Hi,

I’m lucky. My workers are all virtual. That means that they work from home in other places –
they don’t actually work in an office with me here. So I don’t have to listen to complaints like other employers do.

Some employers even put up a Suggestion Box. Unfortunately, most of the time they don’t really get suggestions they can use. The business owners I have talked to tell me that the Suggestion Box is pretty much useless, actually.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t ask for suggestions from the people that work for me. Oh no…
On the contrary. I’m constantly asking them for suggestions on how we can improve things.

And I respect their suggestions, because I respect them. Because they’re not complainers. See…
That’s the thing. You have to know how to effectively state your complaint. Actually, you have to be able to state your NEED.

You wouldn’t like it if all your loved one did was complain all the time, would you? Well…
They sure won’t like that coming from you, either. So you have to do what’s EFFECTIVE. And what’s effective is stating your need instead.

If you state your need instead of just complaining, that will be more effective, and most likely will not lead to a fight.

For example: Say you feel frustrated. And part of that frustration is coming from the fact that you’re around your loved one so much that you feel like their bipolar disorder is smothering you (a common feeling for a bipolar supporter to feel).

So you want some time to yourself. Instead of complaining: “I never get any time to myself!”
You can say: “I’d really like to have some time to myself. I think that would really help me. Would that be possible?”

Do you see the difference? If you were to do it the first way, you would not only be complaining, but you could come off as being argumentative. This could make your loved one feel defensive.
And could very well lead to a fight.

But in the second case, you are just stating your feelings and stating your need. You are actually even asking for their help. This changes things. It actually involves your loved one. It makes them want to help you. And should not lead to a fight.

You can also use this method in reverse. When your loved one says something that comes off as complaining, try to look past the complaint to see what their real need is.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave