Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

I’m going to ask you a question. A hard question, but one you need to ask yourself. What about YOU? Have you ever asked yourself that? “What about ME?”

Sometimes bipolar disorder can take over your lives to such a degree that you really can get to the point that you ask yourself that question. If you have, you need to know that it is NORMAL!
You’re not alone – many supporters ask themselves that question.

Do you sometimes feel as if you have a child instead of a partner? That’s a normal feeling, too.
You may sometimes wonder why you are in the relationship at all if it only means taking care of
someone who is ill more times than they are not. And this may be harder on you than you thought it would be.

Maybe the bipolar disorder cast you in a role you have no desire to play, but you see no way out because there is no one else to do it if you don’t. Maybe you’re just plain burnt out. That happens
sometimes.

So what about you? If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to take care of your loved one. Remember that. You may be asking yourself, “What about me and what I want from life?” Well, what about you? What do you want and need?

Now that you have the tools to manage the disorder, it’s time for you to become clear about the role you want to play in your relationship. You may feel that the bipolar disorder has taken the choice away from you. This, too, is a normal feeling.

When your loved one is in an episode, you may feel that you HAVE to play the role of the loving
supporter. That you have to hold things together. But you don’t. Everything you do is a choice.

Whether it’s going to the hospital when your loved one is in an episode, helping your loved one take their medication, or putting up with constant mood swings, there is a choice. It may not be an easy choice, or you may feel like you have no choice, but it is all a choice.

If you choose to stay in a relationship where your loved one is often sick (in an episode), it’s important that you at least know who you are and why you do what you do.

Many of the people who write to me who are married to a loved one with bipolar disorder say that if they knew ahead of time what they would be getting into, they wouldn’t have married that person. Is this you? Do you feel this way?

It’s ok if you do, because others do, but not if you let this feeling turn into a resentment against your loved one, or you stuff it and it bubbles up inside you and reflects how you feel about your loved one. You need to deal with it.

If it’s your choice to stay with your loved one, no matter what (and remember, you do have a choice), then feeling like that is something that you just have to get over, as it will get in the way of being a good supporter.

I know, because I am a supporter myself, that sometimes it’s just not good enough to know that you’re not alone in your struggle against bipolar disorder – that you’re not the only one who feels the way you do…that so much is expected of you, especially when your loved one goes into an episode, because even though you’re the one who does all the work, your loved one is probably the one who gets all the attention.

“In sickness and in health” can be hard to take when it seems sometimes that there just isn’t any “health”! Your role gets so complicated sometimes that you wonder who you really are any more:

You often have to be a financial planner, a confidant, a therapist, a nurse, a parent, a provider, a supporter, and any number of roles that maybe you didn’t sign on for. This is a lot to ask of you. And many times it is a thankless job.

And, again, if you don’t take care of yourself first, you may burn out from it. Don’t despair if it’s wearing you out. It wears everyone out. Again, ask yourself the tough questions: What about ME? Who am I? What do I want out of life? How much longer can I continue on like this? Can I continue on like this? Is this all worth it? Because you need to know the answers.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews729/

Mental Illness, Homelessness Linked to Heart Disease in Study
DO> This study makes an important point.

Judge: Florham Park man insane when he threatened cops
DO> Do you agree with this ruling?

At-risk individuals show possible treatment targets for bipolar disorder
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Mexican women with mental health problems pressured into sterilisation
DO> Shocking study, wouldn’t you say?

Vitamin D and omega-3 together may help mental illness
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Woman admits role in slaying of 17-year-old runaway
DO> What do you think should happen to her?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews729/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all of bipolar disorder by visiting:
www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I got a comment on my blog recently that I wanted to share with you (It’s kind of long, so bear with me. I have used R. for the daughter’s name to protect anonymity):

“Apart from a month where my daughter R. was very fragile and in need of respite care away from the home to settle down again not long after we relocated…R. has been great . I must note that R. and I had talked about the probability of her becoming fragile because of the stress of the move so we had made contingency plans re contacting her mental health team and directing the transfer of her mental and medical details before we relocated – set up a meeting with her mental health team when we arrived , informed them 1 week after our arrival that R. was experiencing real difficulties and pushing to have R. accepted as an acute case into respite.

But today I awoke a whole new ball game. R. has not slept for 24 hours. This morning she informed me cheerily that she had not slept last night – and how did I respond- I pushed the panic button – such a dumb idea!!! I yelled at her about that being a dumb thing today and if she wasn’t careful I would ring up her mental health team pronto!!!!!!! And of course she jumped down my throat – she not only hyperactive at this point but a tad irritable!!! Realising there would be no way out of this dead end I had started in my panic – I left her at home without further argument….BUT…..Then I felt so guilty then I began to get really really anxious at work – and THEN I remembered why I had persuaded R. to move ……..MORE FAMILY SUPPORTERS.

So I put PLAN SUPPORT into place I rang her brother- he told me to settle down – that I wasn’t a bad person, that number 1 importance…I needed to look to my own health situation first(very high anxiety state)and my job was to settle that down swiftly. He would talk to his sister – they have a closer relationship and she does listen to him. My son rang me back a while later having contacted R. and elicited a plan of action from her. She was going to have a quiet day at home
and have a sleep and that if things had not improved by tonight then it would be Plan C the involvement of her Mental Health Care Team. I know its absolutely not R.’s fault at all and its not mine either, the episodes come… just like that… It is the nature of the Beast called Bipolar.”
———————————————————————————————————————

Now, first of all…It’s easy to look from an outsider’s point of view and point fingers at someone else’s reaction to their situation, because maybe you think you might’ve done things differently if you were her, but I don’t want you to do that. I just want to look at this email objectively.

This is a mom struggling with her daughter’s bipolar disorder. And the daughter, too, is obviously struggling. Most obviously, with a current manic episode due to lack of sleep. Lack of sleep can be a trigger to a manic episode. But they have both just also faced a major move, which can also be a trigger to a bipolar episode.

But one thing the mom did right was try to prepare ahead of time, as she talked about in the email. That was a good thing.

She also, seeing that her daughter was “fragile,” said that she “set up a meeting with her mental health team when we arrived , informed them 1 week after our arrival that R. was experiencing real difficulties and pushing to have R. accepted as an acute case into respite.” That was a good thing too.

But then something bad happened. Her daughter didn’t sleep for 24 hours and told her so. Then
she says, “…and how did I respond- I pushed the panic button – such a dumb idea!!! I yelled at her about that being a dumb thing today and if she wasn’t careful I would ring up her mental health team pronto!!!!!!!”

This caused a fight between them, which wasn’t a good thing. It’s easy for us to see as outsiders that this woman should not have “pushed the panic button” and should have been more understanding of her daughter not sleeping.

But then she tried to turn things around, at least. She put PLAN SUPPORT into place, and called her son. He gave her good advice, primarily to take care of herself.

Then she says, “My son rang me back a while later having contacted R. and elicited a plan of action from her. She was going to have a quiet day at home and have a sleep and that if things had not improved by tonight then it would be Plan C the involvement of her Mental Health Care Team.”

There would be a Plan C if things didn’t work out the way they planned, and that, too, is a good thing. You should always have a backup plan.

Then she ends by saying she doesn’t blame her daughter for her episode, and I want to stress that point. It truly isn’t your loved one’s fault, and it’s good to remember that. Much of their behavior is due to their bipolar disorder. It’s also good to remember, as this woman says, that it’s not your fault, either.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Let me ask you something: When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? An artist? A musician? An author? A teacher? A ballerina? Or even the President? Whatever you wanted to be, I bet it didn’t include bipolar disorder, did it?

So what did happen to your dreams? I mean, maybe it wasn’t the bipolar disorder that knocked
your dreams to the side – maybe it happened before the diagnosis? What happens to our dreams between childhood and adulthood?

Most likely there was some adult (parents, teacher) who told you that your dream wasn’t realistic. Some dreams (doctor, lawyer) maybe are realistic, but ballerina or President? No. Maybe not so realistic.

We give up our childhood dreams to become responsible adults. We graduate from school, grow up, get a (real) job, get married, buy a house, raise children…and before you know it, we’re too old to follow our childhood dreams even if we wanted to.

Or is it? Maybe too late (or unrealistic) for childhood dreams, but still possible for adult dreams. And yes, you can still have them despite bipolar disorder. You just might have to be a little more creative.

What if we were to call them goals instead of dreams? Like, “I’ve always wanted to cruise the Mediterranean…” Or, “I’d like to visit Europe someday…” Or, “I’d like to go back to college and finish my degree…” Or, “I’d like to finally write that book…” Or, “I’d love to lose those extra 50 pounds…” Or, “I’d like to learn ballroom dancing…”

You get the picture. The point is, these are all attainable goals. And I’m sure when put this way, you can think of a few yourself.

