Hi,

Guess what happened to me? I was volunteering at support group the other day. There was this man who was totally out of control. He was talking loud. Interrupting. Walking around. He was scaring people. Circling around them. He came over to me. And said all kinds of things to me. It was really making me mad. Then I just looked away. I saw several people walk out. I thought that this person might attack me. I actually prepared for it in my head. At the end, I went up to the other members. I complained to them that this person should not be there.

They said, “Well he is a good member normally.”

I said, “That’s great. But you can’t let manic people disrupt the meetings like this, for their own safety and the other people’s safety.”

The person running the meeting said, “Dave it’s not worth the fight.”

I was like, “And you are supposed to be a facilitator with that kind of attitude?”

I told him that there should be someone who should have stopped this man from doing that

kind of behavior.

And it seemed like I was the only person who was, like, scared of this guy, you know?

Everyone else just acted like this was NORMAL!

I tried to reason with people, but I finally gave up. Sometimes you can’t reason with unreasonable people. If they couldn’t see anything wrong with letting a manic person “run the show,” no amount of my complaining was going to do any good. Even if I was right.

Let me tell you something: Bipolar disorder does NOT give you a FREE pass on bad behavior.

Remember that.

There have been cases when people did all kinds of crazy things. And supporters just stood by.

They didn’t know what to do. They were embarrassed. They didn’t want to fight with a person with bipolar disorder. The person got fired or suffered other dramatic consequences. Supporters were made to look like fools.

But it’s your duty as a supporter to step in and get your loved one into treatment. Don’t be like the people at that meeting I went to. Don’t let your loved one be the manic person who goes crazy acting out and just doing whatever they want to just because there’s no one to stop them.

Just remember that bipolar is NOT a FREE pass on bad behavior.

Your loved one needs to be held accountable for their behavior.

You know how sometimes the way they act during a bipolar episode makes you angry?

You need to be able to tell them so! And there need to be consequences for their behavior, too.

There is right behavior and wrong behavior. Good behavior and bad behavior.

And bipolar disorder is NOT a FREE pass on bad behavior.

Just like you or me or anyone else, your loved one is accountable for their bad behavior.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Remember the movie, “What About Bob?” It came out several years ago and starred Richard Dreyfuss as this psychiatrist who was being continually harassed by one of his patients, played by Bill Murray. Remember it now?

Well, I was just thinking about it the other day. I was thinking about the plot — how this guy

Bob, he’s just a regular guy (well, not regular, really, he’s actually pretty neurotic) – he is so

afraid of everything that he goes to this psychiatrist to help him.

The main theme is “Baby Steps.” (That’s the name of the psychiatrist’s book in the movie and the type of psychiatry he pushes.) So I was thinking about it and thinking about you and how the two go together. So this is how I see it:

So much of the time I talk about the “heavy” issues associated with bipolar disorder and your

loved one. And maybe some of these things are too hard for you (or your loved one) to deal with right now. Maybe your loved one has just been diagnosed, for example, or maybe they’re in denial, or maybe they are medication non-compliant, or maybe they’re just hard for you to deal with, or whatever. So some of the things I talk about are hard for you to apply to your situation.

So today I want to talk about BABY STEPS. Celebrating small victories.

When I talk to people, I talk in the very beginning about medication, setting up a strong support system, following a treatment plan, etc., but it is in the implementing of these things that the small victories come, in the beginning (for some people, even in the later stages, as well!), the baby steps.

For example, if you’re struggling with your loved one just to get them to take their medication, and you finally “win the battle,” that is a small victory! (in the big scheme of things), a baby step.

Or if you’re just trying to get them to get out of bed because they’re so depressed, and they’ve been in bed for a week… and then one day you’re able to get them out of bed (finally) – that is a small victory, a baby step!

Celebrate small victories! Remember: BABY STEPS

What if your loved one doesn’t want to go to their doctor’s appointment, but you talk them into it,

or even go with them? That’s a small victory (baby step).

What if they don’t want to go see their family? Many people with bipolar disorder have problems with their families because they have pushed them away, or they have done things during bipolar episodes that have hurt them, or whatever. But what if you convince them to let their family come to see them to start working on making up? That’s a small victory (baby step).

What if your loved one refuses to go to their bipolar support group one night? That can be a problem, because one night can easily turn into two nights, and pretty soon they stop going at all.

But what if you talk them into it by agreeing to go with them? That’s a small victory (baby step).

Celebrate small victories! Rejoice in baby steps!

What if they go one month without an episode? That’s a small victory (baby step)! What if they go 3 months without an episode? That’s an even bigger victory (bigger step)!

So you go from baby step to baby step, and pretty soon you get to where you want your loved one to be. And, along the way…That’s right! You…Celebrate small victories! And rejoice in baby steps!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

If you haven’t found out already, you will probably find out that if you’re a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, lots of people will say you’re crazy. First of all they’ll say your loved one is crazy, because many people still don’t understand about bipolar disorder, or mental illness in general, so they still call people with a mental illness “crazy.”

Then they’ll say that you’re crazy, too, for “putting up” with them. Many would even probably think you should leave them (because that’s what they would do). Even your friends and/or family might do this.

So don’t expect to get much reassurance or support from these people who say (or think) these things. And many times you can expect to feel very alone when you’re dealing with a loved one

who has bipolar disorder. That’s why it’s important to have your own support system outside of your loved one’s support system.

The important thing is that YOU know you’re not crazy (although sometimes you might feel

like you are ) But that leads me to my point. I had someone ask me the other day if a

supporter can “catch” bipolar disorder from their loved one. Really. She did ask me that!

I told her you can’t “catch” bipolar disorder like you can catch the flu from someone else,

but yes, if you live with someone who has the disorder, you may find yourself picking up

some of their behaviors. Like you might find yourself more moody than you used to be.

For another example, you don’t have bipolar disorder or major depression, but you may find yourself depressed more often. Or you may have been a relaxed, calm person before, able to handle a lot of things, but now find yourself stressed-out more often than you used to.

Maybe you never suffered from anxiety before, but now you do. You might even be on medication for it. You might find yourself getting more headaches than you used to get (or even migraines) that you have to take medication for, which could be a sign of stress from bipolar disorder (your loved one’s).

Again, it’s not that you’re catching bipolar disorder or anything, and I’m not suggesting that you’re developing bipolar disorder yourself. I’m just saying that, as a supporter, you can

begin to have some of them without actually having the disorder (just from being a supporter).

Again, this also does NOT make you crazy, either!

There may be times that you seem to have more energy, and you may super-clean the entire house in a single day. But that doesn’t mean you’re in a bipolar manic episode. You may have insomnia, but that doesn’t make you manic, either. And just because you have a little bit of extra

money and choose to spend it on yourself for some clothes, doesn’t mean you’re on a manic shopping spree. You have more control over the money than someone in a bipolar manic episode.

You might be super tired and spend an entire Sunday in bed (you might even feel lazy and do

the same thing, because you feel you deserve it from working so hard Monday through Friday),

but that doesn’t mean you’re in a bipolar depressive episode.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Other people may call you crazy, or they may even call you bipolar, but it’s only out of their

own ignorance. You know the truth.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Whether you have bipolar disorder or are supporting someone who does, YOU BETTER NOT DO THIS: Never wish you were somewhere else.

Haven’t you ever heard that old saying, “Wherever you go, there you are?” In other words, it doesn’t help to try to run from your problems, whether literally or just in your head. You can’t wish your problems away. You have to deal with them. I know it’s hard. I have to do it too. (Try being me for a day! LOL) But NEVER wish you were somewhere else. “Somewhere else” has its problems there, too. Because, “Wherever you go, there you are.” And so are your problems. They’re still in your head.

A supporter doesn’t stop being a supporter just because they’re not home with their loved one.

Running away doesn’t help. And neither does wishing you were somewhere else. You have to face what’s in front of you – you have to develop systems to help you deal with those things.

I know it’s hard dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder. And sometimes you’d rather be somewhere else doing something else (anything else). But it doesn’t help to think that way. In fact, you better NOT think that way, because it will only get you into trouble. You have to face reality. You have to deal with what’s in front of you, both the good AND the bad.

And there are ways to do that:

1. Remain positive

2. Be proactive

3. Maintain contact with friends

4. Maintain contact with family

5. Take care of yourself

6. Journal your thoughts and feelings

7. Exercise (it gets out your frustration)

8. See your own therapist

9. Take up a hobby

10. Go places without your loved one

These are just some suggestions. I’m sure you can think of some of your own if you try.

Another thing is that you have to separate yourself from your loved one. You have your own identity outside your loved one and outside their disorder. Make sure you remember that!

Also, try to separate your loved one from their disorder. I know that’s hard sometimes, especially because you have to live with them every day, but you have to try to do it anyway. Some people do this by looking through old photo albums or scrapbooks and remembering what their loved one was like before the disorder. Other people keep in mind what their loved one is like when they’re not in an episode (and they’re grateful for that!).

But whatever, always keep in mind NOT to think about being somewhere else – it will ruin how you’re trying to stay “in the moment.” You may not be in the best “moment” of your life, but at least you’ll be dealing with reality. And that’s the important thing.

Many times, with bipolar disorder, you will be forced to “go places” with your loved one when they are in an episode, so it is even more important that you stay reality-based. One of you has to keep your head at all times and since you are the supporter, that someone has to be you.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews537/

Here are the news headlines:

Strong Support Network can Make Difference for Those with Bipolar Disorder
DO> This is absolutely true, don’t you think?

What Happens to Love in a Bipolar Relationship?
DO> Great article, take a look.

One in two Adolescents Suffers from Mental Disorders
DO> WOW, do you think this is really true?

Genes and Environment in Psychiatry
DO> Interesting article, take a look.

Doing More With Less: Mental Health Centers Experience Strain
DO> This is sad but true

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews537/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:  http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today’s blog post is special. It is for both people with bipolar disorder and their supporters. Because it’s not just those who have the disorder who struggle with mood problems, their supporters do, too. Maybe not to the same degree, but they do – Bad moods, good moods, happy one minute, sad the next, maybe even suffering from depression themselves.

But the point I want to make is, you can’t be fooled by your moods.

When you have a biologically based disorder like bipolar disorder, sometimes you have no control over your moods – They are simply controlled by the chemical imbalance in your brain.

For supporters, even though you don’t have a biologically based disorder, you can still get

depressed from time to time, can’t you?

But the point is for you, don’t be fooled by this depression, otherwise you might think you’re

“catching” your loved one’s bipolar disorder…And the truth is that you just can’t catch bipolar

disorder like you can catch the flu, no matter what the rumors say. So don’t be fooled by your moods.

The same thing with “elation,” too. Just because you’re feeling extreme happiness or joy, doesn’t mean you’re going into a manic episode, so don’t let that mood fool you either. It has to be for an extended period of time and have other symptoms with it to be an actual manic episode.

Bipolar or not, you CAN have “normal” moods in addition to extremes in moods or mood swings. You can feel sadness and not be depressed. You can feel joy and not be manic. You can feel anger and not be manic as well. Your moods can be extremely deceptive. When you’re depressed, you can think your life is worse than it really is. When you’re extremely joyful, you can think your life is much better than it really is.

In good moods, things don’t feel so hard and problems don’t seem so overwhelming. You might feel like nothing is impossible to solve. On the other hand, in bad moods, you might feel like everything is too hard for you and your problems are insurmountable, and your whole life is overwhelming. This is another way your moods can fool you, so you also have to stay realistic.

When you’re in a good mood, relationships seem to flow and communication is easy. Even if your loved one or supporter criticizes you, you would probably just take it in stride, thinking maybe they just had a bad day, or whatever. You wouldn’t think you’re a bad person or anything

or that they hate you.

But if you’re in a bad mood, on the other hand, you might take that criticism as a dig at your

whole character and become totally depressed for days. This is yet another way that your moods can fool you, so you have to also keep things in perspective.

This means that you have to keep a rein on your thoughts at all times. You have to stay realistic.

Because in a bipolar episode, your thoughts can get jumbled, and become irrational, and that’s why your moods become out of sync with the reality of your normal world.

But if you keep a rein on your thoughts (staying positive, for example), there is less chance of this happening.

So remember…

Bipolar or not…

DON’T BE FOOLED BY YOUR MOODS!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

My friend George says that I like to talk. I sure do. I don’t know why. I am the guy that talks to you in line, on the plane, in the train, etc. Well, I was in line and I met a lady in the grocery store. She was buying lettuce and I was, too. I picked one up and put it in my cart.

She said, “Hey, what are you doing?”

At first I thought she was crazy.

Then she said, “You’d better learn how to buy lettuce.”

So I listened.

She basically told me what kind of lettuce to buy, how to squeeze it to make sure you are getting the most for your money, and how to store it.

She said, “Remember, son, there’s a process for everything, even the simplest things.”

I laughed and said “Great suggestions! You should start a business.” She said she had a business, painting.

So then she asked what I did. I wanted to tell her about all the bipolar stuff so I did.

She said, “Wow! My friend has bipolar disorder.”

I said “Really?”

She said her friend has a hard time taking her medication.

I asked if the friend is in denial.

She said no, just that the friend has trouble remembering to take the medications and which ones she took.

I said, “Well, you need to have a system. Some people buy these plastic containers and put their pills in them. If your friend takes morning and evening pills, they have containers that have a

place for morning, and a place for evening, so she would put them in each place. That way, if your friend looks and the place is empty, she knows she took her pills for the day!”

I said to her, “See? There’s a process for everything.”

So that’s the bipolar secret I learned from buying lettuce that day: “There’s a process for everything, even the simplest of things.”

Like when I was telling this lady about the processes her friend could use in taking her

medication. There are other processes associated with bipolar disorder as well. Many of them, in fact, if you’re trying to manage your bipolar so you can reach stability. Or, if you’re a supporter, you can use processes to keep from getting too stressed out. Or so you can be a good supporter to your loved one.

The secret is that there are things you CAN do to help yourself!

I’ve been to too many bipolar support meetings only to hear the people complain that there’s

nothing that can be done for them.

That’s not true!

Remember the secret: “There’s a process for everything, even the simplest of things.”

If you want to work on eating a healthy diet, for example, develop a process for it. That

could include working out a time schedule for when you eat, working out the foods you

choose to eat, whether you would include dessert or not, whether you would eat snacks or not, how often you would weigh yourself (or if you would weigh yourself), etc. See? A process.

It’s a secret, but not one that is not workable. You can do it!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I was in the store the other day and saw a man spend $20 on lottery tickets. Not just one big Lotto Ticket or something, oh no! He bought 20 $1 tickets! 20 of them! You should’ve seen how long this strip of tickets was!

Now this guy didn’t look rich or anything – in fact, he looked just the opposite; dirty clothes, unkempt hair, ragged pants hanging down, etc. I mean, he certainly didn’t look like he could afford to waste $20 on lottery tickets to me.

But that’s when it hit me – he wasn’t expecting to lose! He had every intention on winning!

That was the difference between him and me – see, I wouldn’t do that, because I would expect to lose.

Well, I learned something from my little “Lottery Lesson” that day. I learned that different expectations bring different results.

If you expect to win, you may very well win. But if you expect to lose, you probably will lose.

So how do we apply this to bipolar disorder?

As a supporter, you have to have the attitude that you expect your loved one to get better. Otherwise, even if they do make progress, you’ll still view it in a negative way, and you won’t be very encouraging to them – when your encouragement can mean the difference to them between success and failure sometimes.

On the other hand, if you have the attitude that you expect them to get better, even their smallest advances can seem big to them because of your encouragement – and they will be spurred on to

do even bigger and better things!

The relationship between loved one with bipolar disorder and their supporter is a partnership, but

the attitude of the supporter carries so much weight. Like the man with the lottery tickets – no matter what he looked like on the outside, it was his inner attitude that counted. And his attitude was that he expected to win!

Now if you, as a supporter, can have that same attitude, that expectancy that you’re going to win

(that you and your loved one are going to beat the bipolar disorder) – how can you NOT win?

You can apply this principle to any problem related to your loved one’s bipolar disorder. If they are mood swinging, and it’s getting to you, your positivity may bring them out of it.

Here’s what I mean:

Larry and Susan were married. Larry had bipolar disorder. He couldn’t help it – sometimes his moods would swing, and not on purpose, either! It was his disorder that would make him change

his moods even when he didn’t want to. He didn’t know what to do about it. He only knew that he didn’t like the “self” he was when his bipolar was acting up, and the way his mood changing caused him to treat Susan. He might get into an irritable mood, and the next thing you know, he’d be picking a fight with Susan over nothing! Or he would get into a dejected mood and totally withdraw.

But Susan was a good supporter. She watched her attitude. She had a winning attitude, just like the guy with the lottery ticket. No matter what kind of mood Larry would get into, Susan’s would remain constant, because she believed that Larry would get better. She had learned to separate Larry from his bipolar disorder, too, so she could get mad at the disorder and not Larry.

After awhile of Susan always having this positive attitude, this winning attitude, no matter what kind of mood Larry was in or what he did, Larry was won over. He asked Susan to teach him how to be more like her.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know I’m always thinking about things. Sometimes I have crazy thoughts, but sometimes I actually have revelations. Here’s my latest revelation: Bipolar disorder is not a DISorder, it’s a problem with disORDER.

You know how I’m always talking about systems, right? In fact, I’m usually talking about the systems needed to manage bipolar disorder.

But here’s what I’m talking about: For example, you have a system for doing your laundry, right?

If you didn’t, you’d always be walking around in dirty clothes, and there would be disORDER!

Another thing – you have a system for eating. If you didn’t eat, you’d go hungry, and there

would be disORDER.

Your whole body has a bunch of systems that run it: Your respiratory system, your circulatory system, your endocrine system… just to name a few. And if any of these systems go wrong, there is disORDER in your whole body!

You must have/had a system for disciplining your children or else there would be chaos – there would be disORDER.

And think about work – plenty of systems there. In fact, each department at work probably has its own system. And each system needs to work together, or there is disORDER.

What about our government? That’s probably the best example of all. We have one big system led by our President that runs the whole country. But under him you’ve got lots of other systems, like the Congress…The House of Representatives…The Senate, etc., that are all systems of their own. And even under them are other separate systems like the CIA, FBI, etc.… All the way down to your own local law enforcement. ALL SYSTEMS. Just think what would happen without these systems. Complete disORDER!

Now…Think about your loved one with bipolar disorder. Think about it with this perspective.

If your loved one doesn’t have systems in place, there will be disORDER in their life!

If the government even has systems to keep from having disORDER, shouldn’t your loved one?

And shouldn’t YOU?

You are just as important a part of your loved one’s treatment team as any of the medical

and mental health professionals that are on it. If even they have to watch against disORDER,

shouldn’t you? Your own life should be one of order, or you may suffer from supporter burnout, like many supporters do. Or at least a higher amount of stress than you should be subject to.

It’s up to you whether your own life is in order or disORDER. Just like it is for your loved one.

You should have your own systems, too, that keep your own life in balance.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews536/

Here are the news headlines:

Why are some mentally ill patients treated like criminals?
DO> Wow, this is terrible?

Salt Lake County jail inmate died of starvation, dehydration
DO> This is so wrong, don’t you think?

Stephen Fry ‘may well’ kill himself due to bipolar disorder
DO> What do you think of this article?

8 Signs Someone Is at Risk of Suicide
DO> Great article, take a look.

Bipolar mood swings can be predicted
DO> Very good tips, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews536/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting: http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave