Hi Dave,
I am normally a very big follower of yours and i always appreciate the help that you give us, whether we have bipolar or are supporters. i do want to point out the danger to you in saying what you said in your last email. i found when i was with my partner, that even when i was on stable mediacations and a great treatment plan if i ever felt a normal emotion of anger or frustration, he would not take me seriously and just say ‘oh its just your bipolar again’. in the end i was always so afraid to confront my feelings because i thought that i was off my nut or having an episode just because i felt a normal emotion. i agree saying stupid things like you owe a woman money in a different state is quite crazy but to say ‘there is no why’ is a bit extreme alsodont you think?in fact i think it is unjust and comments like that are what make people like me feel so isolated and alone in the world. no one will take us seriously if we all have that mentality. i appreciate that you are watching out for all of those who suffer crazy accusations, but maybe just be careful with us who dont make many accusations but still get told we are crazy all the time.

hey martin,
thankyou for replying to me. i think that you are doing really great and it is nice that you consider what your wife does have to say. one thing to remember is that if and when we do make things up, we usually are sorry for it when we come down, i know i always try and apologise andi think the key is to forgive us rather than dismiss us. its what i try and do to people who dismiss me, and it helps.

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Hi dave,
thankyou so much. i have been hoping for an answer to these issues for so long. i cant wait to see your emails tomorrow. you are really heaven sent xo

i think it is a daily battle due to peoples ignorance. they think they know how “crazy” people are. i have been called so many derogatory terms because of my disorder that i am completely over it. “crazy kitty” is the all time fav.

i really feel that a lot of people just demean us b/c they have made the determination we aren’t worth it. truth is some of the most brilliant creative people in this world are blessed with some form of disorder. study the history books. honestly alot of people take drugs to think like us.

education, education, and non-failing dialogue.

we are blessed and we need to help each other out.

Good morning David, yes I have asked “why” many times people who are ill said things that arent true or exagerrated. When my husband had his very first manic episode back in June 2007, I had no idea what was going on. He accused my son of beating him up. He was threatening to call the police on him. I said where did he hit you, he said he didnt hit me he is just messing with my mind, My husband took me to the kitchen and shows me the bag of potato chips opened and then shows me the dogs in the house. He continued to say that my son knows that leaving the bag of potato chips open and the dogs in the house irritates him and my son does this on purpose, that was his interpretation of beating him up. I told him I must have left the door opened accidently, then he continued to yell and said “your j defending your son”. I was in a no win situation with my now x-husband. He totally blames my son on his illness. He has even said that my son would probably stab himself and would turnaround and blame my husband. in response to the lady that has accused David of stealing the $400 from her did she purchase any material from you? or maybe she felt influence in doing something that probably cost her $400 and she regrets it, so she has to blame someone.

Dave, This is the first time I have responded to one of your e-mails. I subscribed to your free mini course about 3 months ago. First of all I want to say thank you. I think your information is great! I have been dealing with problems with my wife for nearly 20 years. She has seen therapists and been on medication for depression on and off for most of this time. She has put me through some pretty rough times! I have always asked the question “why” why does she treat me and our 3 children this way? Why does she hate me? Why doesn’t she want me to help her? Why is she so mean, angry, stubborn, selfish, violent and abusive? The so called doctors never had an answer. The medications never helped. I had finally come to the conclusion that this was just the way she chose to be and there was nothing anyone could do about it. I had suggested to a couple of the therapists that I thought she may have “Bipolar Disorder”. They did their simple 10 questions test and said, “no, she doesn’t have the right symptoms”. Then one day I came across your website. As you described your situation with your mother I thought “WOW, THIS IS THE SAME THING I AM DEALING WITH” The yelling the screaming, the anger and hatred, the credit cards, letting bills and other responsibilities go. It was like you were living my life! After that I searched out a Doctor who is a specialist with this type of disorder. After the first visit he prescribed medication for bipolar disorder. She has been on the medication for almost a month now. she still hates me, and not too much has changed, but I now have hope that with the help of a professional that knows how to deal with this that things may get better. I am very committed to my wife and I will help her get through this and you are a huge help to me. Again, thank you!

Hi Dave,

I really appreciated todays “Reminder”. I am writing you today, because of my niece. She is taking her medication, but, she is back to lying again, and stealing. She does not think she is lying though. She thinks what she is saying is the truth and of course, that she did not steal a thing. Even though, she has been confronted on the stealing part in a very nice way, and without actually saying she stole anything, she denied it. I found out that she stole money from my mother (her grandmother) and she has stolen from her father’s girlfriend. Of course the items that she stole, were found and were returned to my brother so he could return them to his girlfriend, but my niece said that these items were hers, but when they were taken, she never asked about them. It was like she didn’t even realize they were gone.
She has been out of counseling for about 3 months now due to the counselor that was seeing her. And she is trying to get in to see another counselor, but no one has called back yet, as she is staying with my mother (her grandmother) at this time and the only number she gave the place she was going for counceling is my mothers phone number.
One other thing Dave, and this one is really bad, she has stole from my husband and she stole some of his pain medication. She was the only one here who could have taken it. We did ask her about this yesterday, and of course, she said NO I DID NOT TAKE ANYTHING. and I would never take anything from you. then she started crying.
We did not catch her stealing the medication, but she was the only one here besides my husband and I and she is the only one who could have done this.
All we have ever done is try to help her. We told her as long as you help yourself, we will help you. And she was doing really good, until about 2 months ago when she started haning out with an old friend of hers who’s mother is nothin but a pill popper. And this is really scary to us all.
So I guess, what I am asking is, what can we do? I do know this, when she does come over now, all medication will be put up and so will all money, as now she has lost our trust again and she will have to gain it back again.
We really want to help her.
Thanks Dave for always listening.
Tammy

Poor Dave,

you spend so much time helping people with bipolar and then get attacked like that. I am so grateful for you – – your emails help me on a daily basis. don’t listen to your accountant and don’t let the crazies drive you away. stay strong.

To Dave:
It hurts us to see you getting beat up by the few that rant and rave and blame. When that happens, Dave, remember there is a HUGE number of us out here who do support you and what you do. Find strength in that!
To all others:
I want to address the stigma of mental illness. When I was in the state mental hospital (22 days) I begged my children to visit me. My ex simply referred to it as “my mental illness” and the kids just couldn’t deal with it. They didn’t visit. After getting stable I saw my daughter who pretty well accepts it for what it is and still loves me. We talk every couple of days even though she is currently in London. My son won’t have anything to do with me. No contact whatsoever. Perhaps he is embarased or fears he will get the disorder from his dad. I think that in this case I am penalized by the stigma of “mental illness.” I don’t think he ever separated “me” from the disorder and all the damage IT did. I gave up trying to reach him some time ago. Why? The pain and futility is so great, I get really upset, and that triggers an episode. Major depression. I have chosen to put my health first and not think about it anymore. It seems so cold but it is really his problem, not mine.
In summary: The crazy behavior of the mentally ill undercuts all of us who are mentally ill. But I remind myself that I was once that way. I think other survivors who are truly honest with themselves would agree. So I say let’s move forward and make the best of it. But at the same time have compassion for those with the greater struggle.

Barbra…I am a nurse who is bipolar–I am currently stable — I STRONGLY urge you and the rest of the family undergo counseling. When he gets physically violent, I think it should be handled the same as any domestic violence and notify the police. He can then be placed on a 72 hour hold at a mental facility. This is just my opinion. Best of luck to you and yours.

hi dave,

I just wanted to say bravo! Many people don’t get it. Josephine I realize your anger but when I pointed out to my husband how rediculous it was to blame every emotion on being bipolar He started looking for when I truely was bipolar. When he started looking so did I and that was scary. I realized that alot of times I may not have been in a full blown bipolar phase but I did over exaggerate the situation to make myself right. I want to say to david thank you so much for all the words of encouragement with your help I got back on track and started my own internet business. I never could have done it without you and my husband. I am happy that I can see what is going on in my world(the world of bipolar). I love feeling like I am back in the real world again.

Hi Dave, I am a 66 year old nurse with bipolar. I buried my 96 year old father this past Monday. I need your help. I cared for my father for 7 years–the past 2.5 in our home. I can bearly function today. What do you suggest. Mary

DAVE, I would think the obvious answer to “Why does s/he behave / talk like that?” is “Because s/he has bipolar.” Your emails and articles so far have saved my relationship with my bipolar man. I have learned to be understanding, patient and non-judgemental. My boyfriend put me and himself through complete hell last week with a full manic episode. It only went out of control because he stopped taking his meds. Now he is in the psych ward and I’m told he will have to stay there for at least another 2 weeks.

I’m gradually recovering and regaining my energy after a whole week of almost no sleep or rest. My housemates are still in shock, finding it hard to believe that this “madman” was the same as the generous, kind hearted, funny, intelligent, talented and very likeable man. My landlord is on his “high horse” threatening me with eviction if “that man ever sets foot in his house again.” My neighbours all believe he is a criminal. I have explained the situation to some of them and have some more work to do on this. Maybe I need to let the dust settle a bit first. When he is well again, people will hopefully accept him and forgive him. He is perfectly ok when he takes his meds.

One question I would like to ask is “How?” When all this is behind us and he is stable, how can I or anyone else convince him to stay on his meds? I can cope with the minor episodes, but this major episode must never happen again. Is there a way of keeping him on meds? Anything other than some sort of blackmail while he is stable? i.e. if he loves me, as he says he does, and wants to stay with me, and I tell him he will lose me if he ever does this again? Or if he does this again he will end up in the psych ward again. When he is stable again will he remember what hell he put us all through? Right now he seems only half aware of what he is doing. I know I could not go through this again for a whole week. Could you or someone perhaps answer the question of “How?” please.

Dave – you gave me the “willies!” The first time I clicked on your blog, I got the message, “site is temporarily out of commission.” I’m glad to see you’re still working!!

Yes, it IS the “crazies” that give us other bipolar survivors a bad name. Like you said, the public reads or hears about people off their meds, or not on a treatment plan, who do and say outrageous things, and they lump ALL of us mentally ill people with the same stigma. Although this is unfortunate, it is, sadly, the truth.

I used to be afraid for anyone to know I was manic depressive, and then bipolar, for fear they would look at me funny, or walk away. I even had a job that, when the boss originally fired me, I told him I was manic depressive – he said, if he KNEW that, he never would have hired me, because he knew a few people who were manic depressive, and they were “crazy.” This was a lawyer who, at the beginning, thought I was the best damn secretary he ever had!

As far as “labels” go, I’m NOT ashamed of who/what I am. In fact, even in meeting new people, I’m not afraid to open up a discussion of my bipolar. To me, it’s as much an introduction into who I am, as my hair color or my height. And they usually are very sympathetic, and relate someone they know who has it, too. It sort of puts us on an “equal footing,” so to speak, when they see that I’m as “normal” as they are!

I’d just like to say to the other bipolar survivors, to stay on your meds, follow your treatment plans, and listen to your supporters, shrinks and therapists, and do your damndest to cooperate. You’ll NEVER be sorry you did.

BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Thank you for your prayers; they are greatly appreciated.

SuzanneWA said, “I’d just like to say to the other bipolar survivors, to stay on your meds, follow your treatment plans, and listen to your supporters, shrinks and therapists, and do your damndest to cooperate. You’ll NEVER be sorry you did.”

I generally agree with you, but DON’T be slavish in your relationship to the supporter, shrink or therapist. They ain’t perfect either, and they can get it wrong. The first person who finds out they’re wrong will be you, dear survivor. If they get it a bit wrong, you’ll be miserable and it could set you back, if they get it quite wrong, you’ll feel bad and it will set you back, if they get it very wrong, it could kill you. Listen to their advice and listen very hard, very carefully, but never assume they are always right. You are always the expert about how you feel.

Quite apart from the fact that they can get it wrong, you also must remember that treating BP is an art form, not a science. Meds affect different people in different ways. Someone may have similar or identical symptoms of an illness (BP or anything else) but they may react quite differently to the meds they receive. While Seroquel may suit some people, it doesn’t suit everyone. Lithium suits some people but it doesn’t some others. And so on. Plus, those that work for you now may not work so well in a year or so. Sure, if the pDoc says “…IT takes a while for this to work – give it time …” then, unless it’s driving you so nuts you want to take a long run off a short pier, give it a chance and be a patient patient! But if it IS driving you nuts, or if you’ve been taking the stuff for 6 months and to no beneficial effect, trust YOUR judgment because, as I said, you are the expert on how you feel – no one else. There’s many a poor soul who have done away with themselves because others weren’t listening to them.

Not only that, each pDoc have their own take on diagnosis: I got very different advice from several different pDoc’s! I had to choose whose advice I would follow, to use my own judgment and hope it was not unduly biased towards hearing from a pDoc what I wanted to hear.

My point here is that, if you go to see more than one pDoc, the likelihood is that you may be prescribed different meds by each, and you may get different, even conflicting, advice from each of them, too. These people know a lot about the illness but they are not fonts of all wisdom. You follow the advice of those YOU feel you can trust, YOU feel are right for you. If you follow the advice of a pDoc you don’t feel you can trust, who you don’t feel understands you, whatever they prescribe is very likely not to work well BECAUSE you don’t think it will! There is a placebo effect even with drugs that do have a proven effect in tests against placebos! If you don’t feel confident with your pDoc but your Therapist and even your Supporter says “I think they are great – stick with them …” should you follow their advice? I wouldn’t! Up to you. If I had a choice, I’d choose a pDoc that ‘I’ feel comfortable with, not the one they like! After all, whose illness is this?! It’s your illness, your body and mind; you have the right to, legally and morally, to choose who is going to treat you and how UNLESS you become a danger to others.

And be aware, sometimes, JUST sometimes, the *best* treatment may only be *best* for the supporter or the pDoc, not for you. What do I mean? There are (too many) care homes on the UK where senile patients and others with a manic disposition have been treated with anti-psychotic drugs just to keep them quiet, to make them more sleepy like zombies, more malleable to control by the (sometimes too few) care staff, NOT as a treatment for their illness. The treatment was/is for the benefit of the carers, not the patients. Proving too difficult for your supporter at a moment of crisis for them? Yiou want to be drugged up to the eyeballs just to keep you quiet for a few days, never mind it’s not appropriate treatment for the disorder. I’m not saying this will happen to you, I’m not even saying it happens often. It’s probably rare. But it has happened and it probably still does.

I am not trying to scare anyone, to make them paranoid; just trying to point out that the pdocs,, therapists and supporters are not always right and they can come at this with their own agenda.

teres, et al,
I think we have to realise there will always be “whacked out people” visiting this blog because … people with BP often ARE whacked out. If they never were, they’d not be BP.
Otherwise, I agree – Dave offers a valuable service esp. to Supporters but also to those with BP, like us not least because he reminds all of us that we can help ourselves to minimise the occurrences and extremes of the BP. Much of What Dave teaches is “common sense” but when your brain is faddled with a depression, mixed episodes, mania and all the bad stuff we get, it can sometimes be hard to see the wood for the trees. Then Dave comes along and says something and you (well, at least me!) goes, “Yeah! Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?” or “I knew that but … I’d forgotten …”

.

I need help desperatly. My ex husband wa sdiagnosed as manic bipolar & refuses to admit it. After 10 years together I could not take th insanity or abuse any longer. I do not understand how to get people to see this. I can not even begin to explain the insane things he does & says. He has custody of my two small boys & I am very fearful for them as he seems to be getting worse. I need somewhere to turn to try & make sense of this