Hi,

Have you ever seen a horse race? They send out “Sparky,” and the horses all follow it, in a straight line, right to the finish line, hoping to be the first one there. If a horse were to change direction in the middle of the race, why, obviously, they would lose the race. There’s a common adage that a horse can’t change direction in the middle of a stream. But I’m here to tell you today that I believe that sometimes it’s necessary for you to. I think that sometimes you can and should change directions in the middle of the stream when you’re coping and dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder. Why? Because what if what you’re doing isn’t working? And what if you’re really, really frustrated because of it? What if your loved one isn’t getting any better? What if your relationship with them is suffering because of it? What if you’re even questioning if you’re a good supporter? What if it’s even making you sick because of it?

These are all things you need to take into consideration when wondering if what you’re doing is working or not.

There is a saying that: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” In other words…If what you’re doing doesn’t change anything…Then what you’re doing isn’t effective. So you need to change directions. You need to try something different.

For example: CASE STUDY:

Betty’s husband Jim had bipolar disorder. He had a problem with going into bipolar depressive

episodes. When he would go into one, he would go onto the couch for weeks at a time, and no

matter what Betty did, he would not get off the couch. This would make her really mad. So mad

that she would yell at him. Which would just make him even more depressed. Feeling sorry for himself, he would stay on the couch even longer. One day, Betty didn’t yell at Jim. Instead, she told him, “Jim, I feel bad for you that you’re so depressed. I hate that you spend so much time on the couch doing nothing. It makes me feel so helpless. I feel like a terrible supporter. I wish there was something I could do to help you.” And she cried. When Jim saw Betty crying, he felt bad for her (worse than he felt for himself), and he started talking to her, like he never had before. The lines of communication were opened again, and they started talking about what they could do together to fight Jim’s bipolar depressions.

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What was the difference? Betty changed directions. She stopped yelling at Jim and instead she talked to him and told him how she felt. What she had been doing wasn’t working, so she

tried something different. And it worked! Jim felt bad for her, and he opened up. And the lines of communication opened up, and together they worked out a plan to fight his bipolar depressions. The point was that because what she had been doing (yelling at him) wasn’t working, so she tried something different (talking to him). Maybe that’s what you should do.

Ask yourself the questions I pointed out at the beginning of this email. If what you’re doing isn’t effective, consider changing direction and trying something different with your loved one like Betty did.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave