Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope you are doing well.
What a long day yesterday. That 10 mile hike was really tiring.
I will be posting some pictures really soon.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about anger and bipolar disorder today.
I know that anger is a huge problem for people dealing with bipolar disorder. How do I know? Not just because I’m a supporter myself or because my mom has it, but because I get TONS of emails on just this subject.
You wouldn’t believe how many people are dealing with anger these days – whether they have bipolar disorder or not. (Well, yes you would, because you’re probably one of them.)
That’s why, in my courses/systems, I have whole sections devoted just to anger management:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
Well, Robert Allan PhD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the New York-Presbyterian Hospital, wrote a whole book on anger, called Getting Control of Your Anger.
In Dr. Allan’s book, he talks about a 3-step process for taming rage:
1. Identify the hook (trigger) that feeds your anger.
Just by knowing that there is a trigger that sets your anger off can be liberating in itself. It’s the first step toward changing your reaction to your anger and not allowing yourself to directly express that anger by yelling or getting physical.
2. Step back or remove yourself from the situation causing your anger.
By doing this, you can figure out WHY you need the anger. Then you can try some relaxation or deep- breathing exercises to try to get back some of your self-control.
He also suggests developing an OBSERVING self, a mini-version of yourself who you visualize sitting on your shoulder viewing the big picture and warning you not to take the anger bait (hook or trigger).
Dr. Allan says that when we get angry, the feeling is usually fueled by the need for respect or the need not to have our territory breached, or both. (What about you? Do you agree with that?)
3. Fill the need without expressing anger directly. Instead, ASK for what you need.
Now, that last point would take a whole email in itself to talk about!
What about some of YOUR ideas? How do YOU think you fulfill that third point?
How do YOU handle YOUR anger?
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
I happen to have a best friend that is a Registered Nurse and while I am in this fit of anger she has a way to keep me breathing and she talks me down to a point where we can talk on a more calm and friendly place. She works with me to find out what caused it and we discover a more productive way to handle it the next time it may happen. It works for me for now, I pray it keeps me level for a long time to come.
Good Morning David
Sometimes I feel like I am writing to our son, you have his
name, David, but our David had just turned 45 years old and
was on a 4wheeler and a train hit him and killed him, so the last
5 years have been very difficult for me, but I thank God that I have
3 Beautiful Daughters, and their famlies, but we miss our
wonderful Son, so needless to say I have been trying hard to get
back into doing things like I used to do. With God’s help and my
famlies its getting better, but the memories are still there and they
never go away. I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your
e-mails, thank you so much for them.
Have a great day
Sincerely, Darlene
Could you give some advice for a bipolar supporter dealing with anger from a bipolar spouse?
That’s a good question!
I really have to get push to the limit to get angry. Except for when I deal with bill collectors and automated services over the phone. I Hate that.
To be honest some of my pet peeves will tick off my anger. Like, people always trying to psychoanalyze me, deliberately being hostile for no apparent reason, accusing me and judging me. Oh an when I am ignored.
Lately that’s been happening a lot. I really feel invisible, like a number. An account number to be exact. People don’t have time for personal interaction anymore.
We all better learn how to express ourselves in writing it all down or we may never get heard or helped. Which really isn’t a bad thing because then there’s a paper trail that we can refer back to.
Can writing it all down be therapeutic like the aroma thing? I think so, It seems just in reading the blogs on this site people can express how they feel, what they are going through and so froth and it’s very contagious and enlightening.
Yes, I’m angry David! Angry with myself because I feel like a complete failure all of the time.
I think it is more of a control thing than anything else. Husband is border-line bi-polar. Anger is usually triggered by a feeling of loss of control. could be territory.
IVE JUST READ THE ADVICE ON DEALING WITH ANGER. I HAVE BIPOLAR AND DURING AN EPISODE I GET SO ANGRY I COMPLETLY CHANGE, ITS AS IF IM POSSESSED. IT IS A HORRIBLE FEELING WHICH IVE HAD COUNSELLING FOR YET STRUGGLE TO CONTROL THIS.
ANY IDEAS AND TIPS HOWEVER ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED HOWEVER SOMETIMES ITS NO AS EASY AS JUST TAKING A STEP BACK
I watched my son become so angry he almost jumped out of my truck on the freewaay going 70 mph. I’m not sure exactly what he was angry about.. He was way out of control, I can not ever see that again… He had just been diagnoised as Bipolar.
When I am angry, I try to think of other things, or I clean the house so I’m not thinking about the anger issue…
I then try to rationalize why I got so angry… or why someone did or said what they did, that got me that angry.
For me words are very potant and can cut you to the bone… when someone says something hurtful or mean that is exactly what they mean, or they would not have said it.If they didn’t it would not have been in their thoughts.. so, the words, sorry, I didn’t really mean that, or that is not what I ment to say… holds no water with me…
If it damaged me badly then I just don’t have anything to do with that person for a long while…
I don’t need the negitiveity or hurt in my life.
I have been reading your emails for awhile now. I have to disagree with one thing you have mentioned several times. Either a Bipolar has been involved with drugs, or being an alcoholic but this is not the case here. I have never done drugs or alcoholic liquor. I was molested for four years by two different people at the age of five for four solid years of this with another sibling with in my family. That taught me when I had my children that I wasn’t letting anyone ever touch them even though they are boys but men now. I was an attempted rape victim at the age of 10 and having to go in front of a Judge at the age of nine. I was a great parent but too strict with my sons but they still had a good life and up bringing. They were raised in church with me right beside them while growing up to be gentlemen. To this day, they are doing great. I had to say this because Biplolar comes in alot of different stages and reason for being one.
When I get anger I do a number of things. I go to a favorite store. The reason why is because when I’m there it forces me to stay under control, because if I lose my temper there. I won’t be able to go there anymore. Which keeps me in check. Plus going to my favorite store distracts me. I wouldn’t buy anything, but it would distract me. Then when I finally cooled down, I would go home. Also, what helps me is music. The kind of music that helps cool me down, is the Beatles or some kind of meditation music, like with nature sounds and music, no talking. But listening to those types of music help, because it takes you to another place. Also, sometimes it helps for me to walk my dog, but sometimes it doesn’t help, so, going for a walk by myself and listening to rock music helps. I noticed that when I’m angry and listening to rock music. I tend to walk at a faster pace. Which is good, because eventually I’ll get to the point where I’m tired and then when I come home, I won’t be as destructive. Which is a big problem for me. I tend to throw and break a lot of things when I’m angry. Well, I really hope this commet helps someone.
It’s about our identities being threatened i suppose. It has been such a struggle to find my self with a bi-polar parent that any threat to self is taken quite seriously.
Most of the time, when I’m NOT in an episode, I turn my anger inward. I suppress what I’m really feeling, so as not to hurt someone else’s feelings. I KNOW this is wrong; as of late, I’ve started to express myself more clearly as to what MY needs are, instead of always caving in to another person.
Yes, I’m a “wuss,” and I’m NOT proud of it. There are times, though, even now, when I’m dealing with someone in authority over the phone, who won’t let me get a word in edgewise, that I “percolate,” and get really “huffy.” It doesn’t solve anything, except to make the person on the other end of the line more defensive. I’m working on this REAL hard.
I suppose there are a lot of us out there who want everybody to like us; that’s why we’re afraid to express our anger (at least, I’m like that). But, sometimes, it just “erupts” and I find myself taking deep breaths to calm myself down when talking with someone over the phone.
Do you find yourself caught in these “anger traps?” I don’t THINK I’m the only one…
I have a 25 year old daughter with hypomania. Her anger can be so intense it scares the daylights out of me. She gets so filled with hate, uncontrollably, it just breaks my heart. The sad part is she thinks she’s right! I cannot convince her otherwise and even when she has calmed down, she still carries this anger and holds gruges indefinately. How do you get her to let go and move on?
Hi David,
I have a brother who suffers from anger. He has trouble accepting the fact that he has bipolar. I have worked with him for two and a half years and struggled with him as he struggles. We are going to a nurse practioner tomorrow to see if he can get on the right dosages of medications. I know I can only be a supporter and can’t cure him he has to accept this on his own time and get back on track at his own speed.
Thanks for all the emails.
It is a very good question indeed.
But let me ask you this….When you realize your “trigger” and you step back to “gain self control” and calmly ask for “what you need” and are either dismissed, told you are crazy, have no compassion, or better yet told to get the f***k out that you are a b**ch, do you then have “the right” to be angry?
I speak of a situation where going to work daily to make ends meet while a roommate sleeps on the couch day after day after day for six months now. How do you deal? How do you have compassion after six months of this? How can you help someone who refuses to listen or do anything but make excuses and call you names? better yet, how do you get them out of your house without bringing danger to yourself or your child?
Any suggestions? I’m open!
Hi David,
I have a brother who suffers from anger. He has trouble accepting the fact that he has bipolar. I have worked with him for two and a half years and struggled with him as he struggles. We are going to a nurse practioner tomorrow to see if he can get on the right dosages of medications. I know I can only be a supporter and can’t cure him. He has to accept this on his own time and get back on track at his own speed.
Thanks for all the email.
I have bipolar disorder and am still learning what can act as a trigger for me. Feeling that my boundaries are being ignored is one of my triggers; as well as feeling that I am being taken advantage of. Realizing this has made it easier for me to control the anger. Identifying this has helped me a lot – I try to take a step back and determine if it is intentional on the other person’s behalf or if maybe it is just my perception of a situation. Also, as a female, I realize that during my monthly menstrual cycle just about anything can be a trigger. But knowing this makes me feel less ‘crazy’ and I am able to more readily control the anger and/or anxiety that I may feel. Identifying triggers also helps me to know what situations and/or people I may need to avoid.
I’d have to agree – it’s for me, so much about our identities, which are often so fragile with bipolar, being threatened in some way, shape or form. I hate being or feeling put down or humiliated and I have just begun to start speaking up for myself when I feel belittled or threatened. But the anger can last for days or just turn into apathy and who can say which is worse?
Dear Dave,
I haven’t written in awhile. I have been concentrating on myself and I have been quite involved with full-time paralegal school. It’s very interesting that you have this topic on anger. I still have my man with me despite his past disappearances, spending, drinking, and cheating. He is supposed to go on his own again, but never does. For now, the only issue that really bugs me is his anger issue. It is very debilitating to me.
If I ask how his day is, he gets very angry. If I ask how his new job is, he gets angry. If I ask most anything, his game is that he’ll sit there and purposely ignore me or either pretend he didn’t hear. Then, I’ll usually ask whatever question that I’ve asked again…and then he jumps into this rage that has now let me know that the anger is really a control mechanism with him. Sometimes, like this morning…it wasn’t so much a control mechanism as it was his frustration at a job…and he took it out on me.
He gets dangerously angry to the point where he wants to strangle and sometimes does. Sometimes at home, he’ll pursue what he wants to be an argument, and he’ll say we’re arguing even when I just walk away from what he’s trying to do. Which is to argue. I have learned how to deal with his rage episodes for the most part. Especially when it comes from a “control” standpoint where he feels so out of control that he projects and tries to control me with himself trying to intimidate me through his contrived anger.
Now, I’m not talking about someone who legitimately gets angry over something. If that were the case, he would just state what makes him angry in a calm manner or he’d calmly say that he doesn’t want me asking how his day was.
This person will take any type of conversation that I may try to make and just ask me, “don’t you ever shut up?!!!” I could go for hours not saying anything to him because of the fear that I’ll suffer from the stress of his wanting to argue because I’m talking. I don’t care if he is bipolar, it’s no excuse for the abuse that I’m suffering. I have been reading books based upon the issues of the controlling things he does like not let me sleep in the same room as him except when he wants, calling me names, etc and not letting me talk most of the time… He must have suffered the same thing from one or both of his adoptive parents. I truly believe that he was very abused growing up. Come to find out that his parents slept separate, and his adoptive mother was always frustrated and nagging and yelling he said.
This is something that I don’t want to live with anymore and I am letting him stay with me until he saves enough money to get his own place. I’m not making him pay any bills…the problem is, is he walked off of his good job and only works sometimes now. He’s still mean most of the time and I actually have to threaten to baker act him to get him to calm down. I don’t want to go through all of this anymore with him. If he doesn’t want counseling, there’s nothing I can do for him except see him into his own apartment and support him once he’s there.
I’ve had manic-depression going on 11 years. I just had a really bad episode at a clam boil with my family and friends. I yelled and threw whatever is in my hand. I had 2 episodes in the same day. They were yelling for me to leave the house and one friend called the cops and then I went after my sister. I lost some of my memory on both episodes. i ended up alone and feeling suicidal and thinking that they would all be better off without me. that was the worst I acted in all the years i’ve had this. I’ve been sick inside since this happened. Now my good friend doesn’t want to talk to me right now. She needs her space. The whole situation was unbelievable. I hate myself for it. I don’t understand why a person loses some of there memory, does any of you know why? Please let me know.
Hi everyone. I have a 13yo son with bipolar, and when he gets mad, even the dog hides. He’s also been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Lately (18mos) when he gets super angry, he begins to hear voices. We’ve been to numerous therapists and doctors and such. I find that when he gets like that, the best thing for him to do is to let him alone. He will usually sit in a corner and just wait for the voices to go away. I try not to let him get to that place where he hears the voices. But as each week goes by, we are seeing just a little bit of improvement in some areas. Dave, I appreciate the emails, they really do help a lot.
hello david, thank you for sending me e mails daily. I have had bipolar for 40years. I think i have coped with everything that life can throw at me. I tell you you don’t want to know what i have been through, i love people itry to love life, but i have been broken hearted so many times i am about to give up. I go to visit my baby boys grave tomorrow and i am feeling suicidal. What do you suggest i do mary please answer
help me please i bet you can’t thank you mary.
I have a 13 yr. old grandson who lives with me. He has been diagnosed as bi-polar for 4 years now and has such shor fuse at times that there is no way of knowing why he got angry. He has had 4 ho9spitilizations and is in theraphy – has been in theraphy ever since he was 5 years old. The thing that helps him calm down more than anything is to be left completely alone in his room. There he is able to eventually calm down. If one tries to talk to him when he is upset it wilol cause a huge melt down. The thing I worry about most of all is what kind of consequences to give for his behaviors when he is upset. I want him to learn self control and responsibility for his behaviors but don’t want to punish him for something he cannot control. Is there anyone who can help with this?
Lately I have been feeling very angry. I feel myself escalating as certain individuals push my buttons. I feel it is certain topics that I have not dealt with productively since childhood. Mostly it is in regards to bonding and forming personal relationships with people in general, friends, co-workers, teammates, family, etc. Also when I feel uncomfortable discussing personal issues like money or my personal life I become angry, so angry to the point that I will almost snap at anybody that set me off. I have been told that my demeanor and my voice and attitude become hostile and bitter towards that person. People tell me if only you can see and hear yourself talking at people maybe you would understand !!! To my knowledge I do not have bipolar disorder but I do feel I have Major Anger Issues !!! Any suggestions ??? Thank you. Angry lost soul v.v
Oh my goodness …first Caprice, since you’ve been reading and you know this is abuse, you may know that you need to do a search on how to be safe when “helping” your friend get out on his own. He doesn’t have a job, so he doesn’t have to leave. You say you will help him when he gets his own apartment. He doesn’t want that kind of help – he likes torturing you emotionally and physically. You need to get as much information on being safe NOW, get your safe haven stash ready in case you’re the one to leave – don’t leave a trail for him to find you – like calling that place with your regular phone, as the phone number will be tracable on your phone bill. You are being “co-dependent” even by trying to “help” him. How do I know this? I did this same thing for years, as I knew my husband was ill, tried to help him get well (as Dave might say – a supporter), but it was not helping him to allow him to be abusive.
Good luck, please post a follow-up.
Mary – call a suicide hot line.
People care about you – you need to be in this world. Call your doctor too if you have one – or a friend who can call for you if you’re having trouble doing that. We care for you on this blog as well.
Good luck, please post a follow-up.
Mary you’ve coped for 40 years-don’t give up now. I think my husband of 25 years has bipolar after having a manic episode in December which he was in trouble with the police for. He is struggling to cope with the depression now,has tried an overdose which luckily for me didn’t work and the brilliant mental health we have in Britain (sarcasm!)won’t diagnose him.
Please be strong Mary,like I’m trying so hard to be for him.
Hello David
Thank you for being here for us. Thank you for all the support that you have given us. I would npw like to give you some of my thoughts and ideas regarding how Ihave been coping with this disorder. In dealing with anger I always tell myself that if I do lose self-control the penalty for doing may be irreversable. Since I do have a job and support myself and wife. I feel the need to be always on guard with losing my temper. For how I act around my co- workers can result in either a tense atmosphere or one that’s pleasant. I have concluded that it’s impossible to change another persons attitude , feelings and ways. So I’ve chose to concentrate on trying to be a good example. to persons around me.
I’m still trying to deal with my anger issues and keep them controlled, but for me the silly calming step routines the therapists tell you to do don’t work for me, and telling me to do them ticks me off. Before I started mood stabilizers for a year my anger would get worse and worse till it was everday all day, and I would get so mad at anything or my husband I would want to hurt him even thoughts of killing him and I probably wouldn’t have felt bad about it till the next day, because I couldn’t come down from that angry rage. I could get mad over anything and usually would wake up in a mad state. I’m doing a little better now with my 2 mood stabillizers , and I do try to keep myself out of situations I know would trigger me. I do still get angry though, just not at such an exploding level.
Anger? Ooooh! Explosive subject for me!! Used to be like Ghandi, hardly ever losing my cool. But since developing BP, it’s steadily increased, even at one point going out and looking for someone deserving to die. Fortunately, I didn’t find anyone, and the mood blew over!!! (Funny, I found a couple of potential victims who I thought would be deserving but they turned out quite nice! Damn – foiled again!)
My problem is the trigger is called “my wife”! So, when she winds me up, it’s hard to escape. However, the other day I tried just grabbing the car keys and going out for a drive. When I got back she was nice as pie, so I may try that one again.
But seriously (actually, I was being serious) I’d agree – what makes me angry is the showing of a lack of respect, like when wife is aggressive and bullying for no reason, or when she (frequently) deliberately ignores me when I want to tell her something or she just demonstrates she is not interested in what I have to say (this contrasting with her demanding I listen to all the stuff she wants to say!) There is SO much she can d and does that trigger me.
Unfortunately one of my two sons is veru similar to her … and I’ve had to devise a system of disciplinary penalties and rewards that he feels financially. This system gives me a sense of control over the situation, where I might otherwise have slapped him. I don’t feel I have to do that anymore – she he misbehaves I just say, “I’ll fine you xx pence if you do that again…” But I can’t do that with Wife …
Hi, David! Thanks for the topic today! Gosh, that is my very, very big problem. I certainly cannot control my anger, my anger controls me. Like what you have written above, respect is the reason. I have disowned my sister because of this. I am very very mad at her. I have no support from my family. I am on my own.
Hey Dave, I have always had a problem with anger, even when I was litlle. But now that I have bipolar it seems to have gotten worse. I lose my temper and get to the point where I scream at everyone. Sometimes it takes me a while to calm down. Although when I get really, really angry I end up crying. But I think all bipolar sessions should have anger management in it. I know I could use it, possibly 4 or 5 times.
Hi Dave,
I agree that anger is there for a reason. I think can surface when ANY of our needs can be endanger of, or are not getting met. It is a normal, instinctive reaction, and it takes a strong logical mind to pull back the reigns and say, NO! I am not going to get angry over this, or I am not going to let anger have it’s way with my behavior. I think it is very hard, much harder when we have bipolar because of the tenancy to have extreme emotions, anger is one of them. So it is very important to tell our dr if we cannot control our anger, both our psychiatrist and our psychologist so they can help us learn coping techniques or medicate us properly or BOTH to handle the anger or rage we sometimes feel. I needed both, medication, then therapy, but I think it is necessary for anyone with bipolar to use both avenues to get help, “What Ever Works For Them, is what works” I think anger cannot be just categorized as, “Just do this one thing” because it comes in many shapes and sizes at different times and occasions, and all of them must be dealt with effectively to master anger!
Thanks Great Topic,
Bob
Hi Dave, I just felt like responding to this article because I deal with my 3 children’s anger on a daily basis. My 21 year old twins and 16 year old son have bipolar disorder and it’s like living in a constant hell. There are times I just start crying and then there are times when I just decide it’s easier to join them. I get the brunt of all the anger because their father doesn’t live with us, so I’ve had to deal with this all their lives. Sometimes I think it’s a wonder that I haven’t gone crazy. My oldest 2 boys have been through anger management 3 times now but they don’t seem to have learned anything from it. I just don’t know what to do about it anymore!
I think anger (turned outward) is a very good thing. We need to express our emotions. I it is bad to supress our anger – we need to let it out. I always feel relief when I scream at someone who annoys me. I probably need a course in ‘anger management,’ but I feel soooo much better when I can ‘tell someone off.’ Well, someone who had it coming.
To Graham: As I’ve said before, I learn so much fom your posts. Today’s post however touched a nerve from a supporter viewpoint. What a horrible burden to put the trigger (blame) on your wifes shoulders. One question for you, do you show your wife respect? I do however think that by you removing yourself from the situation for a while is a good thing.
Hi Dave, I have been on medication for Bipolar for the last 7 years and recently decided to stop using the medication. It has now been 1 month and it was HELL. I was really sick, dizzy nauses and had stomach pains, diaree. But now I only have headache’s every day, I’m so irritated in everything, I get angry for the simple things. My children can’t say anything then I crack. It’s hard to accept that for 7 years I was someone else because I did’t get angry or irretated. But now without the medication I am even irretated with myself. The reason I stop using the meds was that I cept on gaining weight and It made me very unhappy. Since on the meds 7 years ago I weight 60 and now 120.
I defenitly need to understand how to deal with anger and irretation.
Hi, to all not sure what to do or say no point of direction. the only one that is abused here is me i try to keep my husband at bay i dont want to concern him over this.he worries about me alot… i cry all the time cause it is illegal to kill…i know im not the only one in this boat, but i prefer to stick my head in a hole and bury myself. and when i come out itleast my eyes arent so swollen that i can see.and the worst is pre- meditated thoughts of suicide. ive talked with a phys. but i dont feel the compassion of the disease through him i dont have alot of time ,,to find other doc.in my ontario…(barrie)region. im tired of fighting for my life everyday there is no one except youpeople and with respect to all individuals im happy for this outreach but all i can do is read and i can not even do this for the sweellling of my eyes i should say… it has been months since ive stopped crying ive lost45pds, and cannot seem to eat anythingmore than applejuice and keep it down is there anyone out there that hides behind another personality when suicide is that close noking on your door?
Hello, I have alot of anger built up inside and don’t know how to get rid of it can you help me?????
Greetings to all. I have bi-polar along with P.T.S.D. from serving in Iraq. I currently work in a maximim security prison where the anger managment is an everyday battle for me from dealing with inmates to supervisors and administration to the system itself. I have found that I almost have to put myself into an outer body experience each time I get angry in order for me to remove myself, analyze the situation, determine if my anger is warranted or not and come up with a strategy to deal with whatever situation that has triggered my anger. Sometimes I don’t have the luxury of time to remove myself and thats when things can get a lil harry. I am not sure however if I agree with Dr. Allan’s statement that “When we get angry it is usually fueled by the need for respect or to not have our territory breached or both” Maybe this is the wrong thing to do but when there is no strategy available for the trigger of my anger then to keep the peace in my house I try very hard to hide and bottle up the anger in order to keep my family from suffering from it. Not sure if this is the right thing to do or not but it does seem to work. any comments or suggestions or even if I can help in any way please give me a response.
I have 33 year old twins that both were diagnosed with biploar disease in their early adult life. My son was diagnosed at 17 when he was hospitalized for anger issues through our court system and my request. It has been an uphill battle ever since.
He married 10 years ago and now has 2 daughters. He is very unstable emotionally – mostly with anger–and it affects his job performance. In the last 2 years he has had numberous jobs. It seems he is getting much worse. He does drink and at time take drugs BUT refuses to take medication for his condition. His wife has decided to leave him and move away. I know this is best for her children as my son is very disruptive to a normal life.
My daughter when she was in her mid 20’s. She manages hers with medication and counseling. She is highly successful professionally and was married one year ago. They have a challenging marriage as he has issues with bipolor disease and believes she should be able to manage it without medication. He is on a leaning curve. My daughter does not have anger issues. She has anziety at times but mostly is hyperactive.
I have no doubt that my daughter will continue in the direction she is going. It really works for her and is a very promising side of the disease if the person is cooperative with the management of the condition.
My son on the other hand, is very unstable and seems to be getting worse. His friends and associates are very undesirable and not a source of support to turn his life around.
Does anyone out there have any suggestions for a very sad mother?
I have decided I need help to keep from enabling him to continue in the path he is on. I do not want to be part of the problem.
Matthew 19:26
None of us can get anywhere angry or not without the miracle working power of the Lord and in HIS WORD is the answer to all our woes. Sounds too simple to believe doesn’t it. No medication, drink, dude or chick can erase the thorns in our flesh. Listen please….don’t try to handle anything in life alone, you don’t have to, I use to and I know thus the reason for me sharing. You are more than a conqueror. Read the Psalm and seek the real answers…you will be stronger, wiser and better. I will keep you lifted as breakthrough is on the way for everyone. SHIBO & Amen
Because I care, I share
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I deal with my anger every day. Mainly I’m angry at myself for having this disease and all that I’ve lost during my various episodes over the years. I’m angry at the system and angry at the world a lot of the time and I even get angry at God for giving me this disease. My anger eventually leads to apathy and boredom and then leads to thoughts of suicide. I’ve been bipolar and schizoeffective for 8 years now and been on all types of medications and been in the hospital more times than i can count and am really fighting a daily battle here. It is a war for me and i mean that in all seriousness. Thank you for your emails David and I thank everyone else for their responses. God Bless.
I have a major problem controlling my anger. I have been trying to determine if it originates from being bipolar, or if it’s on its own. My anger has hit the ultimate head – my wife and I are getting divorced after 16 years of marriage, and 18 and a half years of being together. Looking back, I’ve had this anger problem even as a kid growing up. My wife has gotten to the point where she just couldn’t take it anymore. For years, I’ve made promises to get help, only to fall back into the same patterns again and again.
I know it wasn’t just her that triggered me (she couldn’t pay a bill to save her life, I always handled all of the finances and flipped out more times than not because I couldn’t handle it anymore); I get mad at anything and everything it seems – bad drivers, work, this, that, and the other thing. I am afraid of the person I’ve become, and I am trying to get help from all avenues. I even registered myself for domestic violence education – the people at the clinic commended me for that. They said it’s rare that someone comes in and registers on their own free will.
Will my wife and I ever reconcile? Probably not. As much as I thought I would have loved to, I would be too afraid to get back together and have a relapse – too many times I’ve heard stories of people getting back together, and sooner or later, the things that drove them apart return.
I’m learning to enjoy my life alone, although it is still challenging. It’s only been 2 and a half months we’ve been separated so far, and our divorce date is coming up fast. She’s seeing someone already, she didn’t waste any time hooking back up with an ex-boyfriend, who is also divorced.
My anger still gets the best of me, it’s like a flick of a switch – I can go from calm and relaxed to a monster in 2.2 seconds. It doesn’t take much to set me off. I’m really scared to find a new partner, I would hate to put her through the same thing I put my soon t0 be ex-wife and daughter through.
Will I ever get better? Only God knows………..
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article Bipolar and Anger, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
I am a supporter of my 17 yr old daughter. I learned how to try to handle my anger by stopping for just a moment and then stating or asking for what is needed, requested etc. However having several strokes did kind of get in my way. It’s harder dealing with anger now due to what my dr told me about strokes. I just deal with my daughter on a day-to-day basis. Her moods fluctuate from manic to depressed. Right now her mania has gone on for at least 3 mos. She got in trouble with the law and has just been released into my custody. She’s on meds now I just have to keep a good eye on her, taking her to therapy, etc. She’s a very angry person since my ex- and divorced about 2001 and i feel she is angry at me too because i couldn’t “fix” it. Her dad can’t stand her and she knows it. Her dad is bipolar too, though he won’t admit it. Thanks Dave–your info has been helpful to me.
My granddaughter has been removed from her home by CPS due to her mother’s bi-polar anger issues. She attempted to kill her current husband and he had her arrested. She also stated that she wanted her children dead. We have temp custody at this time and intend to go for full custody. Is this a reasonable attempt?