grreat e-mail today and yes it made sense.~Sher

You did great at explaining something difficult in simple terms.

How do you get someone (28-year-old son living with us) to go to the doctor for diagnosis when they are opposed and don’t think they have a problem?

Yes, Great email! Because I am so well aware of myself, my moods, and my body, I can usually feel “something coming on”, like a cold, or a panic attack. But most of the time, an episode coming on for me is much more subtle. My mother knows me very well too, so if she is at all alarmed by something I say or do, she checks it out with me. Usually my reaction says it all. My mom and I have an agreement about her asking if I am OK, and about going to the hospital if she asks me to. Something my mom and I have also found helpful is for her to ask me when I am stable. If I have seen anything lately in myself that could be triggers and so on. I think these things work, because my mother and I have both moved on to the acceptance part of my diagnosis. We work together better this way. Kari

Dear David:
Loved today’s subject. It is so frustrating when I act or react just as a “normal” person would if provoked or angry, and get accused of being “sick again”.
I appreciate so much the effort you take to write to “us” everyday.
And I admire your devotion to your mom. I have unfortunately “lost” an adult son because of my illness, and I battle depression daily because of it. It’s a loss I can’t bear, and there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s not interested in learning about my illness. He only knows how it has affected him, and there’s nothing I can do about that now. I love him so much. Bipolar people love, too, just like everyone else…
Hey, I tried to click on the link at the top of your page (bipolarcentral.com/catalog – or something like that), but I can’t read anything that came up because of blue writing from the left of the page that covered over the writing in the body of the page. Am I the only one who’s had this problem?
Thank you, again. You are a good and compassionate person.
Sue

Dave,
I am struggling even though I feel like I should see the difference in my husbands bahaviors but what I don’t understand is why he still wants to drink even though he is on the proper meds now and is as stable as I’ve seen him in three years. But, drinking is the time when the worst of him comes out. We can’t go on if he is going to drink. He has PTSD and is bipolar. The Dr. has told me I should leave him because of his potential for violence against me. He hasn’t hurt me physically. But, I am an emotional wreck since trying to get him to go back into treatment since after we started our life together he decided he was not bipolar. For three years he has been in one long episode. But it was the drinking that made everyone afraid of him. He still thinks he can be social drinker. But that is an error in perception that hasn’t gone away even with all the counseling and meds. It may be a personality trait that just isn’t going to change. The only think that keeps me hopeful is that he was not drinking when we met and had not been drinking for two years. I just don’t get why it is so important to him. maryann

I have been saying this for a while to my faily who anytime I feel anything they think it is the bipolar. Is it really so hard to realize people will have normal human feelings about things?

The main way that a bipolar episode might be distinguished from typical behaviour, for my dad was when logical question was asked. When a manic phase was setting in, no amount of reason would dissuade him, which meant that expensive property would be purchased even though he had no money. My sister attempted to get control by power of Attorney, but when episode set in, he could also become very hostile to those who questionned him. As children, we just knew when he did not make very much sense. And we also knew that in a few weeks, both bills and reality would set in, which usually resulted in depression for him, and austerity for the rest of him.Frequently it was grand mother.who helped out with day to day expenses. Ann: are you enabling him to avoid getting treatment by allowing him to stay with you?

Dear Sir,

I think I am, but I’ve never been diagnosed. Is it posibble to be bipolar due to abuse as a child? I remember trying to kill my mothers kitten, I was filled with so much hate. When I have approached my mother about tings that happened as a child, she blanked it all out, and says, “Oh, I don’t remember that”, starts crying and says, “I didn’t Know you hate me so much”. I always say I love her because she’s my mother but I hate her. We can’t be together for longer than 5 minutes, without starting to fight. She is very disrespectful of me, and told me as a child I couldn’t do anything right. Is there somewhere I can get help for free, I don’t have good insurance, plus I would probably lose my job if they found out I was being treated for it? I have had trouble holding a job, laid off, fired, eliminated etc. I’m afraid to put in for financial aid, because if they refuse, and job finds out, I’ll lose my job too. Where can I go, what do I do?

Great email today! Understand it ALL too well! I know that when I get angry or if something upsets me and I get depressed everyone thinks…”Oh God, we’re in for it again.” When actually it’s just something that would upset anyone.

Moods are hard to gauge at times. Even being bipolar myself, it’s hard for me to gauge! So, I think that if people including me need to make that goal it’s going to take a heck of a lot of commitment and a heck of a lot of work. I just hope that there are people out there (like you are for your mom) to support me with it.

Thanks so much for all the support you provide too!!

Nancy

Sure! I’m absolutely agree with you and this message really makes sense to all people.

Thanks Dave,

My problem is I have known my daughter all her life and I find it hard to know if she is having an episode or if it is her personality. It seems she is never happy with anything I do, and now she has said that I am bipolar. (I took that one with a grain of salt.) I know part of my reactions towards her are her wearing me down.

Hey Dave,I have enjoyed reading your sight. I have a 7yr old daughter that is adhd and bipolar and it has been ruff and yes i can rlate to some of the things that you talk about. Yes you are right there are not many people or councliers out there that can help they all say oh they are spoiled they need to be punished they need time out,etc. intell they walk a mile in your shoes they will never know. and now i have a concern my 7 yr old has said why cant i be with jesus were there is no furstration instead of being here to get angery. the only thing i could think of was well he knows that you are special and that is why me and daddy have you cause you are special to us. you have any thing that i can do for this i think that i am going to purchas one of your books. thanks for emailing me.

You’ve done it AGAIN, Dave! Thanks for exploring the difficulties in determining what is inherent personality response, and what is a bipolar mood response.

Although I did cheat on my boyfriend earlier in our relationship, and lied terriby to cover it up, he blames it on the “illness.” Since we’ve been back together from Easter of this year til now, there is the “trust” issue between us. I have terminated my former boyfriend, and eliminated going to online dating, but he STILL goes into my emails and checks my voicemail for what he thinks are “suspcious” communications.

I do NOT believe I was anywhere CLOSE to a bipolar episode when I cheated – I just needed more sex than my boyfriend was able to give me. That affair was physical ONLY; my relationship with my boyfriend is turning into something resembling “love,” which he says is far more important.

I have since lied to him about a friendship I have with a former member of my Lithium group, whom he has met. This friend came over last Wednesday, and because my boyfriend is EXTREMELY jealous of any attention I show to ANY other man, I told him I was out with my best girlfriend. He ALMOST caught me in THAT lie.

I KNOW why I lie to my boyfriend, now – it’s to spare his feelings and not elicit jealousy from him. We are now having a fairly consistent sex life, but he has a low libido and I have a high libido (a symptom of bipolar disorder). Though he has said, “I’m trying to change, because I don’t want to lose you,” he sometimes forgets and we go whole weekends without intimacy. It sometimes drives me “crazy;” I’m 59 years old, in VERY good shape for my age, and I keep myself “up” for him. It’s frustrating to say the least.

When he learned that I had bipolar disorder, he did a LOT of research and investigation into it, and is constantly asking me if I’ve taken my meds, or “how do I feel.” He doesn’t do this often, but when he does, it BOTHERS me something FIERCE. I have consistently taken my new meds for 7 years, not skipping even when I could. I KNOW if I DON’T take my meds, I WILL go into a manic episode – I CANNOT afford to, either financially or spiritually, as I have both a high mortgage and condo fee, and I have a reputation to maintain in my community. It is VERY important to me to stay WELL…

How DO you distinguish between “normal” and “bipolar” behavior? As a bipolar sufferer, I CAN’T answer that question, because we DON’T actually KNOW when we’ve segued into an episode. It is really up to our supporters (of which I have none, except my therapist and shrink), to notice the difference.

BIG HUGS and God’s blessing on each and every one of the supporters and survivors this day.

When I met Marsha she was beautiful,kept a nice home,was outgoing,bought the best food,and was a young mother of two.Soon after we met I noticed her extreme desire for meth.When high she was very mean-spirited and could verbally tear you to shreds.When I returned from work each day I never new what to expect in her behavior.Sometimes [apparent]men drug dealers would be sitting on our couch and if I dare question what they were doing at our house,she would throw a fit and I normally was told to leave.In the last 9 years that we have been together I have counted at least 16 men she has slept with.I have literally turned into a shell of a man that can’t function normally or make any long-lasting decisions.She never says she is sorry and blames everything on me.She has put me in jail 17 times,called my bosses to get me fired,kept me from seeing my children from a previous marriage,vandalized my vehicles,told lies to my buddies that resulted in fist fights,etc.,etc.Trying to rationalize with her impossible as she interupts everything you say.It is as if she has her own version already made up and that is the way she wants to accept it.She stays in her apartment with covers on the windows,always keeping the doors locked and her two kids don’t dare sass back.Anyway I moved out two years ago bacause I could’nt stand it anymore;the problem is I love her but I am at a loss about what to do.Is this a bipolar case or is it meth abuse? Thanks,Ron

Safe Distance Open Door Policy -another thing that helps me is to remember when you’re dealing with someone who has bipolar -it is 2 people dealing with it. Yourself, and the diagnosed. So even when the diagnosed are doing abnormal behaviors, they’re dealing with it on their own level. I used to forget that, and think it was only myself affected and would be angry at them. Now I somewhat sypathise and level headedly look at the situation and ask myself first, what is this person going through right now? What might be causing this? And I talk to them. If they are in a state where that does no good, I get away, instead of fueling the fire by getting angry, scared, frustrated. My sister says she picks up on those negative emotions and it makes whatever she’s going through that much worse, because she really doesn’t want to hurt us, even if it seems like she does. So I try to make sure she’s in a safe environment (at home), and be firm and open with my decision not to help her at this time. She doesn’t like it, and she becomes very manipulative at times, so I tell her, you’re not getting what you want, can we talk about this together tomorrow? It usually works. IT’s still a tense situation, but I feel stronger for not caving in all the time.

if you knew how hard and how little help when raising a child like this you would not charge for help.it is different with a child

Hey Dave, Commenting on “Typical Behavior…”. I have Bipolar, so thank you for clearing it up that we too can have a “normal” bad bay like eveyone else. Just because we have this disorder, now our bad moods seem to all be an episode…yeah right, they only wish it was that. Give me a break! I know they are hard to deal with not only for us, but for our families and loved ones and friends. And they only seem to be getting harde as they go.
A quick question for you before i go, dave, how much longer before things ease up, do you think? I was clinically diagnosed back in, i think it was May of this year. But honestly, I think i’ve had this disease since at east middle school.

A few months ago my ex husband came to my house and assaulted me. As if that wasnt bad enough, after telling my son that I assaulted him, he then went to the police (different ones to those who came to my house on the day) and told them the same. They have now taken out a restraining order against me. His behaviour has got worse in the 5yrs since I left him, but this doesnt seem to worry the authorities, who are telling me to just forget about it and go away. I am taking it to court because I am worried about my safety, who knows what he will do next, and I’m fed up with letting it go. Louise.