==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
How’s it going?
Before we get started, I wanted to
tell you something.
First, for a few people who called
me yesterday for the coaching program,
jobs, projects, etc, I will be getting
back to you today. I had like 100
things to do yesterday.
I am now doing interviews with media
so I am super busy. Also, I run 3 other
businesses as well.
NO I don’t have bipolar disorder and
I am NOT in a manic episode. I am
able to do all this because I have
GREAT teams. Which I have taught
in my course/systems for bipolar
disorder is one key to success.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
For example, I’ve told you that I
was a little concerned with my mom and her
bipolar disorder because her brother is in
the hospital, it being December (my mom’s
worst bipolar month), and natural December stress.
So far three potential bipolar triggers. BUT
so far it looks good. Everything seems
to be okay.
BUT my mom actually contact her entire
team and let them know to watch out for
her because of all that is going on. Is that
proactive or what?
So remember if you have bipolar disorder
and you think there might be a problem,
be proactive. Contact your doctor, therapist,
supporters, etc. Let them know what is going
on. Make sure you have medical waivers in
place.
If you are a bipolar supporter, when there
are potential bipolar triggers, make sure
you report them and also you are vigilant.
In the old days, nothing would be done
and I can tell you FOR SURE my mom
would have gone into a bipolar episode.
As it stands now, I believe it’s IMPOSSIBLE
for my mom to go into a major bipolar episode.
Why can I say that? Well it’s because she has
a system in place to prevent it. It’s possible
she would go into a minor bipolar
episode. But if I had to bet, I would say no.
But, if she does, we’ll be ready.
I have brainstormed all possible options
using well you’re going to think I am nerdy
but factorials which is stuff in math.
I teach how to use factorials to prevent
bipolar episodes in my courses/systems
below. But, I don’t call it factorials because
you would think I was crazy, nerdy or you
might be afraid because it’s math. So I just
teach you the technique and don’t label it.
Okay, one last thing before we jump into
today’s topic. I must say, I am a little
annoyed. I have another business and people
are contacting me from this other business
and finding my stuff on bipolar disorder.
They then wind up calling me up and
saying, “hey, I saw your site.” I then
say “oh.” They say, “I you have a site
on bipolar disorder.” I say, “Really?”
(For some reason I get annoyed at these
points)
Then they say, “I didn’t know your mom
had bipolar disorder.”
Then I get really annoyed. It’s just stupid
to call someone and say something like
that.
Anyway this woman called me and said
and I quote, “Hi, David. I saw your bipolar
site. Wow, I didn’t know you had that.
I didn’t know your mother has bipolar disorder.
She is so, umm, so, well, normal.”
Isn’t that offensive? It’s annoying too, don’t
you think? Well you know how I replied?
I know it’s bad, sorry.
I said, “Wow, I didn’t know that YOUR mom
had bipolar disorder?”
The woman was shocked and confused. She
said, “Umm. My mom doesn’t have bipolar
disorder.”
I said, “oh yea she does.”
She was totally confused wondering if I knew
something that she didn’t know.
I said, “oh you didn’t know??? But
don’t worry she is so normal.”
The woman was totally confused. So then
I let her off the hook and told her how
dumb she was to make a stupid comment saying
my mom was “so normal.”
She said sorry and said she didn’t mean
to say anything offensive.
I know that was bad but it was funny 🙂
I am laughing as I write this.
My mom said it was no big deal but it makes
me mad/annoyed.
You know, I have 8 or 9 people working for
me who have bipolar disorder. They are GREAT!
You know I always brag about how good they
are. Anyway, I had a friend of mine who has
a business. He started it like around 3 years
ago. When I started my bipolar stuff. He
couldn’t believe how far we have come so fast.
He then said, “man, are you sure the people
that work for you really have bipolar disorder?”
I was totally confused. I was like, “huh, what
do you mean?” He said, “well you guys just get
so much done so fast it’s just weird that most
of the people have bipolar disorder.”
Then I got it. I cut him off and yelled at him
and said, that people with bipolar disorder
do great things. Then I lectured him about
all the artists, inventors, business people,
leaders, etc.
He felt dumb and said sorry that he just didn’t
know. Today, he actually wants to hire people
with bipolar disorder because he has concluded
that people with bipolar disorder get more
done than people who don’t (which is true
many times :). Plus he says
my people are way more creative (which is
true 🙂
I get really annoyed when people insult
people who have bipolar disorder. I guess
because I feel they are indirectly insulting
lots of my friends, workers and own mom.
What do you think of all of this?
Post a response. Also, I have to take off.
Catch you tomorrow. Bye for now.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my Free blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my Free podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Generally, I believe that everyone is bipolar. So, with that in mind, we need to cut some slack with our loved ones, family, and friends. Without extremes in behavior, what would we have to talk about? How would we learn from one another?
IMHO, we need to focus on the quality of our own lives (and not focus on how others make us miserable). If we don’t want someone to run up our charge cards (for example), we need to take steps to make sure that doesn’t happen. If anger control issues get out of whack especially after drinking, do NOT go drinking with that person and do NOT serve booze at your event. There are plenty of Starbucks around. Go there and not a bar.
In other words, all responsibility is on you and not on someone catering to you. You determine how you want your life to be. You create the framework for that life and often that framework involves a team of people.
David provides many good frameworks to follow. If things seem to be getting a little (or lot) uneven in your life, check out what he has to say and see if you can use them as a foundation of your own actions.
I recently observed a young family with kids who have a tendency to throw things. Well, all kids throw things! A good response is to not give them hard things to throw and remove small, hard, throwable things from their environment. Likewise, with your friends and family, if you can’t figure out the environment in which you and others can best flourish and love, someone’s gon’na knock you out.
Dave, I can see how annoying that could be. But until people learn about the disorder they will have normal questions. Thank you for letting them off the hook.
Still trying to get my husband to a doctor. He insists theres nothing wrong, even though he spent every dime we had the past 2 years and had to get a loan to pay off everything. He is in major denial. Take care.
It’s odd, but we get the opposite reaction. People act like it’s nothing. Like oh wow, you have a bad mood once in a while. My daughter is the one who has bipolar disorder and sometimes she gets frustrated because she wants to say how bad it can get when she gets psychotic and she needs to take her meds to keep her sanity. For me, many people assume it’s just a mood issue created by me. Ya know, it’s always mom’s fault. NAMI has been on a mission to educate people about mental illness. It seems most people understand schizophrenia is a mental illnes, but not so much with bipolar disorder. At least that’s our experience in our little corner of the universe.
“NORMAL is only a cycle in the washing machine.” I heard this many years ago, before I was even diagnosed with bipolar. I used to be in a group for people with bipolar, and I said that to one of the girls. One of the therapist/directors of the group laughed so hard, and to this day, he has the quote pasted on his refridgerator. I am not certain of who it was that first said this quote, but it is so true. There are variations of the quote that I’ve also heard, but this was the first, and also my favorite. I get so upset when people who don’t have bipolar, think that people who do are crazy. We are not crazy, most of the time, we are misunderstood. Usually by people who don’t even know what bipolar disorder is. People should at least know what something is, before they run thier mouths about it.
I understand totally what you are saying. My daughter has bipolar and 3 children. Her husband took 2 of the kids and filed for a divorce. It is very ugly. They had an investigation and the mediator immediately labeled her when she heard bipolar. Now the case has been moved and we are fighting because he says she is unsafe. Not true since she is raising the newborn right now and raised the other two for 4 and 5 years. He just decided to become a father and up and left thinking the bipolar would help him gain custody. How cold. She is doing great, sees counselor and doctor and on meds. Hasn’t had hospitalization since 2005. What a sad world we live in to label people that do better than those of us that are normal.
I don’t know many people who would guess that I have BP. Many people I have told are surprised that I have it. If they only knew!
Anyway to make a long story short… I question everything I do now that I have become stable. If I find myself feeling disappointed in someone else and I get upset internally and vocalize it, does this mean I am Manic??? If I feel stress trying to motivate my children to get ready for school and feel like all I am doing is yelling at them….is that Manic????? I think that many people who are normal also suffer with stress and I have yet to see people who don’t get frustrated with others. If I acted like Dave on the phone with that attitude I would seriously have to ask myself if I am MANIC. It is just so hard to tell till it is too late sometimes. I monitor and monitor and monitor myself reminding myself that I have to do everything I am supposed to be doing to stay normal.
