Are You Feeling Guilty?

Hi,

Because of what I do, I hear from many supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder. And many times they share their feelings with me. Many times those feelings are negative feelings.

Living with a loved one with bipolar disorder is difficult at best, and I understand that, because I
lived with my mother when she was at her worst with her bipolar disorder, and it was very hard for me. I experienced some of those negative feelings, too.

Some of those negative feelings can include:

1. Anger

2. Bitterness

3. Resentment

4. Annoyance

5. Irritation

6. Agitation

7. Frustration

8. Impatience

9. Aggravation

10. Disappointment

11. Dissatisfaction

12. Stress

But then, feeling these negative feelings against someone I loved, I would ultimately feel guilt, shame, and remorse as well.

Do you feel guilty? Have you been experiencing some of these negative feelings toward your loved one? One thing that helps is talking with them and sharing your thoughts and feelings openly. Even though these are negative feelings, they are still your feelings, and you need to accept responsibility for them. If they go on too long without you doing anything about them, they will come out in negative ways.

For example: Your anger can turn to rage, and you may end up in a huge fight with your loved one over something that may be trivial otherwise. If you stuff your negative feelings, you might become overwhelmed by them. The stress will build up until you start to feel anxious all the time.

So you need to be open and communicate these feelings to your loved one. They should be aware of how you feel. You will probably find that just by sharing them, that some of them (if not most of them) will go away just by talking about them and the cause of them.

If your loved one and some specific behavior of theirs is responsible for your feelings, they may be able to stop the behavior, and then you won’t feel that way any more. The important thing is that they know how you feel.

If, for some reason, you don’t feel that you can share your thoughts and feelings with your loved one, you still need to get them out somehow, or they can still build up and cause you stress and harm.

You may want to seek out your own counselor or therapist with whom you can share these feelings and talk about what’s bothering you. If not, maybe keeping a journal would help you.
Write down your thoughts and feelings to at least get them out, so they don’t build up inside you.
This way the guilt won’t pile up and cause you stress that you don’t need and can’t handle.

Are you feeling guilty? Is it because of negative feelings you have against your loved one? Try one of the methods I’ve just talked about, so that the stress doesn’t build up in you.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

  1. For David Oliver and/or his staff that writes with/for him: Thanks, once again, for “hitting” my nail on the head. I think I’m a bi-polar supporter (though my spouse is normally in denial of her condition); I have had all of the “guilt” feelings that you commented on in your July 8th email. Yes, you help me tremendously. Please continue. Whether you and your staff know it or not, you are providing me the “therapy” that I can’t get otherwise. Thank you; thank you; thank you. gg

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