One of the problems I face as a supporter of a teen with bipolar is if I tell him NO on just about anything, he acts like a spoiled child. Temper tantrum, yelling, verbal abuse, etc. Does anyone else have this issue? I have talked with him, at a calm time, many times that this behavior is unacceptable. I have used different types of discipline, ie, grounding, taking personal items for him for a week to a month. As soon as he gets the items back, we are back to the old behavior. Any thoughts or ideas on this? Thanks!

ok.. well i’ve been absent from here for a while, so going to make up for it today !!

It’s been a battle royale with my 29 year old daughter (who acts much more like a 17 yr old) who crashed in a combination wild manic episode/cocaine poisoning.. still not completely sure if she’s manic or that was cocaine; however yesterday a commercial for Dexatrim came on and she asked about side effects. My response was with your history, expect a manic spell that really would NOT be fun.

At times she’s reminded me “Mom, i’m an addict”. I’ve only known this for 15 years, but not being one myself, i don’t always “get it”. Her depression has been running the show for 11 months and is a fearsome thing. I can really understand the urge for that 30 seconds of relief cocaine gives her… but oh my the crash that lasts forever afterwards.. it’s hard to believe anything is wortht that.

Looking forward to hearing those success stories.

And for supporters… our mantra really does need to be “it’s not our issue”. Hard to do when death seems to be lurking so very close.. can it really be “codependence” ((urge to strangle)) when we pull our loved one from death’s door ?

Hugs to the moms and dads no matter how old your “child” is.

TO venuskitty,

You keep writing stuff on this blog about all these charges. Not only do we not know who you are for sure because there is no contact information except “venuskitty.” We can’t run a search in our database with the name venuskitty. I need a first and last name.

I must say I am beyond frustrated by all of this because you are suggesting that I am ripping you off. It’s days like this I want to thrown in the towel.

I have NEVER had a contest.

Call me at 201-522-2471. The second I figure out who you are, I will refund ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you ever bought even if you never send it back.

If your husband has any questions, I will talk to him as well.

I would appreciate if you stop posting stuff that is not true or correct.

Finally if you think that I am preying on people you are way off base. If anything people are preying on me. On a daily basis I get people calling and making stuff up, threatening to kill me, posting my cell phone in hospitals, sending incomprehensible letters in the US mail asking me for money for their medications, etc. etc. etc.

Dave

David,
Why are you defensive today(and not for the first time) when people joke about you being BP? It’s a compliment, isn’t it?

It is to your credit and witness to your openness, Dave, that you do not moderate this blog.

Success stories are very important to those of us who are supporters. My daughter is 29 yrs old and is currently living in an apartment with no electricity or water. Her rent is due and she has no money, no job – nothing. I’ve helped her so much that I feel like if I do anything else I will be enabling her. I just don’t know how to handle this anymore. As a mother, my heart hurts because of the way she is living. She self-medicates with marijuana. I’m raising her 2 children. I love her but don’t know if I should continue helping her or not.

debbie
Whether or not your husband takes the situation seriously or not, or even if he is capable of taking it seriously, is besides the point. The question anyone in your situation must ask (especially if they’ve been stuck in it as long as you) is:
“What do I want to do with MY life?”
You have as much right to having a Life as anyone else. Whether or husband is ill or not, whether he can help what is happening or not, what you do is your choice: It is not dictated by him!
You have three options:
Choose:
1 Can you live with the situation?
Yes – then you choose to live with it AS IT IS.
NO – Then you choose not to live with it, so Go to Q2
2 – Can you change the situation?
Yes – then you may choose to change it.
No – then you choose not to live with it as it is, nor attempt to change it.
Therefore, you choose the final option: You choose to leave the situation!

The choices may not be nice ones but you do have control of your life because you can make those choices.

Good luck

Being a bipolar supporter of 2 relatives, I feel borderline bipolar at times too. Ha. Life moves fast sometimes. It can also be called “workaholic”, DAVE–slow down just a little.

Dave, you’re right; none of us is perfect. But – you’re the most Perfect NON-Perfect person I know! Look at you with all your enterprises and businesses – and you STILL take time EVERY morning to write to us! That, my friend, is dedication, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the hard work you do for us bipolars and our supporters. Keep up the GREAT work; but DON’T stress YOURSELF out. You’re fortunate that you have your NON-competitive body building to let off steam!!

When I was first hospitalized with “schizophrenia” (the diagnosis in 1968), the DR there said I was a “perfectionist.” Well, I’m here to tell you, I’m the messiest, most cluttered person I know! How DARE he call me a perfectionist! But – I had just started my job with the Senator, gotten my first apartment, and was engaged. I was trying soooo hard to keep EVERYTHING together, that I guess I fell into the trap of TRYING to do EVERYTHING “perfect.”

To this day, I don’t know WHERE he came up with that. I know I PUSH myself sometimes just to get up in the morning; and sometimes, just to sit here at the computer and get my work done. I’m not lucky enough to have a supporter; I’m all alone during the week, and have many things up in the air. But – trying to be “perfect” is NOT one of them!

I can only be the best person I can be with a disability, and live within the constraints and limitations of bipolar disorder. And that’s ALL any of us, bipolar survivors or supporters, can do.

BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Your prayers are very much appreciated. Thank you.

Dianne
I can only tell you of my experience and knowledge of how BP can affect a person – I am BP.
First point, it seems that BP and bad marriages go together like a horse and carriage! But then, I believe something like 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce anyway! (It’s a bit less in the UK, but we generally follow the US in just about everything else ….) I believe this is because someone with BP can seem to blow hot and cold in a relationship. Plus, when they are depressed everyone gets depressed! And when they are manic … well, it depends on the extreme of the mania but if its full mania, all hell breaks out and a lot of damage is done to relationships that cannot always be repaired. (The damage isn’t deliberate – it’s the BP! But that’s little comfort if your BP partner has left for a few months and slept with anyone who doesn’t have a penis…or anyone who DOES have one, and sometimes both!!)
The hot and cold stuff is, in my experience, due to the moods. Sometimes when I’ve got a particular kind of mood washing over me, I’m fighting with my emotions, and all I want is some peace and to be left alone. When someone – like a “significant other” – wants attention, or to “help”, they are actually encroaching on the space needed by the BP person to get through the episode. If they don’t get the space, they’ll do whatever it takes to get it! The order of sequence is typically:
Coolness – if that doesn’t work;
Argumentative – next would be
Argumentative and fault finding (“why didn’t you … 2… you ALWAYS do that!” etc.)
If that doesn’t work, argumentative, fault finding and verbally agressive.
If that doesn’t work, if whowever still doesn’t leave you alone,
Physically agressive.
If that doesn’t work, menace – the threat of direct violence.
And finally, if that doesn’tr work – violence. That suually DOES work but often a bit more permanently that the person with BP actually had in mind!
In short, when he wants space, give it to him.
But you have to ask yourself, do you want to live like this, CAN you live like this? Can you stand living with someone who blows hot and cold? Some people can’t. Some people need to feel a degree of more certainty and security, a partner they can depend on to be there for THEM when they need it, not just to be there for their loved one with BP. That’s a problem with BP – the support you give may not always be returned because the loved one with BP may not always be able to give it! So, you have to decide if you can give of yourself, to love, without expectation of it being returned. Tough call. Not as easy as it sounds. All the harder because you may never really be sire that the hot and cold nature of the relationship really IS the consequence of your BF’s Bipolar or if he really doesn’t like you that much! But in all probability, it’s the BP which is pulling his strings.
BP is a puppet master, and the poor sap with the BP is the puppet. If we try hard an element of control over the BP can be established – simple one being to avoid anything that will cause stress (or at least, avoid them as best you can) because stress can, and often does, trigger a BP episode. So, if you avoid stressful things, that reduces the instance of BP episodes. David’s course, I believe, are full of helpful things like that. However, you have to remember that the puppet master is still the master! When the puppet master wants to, it can still jump down and bite you on the bum! (Bum = Ass, for US folk!)
You see where this is leading? Let me open the curtains a little more … Life with someone who has BP can (I am told but never by my wife or ex-fiance!) be stimulating and enjoyable, and it will be “different”. But it will never be “normal”, it will never be a bed of roses. When you marry someone your life changes. When you have a child, your life is turned upside down and it’s never the same again. Marry someone with BP and your life will turn upside down, and then back up, and then upside down, and then back up, and then upside down … etc, until one of you gets fed up with it, or you die of old age!!!
Of course, some people can go for years without having a BP episode once they have the correct treatment regime. Or so I’m told …I’m still trying to remember when that might have been for me …
You see, there are no easy answers to the questions you infer. And anyway, only you can really answer when because it’s you who has to live with the choices you make.