Oh, Dave, how relevant! My therapist, who I’ve known for over 30 years, uses the phrase with me, “You’re normal, except when you have an episode.” That interpretation made more sense to me than anything she’s ever said before. Because, I AM proactive with my bipolar, and try to follow a “normal” regimen DAILY.
I was beginning to think the label “bipolar disorder” meant I was “crazy” ALL the time. But her take on the fact that I’m as “normal” as anyone out there – except when I have a hypomanic episode – put my mind at ease that I wasn’t imagining my ability to COPE.
Glad you have things in order to manage your Mom during this hard time for her. I wish you and your’s a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR.
BIG HUGS to all those with bipolar disorder, and those who love them. My prayers are with you; stay sane!
yes I understand this. I get that alot ” but you seem so normal and calm” And I guess they won’t be offended at all if I replied the same back. But I don’t , in my “calmness” I restrain myself from stooping to thier level.
with the help of my doc and your site I have learned to feel what is going on in my body and to deal with it best I can so far so good.
I am proud to say i am not”normal”. I am bipolar, I am creative, I am intelligent, I am productive, I am a great father, I am a great husband. That’s not “normal”!!!!!
I do have a medical condition that is controlled by medication, and I couldn’t be happier.
Status quo is normal, and that doesn’t accomplish much.
I might be a little off the mark on this, but I am proud to belong to a group of such intelligent,creative, and spontaneous people. The world actually “needs” a certain number of us “abnormal folks” around to keep the wheels turning.
‘Nuff said!!!!
Dave I have several physical disabilities and sometimes I do things that amaze people and they vocalize it. Yes it gets annoying at times but really they are paying me a complement that I do something they withoug a disability might not even be able to do or just don’t feel they have the patience to do it.
Bipolar Disorder is sen by a lot of people who are perhaps not well educated about it in a steriotyplcal way. Of course what they are used to seeing is people off of their meds. So naturally to them when they find out a person is bipolar when on their meds, it is somewhat amazing to them. And someone who is stable and staying on their meds and has a plan of action is to be commended. It takes a great deal of disciplin and concious effort on their part to do that.
And “Normal”? What’s that? We are all unique individuals so what gage is there to go by as to what is normal.
I have worn thick glasses all my 43 years. When I was younger, where I went to school and for whatever reason I didn’t get called 4 eyes or anything like that. So although I knew I wore glasses that were thicker, I thought they gave me at least almost the same vision everyone else had. To me that was normal. So when some looks at some project I’ve done and are wowed by it, I say oh you can do this too, let me show you.
I’ve always striven to do what other people do, but the one thing I’ve always known my limits with is driving. I knew I’d never be able to do that. Soooo I just joke about it and say yeah wouldn’t the insurance compnay love for me to get behind the wheel of a car. They’d be saying ‘CLEAR THE HIGHWAY!!! HERE SHE COMES!!!” 😀
WOW! I think you got in trouble again
God Bless you June for showing the world what you are made of and always showing others they are made of it too. Tere
My sister has bipolar disorder. In August she cut herself off from all of her family and friends. (Her husband passed away earlier this year). Unfortunately I didn’t start to educate myself on her disorder until she began to cut us all off, by which time it was too late.
She always has been “normal” to me. She is a wonderful, caring, loving, very creative, very intelligent person with a beautiful soul.
A year and a half ago when she told me she had been diagnosed I wasn’t all that worried because she was seeing a doctor and taking medications and she seemed very well educated about the whole thing.
I mistakenly thought that taking the medication would “cure” her and we wouldn’t have to worry.
Well once her husband passed away last January she was understandably distraught (as we all were). But she still was normal to me.
I guess my point is that, yes bipolar people are normal and it is very wrong to assume they are not.
Now that she is in a major episode (she basically ran away from home and is traveling all over the place) and barely talking to any of us, her behavior is anything but normal. But SHE HERSELF is still the normal her.
Mark, when I read your comment, I had to smile. My Husband is very involved with my treatment, and sometimes, when things are rough I ask him if he ever wishes I didn’t have bipolar. He always looks at me & smiles, then says “NO, you make life interesting!” It always makes me smile- inside & out!
Hi Dave,
Personally, I think you should be ashamed of yourself for even writing this newsletter.
You have, in prior writings, explained to the thousands on your list that we should have patience with those “stupid” people who do not understand bipolar. That we should educate them. Further more, can anyone truly define “normal”? What is “normal”? It is all a matter of perception if you really get to the heart of the matter.
But you totally confusing this woman or making that man feel dumb because they had no knowledge regarding bipolar was, in my opinion, making you more foolish then they.
You get really annoyed when people insult people who have bipolar disorder? Are they really insulting them or are they uninformed. Your treatment of them was insulting because you are informed. You did your research. You are educated. Embarrasing them accomplished exactly what? Did it make you superior? Or Dave, are you just overwhelmed with your businesses and the holidays and your concern for your mom and, and, and… that you are running out of patience and need a break yourself.
Just a thought.
Don’t get me wrong, I love what you are doing, and think it is very honorable. Don’t lose focus.
My best regards, Gods blessings to you.
Shauna
dear dave…finding you has saved my life…i have had every reaction to every med, and wound up in the hospital for 26 weeks due to an autoimmun disease, thought to be caused by depakote…now left with severe RA, wa told that I was going to die, or at the best, never walk again…i am a college educated RN, and life can be hell for me…have no family, lost most of my so-called friends…(yes due to me in many
ways) but take it one day at a time…my fierce faith in our Lord, is what has kept me alive (plus my pets), but finding you was a gift from God (no, not manic today LOL)…will purchase all I need, when I am able…i cannot believe that you have been helping me for free…will be in touch…again, God Bless You and your Mom…you cannot know how much that you are helping me…christine ps…i can walk with a cane!!!
Hi Dave, I suffer schizophrenia and have learnt to recognise what triggers episodes in me (for me its stress and because schizophrenia manifests itself in me with 24/7 noise, being in an excessively noisy environment). What annoys me is that medical personnel invariably refuse to listen to me when I tell them this even when I am not in an episode. I have also discovered that my medication simply has no effect when I am stressed and that my body metabolises medication differently to other people…again this is treated with skepticism by all but a handful of medical professionals. I actually dislike movies such as ‘Me, Myself and Irene’ that supposedly portrayed a mythical illness…what disturbed me was that if the disease was supposedly meant to be mythical, what made the writers decide to call it schizophrenia…a disorder that is already misunderstood by so many people and whose sufferers are actually feared and in some cases ridiculed by society?
Yet when this film was in the cinemas I happened to mention it to a therapist, who immediately began ‘calming’ me and consulting my records to see whether I should have my medication changed. Why? Because apparently he thought that I shouldn’t be angry, or happy, or any of the normal human emotions; why on earth not…I am human after all? I’m I supposed to just passively go through life with no emotion whatsoever? I’m sure that your mother has experienced similar issues, and you and your family as well. I look forward to the day when people with disorders such as bipolar and schizophrenia and others are not treated as the ‘lepers of old’, instead the sufferers are welcomed into society at all levels, and allowed to exhibit normal human emotion without fear of having medication increased. God bless
Hi Dave, I suffer schizophrenia and have learnt to recognise what triggers episodes in me (for me its stress and because schizophrenia manifests itself in me with 24/7 noise, being in an excessively noisy environment). What annoys me is that medical personnel invariably refuse to listen to me when I tell them this even when I am not in an episode. I have also discovered that my medication simply has no effect when I am stressed and that my body metabolises medication differently to other people…again this is treated with skepticism by all but a handful of medical professionals. I actually dislike movies such as ‘Me, Myself and Irene’ that supposedly portrayed a mythical illness…what disturbed me was that if the disease was supposedly meant to be mythical, what made the writers decide to call it schizophrenia…a disorder that is already misunderstood by so many people and whose sufferers are actually feared and in some cases ridiculed by society?
Yet when this film was in the cinemas I happened to mention it to a therapist, who immediately began ‘calming’ me and consulting my records to see whether I should have my medication changed. Why? Because apparently he thought that I shouldn’t be angry, or happy, or any of the normal human emotions; why on earth not…I am human after all? I’m I supposed to just passively go through life with no emotion whatsoever? I’m sure that your mother has experienced similar issues, and you and your family as well. I look forward to the day when people with disorders such as bipolar and schizophrenia and others are not treated as the ‘lepers of old’, instead the sufferers are welcomed into society at all levels, and allowed to exhibit normal human emotion without fear of having medication increased. God bless
I can understand that it would irk people with bipolar to be labelled as “normal”!! I support a loved one with bipolar that I know is offended when this is thrown at her. She is a good mom, takes care of her home, herself, and is very responsible as a whole. She knows that needs to make sure to take her meds, get rest, NOT drink hard liquor, and keep her support group involved to help her….is this not the correct thing to do? She does daily functions as do the rest of us that don’t have this awful disease. We need to stop judging others.
Keep up the good work
DAVID IF I FOUGHT EVERYONE WHO RIDICULED ME I WOULD BE BLACK AND BLUE FROM HEAD TO TOE. ONE WHO IS PASSIVE AND RESTRAINS HIM/HER SELF WILL END UP WITH THE PRIZE. WHAT PRIZE? THE PARTICULAR THING/PERSON THAT YOU ARE STRIVING. IN THIS WORLD THATWE LIVE IN IT IS AUTOMATIC THAT WE GO FOR THE JUGULAR EACH AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE OPPOSES US. TO STAND AND FIGHT IS ALMOST AWAYS LAUGHABLE. IF YOU ARE BIPOLAR OR SOMEONE WHO SUPPORTS A BIPOLAR I BELIEVE IT IS BEST TO BE PASSIVE. THERE IS SO MANY PEOPLE THAT WILL MOCK ANYONE WHO IS NOT LIKE THEM AND THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS THAT WILL DERIDE A BIPOLAR SIMPLE BECAUSE THEY SENSE A WEAKNESS BUT GENERALLY THEY HAVE A LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND THEY ARE THE ONES THAT SHOULD BE PITIED. I HAVE HAD BIPOLAR DISORDER FOR 40 YEARS I KNOW HOW TO AVOID A CONFRONTATION AND IT DOES NOT MEAN THROWING THE FIRST PUNCH. DAVID YOU SEEM A LITTLE IRASCIBLE. I WISH YOU EVEN MORE SUCCESS THAN YOUR THREE BUSINESS’S THAT YOU HAVE PRESENTLY. I REALLY FEEL FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOUR MOTHER. LASTLY I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR MY FAMILY. IN 40 YEARS I NEVER KNEW OF ANYONE THAT COULD BREAKDOWN THIS MIND NUMBING DISORDER.
I think its pretty cool that people call you up and say they didn’t know your mom was bipolar. It means that what she is doing (the system you came up) is working. You also have the chance to let people know that when we are stable that we are normal people. Just a thought. Paul
I love my husband but I don’t think his bipolar makes life interesting. It’s caused a lot of pain, and problems. Carrying on a marriage with someone who is manic, spends money, lies, acts strange, etc, etc, etc, is not fun.
I like the advice to control my own environment. Time to take real action!
Some people are NOT JUST IGNORANT – BUT DUMB,DUMBER & DUMBEST!!!!
LEE IOCOCCA suffered with bipolar disoder…Chairman of the Chrysler Corporation of America…
A 4-part documentary (2001), revealed Mike Wallace from the weekly show 60 minutes, suffered from the acute depressive episodes associated with bipolar disorder. I must say the documentary was a true-life tear jerker!!!
We are not doomed for the “bipolar colonies” – as were the lepers in the past. Just like leprosy, we have a disease – so to speak, and should be treated in that fashion(minus the fact we are NOT contagious). lol
Some are severe – some are less severe. PEOPLE NEED TO BE INFORMED BEFORE OPENING THEIR MOUTHS!!!
I am semi-angry – semi disgusted…
But NOT in the least bit surprised!!!!
Of course they are – witness the British comic and wit Stephen Fry. Are people out there familiar with this gentleman- he said his bipolarity focused his artistic ability.
Well, Dave think it because most people don’t know what bipolar is, I really didn’t till my husband was diagnosed and then I educated myself while doing so I found your site. So thank you Dave for getting much of the information out there so people can learn about this illness.
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I think that most people have the symptoms of some mental illnesses, it is just not full blown and therefore doesn’t become an issue. I also think it can become full blown if the right circumstances occur, for example, repeated stress over a long period of time, severe trauma (physical or mental), or in reaction to drug abuse. “If not for the grace of God…” So no one should think they are immune or assume they are so different than someone with a mental illness. I have a family member who exhibits many symptoms of Bi-Polar and yet they are quick to blame my child’s Bi-Polar on my side of the family because I have one relative who had scizophrenia. I never have felt the need to assign blame for my child’s Bi-Polar, as if it is the result of someone’s wrong doing and they need to be punished. It makes me mad that this person considers my child’s Bi-Polar as a fault in an other wise “perfect” family tree. If he were crippled or had cerebal palsy, there would be sympathy, compassion and support instead of judgement, shame, and irritation. AH
So many people are simply unaware of what bipolar entails and relate it to being ‘crazy’and as we know is not the least bit true!!Just like many years ago depression was looked at the very same way,untill people were educated about the disorder. Also, adult adhd is now beginning to be diagnosed and treated,especially in those of us who abused drugs such as meth and cocaine as a way to self medicate. Only recently has this been recognized and treated as such.I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar and adhd,and have been a meth addict for 15 years(in recovery for 6 months with 1 relapse)and waiting,frustratingly,for the right combo,dose of meds. Keep up the good work on educating us with bipolar and those who don’t have it,and those who know someone with the disorder!!!
Dee,
I know a woman who is in a similar situation except that she has a son with Bi-Polar from her first marriage and a second son by another man. This man wants to take custody of his son using the presence of her Bi-Polar son as reason to remove his child from her home. She is on disability for severe hypoglycemia and he wants to say she is also incapable of caring for the 3 year old. This woman is a devoted mother who made it very well on her own with her other 2 children before this man even came into the picture. The man travels alot, has never had kids or been married and won’t marry her. He wants her to choose between her son from her earlier marriage and the son they have together. The trouble is, the 3 year old is the one suffering because he loves his brother who is good to him and never has laid a hand on him and he loves his Mom. Why can’t the Dad see that he is hurting his own child in trying to take him away from his Mom and brother? This man wouldn’t be home enough to give the kid any security and has shown he has no clue about what’s best for a small child. AH
I think it’s a bit of a generalisation to say that people with Bipolar are creative and highly productive. When BP are hypo they can be very creative and productive, although what they produce can also be poorly thought through, rushed and impractical. In such a state I can write prose very creatively/ But when BDs are depressed, or in some mixed state, they lack the will and frequently, the concentration or emotional stability to do anything constructive, let alone contribute to the work of anywhere! (Oddly, in such a statre I can write poetry much better than I do when I am hypo, but when I’m hypo I don’t write good poetry.) Just as it’s easy to generalise in a negative way about BD folk (or any others will a mental illness) it is also easy to generalise the positives.
Mark, I love your input – good positive outlook.
Dave, normal means different things to different people. I’m not bipolar but very creative, and known to be unconventional. I do everything better late at night and always want to sleep in the mornings. I had a rough time at school (a long time ago) and have got used to being called “eccentric” or even “crazy” because I don’t always fit into a pigeon hole. I think I would prefer to be crazy rather than boring. I am in a relationship (though currently having a “holiday”) with a bipolar man and life is stressful at times but never dull. I also found out that my ex-husband is bipolar.
I am trying very hard to understand bipolar disorder. My ex hurt and upset me a great deal and there is nothing I can do, as he refuses to get help. I’m only concerned that his condition will get worse and he could harm himself one day. I still care about him.
I have known my current bipolar man since March this year. I have seen him go through a couple of minor episodes, both up and down ones. Generally an extravert and fun to be with, when he is down he likes to be on his own, not wanting to see or talk to anyone for up to a fortnight. Recently he has me worried and stressed. Not long ago he has gone off with an ex-girlfriend. He says he loves me, but wants to be with her for the moment. At about the same time he has found a job he was very enthusiastic about. I had not seen him for a whole week and only heard from him twice briefly. He had promised to help me with some DIY (he’s very good at that sort of thing – I’m not) today and when I couldn’t get him on the phone I went to his place yesterday and was glad to find him at home. But, I was also shocked! The door was open and he was in bed fully dressed with his dog. He did not look well. I asked if he was o.k. and he said he was supposed to be at work but doesn’t feel up to it. He never sticks to a job very long, though he is on disability benefit but always seems happy when he finds a new job or project. (My ex-husband was exactly the same the last year we were together, and I must admit I’m a bit like that myself, getting bored with mundane work very quickly). He also told me he had fallen out with a friend of his he had known a long time and was never going to talk to him again. This seems to happen often. He falls in and out with his mates all the time (so did my ex). His flat was in an awful mess and he hadn’t had a shower for days. He had left the door open for the dog to get into the garden and back. Then the ex-girlfriend came in fussing like a mother hen. She can be very bossy and manipulative, and madly jealous. In August he had gone off with her before and let her control and boss him around and in October last year she had him hospitalised for a whole month! She also has medical problems, entices him to smoke dope and is not good for him. She has a lot more money than me and buys him a lot of thing, probably with alterior motives. Whenever he has spent time with her, he is drained and not happy. When he is down she drags him further down. Then he always goes back for more. It’s almost like she has put some sort of spell on him.
He kept his promise and did his little jobs for me today. He has had a wash and shave and seemed a little more cheerful. He was most loving and affectionate towards me. My cat loves him (though isn’t too keen on his dog / lol). He told me he loved me and missed me but can’t stay too long or she will get suspicioius and give him trouble. I asked why he allowed her to control him that that? He couldn’t answer. I’m worried that she might land him in hospital again, if he smokes dope and forgets to take his medicine. I don’t know what to do. I love this man and would hate to see anything bad happen to him.
Could anyone with more experience of bipolar disorder explain this behaviour? Any advice on what I could do in a subtle way, or should I just leave him to it?
I have been bipolar since birth. I have no basis for comparison for what “normal” is. If being normal means that you are a creative and artistic person, that is me. If “normal” means that you have excelled in school, then that is me. I have an great group of friends and a wonderful, loving family. For me, that is “normal”.
I am not in debt. I do not abuse illicit drugs or alcohol. I do not have a rap sheet. I maintain a good sense of humor and on most days a positive outlook on life. Certainly, I have faced very difficult challenges and will continue to do so, no doubt, but that is what a lot of “normal” life is for anyone. No one has a “free ride” in this life. With or without Bipolar disorder. It’s interesting to me that individuals without a formal diagnosis can be considered “normal” when in fact they may be quite ill. They just haven’t visited the doctor. Whereas, someone who is actually taken control of their life and is treating their illness can be labeled the opposite!
So here I am responding to your feelings of insult when “others” meaning those out there who do not share, understand or even at times care about bipolar disorder and the many people who have it. I am bipolar ,I have this beautiful mind that haunts my shadows and taunts my days….Wow scary! Which is my point people say stupid things because I feel they are just plain scared about what they don’t know. I understand your frustration more than you know but I feel by putting someone through a headgame is not cool. People just don’t know the many unknowns about this illness so of course they are going to respond with idiotic things. It’s not their fault they are not bipolar wouldn’t it be so much easier if all “knew” the many languages of this illness which scares the hell out of me so take it a little easy on “the others” who blurt without thinking. Look at the glass half full AT LEAST THEY ARE MAKING AN ATTEMP TO LEARN SIMPLY BY TYPING ANY WORDS TO YOU NO MATTER HOW DUM OR FOOLISH THEY COME ACROSS….yOU SHOULD IN MY OPINION FEEL HONORED PEOPLE ARE REACHING OUT TO YOU…So that’s it, take what you want and leave the rest or not. Just a friendly opinion from a friendly person living, breathing and exhaling bipolar disorder along with all the other snafoos that come with this beautiful mind. Janette
hi my name is paola macqueen and i run an upliftment centre in midrand. viva youth college was established in 2002 and we treat adolescents and young adults who have been diagnosed with bipolar, schizophrenia and related neurobiochemical disorders. we have this year registered as a study centre under the auspices of the british international college and therefore run a high school . our students enjoy the benefits of the cambridge course which is internationally acclaimed and flexible enough to cater for attention deficit issues. should any parent wish to enquire about our program please contact paola c/o paola@vivacollege.co.za and i will forward all the relevant documentation for your perusal.
I have been bipolar since birth so for me this is “normal”. Bipolar is who I am. I can’t judge what so-called “normal” is in comparison to someone else. If “normal” means that you’re a creative and artistic person, that’s me. If “normal” means that you’ve always excelled in school. Then that’s me. If “normal” means that you have a group of great friends and a loving family that cares about you, that’s me!
While it is true that right now I am on disability and I don’t have a 8am-6pm day job or a spouse at this time my life is not so out of whack that I would call it “abnormal”. I don’t do illegal drugs or abuse alcohol. I’m not in debt. I don’t have a rap sheet. I take life one day at a time. Isn’t that what most “normal” people do?
Dave.I REALLY appreciate the way that you are SO down to earth and accepting of this “disorder’. By your “no nonsense” approach to handling “adverse” remarks (incredulous reactions to a bipolar subject’s “credibility”), you are helping the uneducated portion of society to have a REALITY check in the best sense of the word. Thanks again, for taking on this mission, I have by credit recently ordered a Master guide for both the survivor and supporter. I have not yet completely studied the whole of it, but already have a more calm attitude, knowing there is a proven guide to help. Again Thanks for being willing to help design a path to obtain a “leveled” maintenance.
I did not like your heading.
Hi Dave,My girlfriend of 14 years has Bipolar Syndrom,and until I experienced a major episode,I thought she was as “normal” as anyone else that I’ve ever known.
Paula told me of her “codition” the first day we met,and I have to admit,I had no idea what it meant ay the time.
Boy was I in for some schooling.
And there have been some realy rough times,but I wouldn’t trade any of them,for fear that I’d be doomed to repeat them.
People who label others “abnormal” because of having BP, must not know anyone with the condition,or at least they aren’t aware that they do,because every person that I’ve ever met with BP, are not distinguishable from anybody else.
I want to thank you Dave, for all of the information that you’ve made available to us,it has made our lives so much better,Paula has not had a major episode since we’ve found your website,You truly are a godsent blessing in our lives.
La mirada de los otros
Tengo un hijo bipolar. Lo descubrimos en su adolescencia. Una de las cosas más terribles fue caminar con él por la calle cuando estaba superando un episodio, y observar como lo miraban deshauciándolo. Al poco tiempo mi hijo retomó su vida normal, pero nunca me voy a olvidar de esa sensación que me daba la mirada de los otros.
Angela,
It is very sad for the children and they are suffering. Someone told me the other day that there are judges, police officers etc that are bi-polar and I bet they are raising their children. One thing I think people don’t understand is sometimes when you have an episode you say things that you would never act upon but that makes you bad. Gee, I have said alot of things in my time and I am not diagnosed with bi-polar. Everyone gets overwhelmed and when you are a single parent like my daughter it is very overwhelming not to have the father around. She was raising a 4 yr.& 5 yr old and the father came back on and off through the relationship and she was pregnant with her third. So hopefully the courts will take into account of the years she has raised them and the number of times the father has been there. She is fine when he is nowhere around her. Thanks for listening.
Patiwag,
Kudos to you! I am so impressed with your attitude & outlook…
I truly hope you soon find your correct combination of appropriate meds.
I work as a Crisis Counselor facilitating individuals into substance abuse/addiction treatment. Imagine that – a person with bipolar disorder (myself) helping & motivating others out of the deep dark abyss of addiction – it can be so lonely there. I know from experience from years of addiction to alcohol…I never knew I was a dual dx – in 1989 – it was not integrated into my inpatient tx plan. Therefore I began to self-medicate after 5 mos. of sobriety. I was so confused – I was following all my inpatient recommendations, but was still plagued by the mania…Alcohol calmed me down temporarily… But – ohh the fallout… Severe depression followed…
Finally in 1997 I was dx with bipolar. I take meds today, but I am waiting on The Seven Secrets… I still struggle with irritability (extreme) and some manic episodes.
I applaud your efforts & am here for support if you ever need a sounding board! I ask myself -would I change being born with bipolar? NO – because I love me just the way I am & I do not want a different family (my mom’s family – especially my mom, struggles with mental illness – schizo-effective & bipolar). I am who I am today because of my life experiences , not ALL bad. 🙂
I guess it’s all about acceptance & going on to TRY each day to stay on the correct path. we are all human – bipolar or not…
I hope you have great holidays!!!
Take care,
mgeorge
Dave,
That was awesome! I myself have bipolar and am working on the meds at this time. But reading your messages and news gives me hope. Thank You!
Connie
Hi Dave
I wonder if any studies have been done about the effects of smoking on bipolar disorder. I think the effects of nicotine may help to stabilize a person in an episode. Also a person quitting smoking may have a nicotoine fit and the cravings may trigger an episode. I think it woould be einteresting to hear your thoughts on this,
your friend
Fred
I was diagnosed w/ BPD in Feb 2007 and with some adjustments to my medicines and the “right” doctor, I am more productive than I have ever been.