==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
How’s it going? I sure did eat a TON on
Thanksgiving. I mean a ton. So much
that I feel like I don’t need to eat for a
week.
I actually went to another Thanksgiving
yesterday. I have another big meal
tonight but I am probably going
to have very little.
The one I went to yesterday was with a friend
that had around 20 people.
One of the guys there was really interesting.
He was Greek and almost 70 years old.
He had a very interesting lesson that
we can use for Bipolar Disorder.
I sat next to him and he told me a whole
lot of things of what it was like to only
have a 6th grade education and come to
America and earn a living.
Today he is a successful business person
that owns several restaurants.
I was fascinated how someone who was
not formerly trained could learn how
to run a super successful restaurant
one. Actually not one but more than one.
I started to ask him “the secrets.”
Before would told me, he asked me what
I did and I told him about the bipolar
organization but I didn’t
think he knew what bipolar was.
He spoke with a heavy accent so I wasn’t
sure if I was really making sense to him.
He was one of the few people that really
didn’t say “hey I know what bipolar
disorder is.”
EVERYONE else that was there did. It was
amazing. Actually one girl their had
bipolar disorder.
He asked what it was. I tried
to explain calling it a “mental illness.”
He sort of got it.
I asked him if he was ever online.
He said, “no.”
He never uses a computer or the internet
so he doesn’t know about all this stuff.
So we got to talking about how he
learned how to run his restaurant businesses
and he told me.
He basically learned from a mentor
or other Greek people that taught
him and then he told me the key to
his success. Continued learning
from “hands on experience.”
He said he made many mistakes in
the beginning but he said, “I always
sat down and thought ‘what did
I learn?’ when a mistake was made”.
He told me how people spend
years learning about the restaurant
business. He said many never go
into the business because they
are “getting ready.”
He said he wasn’t against “book smarts”
but “experience beats studying in
a book.”
I told him how I teach people dealing
with a mental illness from practical
and real world experience.
I was telling how with bipolar
disorder the reason why people can
ask me the strangest most difficult
questions and I generally have an answer.
He asked “why?” I said because I have
practical experience either with my mom,
someone I was coaching or someone who
works for me with bipolar disorder.
He said to me, “very good.” That’s “very
smart.” He went on to say “text books
don’t work people do.”
It’s kind of funny. He had all these
“one liners.”
He provided a super great lesson for bipolar
disorder.
I got to thinking about why my material
is the way it is.
Meaning, my material is based on real
world experience and things people are
doing.
If you look at the courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
You will notice that ANYTHING that
is said or recommended comes from
experience or from people who are dealing
with a certain issue.
When I first got started, I noticed that
so many of the books that I read where
based on theory and written by people
who didn’t have bipolar disorder
OR never ever supported someone with
bipolar disorder.
There was only ONE book at the
time that was good and fully of practical
experience. I am actually working to
interview this doctor through a new
coaching program that I am setting up
and get it so he will answer questions.
Anyway, for some reason I totally related to
this guy on what it takes to be successful
whether you are a bipolar supporter or
bipolar survivor.
Being mentored by someone who has been
there AND practical experience as he
put it.
AND he said over and over that you
will make mistakes but you have to
learn from them.
This is the same with bipolar disorder.
It’s amazing to me how many people don’t
learn from mistakes or past bipolar
episodes.
Remember I always talk about the PEA.
QUIZ
What’s a PEA? Scroll down for the answer..
NO CHEATING
SCROLL DOWN
PEA is post episode analysis.
Anytime you have a bipolar episode, you
simply make sure that you sit down and try
to figure out what caused the episode.
Generally you overlap you or your loved
one’s bipolar stability equation that
I talk about my courses/systems.
You figure out what went wrong. People
love to believe stability with bipolar
disorder is like a lottery.
Well I have to take off and head over
to the gym.
Catch you tomorrow.
Oh, one more thing. I am going to be sending
out a message about my new coaching
program Monday afternoon. I am only
taking 20 people in this program. It’s
personal one on one coaching with me.
I have gotten many people for years
asking about me coaching them but I never
had a systematic program.
I have been coaching both bipolar supporters
and bipolar survivors for years now but with
no structured program. I do a lot locally
with people that I have met over the years
but many people want over the phone coaching.
Now I will have a program that allows a certain
number of one on one calls and also questions
via email. This of course will all be for NON
medical and NON legal coaching because I am
NOT a doctor, lawyer, therapist or other
kind of professional.
