==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hey,
How’s it going?
It’s almost Labor Day weekend in the US. I didn’t
even realize it was here. Anyway, I am working
all through the weekend. Why? Because I like
what I do.
Yesterday I got an email from someone
and it said:
“I can’t believe my husband wants to
divorce me. He has bipolar disease
and is acting really crazy. He screams
and yellls at me all the time for
no reason. I can barely take it.
I tried to talk to him for months
to stop.
Dave, why does he does he do and
say such mean things?”
-Pam
Take a look at that again. I want
you to read it and try to guess what
the 3 letters that spell trouble
are?
Guess and then scroll down for the
answer…
Scroll after you have the answer…
It’s why? Why is deadly I think with bipolar
disorder. I think it can seriously drive
a bipolar supporter AND a bipolar survivior
crazy.
When you start asking:
why do I have bipolar disorder?
why did my loved one say this or that
why did my loved one do this or that
why is bipolar disorder such a nasty illness
why do people with bipolar disorder say such mean
things
Why is a word that just makes you feel depressed
because with most of the questions there really
are no answers.
Ever sit and start thinking “why this and
that.” You never can come up with answers
and it makes you feel depressed.
It’s like when a girlfriend broke up with
me some time again. I would sit for days
wondering why she did. There was no explanation
that I could come up with. Especially since
I am such a cool guy :).
Anyway I stopped asking why she broke up
with me and started asking what I was
going to do since she was gone. I then
moved one how I was going to get a new
girlfriend.
Make sense?
I think that people can get paralzed focusing on
why and it creates major problems for them.
This lady Pam you can see is focusing on the
why way too much.
I focus on the how. What’s that mean? Well
I focus on how to correct the problem.
You see with bipolar disorder, a person
can live a perfectly normally life with
the right treatment plan.
Instead of asking why? Ask how do I get
myself or my loved one on the right
bipolar treatment plan.
I know sometimes you may read my material
here and say, “What the heck Dave? That’s
so simple and not useful. Easy for you
to say! Thanks for nothing.”
Seriously I am really telling you what
to do.
If you look at my course/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
You’ll notice that it’s all based on how
tos. I don’t tell long sad stories of
how bad bipolar disorder is. I focus
on how to handle virtually all the situations
you will come across whether you have
bipolar disorder, are supporting an adult
or supporting a child/teenager.
The situation with my mom turned around
when I started asking how instead of
why.
I actually have to take off for the day
but I want to leave that with you to think
about.
I want to say another thing. I want to make
it clear that I use to focus on the why
and then I transitioned to focusing on the
how. I think that it happens with everyone
dealing with bipolar disorder. It just takes
some longer than others.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
how can you tell if anyone has bipolar i mean my wife acts just like that and i feel she has this disorder but im not sure
I think why is distructive,it leads to torment in ones mind attempting to persue what we cannot understand.Fate is hard to understand.I find treatment only make me have fewer really bad days.I have down ones.I think good memories sadly to be torment,they replay in my head til i cannot sleep.I battle chronic fatigue.I long to return to a place i was happiest knowing i am unable to so i cry.I find the information helpful,I find my mind harps without me wanting to on lost loves and good times.I try to forget but i can’t.i figured the obsessing and desire is apart of my disorder.
I totally agree that the ‘Why’ is a futile, frustrating and ultimately, harmful exercise. There is no rational explanation for irrational behavior and so to try and explain such behavior won’t usually get you anywhere…
That of course does not mean that you do not wonder why.. I believe my wife is bipolar and it takes an enormous amount of effort to not think about the especially hurtful things she has done…
Ideally you need to shut-off your feelings…
Dave – I like your attitude and helpful comments, but one *BIG* difference that exists with your situation and mine (and others like me who support spouses) is that your Mom cannot divorce you 🙂
Hi,Dave
I am the single mother of a17yr old daughter with bipolar and a 16yr old son with adhd. I have been raising them on my own for 13yrs. I started a support group on facebook that any one can join. I know how important it is to have support. I have shared your website with my group,I hope they enjoy your letters as much as I have.
Thank you
Denise
Thank you for this posting!!! Yay!!!
You will drive yourself nuts figuring out why. “Why did my fiance put on all the clothes in his closet, and wear them out around town?” YOu could puzzle over this for days. There is no “why” just what “is”.
Hi I am a single mom of 3 teenage boys. Which my youngest one has bipolar,ADHD & ODD. At times it is very hard to handle. Since I’ve got him back from his dad I have lost my job because he can not be left alone and he can’t be left here with his brothers. If you can give me some advice on how to cope with this more I would appreciate it.
Thank you, Michelle
My girlfriend of two years has had bipolar since she was a child. when I first met her, I believed that the doctors hung this label around her neck and dosed her up on medication just to keep her quiet, and believed that she could one day live without her medication. She had been on medication for many years, then four months ago she just stopped taking them, & didn’t tell anybody what she had done, she slowly started to become ill, by then it was two late, I couldn’t get her to start taking them again, I begged her to get help but by then it was to late. Its not that she became depressed, she goes the other way, she became hyper, she wouldn’t sleep or eat for days, and finally started to believe that I was hiding people in my wardrobe and under my bed, I was so scared for her, I had never witnessed anything like this before in my life & did not no what to do, in the end I phoned the hospital, they came and took her away to be sectioned. the problem I have is this, she actually likes the first stages of becoming ill, so once the illness starts to take affect my question is, how can I help her to see that she needs help, so she doesn’t go through this again, because now they wont let her out, don’t let her see her son & every time she does something wrong they take all her personal belongings of her to punish her, yet the reason she is the way she is, is because of her illness, so in turn this is making her angry and making her fight against them. if I would have none that the hospital would treat her like this I would never have phoned them up and let them take her away. We have got a solicitor on the case now, because I have seen the way they treat patients with bipoler & do not believe that it is write, I have seen the woman I love deteriorate since being in there, I think its disgusting that once the hospital takes over some ill persons life, they don’t have a say in what happens to them, if the hospital say you are to ill then that is that, even if they are wrong, like they are in this case, I believe that it is worse than being sent to prison, the way they treat the ill is disgraceful, we have sent in the papers so I can get her out and am now waiting for the date of the tribunal, the sad thing is if the hospital cant help then who can?.
I’ve said this before, but never got a response. All the letters here, all the articles you write, are all from the viewpoint of the (so-called) sane. Why do you never let your mother respond to anything you write? Why are there no letters here written by those who HAVE the disorder, not just by their companions? Are letters written by sufferers screened out?
You constantly say what should be done to people with bipolar, yet you never let them respond. You never let them say their side of the story.
Why do you constantly condemn, without letting those you condemn have their say? Surely the prisoner in the dock, the one with bipolar, should be allowed to respond to your charges?
You believe in chemical gags and bindings, forcing the prisoner into the mental state you desire him/her to have, not the one they themselves might prefer. If you lived in a land where taking drugs to keep you in subservience was enforced upon you, quite rightfully you’d refuse to take them and leave. Yet in all your articles you enforce and reinforce the importance of liquid cosh so much, I often wonder which drug company you work for.
Let the bipolars have their say. Do not condemn without allowing them to be heard.
I am not sure how I got started reading or getting this information but having bipolar disorder this site sure has helped me understand a few things, Thanks for putting it together Dave. As for the why I have the problem and can’t give any answers to that only to say I have had to say I AM SORRY to too many people that I love TOO many times for reasons I don’t know a why to or can explain. I can say one thing as long as I stay on my meds everything goes pretty well most of the time but when I don’t take them I can’t even stand myself. Again I can hear people say if that is the case why do I get off my meds well I don’t always have the money and sometimes I just get tired of taking pills twice or three times a day. It’s no fun having this problem believe you me but after seeing some of my family members going through the same thing with no help this web site is a God Send and yes I have past it along to them with a lot of explaining after doing so. In the long run they will see as I had to this is nothing to be ashamed of it is just the way I am and there is help out there so we don’t have to feel so alienated or alone I just wished I could get over this constant need to overspend when I do get a little ( or a lot ) of money. I guess if people are looking for some of the why’s this is what I have come up with, when I am happy I want everyone to be there with me and when I am down in the dumps how dare anyone else be happy, I should bring them down to where I am at. And the spending I have more fun ( the up part) buying for people to give them something they would never buy for themselves,but that goes to being as happy as I am then when family gets mad because they know I really don’t have the money that gets me right back to my comfort zone of Angry. It’s a vicious circle that is never ending except on my meds. OH what a relief that is and the meds don’t make me all doped up and not know what’s going on they just help make life a little more tolerable
Dear Dave:
I have been diagnosed and as a result assume that I am afflicted with bipolar disorder. I won’t bore you with my history as it has nothing whatsoever to do with my comment.
I enjoy and have found some level of comfort or help from your emails and free mini-course on bipolar disorder. I should also say that to date I have found little if any contradiction in any of your information from professional treatment providers since my first diagnosis in 1983.
Nonetheless, my comment is relavent to the point that your communications though apparently professional in every other way lack one thing. Your spelling and grammar leave a lot to be desired.
Since you obviously use or hire people to use the functions of the internet, why not take advantage of the free spelling and grammar correction tools before putting out your information?
Please understand my purpose is not to criticize but only to make your efforts more effective. I personnally use the quality of the written material from a spelling and grammar perspective as an indication of the professional reliability of a lot of internet content. It has served me well to avoid scams and hype which can well destroy the best intent of many sites. Please take it into consideration as constructive crituque or what I find to be an excellent and well intended site with associated valuable products or information.
Your friend and supporter,
Stephen K Roche
Hi Dave! I’ts truth. When some supporters ask “WHY” about bipolar behavior, they’re just missing the focus of the reality. The people who’s suffering bipolar disorder need all your love and attention, because you don’t know what’s around their minds and they deserve to get the right treatment, no matter what it cost. Thanks for all your messages and support Dave!
Well, Dave, you have again described the condition of using the word, “Why?” I think you touched on this once before, a couple of months ago. I wrote then that asking, “Why?” NEVER works with a person with bipolar, because they just DON’T KNOW…for example, I had a wonderful boyfriend for five months, but as soon as an old boyfriend accidentally came into my life to fix my computer, we got into a sexual relationship. My boyfriend found out about it by going through my emails, and broke up with me. He asked, “Why?”
My answer was that because he had ED, my sexual urges were satisfied by the new friend. Other than that, I had no answer. And sometimes, I used my credit cards too much, and he would ask, “Why?” and I’d just have to say, “I don’t know.” Of course, I knew that I was spending money too fast and too much – but could not justify “Why.”
My boyfriend eventually came back to me. As soon as he found out I was bipolar, he researched and investigated all material he could (plus your fine course), in order to answer all the “Why’s.” Of course, there IS no answer. He HAS accepted a certain amount of my religiosity, like when I went to my brother-in-law’s funeral, I “sniffed” in answer to what I heard from God. Now, I know this doesn’t make sense to a “sane” person, but to me, it’s how I handle a “Why?” about why I was sniffling!
To Chris – I AM a bipolar, and I have responded to all, if not most, of Dave’s posts. You would know this if you read the comments with any regularity. And there are others of us who are bipolar who respond. So – keep your eyes open, and you WILL see…
Stephen – re-read your own blog; there are misspellings and grammatical errors galore. Take out the plank in your own eye before you try to remove the speck in Dave’s.
To the wonderful, confused, and special supporters of bipolars, all I can say is – DON’T ASK WHY. It doesn’t do any good, and only makes the sufferer feel guilty and despairing when they CAN’T give a reason. WE don’t even know WHY we do/say what we do. It’s a part of the ILLNESS. We act mostly on instinct and impulse. When we spend our money frivolously, it is sometimes to please someone else. Apart from clothes, everything I spend my money on is for a friend. That’s just how it is…
My boyfriend has helped me immensely with cutting up my credit cards (only keeping one), and enjoying intimate moments with him (his ED disappeared when he began to trust me again).
There is a wonderful world out there for bipolars who have a treatment plan. I am on meds and cognitive therapy, and am doing very well right now. My last full-blown manic episode, which required hospitalization, was in l977, thirty years ago, and I have only had minor episodes since.
Let us alone when we do something completely outrageous (unless it harms someone else or themselves), and, again, DON’T ASK WHY. WE DON’T KNOW…
Wouldn’t it just be better to drug us up to make the rest of you happy. Just think no more episodes to deal with, no more down moods..Or better yet let let or moods get so down that we all kill ourselves. Just think howsmooth your lives would be! I have tried to make contact with you on so many levels and I think the people you choose are either made up or on a select list of yours. You do not deal with the general folk.. I have followed you for quite some time looking for help and you seem to want to help the supporter learn how to “DEAL” with us! I would like some of your PERSONAL HELP!
Questioning life’s events is not a character trait reserved for those with bipolar disorder. You mentioned that you spent time pondering why your girlfriend left you. Millions of people have trouble accepting life’s events that they cannot control. They may not necessarily be bipolar, they just doubt why certain events in life took place.
Dave,
Although my psychological history suggests that I was born with a bipolar disorder I was not diagnosed until 1983 after my Mother and her friends failed an attempt at exorcism and I landed in the hospital. Try explaining that to the psychiatrist! While in group therapy my mother finally admitted to the Dr. that I was telling the truth and not relating the plot to some “movie” I might have seen. My point is—once you know what your disease is, whether it is a bipolar disorder, heart disease, diabetes, or whatever it may be, AND you know that your disease can be treated medically, it is “crazy” not to avail yourself of assistance. The levels of medication may “curb” your lifestyle; however, the consequences of living without medication are much too costly for me. AND, anyone who is bipolar and is medicated should make certain that they stay in contact with their doctor and have regular checkups. I made the mistake, due to the expense, of seeing a nurse practicioner instead of a “real doctor”. A friend of mine likened it to “you could have had a V-8” commercial as she thumped me on the head and said “you could have had a real doctor”. The NP did not know how to check my lithium level; I thought she knew what she was doing. She allowed my body to overload; I experienced lithium toxcicity and wound up in the hospital last fall. The LT caused severe damage to my kidneys and caused me to have neuropathy. Consequently, I am a staunch advocate of medical supervision at whatever cost. I am now paying a high price for trying to save the expense of seeing a “real doctor”.
Hi Dave….It’s so difficult for me to write..I’m so called ”supporter”of my beloved boyfriend,who is bipolar…
My story is not very different from all the others..but my heart is bleading..I fell in love with a man 4 years ago…Then I was 38 and he-32 years old.For me he was like my dream have become alive!It was very complicated in the beginning..Now we live together for one year almost..and it’s getting worse and worse each day!
He beats me several times..he abuses from the opening of his eyes in the morning..he is saying false things..bad things for me-it’s really nightmare.
He is taking only litium for many years.I am sure this is not enough for him,because he is in permanent episode.I an desperate and I’m going to live him.
He doesn’t want to listen to me when I say that we must contact his doctor-or even better-to find another one.We are from Europe and we live here-so..it’s different here .He was taking medicine ”Convulex”before but stopped it because he was afraid from the side effects..
I am so sad and I think It’s NOT POSSIBLE to live in such a nightmare-love CAN NOT HELP in such case..and how I was convinced that LOVE is the best curer..
whatever..Thanks Dave.
CZJ
cjd, you need to get out of there, tell him you need a break, if he truly loves you then he will do everything he can to keep you, he will get help, he may have bipolar but that is still no excuse for hitting you, you need to show him what I call tuff love. No man should lay a finger on a woman. I am 26YRs old and my girlfriend has bipolar but she does not go around hitting people, when she is ill she can say the meanest things but I no she doesn’t mean them, she try’s to hurt me because she is hurting, I don’t start hitting her thoe or trying to hurt her back, its not write, I understand that. I love my girlfriend very much but I would not let her start hitting me, she would get help or I’d have to leave, because I’ve seen first hand what will happen if you continue to forgive him, things will keep getting worse until one day he kills you. he has no write to blame his hitting you on his bipolar, what message does that send out about other bipolar sufferers, my girlfriend has bipolar and yet she is one of the most loving & special people I have ever met. He needs help that you cant give him, don’t destroy your life in the process of trying, he will only drag you down, let him go, if he truly loves you he will get help and come back to you.
Makes alot of sense, one issue in dealing with this anger is what if they deny and refuse to admit they are bipolar to even get them into treatment. Was diagnosed early this year but will not seek treatment. Financies have been ruined and no money at all since her actions caused me to loose my job. I’m living at home, she’s living with a friend in a different state. I am still seeking work as she is but she’s gotten a dui since I’ve been gone so now she can’t leave the state till next year and if I get a job and the only one we can count on, she has to stay there unsupervised and usually hating me or saying rude angry things that have made me not only say why way too much as I see but also how do I not only get her treated, save my marriage, save her, have a future for both of us, take care of my mother that has cancer and currently supporting me and unwillingly partially supporting her, grandmother that is elderly.If I had the funds I’d buy the program and seek the answers but can I get some good places to start until I have income?
I…well…how do i put this i am the mental one in my house. i have bipolar and i have been reading your emails. well when i am in the right state of mind i do. anyways i am blown away you constiantly amaze me each email. you keep hitting the nail on the head. people really need to listen to you and if they have a loved one that has the deman in there mind (bipolar) like i do they have to get that person help and everything else. if not the person will end up just like you said. i am talking from exsperience. they will get mean, very angry and hateful at everyone and everything, become a drug addict (even if it is just to self medicate i have been told it is the worse route)and defiinatley suicidal. My husband use to care and had me on the right road but after a few years of putting up with me who could blame him he has just given up he fights with me (verbally) no meds well you know life without any kind of mental stability and it is just getting worse but that is life and that is not why i am commenting. i just want to say david what you are doing is a great thing and if i had the money i would buy it. i bet it is worth every penny. keep doing what you are doing and good luck to your mom.
How can you tell the difference between an acoholic and a person with Bipolar? My son is an acoholic, but I believe there is more going on.