Yesterday, my mom told me she went to a free seminar on how to sell yourself if you have a mental illness. I was really proud of the fact that my mom went to this seminar. I really believe in continous improvement and learning. I personally attend many seminars and read up to 8 books a week on various subjects.
Anyway, my mom said it was great and gave her some good ideas on how to talk to people about your mental illness and put it in the best possible way. I think this is great. I am going to encourage her to write up an article about it. So far, she hasn’t been writing anything yet because she is really busy working on catching up after being sick for almost 2 years. But she is going slow and not in a rush.
My mom said that at the seminar they talked about how to talk to yourself and that you shouldn’t think of yourself has mentally ill rather having a mental illness. There’s a difference. I have long preached that people have bipolar and are not bipolar. I don’t say bipolar people, bipolar mom or is bipolar. I always personally say, has bipolar, like my mom has bipolar.
For some reason, it’s personally offensive to me when people say a person is bipolar. I could write an entire report as to why this is but the bottom line is that the person is not the illness.
Yesterday morning someone wrote me:
“Dear David, Just some feedback on language of bipolarness. In your Part 8 of your mini course you state, “When you are supporting someone who IS bipolar..” We who HAVE bi-polar ARE NOT bi-polar, we are not our disease, we HAVE this disease. It is not merely a matter of semantics here. When someone has cancer they are not cancer, they have the disease. Same difference when having the disease of bi-polar. I take offense in being labeled bi-polar as being bi-polar. I have the damn disease, I am not the damn disease. Do you understand the difference? I hope this little note can be enlightening to you. Take care.”
Mary
SIDE BAR-That’s the first time I used color in my blog. I am a blogging pro now. Ha ha.
I don’t know where that person read is bipolar on my site but it shouldn’t be there. I have required everyone from my programmers, writers, my own mom, printers, web people, researchers, etc. to never speak like this.
It’s interesting that I spoke with one woman who said that I should stop worrying about things like that and focus on real issues. This woman has bipolar herself. Her life is a wreck. Her daughter has bipolar and she ran away. So maybe this woman might want to think about her own personal philosophy.
Anyway, just think about this. And one last thing. I don’t say bipolar child. I think this is really really bad. I don’t even think it sounds right. Just say that and listen to it–bipolar child. I think saying this to your child labels them and creates problems. I have spoken to dozens of parents that agree with me.
Well, back to the seminar. My mom met someone who had her own business. And this really gets me excited. She has a profitable home business analyzing people’s handwriting. This is a great business. I personally know someone who built a million dollar business doing this and has been on many tv shows.
Anyway, my mom felt great that she met this woman and she was a success. I might be profiling her soon. But the key things are, my mom went to a seminar, took notes, met people who she learned many things from and now is going to practice what she learned.
While I am on the subject, someone I spoke to two months ago started a business teaching people how to run. Startup cost 0. In profit the first month. He will make $400 to $500 a month doing something he loves to do.
On this note, I got an email from someone that made no sense:
I”t appears that you ma be taking advantage of individuals with Mental Illness. Especially your offers to make money from home, etc., I am a social worker for the Public Health Department and seriously hope this is not the case, as I may be forced to report you to internet fraud/security.”
It’s really really annoying when I get an email like this. EVERYONE that works with me says “Dave you really have to ignore these emails.” I try but get mad. This woman, think I am running a scam because I talk of home businesses. I guess she wants people who have bioplar and and can’t find a job or have one that pays too little to sit home and maybe beg for money or try to live off of the little bit you may get from disability.
It annoys me when I hear from someone that want you to almost not try to help yourself. When it comes to disability, I have talked to the people that run the social security department and they have told me over and over and over and over again that they want people to go out and try things and not just sit at home and collect disability. This is why you can earn money and be on disability and not lose it. If you have questions, call them up locally to get the amount.
They want you to try to get a part time job. They want you to better yourself. I think there are tons of businesses a person can start and work from home at earn a few hundreds dollars a month. I guess for someone people that’s a scam but for the rest of us, people like my mom, a few hundred dollars is a lot of money.
Finally, I love the you are taking advantage of people. That implies that a person who has a mental illness can not think for him/herself and is easily manipulated. Just read what is implied. I will tell you what, I have spoken to dozens of really smart people with mental illness. They called me and asked about the businesses. Some people decided to try to get a part time job which I agreed with. They had their own brain and used it.
That entire email response was shameful and insulting to me and degrading to a person with bipolar disorder.
She is going to report me? For what?? Talking about home businesses? Isn’t it amazing the kind of things that people write.
Does anyone think I am running a scam? Would I take all this time, create a site like bipolarcentral.com, take phone calls, go to seminars, write emails, write articles, write a blog, put my address online, post my real phone number, meet with people, volunteer at TWO groups that support those with depression and bipolar, find writers to write articles on bipolar and pay them in many cases, etc.
What do you think about this???
Dave,Ignorece is Bliss, Let those who choose to be unaware ,be so.
I know where you are coming from…Straight from the Heart!
Thats not always a popular place to come from in this world.
Keep up the great work, be proud, Im sure proud of you. Carol Williams
Way To Go Mom, I sure Admire Your Courage! Carol
I have to say that I take offense to this post David. How dare anyone tell me how to describe my illness? I am one of those people that has said that I am bipolar. I KNOW that I am NOT the illness, I KNOW that I am NOT going to live like this for the rest of my life, I KNOW that I can getting all of the help that I can possibly get for myself and my children so that I do not live like this for the rest of my life, I KNOW that I am an extremely strong woman because through all of the h*ll that I have been through in my life I have never once given up, I am told time and time again what great children that I have, how well behaved and respectful they are, these children that I raise alone with this illness. I KNOW that I am smart, I have many goals, I AM going to go to college one day, yadda yadda yadda. You have no idea the things that I have been through in my life, even going back to when I was a little kid, I really do not think that it matters how I word my diagnosis, whether I say that I *am* bipolar or whether I say that I *have* bipolar, because they are just words, what matters are ones actions, I for one KNOW that I am not the illness itself and that I have the illness and I have shown that in my every day life, it does not rule over me, I am a fighter, always have been and always will be til the day that God takes me. Extremely offended,
CARMEN
David….
Though your intentions are true…you are still not a person suffering the disease of BP.
You’re articles though timely are not on the same level as those individuals that live the disease and have spent a lifetime in study. Please stop dismissing their comments. Become involved in their forums and learn.
They are educated. Have form viable relationships and many have children with Bipolar disease.
Your reactions are far too defensive. Your experience and knowldege of the phenomena of Bipolar illnesses is still very immature. With just a little patience you will learn what you need to become a true source of knowledge and understanding to others who wish to know.
A few books, and seminars mean little to those who live the disease, have become university trained professionals with the disease, who fight everyday the good fight with the disease.
Open your heart and ears and learn to be a better listener.
Truly,
Barbar Cerda
I misworded something I said in my last post, I said:>>>>>I KNOW that I can getting all of the help that I can possibly get for myself and my children so that I do not live like this for the rest of my life,<<<<< I meant to say that I KNOW that I am getting all of the help, not can getting all of the help. I am getting all of the services one can possibly get from the mental health community for myself and my children. I see a therapist, a psychiatrist, I go to a DBT group, I went to a trama skills group, I am going to go to a parenting group called Strides in the fall to learn ways to gain more control in the house when my older son refuses to do his homework right after school or for when the boys are fighting with each other, my two older boys are both in therapy and one sees a psychiatrist. I have been an advocate for my 8yr old almost 9 year old since he started having problems at age 3 and we are seeing results because I got help for him early, some people dont get help for their kids until they are teenagers and already getting into trouble, I am getting help for them now and am proud of that.
To Bobann,
You bring up a good point. I don’t have bipolar and that’s exactly why I am getting people who have bipolar to write.
I as for this:
“Your reactions are far too defensive. Your experience and knowldege of the phenomena of Bipolar illnesses is still very immature. With just a little patience you will learn what you need to become a true source of knowledge and understanding to others who wish to know.
A few books, and seminars mean little to those who live the disease, have become university trained professionals with the disease, who fight everyday the good fight with the disease.
Open your heart and ears and learn to be a better listener.”
I am not sure what you are saying.
oh yea, one more thing because I am so irritated by your post. Your talk about disability is EXTREMELY insulting. I personally am in the application process for SSD. I am eligible for $642.00 a month and I am only 26, I have earned enough credits as young as I am to qualify for SSD. I paid into the systen enough to qualify. I applied December 28th and am still awaiting my approval/denial. It should be coming any day now. To imply that somebody that is ill wants to just sit home and collect money from the system is completely out of line. I NEED the help right now while I am trying to get the mental health that I desperately need. I only recently began to get mental health for the first time since age 15, I am not 26 like I said before. In that 10 years or so I have never been able to hold down a job due to my problems, I have tried and tried and tried. I even had a great job with the postal service that I managed to screw up, I was making great money and working 9-10 hours a day over in over time, 5-6 days a week with time and a half for over time pay. I have tried it all ok. Not to mention the self destructive things I have done in my life over the years. I want the help now with the hope that I will one day go to college/and or work part time while i go to school or just work full time doing data entry which is what I usually do. I type. I am just so frustrated by comments like this. Do not judge people that need disability. I need it, but I know I will not need it forever. I have pride issues and I do not like asking for any kind of hand outs so when people like you make comments like that it really p*sses me off. I am honestly hoping to have some kind of stability within the next year or two to begin to try working again. Not only do I have bipolar II but I also have Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD and Social Anxiety issues. The social anxiety I have come a long way with this past year although I’m not completely there yet. I have been forced to face many of those fears by being forced into situations that I used to avoid. This is the last time that I will be commenting on your website and I no longer want to receive anymore of your emails ok. I will make sure I follow the link to cancel your free articles.
Carmen
gee, now I said I am not 26, I was so mad that I said I am not 26, that was a typo. thats how mad I am I cant even type straight. Ok, now im done here
To Carmen,
As for your first post, I could debate you on the fact that words are very powerful. I could site a whole lot of studies and personal experience.
Words are powerful. I have my opinions and you have yours. The great thing about America and other places around the world is, people can have different opinions and agree to disagree.
But as for your second post, I am proud of the fact you are doing all that you can do, which is all that can be asked. There is a great book called.
“All You Can Do Is All You Can Do But All You Can Do Is Enough!”
by All Williams. It’s a great book and basically promotes what you wrote in your post–which I agree with.
To Carmen,
I have no problem with people with disability. My mom is on disability. What I am saying is unfortunately that it doesn’t pay that much and one has to try supplement that income.
Believe me Carmen, I am on your side, I am not sure why you are getting so mad at me.
Hello David!
I am happy to hear that your mom is getting out, learning and feeling like becoming more involved in her life once again. Please give her my best!
As for your postings, they are heartfelt and I appreciate them. I am a nurse and in the past I was diagnosed as bipolar. At the time, my symptoms were quite manic. Later, the main problem seemed to have been depression. In my case, I notice my depression symptoms more because I am not able to perform the way I normally do. I lack concentration and energy and at times it feels like I have a physical illness. I am currently taking an antidepressant and am well controlled experiencing what I would call “normalcy” in my life. I like to learn as much as I can since I have also worked with those who have mental illnesses of all kinds. I appreciate your work and your intentions. Sometimes those who are critical may have their own agendas or issues so do not internalize or take personally their criticisms. Hear them with an open mind and heart, examine your own motives and learn from those who see things differently. No one is forced to read your posts or to agree with them. Just keep the faith, keep sharing your knowledge with those who want to listen, and remember, those who do extend their heartfelt thoughts to others do risk having their feelings misunderstood. I am like you, but have finally learned (most days) how to allow the problem to belong to the OTHER person and how not to take ownership of someone else’s problems. Take care! God bless! Lorrie
Excuse me if I mis-state this, as I do not want to offend anyone. I think the point of whether the description of bipolar is a noun or adjective is not the point so much as a statement’s portrayed attitude. Context presented and context received may still vary based on each reader’s experiences. This leads me into the comments on maturity.
Our dilemmas and this forum offer strength and encouragement with each new topic and/or perspective discussed. We are not in competition for who has more or less experience or difficulties dealing with bipolar or other diseases. I suggest that we contribute to the intended process of uplifting each other through sharing. Let’s all send Dave at least one topic or perspective that we would like to see addressed in an article, or perhaps write an article ourselves on the issue(s). I’m sure he or one of his staff can help as editors if we need.
In my family, bipolar is only one of several disabling diseases, and I have found the info on this forum usually applies to many other conditions/situations. (Oh, and Dave, we know you are not a scammer. We read your links and info.)
I, for one, and very happy that Dave’s Mom went to the seminar for herself and got excited. When my husband’s enthusiasm lifts for a day, mine does, too. “Good for you, Mom!” –Connie Curts
Hey, Thanks Connie. I am so glad that you brought that up about my mom.
One more thought for you … and everyone … (and I may be rambling … LOL)
Those who have mental illness have often had friends and family who reject them or misunderstand them. BiPolar often masks itself as “poor choices” or other personality issues. My niece who is 24 recently had an exacerbation of her illness. Since I had never seen her in one of her major mania states (even though she had lived with us for 2 years), I thought she was just being defensive, difficult and “in my face”! I also considered her judgment poor and that she was placing herself in situations that were not healthy for her … but did not realize she was manic. (Note: She now goes to school and does not live in town so she was home for a visit). We ended up having a heated argument because I thought she was high on drugs (MJ)… but thankfully, she was aware enough to tell me and insist she was not. After some crying and sharing, I realized she was experiencing her illness and I was able to love her, try to guide her, but also to realize that she may not be able to accept that help. When she is manic, she is very independent and argumentative and does NOT like to hear that she is manic!! Her parents came out to CA from KS and we convinced her to see a psychiatrist to get medication since she has been off medication for over two years. Now, she is taking that medication and is better controlled and able to function. The incident(s) occurred over a 2-3 week period and were very emotional since it was so hard to see her acting completely different … like she was someone else … and like we’d lost the person we knew she was. Thankfully, she is back to her ‘normal’ self for now. ANyway, all of that to say that it is very easy when one is ill to misread intentions of others (my niece could not see that we wanted to help .. .only that we were interfering and judgmental) or when someone we love is ill, it can happen so insidiously that it is hard to be aware at first and to acknowledge that it is the illness talking and not the person. So … take all things in stride … and keep up the great work! OK? Those of us who are interested will continue to be here. Sometimes we may agree and sometimes, maybe not. Those whose criticisms are mean spirited need to take an accounting of why they need to “attack” rather than discuss! Have a great day! Lorrie
Great comments Connie!! And I agree … Dave is NO scammer. As nursing professional with experience dealing with mental illnesses, I check things out carefully. I have never involved myself in any other “blog” session! Dave’s comments are useful and pertinent. There is no competition here and the attitude we all need to cultivate is one of encouragement and support! Thanks for saying that!!
To Connie,
This is a GREAT idea.
Our dilemmas and this forum offer strength and encouragement with each new topic and/or perspective discussed. We are not in competition for who has more or less experience or difficulties dealing with bipolar or other diseases. I suggest that we contribute to the intended process of uplifting each other through sharing. Let’s all send Dave at least one topic or perspective that we would like to see addressed in an article, or perhaps write an article ourselves on the issue(s).
=====
I will get a link posted for people to fill out a form.
Connie, great suggestions!!
Carmen … if you read this, please respond. It appears that you have been through a lot. Unfortunately, blaming Dave for trying to help, will not help you. If you read over your comments, maybe you can see how your illness has led you to respond to someone who is trying to help you. Perhaps you are in the manic state which can often be recognized by that argumentative, irritable spirit that cannot accept help? There is a lot of information out there. I have had a lot of experience dealing with clients who have mental illnesses of all kinds. If you want a listening ear … let me know. Lorrie
David … it is Carmen’s illness speaking to you in her posts … not her! That is a lot like the way my niece was when she was so ill. Unfortunately, Carmen may not be able or willing to recognize this in herself or to accept your sincerity and willingness to help. Please do not take the things she has said personally!!! I hope that Carmen will find the help she is seeking … and if your website and information are not right for her, then no matter. There are many that find your information useful and helpful! I just hope and pray my niece will someday read them. I have forwarded them to her … and hope she will sign up to receive them for herself. I am not sure she is at that point, though.
Note … Dave, I see that the posts come up on Eastern Time … I live in CA, so my time is 3 hours earlier. Just curious as to your location! 🙂
i dont know, maybe I sound like I am *attacking* because I have been judged my whole life for one reason or another, including financial status.
I am triggered very easily. I learned about triggers in my Trama Skills group. I can be triggered by anything and everything. In my DBT group this week we learned about emotional regulation and will learn more about it next week.
I also *have* Borderline personality disorder, if you dont know anything about it look up info on the internet. With Borderline Personality disorder I react with what I have learned also in my DBT group is my Emotional Mind.
I react with what I feel first instead of really taking a long look at the facts before opening up my mouth or before feeling defensive. I talked about this yesterday in group and monday with my therapist.
I can be extremely sensitive and extremely defensive as I have always been judged in my life like I said earlier. My feelings are hurt very easily. Also from growing up in an invalidating environment.
So, No, I was not attacking, I was reacting emotionally. I was sharing my opinion in an emotional manner. That does not change my belief however about disability or about how I describe my illness. I know that words can hurt,
I come from an emotionally and mentally abusive back ground, I have been abused. Here’s a topic for you. I have not been able to afford to have my car on the road since last september which thankfully will change next month
because I have a great brother that not only is he putting my car back on the road under his insurance with me as a driver and paying for the first 6 months but he is also detailing the car inside and out. He’s so good to me.
Anyhow, I have been forced to Rely on Medicaid Transportation. My doctor sent medicaid a letter stating all of the medical reasons that I needed to take a cab so that they would pay for my transportation to Mental Health.
What I have found by using taxi cabs with medicaid transportation is an extreme prejudice toward people with mental illness. Not every driver but two in particular.
I was sexually harrassed by a driver about a month ago or so and I had to complain to medicaid and to the manager of the company.
My mother also complained for me. You wouldnt believe the sick things this man said to me and I sat there in shock and horrified speechless, I just wanted him to stop talking and prayed that he would do so but he did not.
I didnt know what to say. I will not say what he said to me but I will tell you that it was nothing but filth.
When I complained I was told that they would put it in the mans file with the company but that it was my word against his and that this had happened once before with a woman that had to go to mental health with a different driver that actually ended up physically attacking the woman
and charges were pressed but with the first incident with this woman they did not believe her because they said “she goes to mental healthy do you really believe her” and then they sent the driver again and she was attacked, this is on record.
It happened in Kingston New York. I do not know the year though. I could not press charges because he did not physically touch me but he violated me verbally. I have *men* issues as it is and this really affected me.
Since I complained I have been going through H*ll with this cab company, they have made me late for my appts. etc. the dispatcher is nasty with me, and on Monday I had to complain again because they sent the same driver that I had complained about,
I did not get in the car with him, instead I called medicaid transportation who then called the cab company and they immediately sent me another driver. (all on record) It is really disturbing that this is allowed to go on, that people with a mental illness are treated this way.
I found out that this driver had never had any problems before, so why did he pick me to talk to that way? Did he think that just because I went to mental health he could talk to me in that manner, because maybe he knew that noone would believe me?
Did he honestly think that maybe I was “crazy” enough so that he could get in my pants or something. EWWW If you could see me next to this man it is outrageous that anyone would even think that. So my question is who can you complain to in a situation like this? It is plainly descrimination and prejudice.
To david and lorrie, maybe tomorrow I will look back at what I posted and see things differently. That is usually what happens so forgive me if i hurt anyones feelings.
To Lorrie,
You bring up some great points. I am on Carmen’s side. I do feel it’s her illness speaking. I am okay with that. My mom has said some really bad things to me but I know what she is like when she is not sick and I focus on that.
I will say another thing. I can’t say it enough. Language is powerful. If you say certain things to yourself, I think it can really hurt you.
Tell yourself you are no good in math and you won’t be.
Tell yourself that you are ugly and you will be.
Tell yourself you are mentally ill and I think that you will start to act mentally ill.
Tell yourself you have a mental illness and that you will beat it and you control it and it doesn’t control you is better. This is the way my mom thinks from what she tells me.
I have noticed that many people that have bipolar that I interview think this same way.
There is a great book, that I have read at least 50 times (seriously). It’s called Think Like A Winner. It’s very good and it will help explain why I think the way I do about the power of words.
You should all get that book or borrow it.
Lorrie,
in an earlier post today you said: “Later, the main problem seemed to have been depression. In my case, I notice my depression symptoms more because I am not able to perform the way I normally do. I lack concentration and energy and at times it feels like I have a physical illness. I am currently taking an antidepressant and am well controlled experiencing what I would call “normalcy” in my life.”
You’re a nurse, and so am I, and I really relate to what you said. I’ve told David many times that I am the one with bpd yet am stuck being my own caretaker.
I live with my 78 y/o Mom with dementia from mini-cvas as well as AD (she continues to deteriorate despite no radiologic evidence of more vascular incidents)…I am her primary caretaker.
I am at the depressed stage, just as you describe it so well. I am on cymbalta, wellbutrin, klonopin, lamictal, metadate. I don’t have any other support and this blog seems to have come along just when I needed to reach out.
I just have so much stuff I need to do here at home, and have also been devoting time to a 19 y/o man whom I think of as a son. We lost a fight in criminal court last week, so he is in jail an hour away. I told him I would come see him tonight. All I want to do is crawl back into bed…
God I want to feel better, will this depression ever end?
Carol H
I have been the main source of emotional support for over eight years to a young man who has bipolar. Unfortunately, I have more or less taken the place of his mother in terms of his dealing with his mood swings. His mother acknowledges that he has bipolar, but refuses to see the seriousness of it. She just doesn’t “get it.” Of course, this has hurt my friend a great deal. He feels his mother has betrayed him, and we have spent many hours discussing why she may be reacting this way. He suspects that his father also suffers from bipolar. As a result, his childhood was often one of disruption, angry words and physical punishment.
I encouraged my friend to seek a diagnosis for his mood swings several years ago. Although I am by no means an “expert” (and watch out for that word!) in bipolar disorder, I highly suspected that was the problem. He was almost relieved to have a medical reason for what he was experiencing, although it was initially devastating for him. I have been with him through the anger, grief, and hopelessness he has felt, and ached with him over the embarrassment and terror over being physically hauled to the hospital by the police three times after suffering episodes. I’ve been with him over the years while his psychiatrist has adjusted and changed his medications, trying to find the “magic” combination that would afford him as much relief as possible. They’re still looking, although things are much better for him now.
He has described how he is constantly plagued by anxiety; suffers from IBS and GERD; how the noise in his apartment triggers him into rages. I’ve sat with him while, over a period of a few short hours, he has gone from the depths of depression to a manic high, plummeted back into a deep depression, complete with gut-wrenching sobs, and then a return to weary depression. I can never understand exactly what it is he is going through. I’ve never experienced it personally. But I do know that it must be hell, and that no person deserves it.
He is on a number of medications – for the bipolar, the GERD and the IBS. But, like many people who have bipolar, he “fiddles” with his medications. His reasoning is that the lows are so low that it isn’t fair to ask him to give up all the “highs”… although he acknowledges that the highs, too, are a form of depression and fraught with anxiety. Gradually, he is becoming more willing (or resigned) to following his dosages mostly as prescribed, and has found life much more bearable. I’ve encouraged him to be very vocal with his psychiatrist about his reactions to the medication. The “squeaky wheel” almost always gets more oil. That’s hard for him to do, since he has become by neccessity somewhat introverted…. unless he’s in manic phase. He has attempted suicide once, before he was diagnosed. I like to think that our friendship has made him think twice about attempting it again, although I realize that friendship or even love is not enough when your body and mind seem so set against you. But I know it helps. Needless to say, his self esteem is almost non-existent. He’s always been a loner – it was far easier for him to avoid people than continually apologize for his behavior after he had blasted someone in one of his manic episodes. Thus, his days are mostly confined to the computer – online chat and surfing – solitary walks and sojourns into the city. And then a return to his small apartment with all its triggers.
What I have tried to encourage my friend to do is to write down those positive things that people say about and to him, and to refer to them often. He was surprised to discover that the positives list far outweighs the negatives list he was already keeping. As I said, he frequents chat a lot – it’s “safer” than the real world. At least he won’t get bloodied as the result of an outburst, he says. I remind him of his positives, encourage him to surf the web (and your site, Dave) to be as knowledgeable as he can about his condition (he doesn’t like to call it an illness or disease). I have told him, too, that he is NOT his “condition”, and that he must remember whenever the chemicals in his body allow him to be the person he truly is, what you find there is someone of great worth and value. After all, he is my friend, by my choice.
I agree with what Connie says. It is so important that people have a forum for thoughtful and intelligent discussion, with people who truly understand how hard it is. We “lay” people can only imagine what you go through. Knowing that some of the most brilliant, talented and creative people on earth, past and present, had or have bipolar can’t be much of a comfort. But I can tell you, as a “normal” person, that I would not give up my friendship with this young man – for anything.
This lady who says that “you’re taking advantage” of people who are bipolar apparently has NEVER met someone with bipolar. I have read numerous medical articles which detail the significance between superior intelligence and bipolar. Although the relevance is still a mistery to scientists and physicians, studies have proven that 80% of all people with bipolar are of superior intelligence (an I.Q. over 130).
And we all know how stubborn and hard headed we can be. Take advantage? PLEASE!!!!!
AMEN CARMEN!!!!! I am BIPOLAR and I will BE BIPOLAR until the day I die. And no, we don’t have a life threatening disease such as cancer, we have A MOOD DISORDER. And whether this chic wants to “face up to the reality of it or not” your moods are WHO YOU ARE! I would never use that term to deliberatlely offend somebody, but DONT TELL ME HOW TO DESCRIBE WHO I AM. I actually take much pride in who I am and what I have accomplished in life, and when people try to pat me on the back because of my achievements, I absolutely LOVE throwing in, “Oh Yea and Im Bipolar Too.” The looks on peoples faces is too much.
And my all time favorite is overhearing a conversation at work about how so and so is “CRAZY” and can’t keep a job because she’s bipolar! I just sit in my corner office and laugh by butt off.
Laughter has been proven to be the greatest healer in life. And in my house, the fact that Im bipolar is just one more thing open to a good joke, especially from my kids (ages 7 and 12). NOOOO, we all treat it as importantly as we should but if its also good for laugh, why not?
Carmen…
I read through your list of “issues” if that’s the correct word (forgive me if its not). I am 32 years old, have Bipolar I, Schizoaffective Disorder, Paranoid Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and an Anxiety Disorder. (That’s enough to keep 6 shrinks with a full time job). But no matter how many “labesl” the drs put on you, YOU CAN MAKE IT. I have to share what my psychiatrist told me yesterday about all these problems in a nutshell. “You only make it because you aren’t willing to give up. It’s your survival skills that keep you going.” It appears that you are bogged down with all this on your shoulders as well as being a mom. I have two children myself and know the stresses of it all.
As for the disability, you’re damn right you’ve earned it. If you need it, that is why it is there. I think you jump to the conclusion that everybody will “think that you’re lazy” so you attack. (Ive been there I know).
I am also very very quick to anger but have learned a few helpful skills especially when writing. Write what you want to say, leave it and then come back 1 hour later and read it again. I will almost bet that you will change what you say or how you say it.
The first step to coping successfully is being able to admit to yourself that YOU have to do the adjusting, the world sure isn’t going to do it for us.
“If God bring you TO IT….then God will bring you THROUGH IT”
http://www.mentaljokes.com
For your bipolar amusement. these are absolutely hilarious!
ATTENTION ROSE
Rose, I really like your attitude and what you wrote. You are right about disability. People have earned it and it’s not a sign of laziness.
I would like to possibly profile you.
If you would, please contact me using the contact me form at http://www.bipolarcentral.com
Again, good insightful comments.
To all who wrote to me,
For the record, I am not depressed or anything like that. Not even stressed. Well, ok, I get a little stressed but just the norm these days. My moods fluctuate with the seasons. I go through major depression in the summer and in the winter. Spring and Fall are my up times. I do not experience mania, I have Bipolar II not Bipolar I. I experience hypomania which is pretty much what I’ve been feeling since the arrival of spring. I feel really good about life and I find myself more spiritual etc. However I also have Borderline Personality Disorder which also means that my moods can sometimes fluctuate from day to day. Mostly hypomania with borderline tendencies I would have to say. Meaning everything is A-OK as long as you dont f**k with me 🙂 Excuse my language but that’s just the way I see it. David, I’m a little confused by you now. You want to profile Rose, yet she used the statement “am bipolar”….peculiar.
PS. Even though your statements irritated me for the record I do not believe you to be a scam artist.
Rose,
you said: >>>>I am also very very quick to anger but have learned a few helpful skills especially when writing. Write what you want to say, leave it and then come back 1 hour later and read it again. I will almost bet that you will change what you say or how you say it. >>>>
It is so funny that you give me this advice!!! This is the same exact advice that I received from my therapist on Monday, I swear! Another funny this is that I have done this in my life, but usually only with loved ones, ie: family, boyfriends, friends, actually wait….I did it for an OB/GYN doctor when I was pregnant, I think a boss or someone I worked with, come to think of it I’ve done it alot. I guess when I’m impulsive I feel like “they’re not gonna get away with this!!!” but you are right, I need to *chill* 🙂 Thanks 4 your advice, your humor and for understanding!
Carmen
Lorrie,
Just wanted to say thanks for being so kind to me earlier today, thanks for caring and for understanding. I really took to heart alot of what you had to say.
Carmen
Rose,
Good suggestion with this:
“Write what you want to say, leave it and then come back 1 hour later and read it again. I will almost bet that you will change what you say or how you say it. “
I think a lot of times, those with bipolar get mad at people who are really trying to help them. Just today my mom got mad at me for a few minutes about some retirement issues I had to bring up to her. I pointed out to her, I am looking out for her and I could do what my brother does which not say a word and never look out for her. She then thought about it and realized that I was looking out for her and she shouldn’t shoot the messenger.
Well Carmen, I am far from a psychiatrist, I only write about what I know about. But that is weird that we both said the same thing to you. My mother always taught me that God gives you what you need but sometimes it comes from the strangest of places.
I am a litigation paralegal so I basically have to live a jeckle and hyde life; at work I have learned to “hide” or “mask” my mood swings, especially my temper. And I’ll be the first to agree with your “they’ll get away with it” comment, but the biggest thing that I have taught myself is to give myself enough time to calm down BEFORE responding. And about 80% of the time I come to see that “them getting away with whatever they’re doing or saying” doesn’t ACTUALLY affect me one way or the other, it simply pissed me off.
But when I wait to respond Im proud of myself in the end for not making an ass out of myself over something that would not have changed my life one bit. (If that makes sense.)
Go back and re-read what you wrote about not being manic. I know that you’re life isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination. But take the “stress load” that you have now and imagine adding on top of that only eating twice a week because you cant slow down long enough to sit through a meal, and not sleeping but every 8 or 9 days, on top of working a full time job, having two kids, a husband, and a drinking problem.
Im not a martar by any means, but our circumstances are just like the rest of the world. There is always somebody worse off than you. If you ever doubt that, go check yourself in for a weekend vacation at your local mental ward, you’ll come home feeling goodo about your life. (And I dont mean that in a negative way towards others, its just the truth). I thought I was the craziest woman in the world until I had my first trip to the “hospital”.
You hang in there Carmen, you will make it through this. You are a very strong woman! And those children need their mom.
I will explain my IM BIPOLAR attitude, because its clear that some dont think as I do. And I will requote the comment that living America, we all have the right to disagree. However, my reasons are this:
As much as we dont want to admit it, there is NO CURE for bipolar disorder. There are only medications that help us cope with the symptoms.
Research continues every day to help find a cure. My youngest daughter was stillborn and I donated her little tiny body to Bipolar research. Which was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. To live every day with the thoughts of my little girl laying in a lab somewhere. BUT…
stem cell research is our biggest hope. And the fact that bipolar can be hereditary, she was a perfect candidate.
REALITY is, that bipolar has been documented for certuries in the medical field. No cure yet.
One day I honestly believe a cure will come, but I can’t wrap my entire life around that hope. Because it may never come. So as far as I know right now. I was born bipolar and I will die bipolar. It doesn’t matter is you live 20 years or 120 years, you will have bipolar your WHOLE LIFE.
The comparison of cancer was used. That we dont call cancer patients “Cancer”. And you are right we dont. But to my knowledge, there has NEVER been a case of active cancer that last throughout a person entire life like bipolar does.
But yet when we see/meet people who have schizophrenia; we dont say “Hey Annie has schizophrenia” we as a society say “Annie’s schizophrenic.”
The bottom line is that we all have the choice of how we want to refer to ourselves or our disorder. Its just another choice in life. But I honestly feel that if we spent as much time trying to develop better coping and survival skills as we do angry with what people call us, or how we are referred to, or even what society thinks about us…..we would all be a whole lot HAPPIER and HEALTHIER.
In life you have to pick your battles. And some are not worth our energy.
DAVID,
In response to your comment “I think a lot of times, those with bipolar get mad at people who are really trying to help them”
My therapist taught me this. “Bipolar people strike out at the ones they love the most because they know that they can vent their anger and that person will still love them when its over, unconditional love.” And if you watch, youll see it to be true just as I did. BPs very rarely strike out at strangers or even coworkers.
Bipolar people (or those with bipolar) don’t get mad because you’re trying to help the….
WE ARE MAD BECAUSE WE HAVE BIPOLAR! Wouldnt you be? We just dont all manifest it in the same way.
you know, i am currently unemployed and filing for disability. maybe if i knew how to sell my bipolar or people were more open to hearing it i wouldnt be filing for disability. i hope there is a seminar coming around my way soon. i wanted to volunteer at my childrens school so that i could kill some time while i looked for work. i believe that my bipolar is a part of me that i have to deal with daily but it is not me. its like me being a libra. i enjoy myself more than others i guess. anyway the point is, i am more than qualified to volunteer a few hours a week at an elementary school, i have a degree in social work and computer business (old degrees but still have them) sooo i go through an episode, a pretty bad depression to where it effects my children and them getting to school on time. so in order for me not to get in trouble or some kind of tardy referal i had to have my dr write me a bipolar note that states sometimes i just dont function well. well needless to say i was never called to volunteer even though my security clearance was good and my depressions were not even a monthly deal maybe tri-monthly or something. the point is people are afraid and when people are afraid they become ignorant to what they fear. emotionally i am too unstable now to follow through with much of anything but i hope eventually i will not be a thirty year old on disability.
Jacquie, I look up to you that you are still trying to be productive in your child’s school even though you are having to file for disability. As a full-time working mom, I absolutely envy the mothers that get to spend time with my child every day and wish every day that I could be there also. Being a good mom isnt just working outside the home, its being there when they need you and it sure sounds like you are.
As for the school..I would suggest that you make an appt with the principal and lay your cards on the table, point blank! And let he or she know that it is AGAINST FEDERAL LAW to prohibit you from volunteering because of your disability. (When you let them know that you are very aware that this is against the law, out of fear of being sued, they will let you come, whether they want to or not). Or just start showing up at their door saying “Im here for volunteer work”. Dont wait on the invitation, make them see you for more than your disability. And once you get your foot back in the door, you personally can change many minds about what bipolar disorder is. Dont give up. If you do, they win!
Carmen
I know that your *attacking* Dave is in response to you thinking he was *attacking* you. I am with you on the wording of bipolar. Being bipolar has ruled my life from the time I was about 14 and I have come to think of myself as a bipolar person, not a person with bipolar. I didn’t get diagnosed untill I was in my thirties altho I had been institutionalized several times in a mental hospital as being incoragable. So when finally I was told that my crazy mood swings and behaviour patterns actually had a name I was very grateful. It doesnt matter how David thinks of us Carmen, it is how we think of ourselves. I know you are not delgihted to be getting on SSD, neither was I, but I could not possiby have existed without it. You do what you have to do for yourself Carmen, and never be afraid to speak your mind. If you were offended you were right to speak out about it.
There are chat rooms just for bipolar people and they are wonderful, I go there whenever I need to talk to someone that will understand because they have been thru the same thing I have. If you want to go to one of them let me know and I will give you the link.
Beverly
I have been “stuck” for about a week on the controversy on this blog about whether its politically correct to say I AM BP or I HAVE BP. Think about it….if that was our worst problem in the world, deciding how we should describe ourselves….we all wouldnt be in here! And I dont know about the rest of you, but if that is all I had to deal with, I would kiss somebody’s ass.
I think we need to spend our time here more productive, helping each other. Not argueing about what we shoud call ourselves or each other. Bottom line is that we all have BP and we’re all here looking for support.
hey all of u… RELAX.. geez vent off your anger with tae bo or something.. whats up with its your fault thing? Who are you to point the finger at someone else? you dont like what David is doing… then leave it alone… dont bother with it life is too short to be angry all the time… I have BP and so does my mom… accept responsibility for your life… and by the way so what if you had a hard life… learn to live free and love your life for what it is… i wuz a junkie and living off the streets but i dont brag about it and it dont make me special… stop being a darn victim and vent off your anger… thats all I have to say about all of u who blame others of being “insensitive” or whatnot.. grow up!
I really hope that your Mom does write that overview of the course she took about how to sell yourself as a person with a mental illness. That is one thing I’ve always hated trying to figure out in job interviews and even after I have the job….when to tell, how to tell, WHETHER to tell. And if not to tell, how to explain extended periods of unemployment due to being on SSDI…make something up? Fudge the facts? Sometimes this can be done convincingly depending upon whatever else I’ve been doing with my time, and sometimes it can’t. And I hate being dishonest. Besides that, I think if I could ever manage to find a compassionate employer, it might help me and them perform better so far as keeping the job or getting the right kind of assistance when the illness acts up. Unfortunately, most times I find out they prefer to just drop me when they discover I have the disease rather than to work around it. Which is sad because when I am well I am usually regarded as a very good employee.
You know, I thought the same thing about you at first…I was a little mad that you were charging money for your books and things instead of just posting the answers for free. Then I figured the doctors who recently gave me a very bum steer by sticking me in the hospital when I was actually NOT suicidal (leaving me with more than $1200 in debt when I really only needed probably a $40 therapy session to talk some things out–and when I got in there it was like I was talking to a wall so far as getting back out like they were all protecting one another—my old doctors would have NEVER done that to me under the exact same circumstances–but I had just moved and these guys didn’t know me from Adam, but somehow had the audacity to think they knew me better than I knew myself—sorry, I’m still mad about it) ANYWAY…those guys are doing the exact same thing, making money off of the disease, but doing it WRONG…causing me a considerable about of distress and upset and sending me even deeper into debt by mis-analyzing me. Why shouldn’t you be able make a living by giving people the RIGHT information? Of course, I have yet to check out your product so my preliminary thoughts on this may change one way or the other, but I at least feel pretty confident about your lengthy money back guarantee (most people don’t give you enough real time in this busy world to check out their stuff–four to five months seems pretty fair). What psychiatrist do you know of who would offer you your money back if you are not happy with their services? I tell you what, I WILL be getting my money back because I will NOT be paying for what that psychiatrist did to me by having me arrested like that…I told them twice that I did not need to be hospitalized, and I was politely sitting there reading magazines trying not to be rude to THEM by just leaving because they were taking so long (I should have figured out what they were up to, but I thought they were finding out which therapist was available)…it’s like I walked into a stereo store needing a $40 radio and they muscled me into the back room and forced me to buy a HD flat screen TV. In what consumer world besides mental health can a provider get away with that kind of garbage?
Anyway, if your material is good I think it would be well worth the price to have sound advice rather than the deaf ears I encountered. I will never set foot in that place again…the people who sheltered my dog that whole time (she was in the car because I planned to go to puppy school after the appointment, does that sound like trying to kill yourself?) said it was “just like an arrest” when they ultimately refused to waive their fees (I was told the whole time I was in the hospital that they weren’t going to charge me), as if I had done something wrong, even criminal, by responsibly trying to seek help for myself, and that I should have known better than to bring my dog as if I should have been able to foresee that they were going to ambush me like that. My friend who picked up my dog told them they were prejudiced against people with mental illnesses.
Well, I didn’t mean to vent so much. Just still very angry, and intend to file a grievance with the department of regulatory agencies. The consumer complaint lady at the MH center itself told me “there was nothing I could do”, as if my own assessment of myself was invalid…even though I consistently said the same thing straight through from the time they took me to the time they finally released me. How’s that for building up your trust in the system? Anytime I show up for an appointment I may not even come home because my own words and integrity have no value to them.