING FOR _ MENTAL HEALTH OF COURSE.
I like!