Hi,
What’s new?
Before I get started, I wanted to let you know that I will be looking for new writers for bipolar related topics soon.
We are actually having a super system to keep track of anyone interested and Megan is in charge of it’s development.
She is currently going through the system to make sure it’s all set for those that are interested.
Just keep reading these emails and you’ll see a notice.
I was talking to someone yesterday that’s actually a really tough guy and he is seeing a therapist.
He said that he has “a lot of issues from his childhood that were negatively affecting his wife.”
He said that he loved his wife and wanted to make sure she didn’t “split” (meaning leave) because of his “issues.”
I thought that was great on his part.
So it reminded me of the many bipolar supporters I know who see therapists.
Here’s a question for you:
As a bipolar supporter, should you see your own therapist?
Well, first of all, it’s a personal decision, and only you can answer that for yourself.
But I have personally talked to many therapists, their mental health professionals, and consultants, and the general consensus is that therapy is a must for your loved one, family (or marriage) therapy is an option, and therapy for the supporter can be a good idea.
Therapists are great for giving you feedback and helping you stay on track.
For many supporters, whose loved one has driven away family and friends, a therapist is the only person they can go to for a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
Another thing about seeing your own therapist is that everything is kept strictly confidential. So you have the freedom to say anything you want to say without fear of your loved one finding out.
On the other hand, I know a couple who both see the same therapist (the therapist had to agree to it – many won’t) – in separate sessions. But each has given the therapist permission that if there is an issue involved that they can’t talk to each other about, that she can function (tactfully) as sort of a “go-between.”
This has really helped their communication, and their relationship has improved as well.
But you also have to trust your therapist, and have a good relationship with him/her. Like this couple I was just telling you about. They have to trust their therapist not to just “blab” to the other person what each other says. And the therapist doesn’t do that, because she’s a good therapist.
My mom likes the therapist she’s going to now, but she’s had some bad therapists in the past.
Now, I’m not saying that all therapists are bad, obviously, because I just talked about some good ones. But there are good therapists and bad therapists, just like there are good doctors and bad doctors, and that’s one of the things I go over in my courses/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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Sometimes, being a supporter, you have to deal with some pretty big issues, like when it comes to episodes.
Especially when it comes to the fall-out (consequences) of those episodes. That’s one of the times that having your own therapist would be a good idea.
But even on a daily basis, with all the responsibilities you have as a supporter, it would still be a good idea to have your own therapist.
Being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, you have to deal with a lot of feelings (sometimes negative ones) and conflicting emotions.
Writing in a journal can help, but sometimes you just need someone to talk to, because you need that feedback. That’s where a therapist comes in.
Sometimes the “bipolar world” can get pretty crazy. Sometimes it can even feel as if bipolar disorder has taken over your whole life. Like I said before, a therapist is good at helping you keep your life on track.
Again, though, whether you see your own therapist or not is a personal decision.
It’s your choice.
One final thought. My dad use to be against therapy. You’re going to laugh but the said “only in America could you get paid to hear people talk to you.” Okay, first my dad is older and from the country (down south) where that wasn’t big in his time. Today of course people all over the world see therapists, people down south, north, in Canada, South America, Africa, Asia, etc.
But anyway, my dad use to just think it was like a waste of money. UNTIL he saw the results with my mom and other bipolar supporters he met once at a support group.
Some people think like my dad on my list. I think that SOME therapists gave the good therapists a bad name so to speak by not really helping and just trying to get money out of people.
Therapy reminds me of chiropractors, there are good ones and bad ones but the bad ones made it hard for the good ones.
Anyway, one thing that I pointed out to my dad that made him look at it differently is that I said, “instead of thinking of a therapist as a person that just listens to someone talk think of a therapist as a consultant or coach. Any good coach has to ask questions to determine how to help the person.”
That made sense to my dad. Even I don’t think of a therapist as a therapist I think of a therapist as a consultant. I think if we could do it all over again I think therapists should be called consultants.
Okay, maybe I am out of my mind but you get the idea right?
My dad does not see a therapist but he believes in them because he has seen great results for my mom and other bipolar supporters.
Hey I have to run. Think I am crazy?
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
I agree that a good therapist is very important to have. I recomend them to help with keeping you in check with yourself and your thinking. More and more people are getting bipolar and dont know what to do except take the drugs thier shrink gives them but then they are flapping in the wind not able to deal. Your emails do help so they can learn what comes next. thank you..
Good Morning Dave,
No you aren’t crazy, thanks for the great e-mail this morning,
I have to get going also, I am running a little late, but I will
get to church almost on time this morning, my husband wouldn’t
wait for me, so he left for Sunday School, and I will go to service
an hour later. Sometimes I just can’t get ready as quickly as he
does. Oh well have a great day also.
God Bless you for all you do.
Sincerely, Darlene
And oh by the way my Grandson is doing so well, we are so
thankful for that.
“Think I am crazy?”
YES, Dave, you’re crazy. But don’t change.
Welcome to the club!
kindly help me pls
Good Morning Dave,
You may not have received my previous email Dave because I have not gotten your response yet. I enjoy reading your emails and enjoyed reading your materials that I purchased a few months ago. Even though I thought I was somewhat prepared for someone with Bipolar after reading your material, I was rudely awaken after living with them. I didn’t think there was anything wrong, until I started to look at the big picture and think of all the things that were going on in his life. I just thought he was a very ambitious person, until I realized he doesn’t have enough money for all his projects and when I confronted him on it he said that it will come. He was a person who also believed in the “The Secret” mentality, you know the “Laws of Attraction”. Whatever you thinketh strong enough, it shall occur or you will attract, or whatever. Everything seemed logical, except for all the money he was losing and if he kept it up he would have lost all of his assets. It’s amazing how people come out of the woodwork when you have money and they say that they can help achieve things for you or act like you friend. There are a lot of shysters out there who say they are your friend, when money is involved. What is happening in his life is costing his marriage, and after what I have seen may also have caused my marriage as well. There are times when I think I may have had the same symptoms as my cousin has, not sure though. I, along with my cousin, have been seeking counseling most of our lives. My cousin’s counselor has him convinced that he is only Hypo-manic, a mild form of manic, which I know is not true. He told him that he has the Ted Turner type of mania. These past 7 months has been the craziest months I’ve had in a long time, except for my childhood. My cousin doesn’t want to take his medication like he is suppose to because he likes the way his mind races and comes up with all the ideas he gets and likes thinking outside the box. He would rather destroy the lives of those close to him just so that he can keep thinking outside the box. I’m very close to him and that is why it hurts me to see him this way. I wish there was something I could do to make things back to the way things were before this occurred, but I know there isn’t. His wife has since filed for a divorce and he doesn’t care because he thinks she’s against him. He will not speak to his father, who is trying everything he can to help him, because he thinks his father is against him. My cousin thinks that his father is trying to control his life and isn’t in speaking terms with him and that is killing his father, who may not have many years left, as is with his mother as well. He hasn’t spoken with his mother in almost six months. Need your help. After this has passed I plan to write about this so that other people who live with this kind of condition can learn something from it and make their lives a little better, I hope.
no dave you are not crazey !you are a great man for all you are doing for people.
I am bipolar 2 and on meds thru a state run program. I am not in therapy tho and am kind of on the fence about that. I think it might be good for me but yet you have to find one you feel comfortable with. I haven’t felt that with the couple I met at the clinic i am going to. Maybe someday I will be able to afford your course about finding a good therapist with little or no money. Thanks for the e-mails Dave. They help.
Karen
David, I generally find your advice worthwhile even though wordy. I wish you would have someone proof your copy. As a retired English teacher, I’m put off by the grammatical errors in your communications—-such as saying “use” when you mean “used” as in “used to.” I guess I’m being picky, but the errors keep me from taking the advice as seriously as I might otherwise.
my modem is not working, my family is sending the police after me, they are trying to get me locked up, everyone is after me, and I just want to hold up the white flag with all my prescription bottles and surrender…give up on life…I can’t get through this I know the end is near and the battle is over…i lost.
To TRIED THEM ALL: First of all, although I’ve been trying to reach you personally through your email address, they ALL come back to me, saying there’s no such address. I HAVE been trying to help you through my emails to you; have you changed your address? If so, write to me and give me a way to REACH you.
NO – you have NOT lost. As long as there’s a breath of life in you, you HAVE to fight this. Do NOT surrender. Right now, your future looks bleak; I don’t believe they’re “coming for you,” although it may feel like it now.
You have been doing SO much better lately, I HATE to see you give up. You are a Child of God, and He wants you to fulfill your God-given destiny in life. He has something he wants you to accomplish while you are ALIVE; He can’t do it if you take the ultimate solution.
Sue and I CARE a LOT about you; we’re doing our best to keep you alive and kicking. You are SO brave, facing your obstacles and overcoming. STAY alive, so you can figure out WHAT it is you’re here for, OK??
AND – Dave, no, you are NOT crazy – but do YOU see a Consultant??!! Not that it sounds as if you need one, but as you tell us, a sounding board seems like a VERY good idea!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
To Delphine Sanks,
You are being picky….to picky, not everyone is English teachers..
Dave does a excellent job with giving us very usefull information on bipolar and he has spent alot of time, research,and big efforts to help both sirvivors and supporters of this disease…if he makes a mistake some times in his spelling, it should not be a big deal we are all human and after all he has said at times that we may find errors in his spelling and gramer..
I guess we all need to learn to be more positive thinking and more apprecative of the efforts Dave makes to help us out on this disease because he does not have to do any of this….
Dave I Thank you for all of you efforts to imform us about bipolar diease and I consider you a blessing from God.
All “Therapists From a spinless Worm, all the way DOWN to the psychiatrist. Are only money grabing time wasting life destroying unmentionables.
Yes some are also there for sexual reasons. I used to see one, he would always ask me to tell him of at least one Sexual adventure in each visit. He should pay me. I can make him: Laugh, Cry, or anything in between.
My Neighbours Dog was the best Therapist, psychiatrist I had ever consulted. But now Sharnie is Dead.
Why is it spelled. The Rapist? Or The Rapists? That’s what they do to your mind. Your Life. Yes they will Do you Good.
Mind TheRapists, ovoid all psychiatrists, meadicate wiesly. Excercise, Sex or whatever you can get. Sunshine Fun, you know the Drill.
Where is the pic. of you Dave?
‘Till next time little one.Mind the Dumbell. Do you leave enough time between Gym sessions for recovery & Growth? One can Gain Rapidly, with little work, if one knows how.
Why do you only post mail you have typed?
Yes you type your own Mail, as nobody has a good thing to say about your Mail. You are like a Psych. you know nothing, and help nobody.
No WHOLE HUMAN BP. Person anyway. As we are NO fools.
Post some real comments for once Money Chaser!
If it where not for what you type & post, there’d be NO feedback page. I would not have to reply.
You like all who know nothing have it backwards.
Tried them all:
REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU FEEL: LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL !!!
YES LIKE SUZANNE AND SUE SAID YOU MUST HAVE TO FACE THAT STRUGGLE. LOT OF PEOPLE CARES FOR YOU.
I do NOT agree with Troy Henry. Dave, your website and daily e-mails have been a tremendous help to my husband and I. We have your materials, also. Our daughter is BP and refuses to medicate. She lives with us, along with her husband and our grandson. I appreciate your dedication and encouragement daily. Also, Delphine, it is okay about the grammer errors. The message comes across powerful enough, and the grammer errors are not in the bought material. The free mails are said to be free thinking and Dave has said they are not error free. We are okay with that. The basics of living and hanging in there is what matters, especially during an episode. Thank you, Dave!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: TRIED THEM ALL
HANG IN THERE!
I wish there were a way to reach you directly. I’m in the same boat as you, in that sometimes I feel that NOBODY cares. But there ARE people who care. I care!
In a previous post I told David that, yes, he’s crazy. I meant that in a light-hearted way, and hope it didn’t offend anyone. I’m convinced that we’re all “crazy” to some extent, and that being “normal” would equal BORING. I’ve been searching for a word to describe those of us who have mental challenges (without sounding TOO politically correct).
I readily admit to being “Crazy,” but whatever emotional problems I may have have been brought out largely by trying, so far unsucessfully, to help two important people in my life who have even more serious emotional issues. It grates on me every minute of every day.
Again, TRIED THEM ALL, you DO have friends who care. It’s been my experience that they’re just too busy with their own lives (and problems) to step forward and help you.
Think of the good times. THINGS WILL GET BETTER!
To: Dave
Take Delphine Sanks’ comment to heart. I have noticed the exact same thing. Grammatical errors detract from your credibility.
I’m tempted to apply for a position to your staff. Although I didn’t do all that well in school, I’m a good proofreader, and I also would love to be in a position in which I’m helping people. I just don’t know how I could fit it into my schedule, as I’m working 10 or more hours a day now, and get very little sleep as it is.
Troy Henry, your comments are untrue and unkind. Why are you angry? I do not work for Dave, but my comments are always posted. Yes, there’s room for improvement in any organization, and Dave tends to get wordy with his posts, but I have also gleaned some critically important information and insights.
Thanks to SUZANNE, LORNA & PETE–I greatly appreciate your words of kindness. I’m beginning to think people (family) are out to get me. I’ve accused them of things they have not done yet. They’ve done so awful things, but not everything I believed they did.
However, I did have the police at my door last night again (called by a relative). The family member was not concerned about me, rather upset that he got a call from me asking for help. I am told to not call family members again, unless I want “a warrant for my arrest, charges for harassment, and police to take me away and lock me up for good.”
The police were here just to give me a ‘warning,’ they did not arrest me, give me a summons nor take me a way to a hospital or jail. My family is rich and influential, so I am sure they can accomplish whatever they want. They spend their money in every way to hurt me rather than help me.
It is really discouraging and depressing. I so feel like giving up and saying I cannot climb this uphill battle alone.
Hiya David,
I hope this message helps sufferers and supporters with what I have to say.
I am not sure if I am a sufferer as i have been in control for the past 4 years. I used to be up and down like a yo yo and incredibly depressed at times. However, I do know I am a supporter to my partner who I am sure suffers it he has been in control the past two years. I dont medicate, but he self medicate ie drinks from time to time to compensate the lack of sleep: This does NOT mean stop taking your meds. All I am saying my partner is unlucky and cant get the help he asked so I have to go it alone with him. We moved into the countryside and now ours lives are better and my son is settling very well. I am not fooled that he could have episodes and neither is he but we work together as a team to help him get by. It works. What about me well I saw a therapist before we moved and I would recommend any supporter to go. Yes you will vent to begin, cry rant with bitter and anger. BUt after that you will begin to understand Bipolar in a different light. I thank fully chose Bipolar as my assignment and with that knowledge and therapy I realised how important Psychotherapy is. It is not about experiments and stupid things like that. It is about structuring stragedies and learning about yourself and your condition and how to maintain and prevention of another episode. Meds cannot work alone it takes will power and logic to gain more than just a basic survivial to live. It’s about gaining the quality of life and if you have one, with your partner too. If you cannot learn to gain control then the episodes will gain more frequently or longer. If you really want to understand then look into the biological aspects it really makes sense to why BP behave the way they do. David is one of those few who really has made a difference and has gained much understanding. Perhaps those of you can and one day when my money is well, buy his books etc and enjoy the read.
I don’t think you are crazy..lol. You always provide helpful information. I guess I never thought of seeing a therapist myself. But was definitely thinking of getting my son back to see one. He has not for a few years, but seems to be going backwards in treatment, so maybe this will help. Thanks again for your information.
My fiance totally freaked out when he found out I was going to a counselor for therapy. He said I did not need it and it was a conflicked of interest. Go figure. But between him going for BP and his going to another for a narcassitic mother and my daughter going to one for adjustment reaction with depression. It just made me like those you hang around, a little overwelmed. The supporter should seek help because after awhile its kinda like too much do as I say and not do like I do but get quite overwelming. So ya end up like ya can’t beat them so you join them. Its total relief to know ist okay to go and get help because if you don’t ya just can’t seem to make a difference and no one is happy.
I am at this time not seeing a therapist, lot’s of issue’s I have through out my childhood through adulthood. I started medication the year 2000, it sucks . I figure a therapist won’t understand anything, there in it for the $ money.. So I have my up’s and downs frequently , and the dark side effects of killing my self, overdose on pills for no apparent reason, and was on a the brink of death.. numerous behavioral center’s. I never tried anything like that til I was put on medicine.. I know I have a bi-polar problem but I get so frustrated.. I feel hopeless at times.. or shall I say many times. I think of all the talents I can never finish stuff like I dropped out of school, and I also tried college dropped out 2 weeks before the dog-gone semester let out. I just can’t seem to get the balance of being HAPPY! Alicia
You’re not crazy at all. The more I read the less crazy you sound. That tough guy you said you were talking to sounds exactly like my husband. Any chance he lives in Jacksonville, Fl? I’ve made an appointment to go and see a therapist for myself so I can start to better understand his illness. I’m worn out with going through all the different emotions myself without getting any answers from him. I figure with the therapist and my faith I will get some relief. My belief in God is what has kept me sane up to this point. Keep writing.
This blog is the best therapy. There aren’t many therapists here in Ireland at all. It’s almost impossible to find a good one in your area and one who will work for medical card holders. Thank God for the internet!