Perhaps the reason you haven’t pursued your dream is because it’s too big. But if you put your dream into terms of long- and short-term goals instead, you can turn it into manageable, bite-sized pieces.

Here’s what I mean: Like the example of going back to college for that degree that you want. That would be your long-term goal. But the short-term goals would be to think of it in terms of semesters, or even courses.

Writing a book could be a long-term goal, with writing chapters as the short-term goals. Losing 50 pounds as a long-term goal could be broken down into 10-pound short-term goals. See what I mean?

So what does all this have to do with bipolar disorder? The fact that you can still attain your dreams even with the disorder if you break it down into setting goals, because with bipolar disorder, the setting of goals is something that is attainable, because you have room for flexibility. You can work around mood swings and episodes.

Understandably, some of your goals might be limited by bipolar disorder. For example, making plans to travel is one of the things that people write to me all the time about, because it’s difficult to do when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder.

I get questions like, “What if we’re going on a trip and my loved one goes into an episode?” Or, “How can I keep my loved one from going into an episode when we’re travelling?”

I’ve gone into these answers in-depth in my articles, website, and courses, but I’ll just tell you briefly here: It can be done, but it takes a lot of planning, and you need to make sure that your loved one is STABLE. Stability is crucial in avoiding bipolar episodes when you’re travelling.

You also need to plan for every eventuality. You need to have safety plans in place, just like you should when you’re home. And make sure you have plenty of back-up medication.

The point is, though, you can still, for example, fulfill your dream of visiting Europe – you just have to plan for it (set it as a long-term goal).

I know a woman who has been successful at setting goals and achieving her dreams. Her secret is that she does the hardest part first – that way she gets it out of the way.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know I like to hike, right? It’s where I do some of my best thinking. And, usually, that’s about bipolar disorder, of course.

But I was hiking one day and thinking about the staggering numbers of people who have the
disorder, are supporting someone who does, or know of someone who has it. And the numbers are staggering.

Then I was thinking about the difference between people when it comes to bipolar disorder. I hear from a lot of people in response to my blog posts, courses/systems, website, etc. And it’s almost like they’re divided in half.

Half the people are really struggling with it, and the other half seem to have mastered it. Well, maybe mastered it is the wrong way to put it – but they control and manage the disorder instead of it controlling or managing them.

These are the people I like to hear from, because they have that “fighting attitude.” And that’s what you have to have when it comes to bipolar disorder – a FIGHTING ATTITUDE.

There are those people who take the diagnosis lying down, just like in a boxing match where
you throw in the towel and give up. They don’t believe that stability is a possibility for them.
Those people don’t do the right things, so they don’t get stable.

But have you ever known someone who no matter what happens to them, they fight back?
Like cancer survivors. I think it’s all in having a “fighting attitude.” They don’t take it laying down – they fight back! And many of them do win.

Even a doctor will tell you that your attitude towards your illness (whatever it is) can be crucial to your recovery. Well, that’s as true for bipolar disorder as it is for cancer.

You’ve got to come out of your corner fighting. That’s the way to control it. Of course, just like any fight, you have to be prepared. You have to have strategies. You have to have plans in place.
And you have to have these things in advance, just like an army does in a war.

Like, you need to sit down with your loved one and decide what to do in case they need to go in
the hospital.

Strategies would include:

• A better lifestyle
• Eating a healthy diet
• Exercising
• Keeping a good sleep schedule
• Staying productive
• Attending a support group
• Having a strong support system
• Adhering to all treatment

Those who look at battling bipolar disorder as just that – a battle – and are willing to do what it takes to win, do find success. It is possible to recover from the disorder.

I know, because I’ve gotten so many success stories. But all success stories have one thing in common: They did whatever they had to do to gain stability, including those things I just listed.
They had a “fighting attitude.” That’s what your loved one will need to have, too, to gain stability with their bipolar disorder.

They need to do all the basic things you need to do to become stable…But it’s just as important for them to have that fighting attitude.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews727/

Cannabis use has ‘significant link’ with onset of mania
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

People with mental disorder have higher risk of dying than those without
DO> These results make you think, don’t they?

Mother calls for fixes to state’s mental health system
DO> What do you think of this woman’s stand?

Bipolar risk boosted by accumulation of rare versions of genes
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Teen Who Brought Guns to School Deserves a Second Chance
DO> Do you think this boy deserves a second chance?

What Causes Bipolar Disorder? Aside From Genes, These Are The Things Most Likely To Increase …
DO> These are some important studies with some good information for you.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews727/

POST RESPONSES TO THE NEWS HERE
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarsupporterblog/current-bipolar-news-381/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all
aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today I want to talk about the 10 Rules for Bipolar Health. I know, I hate rules too, but I think
this list is really important for your emotional health, whether you are the one with bipolar disorder or the supporter.

1. Take care of yourself.
If you are a survivor, you have to take care of yourself in order to manage your disorder. Get the right amount of sleep, eat a healthy diet, and exercise, are just a few examples. Same goes for you supporters. You can’t be any good to someone else if you aren’t good to yourself first.

2. Focus on the positive instead of the negative.
Survivors, if you stay negative, you will stay sick. Supporters, if you stay negative, you will be no good to your loved one, and you will be no good to yourself. You need to be a more positive person, in order to stay emotionally healthy. You need to take every
negative thought and turn it into a positive one.

3. Let go of the past.
Yes, I know this is easier said than done. Supporters, I know you’re probably saying to me, “But you don’t know what he/she has done to me!” But remember, I am a supporter, too! There’s plenty of hurt and other negative feelings I went through with my mother.
I just had to learn to let go of it, or I would still be suffering from those horrible memories, and still be lost in the past, instead of living a good present like I am. I had to make a decision to forgive my mother, as you need to make a decision to forgive your
loved one now. If you don’t, you will keep that resentment, and both of you will suffer.

4. Be respectful and responsible.
This is more for survivors. You need to own up to what you’ve done and said in your episodes, even if you don’t remember. Your loved one has remembered everything you’ve said and done, and is probably still feeling hurt and resentful about it, so you have to be respectful and responsible and do the right thing, and make up to them for it.

5. Have an attitude of gratitude.
Supporters, living in the world of bipolar disorder can get to you sometimes – you can get to feeling like it’s all that’s in your life. But it doesn’t have to be. Trade all the negatives of the disorder and what it has done to your loved one and your lives, and develop an
attitude of gratitude instead. Be grateful for every day that your loved one goes without an episode and make the most of those days. Be grateful for the smaller things as well.

6. Develop one or two friendships outside the one you have with your loved one.
This goes for both of you. Go to a support group meeting. Meet new people. Get out from the bipolar disorder that tends to overwhelm your life and isolate you. You need to have other relationships outside of just your own. You need to learn to talk about other things besides bipolar disorder.

7. Have some fun!
People who don’t have fun in their lives, especially people who have bipolar disorder, tend to become more depressed. This doesn’t have to be expensive, but just something that keeps your spirits high. I know a couple who have “Date Night” every Friday night, and sometimes all they do is go to the local mall and have a cheap dinner at the food court and watch the people! To them, this is fun. Other times, they just rent a movie, put covers on the floor, pop some popcorn, and snuggle together to watch the movie. And
both of them have bipolar disorder, by the way!

8. Remove yourself from hurtful or damaging (negative) situations.
For survivors, there are many situations that are negative, stressful, over-exciting/stimulating, and can trigger an episode for you. These are situations that you need to avoid. If you find yourself in one of these situations, you need to get out of
them right away.

9. Accept that life is all about choices.
Some choices are good, and some are bad. But they are YOUR choices. You need to learn to make good choices. The more good choices you make, the more emotionally healthy you will be, and the happier in the long run. If you make bad choices, there will
always be consequences to pay, and you don’t want that.

10. The future is up to YOU!
Have a plan for the future. Unfortunately, no one knows when your next episode will occur, although I have tried to teach you how to avoid episodes, how to watch for triggers, and how to manage your bipolar disorder. However, I have also told you
that you most likely will have another episode. That’s why I always tell you to have a safety plan in place for the next episode. You can make short term plans and long term plans for your future, and you should make plans just for yourselves that have nothing to do with bipolar disorder. Just make some kind of plans to have a healthy, happy, successful future – the future is up to YOU!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews726/

Different mental disorders cause same brain-matter loss, study finds
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Many Mental Disorders Affect Same Brain Regions
DO> This study makes an important point.

Mood disorders associated with biorhythm
DO> This article brings up some interesting ideas.

Mom fighting to keep”dangerous” son out of home: ‘I don`t know what else to do. There are so …
DO> You will find this video moving.

Bob Jones: Inmate, ex-athlete battles mental illness
DO> Do you agree with this man’s insights?

Woman wins appeal over drug use
DO> Do you think this ruling was fair?

Service dog aides mental illness
DO> Do you think this could help your loved one?

Review finds ‘significant link’ between cannabis use and onset of mania symptoms
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Integrative Network Approach Used to Profile Drug Response in Bipolar Disorder
DO> Some important points made here, wouldn’t you say?

People with Mental Disorders Risk an Early Death
DO> This study brings up some important issues.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews726/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews720/

Teen killed in police lobby suffered from ‘mental illness,’ says relative
DO> Do you think this was just a cry for help?

Atypical features common in bipolar disorder subtypes, associated with therapy
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Chronic pain common in affective disorders
DO> This study reports some interesting findings.

Santa Cruz murder trial explores defendant’s mental illness history
DO> Do you think this could have been prevented?

Study identifies biological mechanisms for schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and depression
DO> This study makes an important point.

Probiotics may hold key to improving mental health
DO> You’ll find this video very interesting.

Pittsburgh researchers use light on animal brains to study mental disorders
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Whitewater stabbing suspect pleads not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect
DO> Do you think his bipolar disorder is just an excuse?

Different mental disorders cause same brain-matter loss, study finds
DO> This study reveals something very interesting.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews720/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I’ve been thinking about something I want to talk to you about. Because you know how I get so many calls and emails about certain subjects, right? And a lot of times that’s where I get my
topics for these posts. So that’s where I got the topic for today’s post.

So many people have talked to me about messing something up with their treatment plan. Then they don’t know what to do, so many of them just keep messing up, like staying off their medications, which, I’ll tell you right now is NOT the right thing to do!

Or they stop seeing their therapist, and again, that is NOT the right thing to do, or they start skipping appointments with their other medical professionals, and again – NOT the right thing to do.

There are so many parts that make up a treatment plan, and I’m not going to go into ALL the different parts, because I have done this before. But I do want to talk about what happens when you do start to mess up some of the parts of your treatment plan, and what you should do.

It’s easy, like I just did above, to talk about what you shouldn’t do! So that part is easy. And in most cases, just do the opposite of that.

So for instance, what should you do if you’ve messed up with your medication? You need to start taking it again, but here’s the problem. You can’t just start where you were, because depending on how long you were off it, you may need to build back up to that.

So in that case, you need to go back to your psychiatrist and have him help you get back to where you were.

If you’ve messed up with your therapist, just make a new appointment, and start going back
regularly. If he/she accepts you back as a patient, then all is forgiven. If he/she rejects you, you will just have to start over with another therapist. And that’s ok, you can do that. Don’t let that get you down.

You can do it – you did it the first time! Just don’t let any more time lapse before finding
another therapist, because you really do need to be in therapy.

But now let’s say you’ve begun isolating again. Here’s where it gets tricky. People with bipolar disorder are very good at isolating. It’s one of the top indicators for having bipolar disorder and one of the top triggers for a bipolar episode.

Supporters who have loved ones with bipolar disorder watch for this trigger in their loved one.
But if the person with bipolar disorder has let this slip, has started isolating again, then they are in a dangerous place – they have obviously let part of their treatment plan get out of control.

Now they have two choices when confronted with this by their supporter: they can close down, shut out the world, get all depressed, climb into bed, pull the covers over their head, feel sorry for themselves, cry, and go into a depressive episode…

OR…they can accept that even though they let a PART of their treatment plan get out of control, that the WHOLE treatment plan is still working, and they can still fix it!

If they are lucky enough to have a supporter who is still sticking by them through this, then they can both work on the problem together.

First you identify what went wrong. Then you can fix it. It doesn’t have to be something all dramatic and such. It can be something as small as just not sleeping right. But once it’s identified, you can work on it.

And it doesn’t have to be so overwhelming that it drives your loved one to their bed – it only has
to be faced One Day at a Time. Just today. Only today.

Work on your treatment plan the best that you can only one day at a time. Just do the best that you can. That’s all anybody is expecting you to do. Nobody is expecting you to be perfect. And they are certainly not expecting you to be perfect overnight!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave