Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

Remember when you were younger, and you wanted something so bad you almost couldn’t
stand it? Like at Christmastime, getting that one present you wanted more than anything else.
Then, as you get older, you may have the same strong desire for something, but you can’t always
count on someone else providing it for you.

Some things you just have to do for yourself. When you know what you want, and you want it
badly enough, well, you’ll find a way to get it. That’s what happens when you’re an adult. No more Santa Claus. Just you. And your ability to attain what you desire. First, though, you need to know what you want.

So how does this relate to bipolar disorder? (Because you know I always relate everything to
bipolar disorder somehow, right? Lol) Say you want things to be less stressful at home. Say you want it very badly. Well, no one is going to do the work for you – you first of all have to want it bad enough, and second of all, want it bad enough to do what it takes to attain it.

So you might think of ways to make your home environment more peaceful. You might brainstorm some ideas and then act upon them. You can’t just wait on your loved one to do it for
you, because they may either not see the same need, or acknowledge it, or be willing or able to do it like you can.

I know, that sounds like it’s all on you to do the hard work, but sometimes you have to pick up the slack from your loved one. That is, if it’s something you want bad enough. Again, if you want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it.

If your loved one wants stability bad enough, they will do whatever it takes to attain it. And that may be what you want as well. Although you can’t make your loved one do what they have to do to attain stability, you can do your part.

You can help them remember to take their medications. You can see that they get to all their doctor and therapist appointments. You can make sure that they stay productive, even if that means writing up a To-Do List for them. You can go to your own support group and find out how other supporters are dealing with their loved one’s bipolar disorder.

In other words, if you want something bad enough, you’ll do what it takes to get it. That doesn’t mean, though, that you can’t ask for help. In fact, if you don’t ask for help, you may suffer supporter burnout, trying to do everything yourself.

On the other hand, you don’t want to do for your loved one what they can do for themselves, either. You have every right to expect them to participate in what they can. Like the example I used of keeping a stress-free home environment. They can help with that, too. Or coming up with ideas for items to put on a To-Do List. Or helping with a list of long-term goals that both of you want to achieve.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews684/

Bidirectional link between life events and mood episodes
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

EEG findings specific to mood state in bipolar disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Staging model, biomarker proposed for bipolar disorder
DO> Good study, wouldn’t you say?

Creative inspiration associated with heightened risk of bipolar disorder
DO> Does your loved one highly value this characteristic as well?

Cognitive deficits in bipolar patients ‘not homogenous’
DO> These study results may surprise you.

Social support could improve outcomes for elderly bipolar patients
DO> Good information, especially if you’re dealing with an older loved one.

Excessive alcohol use does not alter course of bipolar mood states
DO> This study reveals something very interesting.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews684/

 

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, so much of the material written about bipolar disorder centers around the person with the disorder and their happiness. There really isn’t a lot written about the supporter and their own happiness, is there?

Today’s subject is about how you deserve your own happiness too, and you shouldn’t have to put
it aside just because your loved one has bipolar disorder. DON’T!

You spend a lot of time as a supporter, and one of the problems with when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder is that you can get caught up in your loved one’s struggle with their own
management of the disorder and your helping them with it. DON’T!

They may have a problem with their mood swings and their own happiness because of it, but you
should not let this affect your own happiness, as hard as this might be, just because of being their
supporter.

You should still do things that make you happy, like:

• Hobbies
• Doing things you enjoy
• Doing things that make you feel good
• Taking care of your own needs
• Going out with friends
• Going to the movies
• Reading
• Watching videos that your loved one
may not want to watch with you
• Doing things by yourself
• Going shopping
• Spending time with your own family
• Spending time away from your loved one
• Taking a break from your loved one
• Taking a mini-vacation from your loved one
• Having a job outside the home

Just being around your loved one 24/7 will not help you and your own mental health at all – you may get so caught up in their world of bipolar disorder that you might become as sick as they are! DON’T!

You have a right to your own happiness. Don’t delay that happiness! You really need to keep a life separate from your loved one, for your own sake. You have to hold onto your own happiness! Grab it right now! Take some time for R and R (rest and relaxation). Even combat soldiers do that!

Don’t stress yourself out by giving all your energy to your loved one – save some for yourself as well. Giving all your time and energy to your loved one will make you stressed out and sick. And you don’t want that, do you? DON’T!

Also, don’t try to be your loved one’s therapist. They should have their own therapist. They should be telling their therapist their problems, and not dumping them on you or taking out their problems on you, just because you are there!

Because your loved one has bipolar disorder, they may get depressed and may try to “take you down” with them when they are in that phase of their disorder. They may want to use you as a shoulder to cry on, which might steal your own happiness. Remember, don’t act like their
therapist. DON’T!

Again, you should not be their enabler, either, or that will steal your own happiness as well. Don’t encourage them to continue unacceptable behavior. So don’t be your loved one’s enabler, or you will be robbing yourself of your own happiness. DON’T!

You deserve a life of your own. You deserve to be happy. You deserve an identity of your own outside your relationship with your loved one with bipolar disorder. Don’t get so caught up in their disorder and their problems that you lose yourself in it/them. DON’T!

Don’t delay your own happiness. Take charge of it beginning right now! Don’t let bipolar disorder steal your happiness! DON’T!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

I have a friend who struggles with bipolar disorder. Sometimes he is up, and sometimes he is
down. He went through a bad stretch a while back. He was real depressed. Every time I saw him, it seemed, he just looked really sad. Until this one day, it was like he had snapped out of it! I had to ask him what happened. He told me he had been to his therapist.

I asked him, did she give you great advice or what? Because you sure look different. He said she taught him about this idea of high hopes and low expectations. I’d never heard of this idea, so I asked him to explain it to me.

He said high hopes and low expectations is exactly what it sounds like. You can have high hopes but have low expectations at the same time. And if you do that, you can handle disappointments much easier. I’ve thought about that a lot since then. I’ve even applied it to my own life, and it does work. I’ve been able to be more realistic than I was before. I look at things differently now.

And it has even helped me to make decisions. Ok, here’s an example. I had what I thought was a great idea for a new ad campaign for a new product I wanted to sell on the website. I was really excited about it. But I was going to have to put a lot of money into this campaign. So I did a lot of thinking about it first. And I remembered what my friend had said.

I definitely had high hopes for this product. So I had high hopes that this ad campaign would
be successful in selling it. So far so good. But when I checked my expectations, they were also very high. That meant that if the campaign didn’t do as well as I hoped, I would be very disappointed, maybe even depressed. So it looked like I needed to lower my expectations.

If I had lower expectations, I would be more realistic. That way, the campaign could still do good, but if it didn’t do as good as I hoped, I’d still be ok. I could settle for that. So that’s the attitude I carried with me into the ad campaign.

Well, what happened was, the ad campaign did good. Not great, as I had hoped, but it did good.
So I felt good about it. I wasn’t disappointed, because I had already figured on it with my high hopes low expectations philosophy. But the way I looked at it was, it could have done great, but only for awhile, and then fizzled out, and then where would I be with this new product? No, I’d rather have it turn out the way it did.

You can apply the high hopes low expectations philosophy to all kinds of areas of your life. My friend did it and it brought him out of his bipolar depression. I used it in my business and it helped me to make a sound business decision. This philosophy helps to keep you realistic. That’s the main thing.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

Here’s an interesting challenge for you to think about: I dare you to be happy. Yep, just like when we were kids, and somebody dared you to do something. Or double-dared you…I dare you to be happy. You might ask me, “Well, Dave, how can I be happy when I suffer from bipolar disorder or depression?” Well, I still dare you to be happy!

See, happiness is a state of mind – an attitude. It doesn’t depend on whether everything is going
right in your life. It has to do with how you FEEL about your life. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect for you to be happy. You don’t have to have everything going your way for you to be happy. You don’t even have to have everything under control for you to be happy.

And your happiness does not depend on whether you are cured or not. I know a person who has bipolar disorder, and she still has episodes from time to time, but she is still happy. This is because she has a good life, and even though she still has episodes (because she still has a chemical imbalance in her brain), she has learned how to manage her bipolar disorder.

This woman is one of the most positive people you’d ever want to meet. See, this is what I’m talking about. This woman still has bipolar disorder, but she is HAPPY! It’s all about your state of mind (your attitude) towards life and your problems in it.

You can choose to focus on the negative or you can choose to focus on the positive. You can choose to be unhappy or you can choose to be happy. Yes, happiness is a CHOICE. One that YOU can make!

So…I dare you to be happy!

There are things you have control over and things you don’t have control over. Your attitude is one of the things you DO have control over. Regardless of your moods, or the mood swings
that come with bipolar disorder, that is.

And for supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder, who might suffer with depression, it’s the same thing. You could be depressed from time to time, but you can still be happy. I know, that sounds weird, doesn’t it? But depression is a temporary state of mind – it will pass, if you let it.

But generally speaking, you can be a positive person. You can make a CHOICE to be happy. You can control your attitude, and still be happy with your life, you can still be happy with yourself, you can still be happy with things in general. You can change the things in your life that you have the power to change. This will make you happy.

Or you can accept the things that you cannot change, which will also make you happy. Acceptance is a powerful force in itself. And acceptance can bring happiness.

So, despite bipolar disorder, despite depression, you can still be happy, that’s what I’m saying. So… I dare you to be happy. I double-dare you!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews683/

Priority conditions could help pediatric mental health inpatient quality measurement
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Illness course impacts suicide risk in bipolar and depressive disorder
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Genes signaling inflammatory stress reactions shared between schizophrenia, bipolar disorder
DO> You’ll find this an interesting comparison.

Psychiatric ‘crisis’ leaves mentally ill in jail, documents say
DO> This story will shock you.

Bidirectional link between life events and mood episodes
DO> Good study, wouldn’t you say?

Adam Boland: Former TV producer reveals mental illness struggle, says he was ‘trapped by …
DO> This man’s story will move you.

First stem cell study of bipolar disorder yields promising results, UM and Prechter Fund scientists say
DO> Fascinating study, don’t you agree?

EEG findings specific to mood state in bipolar disorder
DO> Important information you might like to know.

Staging model, biomarker proposed for bipolar disorder
DO> You’ll find this study very interesting.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews683/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, if it were summertime, my goddaughter would be wanting to have a lemonade stand and sell lemonade. Lots of kids like to do that. I don’t think it even matters whether they’re rich or poor, either. I’m not sure it’s even about needing the money, is what I mean. Like, they might want the extra money to buy something special. But mostly I think kids like to put up lemonade stands and sell lemonade just for the fun of it, don’t you think?

Of course, to a lot of kids (like me), making their own money IS fun! LOL Speaking of making lemonade…You’ve probably heard that expression: “If life gives you lemons…make lemonade.”
Well…I think that can apply to bipolar disorder as well, if you think about it.

Because it means that you need to have a positive attitude, and that’s one thing that can be very
important when you’re trying to deal with the ups and downs that come with bipolar disorder.
Your attitude can determine many things. It can even affect your health, did you know that?

It’s true. Even the American Heart Association promotes having a positive attitude. They say that having a positive attitude decreases stress. And since stress is one of the major factors in stroke
and heart attacks, a positive attitude can actually prevent them! So to stay in good health, in other words, have a positive attitude!

Your attitude also affects your emotional well being. If you’re in a negative frame of mind, it won’t even matter if good things happen to you, because you’ll react to them negatively. But the opposite is also true: if you’re in a positive frame of mind, it won’t matter if bad things happen to you, because you’ll react to them positively. And, in that case, you will definitely react to
them with a better frame of mind.

For example: Say you have a major problem that comes against you. Problems sometimes need creative solutions. It can take a process to solve them. And you need to have the wherewithal to be able to do that. If you have a negative attitude, you won’t be able to think of all the possible solutions…Where if you have a positive attitude, you WILL be able to think of all the possible solutions to your problem. Even that crazy, “it’ll-never-work” answer that may be the very solution to your problem, you never know!

But the more positive you are, the more receptive you will be to even consider it. Having a more positive attitude doesn’t just help you to solve problems better, like the major problems that come against you at times (like a major bipolar episode), but it can also help you cope with the smaller day-to-day problems of dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder. Having a positive attitude is just better for you all around.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews682/

New gene for bipolar disorder discovered
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Innovative study uses pharmacogenomic test to treat patients with psychotic disorders
DO> This will be an important study, don’t you think?

Researchers closer to improving safety, effectiveness of lithium therapy
DO> What this article reveals is scary.

Comprehensive psychosocial interventions plus pharmacotherapy can bring improved symptoms …
DO> These results will be helpful to future studies, wouldn’t you say?

Executive dysfunction in bipolar disorder not solely mood dependent
DO> These results make you think, don’t they?

Compensatory brain mechanisms at play in siblings of bipolar patients
DO> Good information if you are a sibling of someone with bipolar disorder.

Distinct motor activity patterns for bipolar depression and mania
DO> This study reveals something very interesting.

Residual depression has lasting impact on bipolar patients
DO> These findings are important for your loved one.

Bipolar disorder and epilepsy could be linked
DO> This study reveals some surprising results.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews682/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I have this friend, whose children are grown adults now, with children of their own. But she told me this story about one of them one time. She was trying to teach her children about lying, and about how it was wrong to lie. And one of them said: “Well, Mommy, is it a lie if I tell you it’s a lie?” Well…You kinda have to think about that one.

Children do say the darnedest things sometimes, don’t they? That’s what my friend thought, anyway, when she really didn’t know how to answer her son when he said that!

Well…I was thinking about that story the other day, when I was thinking about one of the biggest problems with bipolar disorder: LYING. It’s a big problem, all right.

Consider this email that I got:

“Dave, I do love my husband, don’t get me wrong. And I know he loves me. And I know he doesn’t really want to hurt me. But he does anyway. You know how? He lies! He lies all the time! I’m afraid he does it on purpose. Or maybe it’s just cause of his bipolar disorder, I don’t know, but that’s what I wanted to ask you about. Do all people with bipolar disorder lie all the time? I mean, he even lies about stuff he doen’t have to lie aobut! Things it’s sure I would find out about, like that he doesn’t do something he should. Like even that he doesn’t go to see his therapist when he should go. I can see that the payment isn’t made, he should know that. But he still tells me that he goes, and that’s an outright lie. Like I wouldn’t find out! What is he thinking? Is everyone with bipolar like this, or is it just him? And what should I do about it? I’m at the end of my rope here. I feel like I’m dealing with a teenager.”

——————————————————————————————————————–

Hmmm…Not as odd an email as you might think. I’ve gotten emails like this before. Like I said, lying is a common problem with bipolar disorder. There are several reasons for this. And some of them came out in this email. For one thing, someone with bipolar disorder may appear to be lying, when it’s really a result of their disorder.

Here’s what I’m talking about: Say they have a manic episode. And they act a certain way during that manic episode, exhibit certain behaviors. Say they even hurt you with these behaviors. And you remember it, because it hurt you.

But after the episode, they don’t remember what they did. And you may think they’re lying. But the fact is, that they really do NOT remember what happened during that episode. In that case, they’re really not lying. It’s just a part of their bipolar disorder.

In fact…It can cause real problems, because they may even think that you’re lying! And before you know it…You’re fighting about it! So in this case…You have to be understanding about it.

But what about the other times? Are they really lying? Like in this email, for example. Say… Lying about going to a therapist appointment when they really didn’t go. Your loved one might do something like that. That really is lying.

So why would they do something like that? Well…They might not want to disappoint you. That could be one reason for it. Or they might lie about taking their medication. They might not take it because they might not like what it does to them. Or they might feel that they don’t need it. So they tell you that they’re taking it, when they’re not.

This lie might be because they don’t want to be told what to do, or simply because they don’t want to take their medication (a specific thing).

So what can you do about it? If you can, you need to talk to them about it. You need to set down consequences for their lying. And then you need to stick to those consequences if they lie again.
So that eventually they will stop lying, because they don’t like the consequences.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

Have you ever heard the question asked, “If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one around to hear it fall, does it still make a sound?” Or what about the question, “When you shut the door on your refrigerator, does the light still stay on?” Do you believe there are people who really worry about the answers to these questions (and others like them)?

Maybe it’s because they’ve got nothing better to do with their time, or maybe because they’ve
got too much time on their hands. Maybe it’s because these types of people always have to know what’s going to happen ahead of time or they feel insecure. Or maybe they just have to know all the answers to everything. These are the types of people who can’t deal with unpredictability.

But as a supporter, you have to live with this (unpredictability) all the time, since bipolar disorder is not a predictable illness. Wait. Let me take that back for a second.

Yes, you can know predictability in two ways:

1. You CAN know the signs and symptoms of the disorder.

2. You CAN know your loved one’s warning signs and triggers.

But you CAN’T predict when a bipolar episode is going to happen. Not even a psychiatrist can
predict that. It’s like a fortune teller predicting the future!

You also have to live with unpredictability (usually a lot of it) when your loved one is in an episode. There’s no way to predict the behavior of a person in a manic episode. Nor is there any way to predict the consequences of that behavior. (Unless, of course, you are familiar with the
behavior, and you are the one who has set down the consequences for the behavior, like if it has
happened before, or something like that.) Otherwise, you just have to deal with the unpredictability of it.

Your loved one may go off on a spending spree. They may exhibit sexually promiscuous behavior. They may go gambling. They may exhibit other impulsive risk-taking behaviors.
They may take the checkbook and/or credit cards and put you into debt. They may make foolish business decisions or ventures. They may do other behaviors that you can’t predict during their episode.

One thing that might help with the problem of unpredictability in your life is to know your loved one’s triggers. Knowing your loved one’s triggers can help you as a supporter to help your loved one avoid a bipolar episode. Then what you can both do is that, after the episode is over is to look at what happened during the episode so that it doesn’t happen again.

Or what you can do during the episode to minimize the consequences afterward. By doing this, you can take some of the unpredictability out of your loved one’s bipolar disorder. This takes good communication skills between the two of you. It also takes a willingness to cooperate and to work at making things better.

If you hold resentments against your loved one (say, for something they did during a manic episode), and you don’t forgive them, you will hold things in, and you won’t talk to them as readily or willingly. The same goes for them. If they don’t feel that they can trust you, for
example, they may hold their thoughts and feelings in, and not share them with you honestly and openly. If this happens, you have a breakdown in communication. Then you’re not fighting on the same team any more.

And there is no chance for being able to cope with the unpredictability of your loved one’s bipolar disorder. You need to be together on this issue.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave