Hi,
How’s it going?
I had a good day yesterday. I hope
you did too.
There was a woman that posted a message
on my blog and she really needed help.
So I had her email me with her phone number.
Unfortunately I was suppose to call her
2 days ago but ran out of time because
I have been working 16 hour days.
Anyway, yesterday I called and spoke
with her. She was a great supporter
and a super nice person.
I felt like a quick phone call from me
would help her out and it did.
In her case, I felt she has been
doing too much for her son and that
she has to do a lot less. She is
really on track now.
She wrote a great message which
sums up some important points:
LAURIE(Dillon’s mom) said…
HELLO EVERYONE, I AM FEELING SO HAPPY AND
EXCITED TODAY. DAVE OLIVER CALLED ME!! to
talk about my son who has bipolar. I don’t
know why so many of you people get angry
with him.
You don’t have to come here if you don’t
like what is being said. He only calls
it as he sees it from the experiences he
has had with bipolar and his mom and he
makes everyone aware of just that. He
doesn’t blame the family he only points
out that bipolar is difficult and especially
without a support system.
That support system is usually your family
or some part thereof. I think Dave is great
and I could not believe my ears when he
advised me that is was him on the phone.
He took time out of his day to call me when
I indicated how in distress I was and
struggling to know if I had done the right
things or if I am or am not doing at least
some of the right things to help my son
overcome his challenge of bipolar.
It is also obvious that Brittany Spears
has no support system. Everybody was there
when she was a shining star but what about
now? People are really something else and
so quick to judge too. People who are bipolar
do care they just don’t have the same thoughts
as what some would consider a “normal” person
or mentally healthy would say it better.
I think what Dave does here is super fantastic.
Try to keep in mind that nobody is going to
agree with someone elses ideas all the time.
If coming here helps more than it doesn’t
then it is certainly serving its purpose. It
is great just to know we are not alone in this
battle. THANKS AGAIN SO MUCH DAVE FOR CALLING ME.
I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.
-LAURIE
Well my Sunday didn’t start off well
today.
I got a number of phone calls from people
who work for me that someone was calling,
emailing and also posting totally ridiculous
things. Saying this and that about me.
The interesting thing was, it was from
two bipolar supporters.
You want to know something amazing. Well
two things that are amazing.
First, working with people who have
bipolar disorder is truly amazing. It
really is. I have super smart people
who work with me. They are amazing.
They catch stuff super fast and
report it to me.
Second, the people with bipolar disorder
are generally not the ones that threaten
and attack me the most. It’s the bipolar
supporters. I have had people who are
bipolar supporters scream and yell
at me beyond what I have ever had before.
I understand these people are mad but
sometimes it gets totally out of control.
Anyway, I must say, I am annoyed
today. I am just being honest. Why?
Well I have about a 3 hour conference
call today. It’s going to be very
intense and involve math and very complicated
things so I wanted to have a fresh mind.
I had to get up early when I like to sleep
a little longer and deal with some nonsense.
In a strange way, it rarely bothers me,
when people with bipolar disorder attack
and threaten me because I know they
aren’t doing well. I don’t give them
a total pass but I can understand.
I actually had a woman who threaten
to kill me. She actually hurt someone
else and went to jail. She wrote me
about a month ago saying she was out of
jail and sorry. I forgave her. She is
a nice person. BUT, she told me and
learned that she must always take
her bipolar medications. She said
she learned the hard way.
I actually had a different topic
I was going to write today. It was
going to be more upbeat. But I must
say, again, I am annoyed at the nonsense
that I heard about this morning.
Someone who works me indicated:
a) she would never put up what I put
up with
b) she would never want to be me
and run this stuff
c) she would never allow people to
email, call and post freely.
She said however she was happy
that I do because she can w.ork at
home working with me.
Yesterday I was thinking of something
as well.
None of this would exist if it weren’t
for my mom agreeing that I could use
her story.
Early on, I spoke with Pascale who works
with me and we both said, well if my mom
won’t let me use her story, then the site
really won’t make sense. I didn’t want
to be one of those sites that information
was from Bob Jones even though my real
name is David Oliver. I didn’t want to
be anonymous like all the other sites.
I had a lady come to me the other day
and it was odd. He site said one name
and her real name was something else.
That’s just weird to me. I know like
people like Mark Twain I think did
that but it still doesn’t make sense.
Take a look around. There is only ONE
other site out there were the person
who runs the site is totally open and
transparent as to who she is. I applaud
her.
Today I have my real name and address
on the site. More than 1 million people have
viewed it now.
Any many people have access to me.
I don’t know of any other site owner
who takes calls, makes calls, meets
with people, responds to emails, letters,
faxes, etc. Maybe there are some but
I don’t know them.
Anyway, I called my mom yesterday and
thanked her that she agreed to let me
use her story. She said
no problem.
She then expressed concern
that she was bothered that some people
attack me, threaten to kill me,
make stuff up about me, and say this
and that. She said she was worried about
me and she said maybe I should focus
on other things.
I told her don’t worry about it.
But now I am worried that she is worried.
My mom doesn’t really know how to ready
my blog or see anything. I just don’t
want her to get stressed about it. Recently,
I kind of slipped up and told her about a
few situations.
As I told my mom, the reality is, and some times I tend
to forget, the vast majority of people
are kind and friendly. I have over I believe
now 6000 testimonials. There’s so many
it’s hard to count. Over 500 pages in
MS word.
Take a look here (NOTE- I have one file posted
here but actually have another file with like
175 pages in it):
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials/
I remember when I first started this
site. It was one page. Today, it’s
the largest, biggest and most visited
in the world for this topic.
Anyway, back to my mom, I told her, I have
two choices, I can either just let this all coast
and not put any effort into it. Simple
keep what’s up and let it just go. OR,
I can simply ignore the people who
say things that make no sense and move
forward and try to help as many people
as possible.
I know that I can help a lot of people.
Why? Well because of two reasons. #1
I have a great team. Actually an amazing
team. I know people with other organizations
that don’t have a great team at all.
My team is great. We have absolutely fantastic
people on the team.
#2 I know how to get the word out. I am
good at marketing. I realized early on,
that all the supporter groups that I volunteer
at, are not good at marketing. As a result
they reach very few people. In addition,
they have no money. It’s a sad reality.
As a result, the struggle to exist. Ones
that use to exist no longer do.
If you have been following me for a while
I use to talk about this group 2 years ago
that was incredible. They had the best
speakers, meetings, food and topics. It
was incredible. BUT, there were only like
15 people ever at an event. It was amazing.
On the positive side, you could ask unlimited
questions because there were so few people.
Anyway, eventually I figured out why there
were so few people. They did no marketing
of themselves. They had no marketing budget.
BUT, they had a food budget which kind of
annoyed me. I guess they were backed by
a big drug company that provided food but
not money for marketing.
Anyway, they really didn’t reach very
many people.
So after I decided to really work at
this, I know a lot of money had to
be spent in marketing to reach as
many people as possible.
BUT, I knew when I decided to try to reach
as many people as possible not everything
would be good. I said to myself:
1. I will be criticized.
2. I will be told that I don’t know
what I am talking about because I am not a
doctor or therapist.
3. I will be told I take advantage of people.
4. I will be threatened
5. Some will say that I am a really the marketing
arm of a drug company because I say people with
bipolar should take medication.
6. Some will say I don’t have a mom really and
the entire story is made up.
7. Some will say I have bipolar disorder
8. Some will make fun of my mom
9. Some will say that I am crazy
10. Some will say that I will fail and
no one will read or like my stuff.
11. I will be told that I am a con man, scam
artist, evil, and going straight to hell.
12. I will be told that I work secretly
for the drug industry pushing medications
on those with bipolar disorder.
13. I will be told all I care about is money and
I am greedy.
14. I will be told that I hate people with bipolar
disorder secretly.
15. I make up or pay people who write positive
things about me. This is super funny because I
don’t even have the address or phone number of
the thousands upon thousands of people
that have written positive things
about me. Also look at:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials/
The list goes on. You want to know the crazy
thing? Everything I wrote has been said. As
crazy as some of it sounds. The I don’t
really have a mother is the most funny.
How could I be born if I don’t have a
mother?
I guess I could have been born in a lab 🙂
Anyway, I really do have a mother like
99.9% of everyone else.
This entire situation started because
some bipolar supporters believe that
I blame the family instead of the
patient.
This is not the case. When you get
my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
You’ll see I don’t blame the family
all the time. There are some families
that deserve some blame. Like my family.
My dad will admit he didn’t do a whole
lot about my mom’s bipolar disorder.
On the other hand, there are tons of
families out there that do way too
much for the person with bipolar disorder
and that person is taking advantage of them.
Finally I would like to address something.
Why did I write about Britney Spears
yesterday? It’s really simply.
A friend of mine that watches TV 8 hours
a day brought her up. I didn’t even know
what was going on. Then I realized I could
tie it into a daily email.
I saw a post on my blog that said that
I intentionally tied my daily email
into a “hot topic.” OF COURSE I DID.
Everyday I have to think of something
to write. Sometimes there is stuff in
the news that is a tie in for bipolar
disorder. Many times there is not.
Tomorrow if there is a story about
SOMETHING that could be tied into
bipolar disorder, do you think
I will be writing about it?
OF COURSE. Very strange. It’s so
obvious.
Remember when they were debating
about taking Terry Schiavo off
life support? What did I talk
about “bipolar lesson from Terry
Schiavo” which was having a
a living will, medical power of attorney
and all your paperwork set BEFORE
a bipolar episode.
I really would like to see the person
who criticized me come up with
and write a daily email EVERY SINGLE
day and tie it to bipolar disorder.
Finally, I want to say. You may
see some really crazy stuff posted.
I have people who monitor 24 hours
a day and take off dangerous things.
You may see what I wrote about above
or even worse. I can’t help it or
stop some people. Just realize this.
Also, just realize, I am trying
my very hardest to help as many
people as I can using all the methods
that I know how, and trying to
employee more and more
people. Especially those with a
mental illness.
Okay, well I have to run. Sorry for
the long email but I was kind of
annoyed today. Have a great day.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Dave,
I read all the postings on your blog yesterday and it filled me with pity. Don’t let it get you down! Supporters have a heavy weight to carry. It seems to me that the people who attack you are filled with frustration and desperation because bipolar is such a complex disorder. Forgive them…they’re just searching for help for their loved one. I think you’re the BEST! Keep your chin up!
Dave, You take a lot of the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are doing a great service to people…supporters and bipolar sufferers. I guess you have to take the good with the bad. It doesn’t seem fair, but who ever said life is always fair?
I am a bipolar supporter, but believe that I actually suffer from it as well. I am fairly new to your pages and have read how you speak of your family, but never saw if anyone asked you before: “Do you fear suffering from bipolar disorder in the future?” “Have you ever questioned if you may in fact be bipolar as well?”
My mom was bipolar, and now my one daughter is diagnosed with it and I believe my youngest daughter is bipolar as well, though her major diagnosis is depression and anxiety. I have suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety in the recent past as well. I had some problems after separating from my husband and moving… life changing things. I believe I had some manic issues going on in that time period and possibly before which contributes to relationship problems… My reason for explaining all this is to provide back up for what I’m going to say next. My ex used to say things like, “What are you going to end up just like your mother”? I hated that, but not because of how cruel it was, but because it was truly my worst fear. That I would end up “just like my mother”. I loved my mom, she has passed away a few years ago. That is still a fear of mine, even though I believe that I have bipolar disorder and have not really seen it rear it’s ugly head, or maybe I’m just lucky to have not had a major bipolar episode?
Sorry, my question was basically asking if you have that fear?
You do a wonderful service by just allowing people to speak their minds in a place where someone may actually understand their questions, and problems and fears. KEEP IT UP PLEASE!!
I’ve always wanted to be able to help others with some of the pieces of wisdom I’ve gained through years of dealing with mental health issues with my mom and then myself and now my daughters. It is more difficult to deal with sometimes because many people don’t even believe it’s a “real” problem. That includes my daughter’s dad (my ex), who is an alcoholic and has some mental health issues of his own!
This comment has been removed by the author.
My theory in life is:
As long as you have a clean conscience, IN good conscience, and can still sleep at night, it must be OK, so don’t worry if people will dislike or even crucify you.
They did Jesus too.
The key is though: IN GOOD CONSCIENCE!
So Dave, unless you are a not even a BP but a psychopath, if you don’t hear a little voice saying: Careful now, this is NOT OK, you probably don’t have reason to justify yourself nor worry yourself to death over it.
Let’s face it people. This is America! NOTHING WAS OR WILL BE FREE! EVER! Not even a bad thing…
So why go after a good thing when there is so much real evil out there which goes unquestioned!
Lulu, care to share your details instead of just generalities?
I, and other people I’m sure, especially those without financial means, could use input from other good sites as well. Be a good Samarithan and share the wealth. So far I could not find any who would do it for free.
Do not just plant the seed of doubt in already troubled minds and then leave the arena victoriously. That is typical behaviour for a sufferer of BP, not a supporter. It’s called: divide and conquer.
And Dave, doesn’t the course come with a money back guarantee?
Dave
I am or thought I was a supporter of one I am with .
They’ve rencently moved to seperate room . They’ve shut me out completly.I have no idea whats going on with them anymore. I found out later they were in crisis last july.and never knew.
They’ve been off meds for a yr now and refuses to seek medical professional for weekly sessions or got on back on meds.
I’ve not done anything for them to mistrust me.
They tell me counseling is a waste of time they mess you up & meds just make them gain weight
Please dave I could use some help (971-240-0433
Hi David
I have to thank you for providing your lifes experiances and true pain that come with dealing with a bipolar person. My son is 22 he was diagnosed 7 months ago. He’s been on Geodon, trazonde, zoloft and now something new. Not sure the name.
He early in his treatment and as you know there have been many ups and downs and bouts with drinking and my fustration with that. His doctor told him that 90% of people in prison or jail have bipolar and dont even know it. I can now understand bipolar becasue of you. The doctors are that “doctors” at times you only feel like a number.
I hope soon that his doses will get adjusted and who knows changed.
That’s been the biggesst thing in treatment his abililty to handle these drugs. They cause severe sleep patterns and wreak havoc on your body. Time I guess will over come all this.
He too excelled well in school, A student all the way graduated with a 3.8.
I started seeing a bit of a change in how he sorta was staying in the sidelines in school (high schooL) events and atltering moods, anger and his rages and lashing out breaking things around the house.
Then there is this site of my son that he’s caring, he has a heart of gold! I tell everyone if he’d win the lottery he would be a millionar for long becasue he’d give it all away. He hurts when he sees others hurt. He always the first to run out and buy things whe were running low on something.
For Christmas he bought me a dishwasher because of my RA and Lupus. He told me he didn’t want me in anymore pain then I need to be in. That was the sweetest thing ever!
I often have said that my son has so much compassion, worries about grandma, me and others that he has enough to give to a few people I know.
He works, part time student has a great girlfriend they’ve been together since Jr. high.
Support he has from my husband, my mother, younger 11 yr old son, of course me.
It’s my 24 yr old son who says the
most hurtful things. He refuses to understand that most of his brothers actions are not intentional and he needs to know you care, are there for him.
I am sad to say that he’s called him everyhing from crazy, stupid to mama’s little baby!
That’s just about ripped my heart out, as you can imagine.
WHAT DO I DO? I love all three of my sons, and if the tables were turned I’d be just as much for my 24 yrs old as my 22 who suffer with biplor. He just doesen’t get it.
It’s almost like he(non bipolor son) wants to hurt me, instead I need him to be their for his brother, me One day I may not be here and more then anything is I want my sons to be close and love eachother.
I often feel torn between them, it’s the worst feeling in the world! My mom once told me you love all your kids the same, you just get along with each one differently. Boy was she right!
It’s just my biplor son has more rational behavior then my non bipolar and my life feels like a spinning wheel and I want to jump off!
Thanks David, I know I may have rammbled and repeated my self. I hope you can understand and maybe even have some adive for me in how to handle my older son, how to get him to understand his biplor brother more.
Thanks Lore
To Misty,
Thanks. Yes all courses have money back guarantees. I have no idea why lulu would attack me personally.
Also, I was raised and believe if you have a problem with someone, you either talk to them on the phone or face to face. I have had a number of people who have had a problem with let’s say me saying people with bipolar disorder should take medication. We have debated in person and/or over the phone. We agreed to disagree but we were respectful and didn’t personally attack one another.
Lulu, if you have such a great problem feel free to contact me at:
feedbacktodave@mentalhealthworld.net
Finally, I would love if lulu could share how to get more than 20people including doctors, therapists, customer service, book keeper, accountant, shipping, writers, editors, marketers to all work for free and not get paid.
Dave
i have been reading your emails and have a good understanding of what you are saying. i was once told i was bipolar but another doctor said no and i was in crisis over a trauma over money. the new doctor i saw just said i was always depressed and my family did not agree. in the porcess of therapy i had a great spiritaul experience in that i was able to see all my flaws and felt an overwhelming presence of goodness and knew i needed to change as a person to compliment my entire family circle before i could solve my fianancial issues. i just wonder the difference or comparison between bipolar disorder and just having a partial mean spirited personality that lashes out without meaning to. i know there are also wonunded souls from past anger and that this whole psychiatry thing has so many dimensions and that eveyone you see has a different opinion of what you have. i found that the only true help is that connection with God and the wonderful feeling of true sincere love we can share with loving connection. is s spiritual crisis the same aas a manic or psychotic experience or is it a true sign of change iin your entire mind spirit and body? i cry daily for a recovery.i have been isolated for almost six years in my mind dthat cannot move forward and is always in fear of not being able to accept change in my life. i truly want my life back. thank you for your writings but i just can’t seem to getthe old excitement back that i had each day as i got up.
Dave, just let it go!
You DON’T know LULU or her/his interests.
The more you press, the more satisfaction you’ll give Lulu. He/she accomplished the goal.
I learned the hard way, I DO NOT have to justify myself when I KNOW in the bottom of my heart I did the right thing!
“I’m sorry you feel that way. I think I did what’s right” should suffice.
So go on with your life and do THE BEST you can as long as you have clean conscience.
Best wishes!
hey david, thanks for the email, i was just wondering weather you would be able to maybe send me an email, with a stero-typical view of a bipolar suffers day, if thats possible then great!
if not then thank you anyway, talk soon!
Dear ver,
I, like Dave, am NOT a doctor.
My common-sense, based on what you say here, which by ALL means is NOT enough for a diagnosis, tells me though you are depressed. While I am an extremely strong believer that a close, trusting relationship with God IS A MUST for everyone in order to find inner peace and contentment, I also believe God helps those who help themselves.
A spiritual revelation could be elating, uplifting and over-all an ecstatic, manic experience. Hey, this awesome love and total sacrifice coming from Jesus is no little thing.
Unless you think you are Jesus or His sister, you could fly or are untouchable, or even go without sleep for longer periods then you normally do, it might be just the good feeling about your salvation.
However, I would keep an open mind for troubling signs. Or ask someone else you trust and knows you well enough (AND does not ridicule your knew found faith!) to do it for you. You questioning your own state of mind is always a good sign. At least you are aware and willing.
By all means though, find a qualified psychiatrist to do the evaluation though, give all pertinent information about how you feel, and then follow his advice.
Best wishes.
To Patti!!
That fear sounds familiar. My mum was mentally ill and so was one of my brothers,and I used to worry I could have some kind of mental problem too.I didn’t like the way I reacted and behaved in some situations, and I read descriptions of mental illnesses to see if anything applied to me.
Now I have been working with a therapist for some years and my worries are gone. I realized that I can’t expect to be in the best of mental conditions after living with my mum all her life, and only getting to know what kind of problem she had about 5 years before she passed away.(She was on meds only 5 years of her life, imagine what our life was like the rest of the time!) Plus loads of other problems arising because of bp in the family and not being able to confide in anyone. In stressful situations, painful events in life etc one can feel depressed and worried without being bipolar.
Why don’t you speak to a therapist or psychiatrist to allay your fears and get some guidance?
Wishing you all the best,
Take care.
I for one am very grateful to be getting your emails every day. I have a family that is loaded with problems. These problems go back for generations although I was not personally aware of a lot of them until my oldest son was diagnosed with bipolar which got me doing the research myself. I have 4 children and of them two have been diagnosed bipolar and another has been diagnosed ADHD. I have a sister who had a major episode a few years back and she tried to blow up an apartment building that she was managing. There were small children living there and she was aware of that. I tried to have her commited to get her some help and get her on medication. After she took her medication once or twice they let her go and said “She is taking her medication so she is alright”. She went home and flushed the rest of her pills down the toilet. The people she associated with applauded her for this because she was “acting crazy on them”. She ended up self medicating on illicit drugs and got worse. She was on the street and ended up doing some very bad things. She was finally caught and put in prison. She contacted me before court and begged me to write the DA (which I did) to explain her situation. She actually told me “I know that I am crazy, it is ok to tell him that. Let him know that I need help.” As a result my sister now has a therapist and takes her medication like she should. She did still go to prison but was given help that she so desperatly needed. I was so grateful to know she was finally accepting that she needed the help. There are many other stories that I could relate but not enough time to go through them all. Your emails remind me each day that I am not alone in trying to help my loved ones. Thank you very much for sending them and please do not stop.
PS. I prefer to be contacted through my msn email Christine4Baker@msn.com
Christine Baker
Dave,
I have been receiving your emails for a few days and I find them to be very useful and I would buy your course in a heart beat if I had the money (however I have started saving up for it) I only have Social Security for my income and they don’t allow you much to live on. But anyways, the reason I am posting this is because I have a 21-y/o daughter and my 61-y/o husband are both bi-polars and having their manic episodes at the same time. It seems as if they trigger each other and it pulls me apart because they think I can choose between them (especially my husband). I can’t choose between them and they do not seem to understand this. I think my psychiatrist (who I usually turn to at these times) must be on vacation and I am unable to contact him. It is a horrible situation. My husband told my daughter that she was nuts and needed to be locked up in a nut house. This was last Friday AM and a couple of hours later she overdosed herself on Seroquel and ended up in an ambulance to the hospital. My husband is not my daughter’s father and he could care less what happens to her. She has no health insurance, can’t hold down a job for more than a few days, you know the routine. Please, if you have any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it. Please send it to my email.
Thank you:
Helen
David…
Hi my name is Kim and I am a supporter. My husband is bipolar, but doing well. The problem that I am having, has to do with his family. They treat him like he’s incapable of doing anything. They discourage him from seeking employment, they even try to control our marriage. I need advice. Please respond. Keep doing what you do. I appreciate your site.
Kimberly
hello David,I am a member of A.A. for 12 years now,took me 8 years before [ I’m a very slow learner!! ha!] going to meetings ect. the point I wanted to make here wich I beleive you are already awhere of is when people come to us in A.A. if they could quite drinking on their own, they would’nt be coming to us! so I’m very patient with new comers but after they are awhere of the “program of action” I have o tolerance and move on!! there probably is a lot of bpd in A.A. so I’m very ecited here to learn more and put in to practice some very valuble principles i have already picked up!!! thank-you! reading your post’s is helping me alot!!!
Dave,
You have done wonders for me. I know you aren’t a doctor or a therapist – I have both – but getting your emails every day reminds me that I am not alone in this fight. Thank you.
And there will always be people who blame you for their problems. Part of the reason so many on the internet don’t use their real names.
Dave, First I would like to say how much I appreciate all your efforts and thought that you put into your daily emails and what a tremendous help they have been to me. I was diagnosed with bipolar in August 2006. It broke up my 4th marriage, one that I thought would last forever. If it would not have been for the fact that I went into a horrible manic episode and actually hit my wife, we would still be together to this day.
This still bothers me. I was onan anti-depressant for years (over 6) and come to find out I wasn’t a depressed person per say. I am a work-a-holic. I give and give and give until I have nothing else to give. My problem wasa I wanted and expected things MY way. I wish I knew more about bi-polar then as I do now. My ex and I remain friends, and would like to reconcile, but she is still afraid that the next episode would be worse. We both tell others that if it wasn’t for what happened in Aug ’06, we would till be together. aI have a great doctor and take my meds daily, but there are times I wonder if it is all worth it. Then I read one of your emails and yes it is worth it. You really are providing a great service Dave! I have your 14 part mini course printed out and sent it to my ex-wife to read. She has a better understanding on this mental problem and we talk daily…. I just wish someone other than me could convince her that I am worth another chance. I know, knowing what I know now, we could indeed make it work. Any suggestions from anyone would be appreciated.
David Newton
People often lash out at others when they have their own issues. They project their own shortcomings onto someone else. I agree that by paying attention to the “assault”, you are giving them the satisfaction they are looking for. Life is complicated for the most mentally healthy among us. Being a SUPPORTER of a bipolar individual has it’s own frustrations and challenges and painful moments. I don’t know what it feels like to be bipolar, but it can’t be good. DO YOUR BEST … do what you think is right … if you do something wrong, apologize. One hundred percent of people will never agree with you all of the time. Even so, it’s only human to feel hurt when you are attacked. Shake it off and move forward. Keep up the good work.
DavidN, your actions! will speak louder than your words!!when my wife is truely seeking recovery, I can hear it, see it, and feel it!! you both will know when it is time, FIRST THINGS FIRST!! it will take time, GOD BLESS!!!!!
Dear Dave,
I find you to be most caring and do provide honest, straight forward information on many subjects as well as bi-polar disorder.
I have suffered with bi-polar disorder for many years and have accessed what looked like to be positive web sites in the matter of bi-polar.
Yours is the Only site that I believe in. Your information provided is correct 100 % of the time.
I have participated in live group sessions, for 3 years now, which are lead by a Mental Health Doctor.
His comments and suggestions run parallel to yours.
The biggest difference I see in your communications is that you grew up with and have helped sustain a family member who suffers bi-polar. The Doctors information is text book; as yours is Real Life experiences. I value your information more readily than his. I will certainly not give up on my therapy and group sessions, however I will continue to grasp your knowledge and intertwine those things that I must.
Respectfully and Thankful for you,
Vickie P
Dave Newton
I read your blog and just felt I had to write you a few words. First it takes a man to admit he has bipolar and a man to face it head on. Second it takes a man to correct what went wrong. So, you do sound like your on the right road to recovery.
My son was diagnosed 7 months ago with bipolar and he and his girlfriend since high school have been through so much and they are not married yet.
David Olivers site has given me so much more understanding then any doctor or so called therpist.
One thing I did learn is that it’s a life long road. There is no quick fix, you’ll just have to see who’s in it for the long haul.
If your wife has an understanding, forgives you then anything is possible.
Good things come to those who wait! Stay positive and remember you are your best supporter!
God bless
Lore
On New Year’s night my boyfriend’s flat was on fire, making it uninhabitable for a while. Of course he got very stressed, and who wouldn’t be in that situation? His neighbour, an ex-girlfriend and troublemaker was adding a lot to his problems. He stayed with me for a few nights, when by the way he was talking and to some extent, behaving, I felt an episode coming on any moment. He went to see his doctor on Friday and he noticed nothing. I wasn’t there with him, but he told me that his doctor says everything is ok. We were up all night on Friday (I have a screwed up sleep pattern myself which I need to see a doctor about) and when I got tired in the morning he wouldn’t let me sleep and kept talking and talking and talking. Amongst other things he said that he wouldn’t wait for the landlords to do his place up, he was going to do it himself, clean it all up and decorate, fit new carpets and get new furniture. Yesterday he started on it and worked until 5am. He probably can do it, as he is very good at DIY, but he hasn’t got the money for the materials and why should he pay for it if he doesn’t own the place? He has been fairly stable on the right medicine for a good while. I can only hope and pray that the episode passes without getting worse and that his ex keeps her nose out of it, as she is only waiting for him to flip so she can have total control. Now he wants to be left alone with this “clean up project” and there is nothing I can do to help.
Yes, Dave, isn’t your REAL name “Clark Kent,” because only SUPERMAN could, or would, do what you do DAILY to help all of us bipolar survivors and the ones who love us. It seems like an insurmountable task to come up with topics for DAILY emails that are soooo relevant that we see ourselves in ALMOST every one.
I especially appreciate the opportunity you give ME to either vent or help someone else on this blog. It’s amazing how many friends I have corresponded with that I have met here. And – the surprising thing is – they help ME, too!
You must have heard of Dale Carnegie or Zig Ziglar, or be a salesman of some sort, because your marketing techniques are nothing short of genius! You allow all of us to order your books with a 120-day guarantee, that if they don’t help, or we don’t see ourselves or our particular predicament in them, we CAN return them with “no questions asked” for a refund! Now – whoever heard of such an “iron-clad” guarantee??!!
I don’t know why some people have such a grievance against you and your work – unless you “hit too close to home” and they are disturbed by your honesty. I can understand the bipolar survivors being upset with you when they’re going “off,” but the SUPPORTERS??!! What is WRONG with you people? If you don’t like what you’re reading – UNSUBSCRIBE!! Dave is NOT ramming this site down your throat; he is NOT making you read his emails or even inviting you to post on his blog. AND – you’re taking advantage of his “good nature” by dissing him in an OPEN FORUM, where some VERY ill people are looking for help at a very vulnerable time in their lives. Either get with the program, or – LEAVE…
Again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, Dave, for ALL you do for the rest of us. I don’t know if you get tired of reading my blogs, or even if you read them at all; but I feel privileged to be a part of your emails every day, and will continue to read them every day. I have purchased both your Supporters Manual AND your Survivors Manual (I purchased the first one before I realized it was just for Supporters – BUT – it came in handy for my current boyfriend to read!). And – THANKS for the advice on my new career choice; I hope it will be a success with your input.
I’m just going to say BIG HUGS to Dave tonight, because he deserves them. And, not to be outdone, BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. I will keep you in my prayers (you too, Dave!).
Dear Dave, My son had a sever meltdown about a year ago while living 2500 miles from home. During his hospitalization, a friend of mine forwarded your emails. At first i thought that you were out to take advantage of people—possibly trying to sell them something. BUT after reading your posting, I discovered how wrong I was. Your information gave me the strenght to bring my son home, get him on disability, get him insurance and into treatment. The treatment help him to stay clean and sober and on his meds. He has made slow and steady progress over the last year. I gave him support when he needed it and yet allow him to grow on his own. He knows the rules…I will help him and be there for him…but only if he stays in treatment and stays on his meds. In two weeks he’ll begin taking some college courses. I am proud of the progress he has made. Keep writing..you support the supporters!
Dave,
Thanks for being there for all of us. I must admit that I don’t always get to read your e-mails, but I do save them all so I have them as a reference. I’m a bi-polar supporter who actually through researching my soon to be ex-fiance’s behavior on line determined that he’s bi-polar.
He nor I have the financial means to enlist medical assistance so I looked on line and found some natural meds which have been working very well when he takes them. I’m a firm believer in natural healing. The two companies I’ve been using are nativeremedies.com and exclusivehealthproducts.com both online distributers. from exclusive health products I’ve been getting “Ultimate Anxiety Relief” and will be ordering an anti-depressant called “Happy Happy” for him to try. Native Remedies also has a few medications including “Mind Soothe” drops and “Triple Complex Nerve Tonic.”
Even though I love this man very much, he has made me decide to leave because over the last two months he’s indicated that he could be dangerous to live with (marry) especially since I have children. He has children also who live with their mother, and he’s very good when he’s not having a manic episode, but if I can’t keep him on his meds, the rage he exhibits during those times is so great, he sometimes can not control it.
He has struck me on at least two occasions, not full force, but still with enough force to once injure my eye (which I still need to follow up on to make sure my vision will not be impared).
He has a lot of rage due to his last relationship with his wife from whom he is estranged but not yet divorced and who is a constant trigger to his episodes as is his mother’s seeming indifference to his situation which is a long story.
Over the past 18+ months, I have been his sole supporter and I feel terrible that I’m leaving him. He’s got other medical conditions including high blood pressure, cocaine addiction (which he abuses when he goes into manic episodes when triggered by mainly the two factors mentioned before and his sense of lost manhood due his change in financial status) as well as having mini-strokes and heart attacks and hypo-glycemia.
I’m afraid to leave him due to these other conditions and he’ll be homeless, but I’m also afraid to stay due to his behavior of the last two days. Yesterday was the worst. He has this habit of falsely accusing me of sleeping around on him which I believe he believes of all women because he says he caught his wife sleeping with another man and he has slept with some very permiscuous women. He grew up in a very affluent family and has always had access to large amounts of money until about 18 months ago which I explained to him would always make those women of low morals go to bed with him if he tried.
This verbal abuse really hurts me deeply because I have been nothing less than faithful to him and I explained to him that I think of sex as a very private, personal expression of love for the person I am in a relationship with. I am not like those other women as I met him when he had nothing and have supported him both financially and emotionally and medically if you can call it that ever since.
Well yesterday after returning from a girlfriend’s house where I finally stayed overnight (which I had never done before) due what I thought was a major blow-out of his erratic behavior, he, after welcoming me home and apologizing, as the day progressed began to change his disposition. One of his major triggers is not being able to give money to people whom he used to be able to give to (these people do not know his present financial status because he’s too embarassed to tell them so they constantly beg him for money–this is a cultural issue which would take a while to explain). Yesterday he had one of those embarassing moments which I believe triggered his finall personality change, but I did not want to risk being around because he was costantly calling and threatening me over the phone that when he got home he was going to let me have it and I’d be sorry after starting out a few minutes earlier with nice friendly small talk. I panicked and called my girlfriend again to pick me up since he had the car so I wouldn’t be home when he arrived. I called my Mom and told her I’m coming home. I feel like I need to go for my own safety.
I enjoyed your e-mail of 1/6/07. You spoke the truth as you see it and know it. Do not worry about anything else. Someone told me a great truth, ” What others think of me is none of my business.”
normandybeach
My son is being discharged from the hosp. this week for the fourth time since June. He does not drink or use illegal drugs. He is 29 and on SS.
The email from Dave is usually the first one I check. I am fortunate to have the whole course.
It doesn’t help the illness, it helps understand it, live with it and enrich the lives of people affected by it.
The Blog lets me know I’m not alone, when I feel hurt angry or sad. I was married to a BP person for 25 years. Now married to a man that is wonderful for my son and myself and my ex, who calls him his “husband-in-law”.My current huband sets goals, listens to the CD’S, refers to the books and we use the knowledge with the Drs., and the police. It hasn’t made our son “well” but we aim for calm days. Now my husband wants to become a snow bird and starting next year spend our winters in Florida and I have always wanted to, but am terrified at leaving my son for 3 months!
Good luck to all!
Dave,
Your email was wonderful, you say it how it is, and you put it all out there. Thanks. I enjoy reading your daily emails keep them coming. Dealing with family members with bi-polar your emails have so much information. and gives me more insight into their problems. There is not enough information out there and what you provide is a great service. Thanks again for being there for us bi-polar supporters.
Hi David, I thought that was very kind of you to call the ladies son and encourage him. Man! I wish you would call me and encourage me right now I’m so confused right now I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I need my brain reconstructed. It seems that my decission making hasn’t been the best. That’s why I need to be more realistic about things. I keep thinking that things are going to be a certain way when there really not going to be, that’s why I ended up in Jail because of wrong Judgement call. I thought this man Loved me when he didn’t really care. He just used me to do his dirty work and that’s how I ended up in jail cause I took the rap for him. I was looking for someone to love me and except me for my Bipolar since no one in my Kingdom Hall will, as far as the brothers. It makes me feel like I’m NOT worth anything around men that I have nothing to offer men. I feel like I do, my love my affection mentally and my attention. I may not have much intelligent in many things but I have Love to give and my mental love I have to give.
Wow! Man I wish you could give me a call. I need someone to encourage me and help me to look at things in perspective. I’ll give you my number it’s 916-344-8480 you can call me if your not to busy. I need help badly and need someone to help my become unconfused cause right now I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I was in Jail for bad Judgement call. All because I wanted someone to LOVE me and ended up being used by this person. I thought he excepted me for my Bipolar but in reality it didn’t. I ended up taking the rap for him.
I’m so glad that you write these articles cause they have helped. I’m greatful for you cause if you didn’t do this I’d probably commit suicide. Again Thank you.
Dave, I apologize for the fellow readers out there. I am aware that not everyone is going to agree with everything you say, but if even one bit of information prevents a bipolar child from going over the edge, I say it is worth it. Those criticizing should realize they don’t have to agree with everything. Keep it up, hearing from others dealing with some of the same things that I do, makes me get through, and not feel so alone. I appreciate all the information you present.
Vicki
Dave, this is Lesley from Australia. I find your emails and mini course very helpful indeed. It has helped me a lot as a ‘sideline supporter’ of my step-daughter but unfortunately, she does not seem to be ready for the wonderful help that awaits her. We are waiting and waiting but in the meantime, I am using your strategies to help with the million phone calls, letters, made up geanologies (that inlcude all the big stars as paternal twins!) and demands for houses, etc.
Keep up the good work and if there is someone out there who can do better and give up their free time and knowledge to help other, then come forward and be constructive – not leave us in a state of critical dangling with no help.
Thank you Dave for your unselfish support, teachings and guidance.
regards Lesley
Hi Dave
is there ever a time when you don’t have to be afraid of what mood my child will be in pretty tough going from getting hugs from him in the morning to being screamed at when he come home from school some time he will flip them around to screaming in the morning to hugging in the afternoon