I can coach on a ton of other things. I will
have a website that describes it all Monday
afternoon.
Actually I have been coaching someone on
starting a simple business because she
has bipolar disorder and needs to increase
her income. Together we came up with her
teaching older people how to setup their
technology like ipods. She thought it
was “crazy.”
I told her people would pay for this
service. There’s no question about it.
I actually did the marketing material for
her as well since I am good at marketing :).
I am really excited because she has several
clients and she will easily be able to make $400
a month following my marketing plan.
She is going to do some classes I coached her
on so she should get up to her goal of an
e.xtra $800 a month.
I really enjoy coaching in this area and
many other areas related to bipolar disorder
like finding a doctor, dealing with the
episodes, making plans with money, etc.
Okay well make sure you check your email
at 5:00pm EST on this Monday.
Well I have to run. Catch you later.
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL HERE
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
David, well I know we all need help to get things started in life we want to do. Im starting collage Mon. the 26 of Nov. online. I figure with my bp online would be best for me. Its taken along time to sign up for it, but now that I have Im excitied and nervous. Danielle
Sure, hands on experience is best but most text books are written by people who DO have first hand experience … or second hand when it’s about observing illness – Iike yourself, David. I mean, you know how BD affects your Mum and how she reacts to the World or how others react to her. But you cannot know what it feels like to be her, or anyone else with BD, you cannot know how it feels to be manic, hypo manic, to have mixed or rapid recurring episodes, or what a BD depression feels like, That isn’t to say your advice isn’t any good, just because you personally don’t know what it feels like to have BD. It’s the same for anyone else who’s written text books on the subject, but may be a little less than those who HAVE been there and written survival guides. Nevertheless, as one who lives with the BD puppet master, who pulls my strings, I personally value your experience and tips.
I’ve only read one helpful book about bipolar. Most books discuss doctors and medication. That’s it. They don’t tell you how to live day-to-day with the disorder. They don’t discuss prevention, finances, sexuality or how to look after yourself (if you are a supporter.)
Although doctors and medication are important, there’s so much more than that.It’s the main reason I joined this list.
MY MAIN THORN IN MY SIDE IS MY MOTHER-IN-LAW. THANKSGIVING DINNER WAS OVER AND NOT ONE PERSON DIDN’T ENJOY THE MEAL. 8PM AND PEOPLE ARE PREPARING TO LEAVE MY HOUSE THEN MY MOTHER-IN-LAW SHOWS UP WITHOUT AN INVITATION. OF COURSE SHE WANTS TO EAT. EVERYTHING HAD BEEN PUT AWAY EXCEPT FOR THE DESSERTS. EVEN THE PIES,SWEETS,CAKES HAD BEEN PRETTY MUCH DEMOLISHED. MY MOTHER-IN-LAW WANTED SOUP TO NUTS. I WAS NOT GOING TO COOK,CLEAN,SET THE TABLE AGAIN THEN REHEAT THE MEAL FOR HER ROYAL HIGHNESS. SHE HAD SOME CHOICE WORDS FOR ME ABOUT MY MENTAL PROBLEMS(BIPOLAR DISORDER).IT WAS RAINING IN PHILA.PA.ON THANKSGIVNGBUT I TOOK A WALK AND ABOUT 30 MINUTES LATER I CAME HOME. I SAID NOTHING TO MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AND I DID WHAT MOST BIPOLAR’S DO EITHER FIGHT OR TAKE FLIGHT. mY WIFE IS VERY ILL AND SHE WILL BE FOR THE REST OF HER DAYS. I COOKED FOR EIGHT PEOPLE AND THEY WERE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED SO I BANKED THERE HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT AND ERASED THE STRESS THAT WAS TO COME AFTER DINNER. I KNOW EARLY IN LIFE I WOULD HAVE FOUGHT INSTEAD OF FLED BUT THE HANDS ON EXPERIENCE TAUGHT THAT I AVOIDED THE STRESS OF CONFRONTATION AND POSSIBLE THE INDIGNITY OF LOCK-DOWN IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL.
Hi David, On the subject of money, well Fa La La La La La La La La !!!
Maybe I should take the meds now.
Thanks, Karen
Juliet
I did a search on Amazon and found several “survival” guides for people with Bipolar Disorder. I bought a couple of them, bot if which I felt would compliment what I am getting her (courtesy of David – thanks mate! You are a TREASURE!) One of those I bought seems very accessible – I’ve just started to read it – and is written by a a Professor of Psychology at the University of Colorado. He has specialist knowledge of Bipolar Disorder. The otetr book I chose is written by a man who has Bipolar Disorder. So, it ought to be written with authprity. However, I don’t know what it’s like because I’ve not started to read it yet. A cursory look suggests to me it may not be as accessible that the other one. The blurb says that when he was diagnosed he decided to dedicate his life to helping others cope with BD. Like David advises, he sees the Bipolar as separate from himself – he even calls it Fred!
dear david i have been receieving your e-mails for at least the last six months if not alot longer but i have never responded back up until now, just after really reading the entire email about the greek man and his wonderful story . I suppose in all honesty the main reason i even looked over the entire article was because I also am half greek so it simply caught my eye. I would like to know where to write you about my self and the problems i have encountered living my life as a bi-polar 43 year old woman. My story i feel would be extremely interesting to your readers because I have been through so much in my life i beleive do to the fact of having this thing we call bi-polar. please respond as to where i can write to you please. I also have important questions personally and need the answers to from youy to see if you think they stem from me being bi-polar. thank you for your time. sincerly traci thomas
David, I understand what the Greek man was saying but his supporters, his family and friends were not the only ones helping him. He was also helping himself by reviewing the situation. This is his biggest asset. What happens to those who refuse to acknowledge that there is a problem? That help is needed? That reviewing the situation is required to avoid another such episode? I offered to make an appointment for him. I offered to be present. I offered to pay for the visit. He denied anything was wrong with him and no medication was denied. He has withdrawn from me. I feel he has put up a barrier against me because he knows I will side with mum. A few weeks ago I asked him to my place for Christmas Eve dinner. (Sorry, in Australia we do not celebrate Thanksgiving but I hope you had a better celebration than you expected overall) He accepted then but now I don’t know what he will do. He’ll know mum will be here and if he comes, I don’t know if he’ll have another yelling match with her. The last time I heard him say he never wanted to see her again, that she only thought of herself and her needs, that she was jealous of all his friendships, etc. If she unintentionally triggers one of his reactions, I ‘m sure I won’t know how to cope. I’m actually considering cancelling Christmas.Can you tell I’m feeling depressed? Any suggestions? Maria
Dave – I heartily agree that we need a post-experience “diary.” BUT – it’s NOT easy for us bipolar survivors to look back and actually pin-point the triggers that exacerbated our manic episodes. All I know AFTER one I’ve been in, is that I’VE BEEN IN IT!! The triggers were different in each of my manic episodes (I’ve had three).
I had my first nervous breakdown at 20, in 1968 (now I’ve dated myself!). As I look back, only GOOD things led to it – I had my dream job (working in the U.S. Senate!), was engaged, had my first apartment, and shopped for new clothes. NOTHING seemed to be wrong. However, SOMETHING happened I CAN’T explain. I was led to read Revelations in the Bible. Just that ONE incident led to my religiosity and delusions. I was hospitalized for “exhaustion” on the psych ward, and diagnosed as schizophrenic. Thank God, they didn’t do ECT.
The second hospitalization, I was working as a medical records transcriptionist and acting in a play 45 miles away. I wouldn’t get home until 3AM, and have to get up and go to work. I started “catching” all the ailments I wrote about daily. Then, the religiosity started AGAIN, with delusions and a little paranoia.
The third hospitalization, I was President of the Republican Women’s Club, had just started a new, high-income job, bought an apartment house, and was involved in campus activities with a LOT of men. The delusions started – and I was hospitalized for the final time (for now) in 1977.
As I DO look back, STRESS appears to be the precursor of my last two hospitalizations. Being bipolar, it DID start in early adulthood – but, to this day, I can’t accept that the religiosity DIDN’T happen for a REASON. Now, it seems to be the “common denominator” of ALL my manic episodes. I have learned to STAY AWAY from reading Revelations AND going to church. Occasionally, I will go to Sunday School (it’s taught by the Singles Minister who married, and buried, my last husband), but find I get anxious and nervous when we “round-table” about whatever subject is discussed.
So, I guess for your edification, David, you’ve never been in OUR SHOES; it’s not EASY to figure out WHAT drives us to our manias, or depressions – sometimes, they just HAPPEN, without any imminent means of control. I just know when I get hypomanic, I’ve got to go to my psychiatrist for evaluation before it turns into complete, full-blown mania.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors, and the ones who love them. My prayers are with you.
