Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

I’m going to ask you a question. A hard question, but one you need to ask yourself. What about YOU? Have you ever asked yourself that? “What about ME?”

Sometimes bipolar disorder can take over your lives to such a degree that you really can get to the point that you ask yourself that question. If you have, you need to know that it is NORMAL! You’re not alone – many supporters ask themselves that question.

Do you sometimes feel as if you have a child instead of a partner? That’s a normal feeling, too. You may sometimes wonder why you are in the relationship at all if it only means taking care of someone who is ill more times than they are not. And this may be harder on you than you thought it would be.

Maybe the bipolar disorder cast you in a role you have no desire to play, but you see no way out because there is no one else to do it if you don’t.

Maybe you’re just plain burnt out. That happens sometimes. So what about you? If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to take care of your loved one. Remember that.

You may be asking yourself, “What about me and what I want from life?” Well, what about you? What do you want and need?

Now that you have the tools to manage the disorder, it’s time for you to become clear about the role you want to play in your relationship. You may feel that the bipolar disorder has taken
the choice away from you. This, too, is a normal feeling.

When your loved one is in an episode, you may feel that you HAVE to play the role of the loving
supporter. That you have to hold things together. But you don’t. Everything you do is a choice.

Whether it’s going to the hospital when your loved one is in an episode, helping your loved one take their medication, or putting up with constant mood swings, there is a choice. It may not be an easy choice, or you may feel like you have no choice, but it is all a choice.

If you choose to stay in a relationship where your loved one is often sick (in an episode), it’s important that you at least know who you are and why you do what you do.

Many of the people who write to me who are married to a loved one with bipolar disorder say that if they knew ahead of time what they would be getting into, they wouldn’t have married that person. Is this you? Do you feel this way?

It’s ok if you do, because others do, but not if you let this feeling turn into a resentment against your loved one, or you stuff it and it bubbles up inside you and reflects how you feel about your loved one. You need to deal with it.

If it’s your choice to stay with your loved one, no matter what (and remember, you do have a choice), then feeling like that is something that you just have to get over, as it will get in the way of being a good supporter.

I know, because I am a supporter myself, that sometimes it’s just not good enough to know that you’re not alone in your struggle against bipolar disorder – that you’re not the only one who feels the way you do…that so much is expected of you, especially when your loved one goes into an episode, because even though you’re the one who does all the work, your loved one is probably the one who gets all the attention.

“In sickness and in health” can be hard to take when it seems sometimes that there just isn’t any “health”! Your role gets so complicated sometimes that you wonder who you really are any more: You often have to be a financial planner, a confidant, a therapist, a nurse, a parent, a provider, a supporter, and any number of roles that maybe you didn’t sign on for.

This is a lot to ask of you. And many times it is a thankless job. And, again, if you don’t take care of yourself first, you may burn out from it. Don’t despair if it’s wearing you out. It wears everyone out.

Again, ask yourself the tough questions: What about ME? Who am I? What do I want out of life? How much longer can I continue on like this? Can I continue on like this? Is this all worth it? Because you need to know the answers.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

Have you ever heard the expression: Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.
I think it’s a kind of funny way to look at life. Especially if you’re a kind of negative person. Because I’m just the opposite – I’m a pretty positive person. I’m always looking at the best case scenario in every situation.

I kind of think you have to, although you still have to be realistic at the same time, especially
when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder. But you just can’t be one of those people who are always worrying from day to day. You know, like projecting from one day to the next what might happen, before you even know.

And especially if you tend to think on the negative side of things – that throws a bad slant to everything. You need to be a positive thinker if you’re dealing with bipolar disorder.

It just helps to look at things in a positive way when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, because so much of it can be negative to begin with. But you don’t have to worry all the time, either. If you do, you’re just going to set yourself up for negative things to happen. Because you’re going to be looking for them.

Enough bad things are going to happen in life all by themselves, but you don’t have to help
them along. To fight them, you have to think and act positively.

For example, when your loved one picks a fight with you, which can be a normal occurrence when you’re dealing with the rage of a bipolar manic episode, you can either react in a negative or a positive manner, it’s your choice.

If you react in a negative manner, though, it’s just going to prolong the fight. But if you react in a positive manner, it might just de-escalate your loved one’s behavior.

So what I’m talking about are things that may be inevitable, but that you can do something about just by changing your attitude about them. In other words, if you go around expecting bad things
to happen, they will.

You’d be a sort of magnet that bad things will be attracted to. But it can work the opposite way, too.

Like with people. Have you ever noticed that negative people seem to attract other negative people? But that positive people tend to attract other positive people? It is like a magnet sort of thing.

Think of it this way: Your positive attitude can help change a negative situation. Like the example I used of fighting with your loved one.

When your loved one is negative, your being positive can have that positive kind of influence on them. After all, who wants to fight with someone who won’t fight back?

Now, I never said that having a positive attitude in the face of a negative situation would be easy.
It isn’t always that easy. But it sure gets you further, and with a whole lot less stress on you.

And, hopefully, eventually, it will turn things around for you as well. Hopefully, given time, your loved one will change, too. Hopefully, they will begin to be more like you. And hopefully, you will begin to experience more positive situations than negative ones.

And, like I said, a lot less stress as a by-product as well. Positive people just seem to be healthier, too. Probably because they have less stress, they are physically healthier.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews713/

Woman who threatened to kill judge goes on trial
DO> Do you think her bipolar is at fault?

Ketamine Restores Ability to Experience Pleasure in Depressed Patients Within Minutes
DO> You’ll find this video very informative.

Insulin resistance linked to treatment-refractory bipolar disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Judge Finds Woman Not Guilty Of Assault On Mother Because Of Mental Illness
DO> Do you agree with the judge’s decision?

Verbal abuse worsens bipolar disease outcome
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

ISBD Task Force examines suicide predictors
DO> This study reveals something very interesting.

Bipolar Symptoms May Soon Be Treated With New Drugs
DO> This is exciting news!

People with mental health disorders twice as likely to have heart disease or stroke
DO> This study makes some important points.

Psychotherapies offer options for treating bipolar disorder
DO> Good study, wouldn’t you say?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews713/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews713/

Woman who threatened to kill judge goes on trial
DO> Do you think her bipolar is at fault?

Ketamine Restores Ability to Experience Pleasure in Depressed Patients Within Minutes
DO> You’ll find this video very informative.

Insulin resistance linked to treatment-refractory bipolar disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Judge Finds Woman Not Guilty Of Assault On Mother Because Of Mental Illness
DO> Do you agree with the judge’s decision?

Verbal abuse worsens bipolar disease outcome
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

ISBD Task Force examines suicide predictors
DO> This study reveals something very interesting.

Bipolar Symptoms May Soon Be Treated With New Drugs
DO> This is exciting news!

People with mental health disorders twice as likely to have heart disease or stroke
DO> This study makes some important points.

Psychotherapies offer options for treating bipolar disorder
DO> Good study, wouldn’t you say?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews713/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, we hear a lot about cholesterol these days. You may even have a problem with your cholesterol, or have to take medication to control it. Many people do, so you’re not alone. It’s getting to be in epidemic proportions.

But did you know…If you’re trying to control your cholesterol – That there are actually two types of cholesterol. And that it’s not enough to lower your “bad” cholesterol, you also have to try to raise your “good” cholesterol at the same time.

The good news is that you can do this through medication, diet, and exercise, so it can be done and you can stay healthy. The important thing is BALANCE. Treatment is a BALANCE between the medication, diet, and exercise. It takes all three.

When it comes to bipolar disorder, you need a BALANCE as well. For example: Most importantly, they need to take their medications religiously and as prescribed. They also need to go to all their appointments with their doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist, and any other professional on their treatment team on a regular basis.

It’s good for them to have a structure and a routine, and to have productivity to their days, such as having a To-Do List of things to accomplish. They should have a good strong support system that they can depend on.

They should stick to a regular sleep schedule as well, going to bed at the same time every night and waking up at the same time every morning, and getting 8-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night.

A good, healthy, nutritious diet is very important, too. They should avoid caffeine, and they definitely should avoid alcohol, as this could interfere with their medication (as well as other possible problems).

Exercise is very important for your loved one. They should exercise at least three times a week for at least 30 minutes, enough to raise their heartbeat. Even walking is good, as long as it’s regular and they stick to it.

If they can’t work a full-time job outside the home, maybe they can work a part-time job, or a job with flexible hours. If not, perhaps a work-from-home job, or a business you can start from home.

If they can’t work, they should at least do volunteer work. The important thing is to do something productive with their time. They should also have projects that they work on, and creative things that they do, like working in a garden, or building things. Hobbies are important as well.

They also need to do things that they enjoy. That is really important for their emotional well-being.

The important thing about all these things is that they create a BALANCE for your loved one.
Your loved one needs to be balanced physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

But don’t forget yourself! You need to be balanced as well. Pretty much all the things that I listed for your loved one could apply just as easily to you.

If you do all those things…You will be balanced as well, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And it’s just as important for you to be well-balanced as it is for your loved one to be well-balanced, even though you don’t have bipolar disorder.

It’s actually important for all of us to be well-balanced in general. So all of this is actually just good advice to follow. But one thing I would add for you: You need to take breaks from your loved one. If not, you will burn out. Make sure that you have your own support system as well, just as your loved one does.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Whether you have bipolar disorder or are supporting someone who does, YOU BETTER NOT DO THIS: Never wish you were somewhere else.

Haven’t you ever heard that old saying, “Wherever you go, there you are?” In other words, it doesn’t help to try to run from your problems, whether literally or just in your head.

You can’t wish your problems away. You have to deal with them. I know it’s hard. I have to do it too. (Try being me for a day! LOL) But NEVER wish you were somewhere else. “Somewhere else” has its problems there, too. Because, “Wherever you go, there you are.” And so are your problems. They’re still in your head.

A supporter doesn’t stop being a supporter just because they’re not home with their loved one.
Running away doesn’t help. And neither does wishing you were somewhere else.

I know it’s hard dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder. And sometimes you’d rather be somewhere else doing something else (anything else). But it doesn’t help to think that way. In fact, you better NOT think that way, because it will only get you into trouble.

You have to face reality. You have to deal with what’s in front of you, both the good AND the bad. And there are ways to do that:

1. Remain positive
2. Be proactive
3. Maintain contact with friends
4. Maintain contact with family
5. Take care of yourself
6. Journal your thoughts and feelings
7. Exercise (it gets out your frustration)
8. See your own therapist
9. Take up a hobby
10. Go places without your loved one

These are just some suggestions. I’m sure you can think of some of your own if you try.

Another thing is that you have to separate yourself from your loved one. You have your own identity outside your loved one and outside their disorder. Make sure you remember that!

Also, try to separate your loved one from their disorder. I know that’s hard sometimes, especially because you have to live with them every day, but you have to try to do it anyway. Some people do this by looking through old photo albums or scrapbooks and remembering what their loved one was like before the disorder.

Other people keep in mind what their loved one is like when they’re not in an episode (and they’re grateful for that!).

But whatever, always keep in mind NOT to think about being somewhere else – it will ruin how you’re trying to stay “in the moment.” You may not be in the best “moment” of your life, but at least you’ll be dealing with reality. And that’s the important thing.

Many times, with bipolar disorder, you will be forced to “go places” with your loved one when they are in an episode, so it is even more important that you stay reality-based. One of you has to keep your head at all times and since you are the supporter, that someone has to be you.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

Today I want to talk about how people in a manic episode make mistakes when it comes to other people (“friends”). They tend to choose the wrong people to surround themselves with (negative or toxic people) when they are in that episode, and it comes back to hurt them and their families.

Remember before when I’ve told you about Michele and how she taught her children about
picking the right friends by using the 10/2 Equation.

It works like this: If you are a 10 and they are a 2, and you hang out with them, you are not going to bring them up to an 8, they are going to bring you down to a 4!

So that’s what I’m talking about here. It’s hard for a supporter to watch their loved one go into a manic episode…Your loved one might get all outgoing and such (whether that is their normal behavior or behavior caused by the bipolar disorder)… and the next thing you know, your loved one is hanging around with these people…

…and you KNOW that these people are bad for your loved one, but they just use excuses, or defend their “new friends”, because they can’t see how these people are bad for them.

In a manic episode, your loved one’s judgment can be totally altered by their bipolar disorder.
They may not even realize that these people are bad for them (or you).

That can be so frustrating for you, because your loved one just won’t listen to you when it comes to their friends, because they think they’re ok, and they may get defensive about it. And you don’t want to get into a fight with your loved one over their choice in friends, but you may not know
what else to do!

It’s really tough, but you may even have to stand silently by and watch your loved one get hurt by these “friends.” Maybe they are just negative people and will bring your loved one down, but that’s not as bad as what some will do –

Some will take advantage of their “new friend” (your loved one while they’re in a manic episode) and possibly use them for their money, etc. Even so, your loved one might still defend them! It’s very difficult in this situation to get your loved one to listen to you.

For example: Michele (who works for me), her mom has bipolar disorder, just like my mom.
Michele spent hours with her mom, working out a routine for her to be able to manage her bipolar disorder. Her mom was doing great on her routine. Until she met Mary.

Mary became close friends with Michele’s mom. But Mary decided that Michele’s mom didn’t need her routine any more, and that she had better advice for her. So guess who Michele’s mom listened to?

Well, after awhile, Mary kind of floated away from Michele’s mom, and Michele’s mom went into a mini-episode, most likely caused by the fact that she had no routine to cling to, like she had before.

Do you see the important point that I’m making here? Now, I’m not saying that people with bipolar disorder shouldn’t have friends. But only that they should be VERY particular in who
they choose for friends. In fact, this is one of the areas where your loved one should trust you more than themselves.

A manic episode will definitely affect their thoughts and, like I said before, it will affect their judgment as well. If you see that your loved one is making a poor choice in friends, or even being taken advantage of, then you should tell them.

Hopefully, they will listen to you. Or at least think twice about who they are hanging around with. I will tell you this as a p.s. – Michele’s mom sure learned her lesson about choosing her friends more carefully. And now she sticks to her routine, too!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews712/

Link Found Between Glutamate, Adolescent Bipolar Disorder
DO> These results make you think, don’t they?

Optimism app can help patient with mood disorders
DO> This app can help your loved one.

Study Details Risk Factors for Substance Use Disorders After Manic Episode
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Gene variant linked to schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and alcoholism
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Impulse control predicts euthymia in bipolar disorder
DO> This study makes an important point.

Bipolar Depression Treated With Low-Strength Magnetic Stimulation May Improve Moods Faster
DO> This study reveals something very interesting.

Genetic Mutation Found In 1 Of Every 200 People Linked To Alcoholism, Schizophrenia, And …
DO> Wouldn’t you say this is an important study?

People with bipolar disorder take risks
DO> Good study, wouldn’t you say?

Earlier treatment better for bipolar patients
DO> Don’t you think this is an important study?

Impaired emotion recognition runs in families with psychosis
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews712/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Unfortunately, they aren’t going so well for one person who wrote to me. This is what they wrote:

“Dave,
Please remove me from your mailing list. I hate to have to ask you, as I have gotten so much good information from you, but my sister who had bipolar disorder killed herself last week.

She had decided that she was “cured” from her bipolar disorder and had stopped going to see
her psychiatrist and therapist and wouldn’t go to her bipolar support group any more. She even stopped taking her medications, saying that she didn’t need them any more.

We (the rest of her family and me) tried to convince her that it was her medication that was making her feel so much better, but she just wouldn’t listen to us.

She went into a deep depression, telling us that we would all be better off without her, and that
life just wasn’t worth living, and all kinds of things like that. We all tried to tell her how much we loved her and that it was the bipolar disorder that was making her think like that, but like I said, she just wouldn’t listen.

I just don’t understand. How can this disorder be so deadly? Why aren’t more people aware of how devastating an illness this really is? What could I have done differently? Is there anything I could have done to stop her? That’s what’s really bugging me. That there’s something I could have done to stop this from happening. That there’s something I should have done but didn’t. That way my sister would still be alive. Somehow I think it’s my fault. Dave, is it my fault? What should I have done?
–John”

———————————————————————————————————————

This is a horrible tragedy. A needless tragedy. But, unfortunately, one I hear about all too often.
Did you know that statistics say that 1 in 5 people who go off their bipolar medications will kill themselves?

Michele, who works for me, her sister did the same thing, and she came to me with the same plea, “Is there something I could have done to stop her?” I get asked that question a lot.

There is so much guilt that the family and loved ones are left with after the person with bipolar disorder commits suicide after going off their medications. That’s one of the biggest reasons I preach so hard for people to stay on their medications, no matter how much they want to go off them. The chances are just too great (1 in 5) that they will kill themselves.

Is there something that John could have or should have done to stop his sister from killing herself? Unfortunately, we can’t control anyone else – we can’t stop them from doing what they will inevitably do.

In Michele’s sister’s case, her sister waited until she knew no one would be there to stop her, and that’s when she did it. She planned it. She did not want to be stopped.

The thing is that suicide is not the result of a rational mind. When someone with bipolar disorder decides to kill themselves, they are not thinking clearly. So there is nothing you can do to stop them. If they were thinking clearly, they would hear your pleas that you love them and want them to live and get better. They would understand that they are sick and need help.

But, unfortunately, bipolar disorder is a deadly disease, and without medication, it can fool the person into believing all kinds of things, just like it fooled John’s sister into believing that she was “cured” and didn’t need the medication any more.

If your loved one has been talking about going off their medication, show them this post. Do whatever you have to do to convince them to stay on their medication. You don’t want to have to face this all-too-common tragedy.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews711/

HOSPITAL HORRORS: Patient locked in cell with no toilet, food or water
DO> You will find this man’s story shocking.

Doctors ignore tribunal decision
DO> Do you think this was fair?

Reversing the effects of binge drinking on mental health
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Researchers are backing major bipolar survey
DO> This is an important survey.

Pointers for boosting prophylactic bipolar treatment reported
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Clinical pointers to bipolar, unipolar depression confirmed
DO> This study reveals something very interesting.

Anaheim doctor placed on five-year probation
DO> Do you agree with this decision?

Psychologist says KOP killer has bipolar disorder as jury decides his fate
DO> What do you think of this sentence?

ADHD increases major depression to bipolar disorder conversion
DO> This study makes an important point.

Mood and Magnetic Stimulation
DO> What do you think of this treatment?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews711/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave