Just wanted to say I really need your emails. I am so lost in dealing with my son. He is 18 and just came to live with me last year. He lived with his dad when we were divorced, and his dad’s health was severly damaged due to all our son put him thru, until he couldn’t take it anymore and my son came to live with me. I cannot afford your materials, so I live by your emails. I am now attending a support/class on Brain Disorders, taught by NAMI, which is helping me, because I was totally unprepared for what I would have to deal with when he came to live with me. I was evicted last year, my son is in major debt, I had a emotional collapse. I need help.

As a sister, daughter and parent of several different kinds of bipolar I can tell you there are always signs before your loved ones are about to take a “dive” I call it the circle of what’s next?
They all have paterns in which they get into and they all have very different distructive behaviors, my son for instance is my dr jeckle mr hyde, but when he is about to start getting into trouble ie..smoking, stealing or breaking things he is “fixing” then he starts to get more argumentative more aggressive more lying and more melt downs where he cries. My mother on the other hand gets loads of energy, goes out to eat even when her money is very low and sleeps very little. My sister however is the hardest to handle because she is a rapid cycler so hers can build over time, sometimes months and then wham she will get violent and start accusing her husband of all sorts of things and if the family will not listen she takes it to who ever will listen to her. No matter how many times we show her that there was NO way he was doing any of the things she accuses him of it is not until she breaks down and starts crying do we know she is on her way back to us. Life is hard and loving them at times is very difficult. They hurt us embarras us and try us at every turn but I keep telling myself over and over…THAT is not my son,my mother or my sister. That is not who they are that is not THEIR CORE. It is the sickness that takes over and they are powerless when it does. When I do see the signs I brace myself, pray a prayer and step lightly. Remember who they are when they are not dealing with a storm in the brain. When they are the one you fell inlove with or who kissed you goodnight or the one who played dolls with you and cried with you during times of utter joy.

Gloria K,

Wow! My daughter says the same thing…about not being loved. I used to think that was just a card she would play when she acted out. But, after talking to her, she really feels unlovable because of some of the things she has done. I just keep trying to reassure her, as you do, that I will always love her. I have told her to call on me whenever she is feeling really sad, mad, excited, etc. She has been doing that more and more. How old is your son, and when did his bipolar surface?

Gloria, I never knew that symptoms can actually start showing up that early! Sounds like it has been quite a ride for you and your son. At least now you know what is going on so you can help him learn to control it. Teenage years are hard enough without Bipolar. It has been exhausting for both me and my daughter, too. In our case, I first knew that something was wrong when I learned that my daughter was making herself throw-up. She started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for an eating disorder. And then, we learned that she was also cutting herself. She fell into a deep depression and was home schooled for a while. The doctor put her on anti-depressants. But, somehow I knew there was something that was being overlooked. I started learning about Bipolar and, after recognizing many symptoms in my daughter, suggested that her doctor’s consider it. Now we are dealing with rapid-cycling Bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, and substance abuse. Plus, all of the normal teenage stuff. She no longer cuts herself, but she has to live with the scars. Finally, she is starting to accept and understand the disorder and is working to control it. But, everyday I fear that she will make a move that will destroy her life, if not take it. So, yeah…I know what you mean by “scary”. You said in one of your posts that you have other family members with the disorder, too. Do these relatives support each other in that they are dealing with many of the same struggles?

Someone…Please HELP! My son’s ex is bi-polar. She has put our family thru hell and is continuing to do so.She has taken the children and left to another state several times. It is always when my son has had enough and tells her he is done with her. She told him..it was HER and the kids or he would not ever see his children again.Last year when she left and went to her mother’s, she accused her step-father of sexually molesting her daughter. After an investigation it was proved unfounded. My son allowed her back(about the 10th time)because he loves and missed his children. That didn’t work as she had promised to stay on her meds. and did’nt. In Sept. 2006 she left again and told him she would make his life hell. Now..she has accused my son of sexually molesting his 3 year old daughter. She has taken her to a childrens advocacy center and my grandaughter was taped saying that her daddy did it. I know that she co-erced her, but how do you prove it? I had not heard from her since Nov. 2006, until this last week when she has called me twice. She told me that she didn’t believe my son had done it. DCFS went to the school and talked to my 12 year old grandaughter..who lived when him all her life. I have talked to this woman(from DCFS) several times. She wants to close the books on this, but the tape has been mailed to the police..who want to arrest my son. In order to do so..she(his ex) has to come back to our state with the children. My grandaughter had been in a mental hospital for 3 weeks in Dec. and diagnosed with post traumatic stress sydrome, due to the allegations. She has taken knives and razors and said she was going to kill herself. I believe that(in fact I’m 98% sure) that my grandaughter has been misdiagnosed and is in fact bi-polar brought on by thier constant fighting and the seperation once again, from her father. How can her mother..who is bi-polar and won’t acknowlege it…care for my grandaughter, in a place where her great grandmother is also bi-polar. This is a mess. I pray every day for God to intevene and help us. I know..and I believe that DCFS believes that he did not do it. His life will be ruined by her atrocities and lies…but just as important is my grandaughters life and the seriousness of being misdiagnosed and the mental abuse she is suffering at the hands of her mother. My son needs your prayers and my grandaughter needs the proper medical care. Anyone have any advice? THIS is hell.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. Shortly after we met he told me he was bipolar. I didn’t know a whole lot about it or believe him. (I didn’t tell him I didn’t believe him until we were almost a year into our relationship.) A few months after we met I started to pick up on his moods. I could tell if he was manic or depressed when I would go over to his house by the way he would answer the door. If he was manic he would answer and give me a kiss and was really chatty. If he was depressed he would answer and I would get a go to hell look and he would walk away and go back to what he was doing and would not have a whole lot to say. Now that I have come to accept it I started doing a whole lot of reading trying to understand him better. It is really hard now to tell when he is on the verge of having a bad episode because I feel like he has learned how to fool and hide it from me, until he cann’t handle it anymore and goes off on something small. Then I know he hasn’t been taking his medication. I have a hard time with the medication thing with him. He does not see the importance of calling his Dr. and telling him when he feels like his medication is no longer working. We have been through alot, but I love him so I try to be understanding and have patience, but sometimes it’s hard on me and I feel like I need medication. On ocassion I have to be firm with him and constantly have to keep my eyes open looking for a sign.

I have a bi-polar husband. He was diagosed after we were married about a year.
I have learned along the way some of the same things that you are currently sending in the e-mails regarding not arguing with them when manic, etc. I’ve found the best thing to do when he’s manic (I’m sure everyone’s a little different)is this:
After about 2-4 days of a manic episode he’ll usually come to me and try to convince me that he is stable and tell me that he wants a divorce and he is moving out…but then he’ll get comfortable to sleep on the couch. I’ve learned to look at thim and tell him that I love him and will stick by him and try to get him to take his meds and sleep. After another 2-4 days of this treatment, he’ll generally be stable or depressed and apologetic or embarassed about his behavior…at least what he remembers. I don’t think he always remembers or wants to acnowledge everything.
My husband has a good doctor who is willing to work with me prescibing his meds. He is stable much more if the time than he used to be, and his episodes aren’t quite as severe when he gets them. My husband has really been burned by bad advice and bad counselors, though, and will no longer go to a therapist. What can I do to change his mind??