Dave, thank you for your daily e mails and other material. There are days when your writing keeps me sane in the somewhat insane world i seem to live in. I thank God that you are NOT A DOCTER OR THERAPIST since these people do not seem to have much of an idea about bipolarity – and no idea at all of the daily trials such an illness involves.
there are times i do understand your brother, Dave, i think that for some people the utter destruction can be too much to handle – i have been close to this myself. My husband is a ‘refractory manic’ which means he is drug restistant and we have been through 8 years of a steadily deteriorating situation. He says your stuff can’t work for him because he has no frontline of drug control, but i still read your mails every day and i do thank you for your supportive presence and material. it is because of your own experiences that you are able to understand and support bipolar supporters, unlike the docters and therapists who have no hands on experience, so I guess i must thank your Mom too.
Nan
Maria
First base, Mariais that you must put your own health first. If that us suffering because of this, you must withdraw, even if that means excluding him. Doing that may or may not be harmful to him; but you must realise you can’t help him if you become ill, too. Second base, if you can cope with this … well, I can’t tell you what to do as that must be your choice, but I will suggest a couple of things you might like to consider.
First of all, you may wish to discuss this with Mum. Find out, is she prepared to face up to another of his arguments. Remember, the argument may not even happen. You just worry it might. Mum may be the same. You have to find out becayse you’d not want your or HER Cjristmas ruined. On the other hand it might be a good time to “ambush” him … I mean to provoke and incident that would allow you to call the suthorites, like the Police. Then you may be able to get him taken into hospital for compulsory treatment, which settle for now the issue of him refusing it. The point is he is probably not compus mentis and needs someone to take over from him the management of his health, his best interests. The authorities often don’t seem to want to do anything unless they feel here is a threat of harm to you, anyone else or to himself. If that is what it takes to get him the treatment he needs … I’d cnsider doing jus that. But it could be risky.
David,
Hands on experience is the best. There are no book that can tell you how confusing it can be to live with a loved one with bipolar disorder. Most of the time I feel like I am the person with the problem. Please tell me, are there any tests like for example, a brain scan to test for bipolar disorder.
Dina
David- I need help in getting my wife help. She is not exspecting it, and it is breaking up our marriage.
PVS
After looking over the post I realize it is quite lengthy but I truly need some advice.
OKAY!! I’M AT MY WITS END!!
Is it really possible to support someone when they absolutely refuse to recognize their own behavior or try to do ANYTHING about it?
My husband who was diagnosed with BP in 1994 and borderline personality in 2004, is also diabetic and has lost his lower right leg to diabetes(Nov. 2005.)
He has always been a VICTIM in every situation but lately, especially since he lost his leg, his “victimness” is has become so consuming that he is literally driving me away from him.
Everything that happens is a major catastrophe. He spills a few drops of milk and he goes ballistic, his printer won’t work and he will never be able to print again! It just goes on and on and is always accompanied with some of the foulest swearing imaginable.
All of this MIGHT be okay if it only happened occasionally but it literally goes on 24/7 when he is awake. The obscenities I am forced to listen to are such that would make the proverbial sailor BLUSH. (I am not a “goody two-shoes” who absolutely can’t abide swearing, but there is a limit!)
I try very hard to shut this out but it is so loud, so obnoxious, and so stressful to me I find it impossible to ignore.
As a result I try to calm him down, but of late I find I “loose” it too when he won’t listen to me and I start screaming!.
This has become an impossible situation. I am seriously contemplating divorce. I am 62 years old and I don’t want the rest of my life to be one of stress and conflict.
I go to a counselor every week where I try to find strategies to keep myself sane.
We have been married for 16 years and don’t want to end this marriage, but I just don’t see any other way out.
We have tried MANY different marriage counselors but if you are convinced all your problems are caused by something outside yourself, counseling is really not going to help!
So, after rambling on and on, my question is: Do I file for divorce or is there some other way?
This blog is supposed to be for
“Supporters of Loved Ones with Bipolar” but I am at a point where the “Loved Ones” part is not there and frankly I am not really interested in supporting someone who won’t do anything to control their own behavior..
How about a group for “People who are forced to deal with a bipolar person?” Isn’t that more realistic?
Peach 14. It sounds like the hassle you’re getting are a result of the Bipolar and the BPD. I doubt a marriage counsellor would be able to help. He evidently needs the support of a psychiatrist. Meanwhile, I’d think you might want to consider not divorce but separation for a while, to give you some space and peace! As you recognise, your own health is important. It’s crucial even IF it were possible for you to help him because without your health you won’t be able to help anyone. Take care of yourself first.