Hi,

Do you remember a book called Stone Soup from when you were little? Obviously, it was about making soup from just a stone. Well, your mom’s home cooking was far from that, wasn’t it? But, like most moms, she probably had her own special soup. Like potato soup… Which is made kinda like stone soup. Just in that it’s just made from potatoes, and that’s about it. You just add water, milk, margarine, and salt and pepper. So simple, isn’t it? But the hard part comes in trying to make potato soup like Mom’s. It’s so hard to do it, because there’s no real

recipe to follow. Ask Mom, and she’ll tell you, “Well, I just cut up the potatoes, and add the rest of the stuff.” Just adds it, right? But in what amounts? Well, that she can’t tell you. She just “does it.” That’s why it’s so hard to reproduce Mom’s potato soup.

Michele has a hard time with her mom’s chicken soup for the same reason. She swears it has healing powers! Whenever she’s sick, she can only have her mom’s chicken soup. But when she has it, she claims that it makes her feel better. Whether it does or not… When Michele tries to reproduce her mom’s chicken soup, she fails miserably. She asked her mom how to make it, and her mom told her: “Well, you know, a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, and you put it all together…” Well, that’s not saying much, now, is it? And yet it always turns out wonderful, just like any Mom’s homemade soup does!

By now you’re probably asking yourself how I could possibly think this has anything to do with

bipolar disorder, but here’s how it does: Just like potato soup and chicken soup (or any homemade soup) is made up of “a little bit of this and a little bit of that…” that’s what being a good bipolar supporter is about as well.

First of all, you have to be a friend to your loved one, whether they are just a friend, or a child, sibling, parent, spouse, or whatever. You need to be able to treat them like you would any other friend. You know that with a friend, someone who you can walk away from, there is an objective quality that you may not have when you’re too close to your loved one. If you’re too close to your loved one, you can’t help them as much as if you can be objective. So one of the qualities (one of the “a little bit of this, a little bit of that…”) that you need to have is objectivity.

This will help you to help them when they manifest the bipolar behaviors that they sometimes manifest, such as depression or mania – it will keep you from taking these behaviors personally, when you are able to take a step back from them.

So, besides objectivity… you also need a lot of patience (whether you are dealing with a child

or an adult). This you probably know, and are hopefully practicing.

Self-control will really help you in dealing with some of your loved one’s unacceptable behaviors, like some of the impulsive behaviors that go along with a bipolar manic episode.

You may want to speak out about these behaviors, but self-control will help keep you from doing so, which would just make matters worse (and not help your loved one in the long run).

Or if your loved one is so depressed that all they do is lay around on the couch, or can’t even get

out of bed, you may be tempted to say something to them, or even blame them for their depression, but this would not be the right thing to do, and self-control will keep you from saying anything bad about it and, instead, get them the help that they need.

Compassion is a very necessary “ingredient” in being a good bipolar supporter. I know, it may be hard to be compassionate toward your loved one when they are manifesting what seems like horrible bipolar behavior toward you (like lying or manipulation)… But you need to remember that this is NOT your loved one consciously trying to hurt you – this is their bipolar disorder making them act this way, and they need help to overcome it.

You also need to be understanding. This goes along with what I just said about being

compassionate.

The more you know about bipolar disorder, the more you will understand your loved one and their behavior.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave