Hey,
I wanted to write you really quick before I head over to
the old gym. It’s something I forgot to tell you last week.
Last week, I was out in a store and saw a guy who
had one arm. I was thinking to myself, “That really
is terrible…it must be really hard for him.”
So then I wondered how he deals with it, how hard his
life is and things like that.
So me being the shy, introverted person that I am,
I walk over to him and say, “Hey, I wanted to ask you
a question, I am kind of doing some research because
I run a site that helps people deal with bipolar disorder,
both supporters and people with the disorder and I was
wondering if you could help me out, really quick.”
IMPORTANT NOTES:
First, you probably think that I am crazy to just go up
and ask a stranger such a question but I must say, through
full disclosure, I use to sell shoes door to door, and lots
of other things when I was a kid so now, rejection, the word no,
people yelling at me telling me to go away, doors being
slammed in my face, have no affect on me. And now, I can
handle people writing me curses like:
“Take me off your list you F$#king A%^hole!!!!!!!!!”
So I have think skin.
So back to the story, he said, “Ummm well I guess so what
do you need?”
Well I said “I notice that you have one arm, and here’s
what I wanted to ask you and I think you’ll be able to
help several thousand people who deal with bipolar disorder.”
NOTE:
Here’s the sales person in my coming out. When I use to go
to someone’s door to sell shoes, I think I was like 14 or so,
I would say, “I was wondering if you could help me out, I just
got started in this business and I needed some help, I only
need just few minutes Sir/Ms.” Then you gently insert your
foot into the door.
I never knew the techniques I used to sell those shoes
would come in handy one day.
Okay back to the story, so I asked him, questions like:
How do you get a long with one arm
What’s the key to being able to get a long
Do you wonder why you have one arm?
Etc.
So he told me all this and he said over time he adapted as a
kid and now he doesn’t think about it.
Then I asked again, “Do you spend a lot of time thinking about
why you have one arm?” He said, “Oh, no, that’s a waste of time.
I can’t change that.”
I asked, “What would happen to someone who had one arm that
spent a ton of time thinking about why they have one arm?”
He said, “Well, they would go crazy because there is no real
reason it just happened, and you have to move forward and move
forward with the cards God gave you. The question becomes
how can I get along in society with one arm, or do what I
want to with one arm, or accomplish whatever goals I set
for myself with one arm.”
I said to him, “Hey thanks, I got it. You’re going to help
a bunch of people with your story.” He said, “What do you
mean, what did I do? How?”
I told him that so many people dealing with bipolar disorder
spend so much time trying to figure out WHY someone has
bipolar disorder instead of HOW to cope and deal with the illness.
I told him I was going to email my entire list so they could
hear the story.
He said, “Oh that makes sense, so bipolar disorder is like a mental
illness and you are saying that if you have it, you have to learn
how to live with it and not worry about why you got it? Kind of
like I have to learn to live with one arm and not wonder why I only
have one arm?”
NOTE: He didn’t know much about bipolar disorder and notice
I said, “why you go it.” This is not to suggest that you can
catch bipolar disorder. I just wrote what he said as I remember
it. Make sense? Hope so 🙂
Back to the story, I said, “Yes, exactly!” He said that made
sense to him and then we both had to go but before he did
I learned he is a speed reader like I am. He actually went
to the same school I did.
It’s really odd, I get tons of emails where people ask why someone
has bipolar disorder. I see this in all the groups I volunteer
at. I hear this when I speak.
If you notice in my main courses/system
The course/system for supporters of adults:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
The course/system for supporters of children and teens:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
The course/system for those with bipolar disorder:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I spend very little time on the why of bipolar disorder. Why?
Because first there are a zillion books that cover that. Also
websites.
The question becomes, once someone has bipolar disorder:
How to live with bipolar disorder
How to support a loved one with bipolar disorder
How to find a doctor
How to afford a doctor/therapist
How to develop a system to manage the disorder
How to get employment if you have bipolar disorder
How to raise money to pay for care
So on and so forth. There’s a million things to learn but
you get the idea. To many people, spend too much on the “Why.”
This is a huge mistake in my opinion. Focus on the how
not the why.
Hey I gotta run to the gym. Catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
The oldest of my 4 children has been diagnosed with Bipolar. Your e-mails allow me a few minutes to “walk in someone else’s shoes” before returning to the daily grind of life.
Thank you for the enlightening break.
I was diagnosed less than 5 months ago and am on the stage of “why me?” Today’s newsletter helped me how so much. I think it’s time for me to realize that I just need to cope and not ask why. Thank you so very much!
What a nice thought to start my day.Thanks! I agree, that is one of life’s lessons I have learned over the years, don’t question that for which there are no answers, rather put your energy into making each day for you personally in some form successfull!Sometimes all it takes for me is: just to get a smile out of a “tightly wound” teenager :):)
Now that is success!
I can relate to Carey, with 4 children of my own to raise (well one is almost “a legal adult”, but do to her illness still in our care), so two are bipolar, and two are still homeschooling , there is very little time for anything, and a moment on the computer gives me the joy of connecting with someone that knows exactly how I feel without having to ask, and then if I have the time to read a few blogs I graciously accept that I can not complain, because some of us have a much harder burden to carry than I do.
Thanks Dave for the brain food:)
Here is a quick response to alicia. It is normal to go through that phase for just a little while, but it is not worth wasting too much time on it.I remind my children how blessed they are to be intelligent, creative and beautiful young people. There is so much misery in the world, with horrible illnesses that can be devastating, disfiguring and deadly. Bipolar Disorder is a lot to deal with, but with the right attitude and support it can be dealt with.The power is in your hands!
One of the “great” side effects or should I call it bonuses, is the fact, that bipolar people are usually very intelligent, bright and very creative in some form or fashion, – beats being one of the ordinary people :):)
I was raised by a severely bipolar mother, without any help or support, and after years of the resulting insanity I left with deep scars, that have shaped me forever. I did not know that her problems were due to bipolar disorder, and by the time I learned about it she had passed away, and I was left with many, many issues unresolved. Even so there are days when it feels unbareable, I have taken my upbringing as a life lesson and use it as a way to do better by my children, especially the two with BP Disorder. My mother used to tell us “that what doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger”. Tough lessons, but now being put to good use. Hang in there and educate yourself and stay in touch!
So much for a QUICK REMARK….:)
Thanks Dave for today’s email. My fiancee is bipolar and an alcoholic. He’s trying to cope with what he has and trying to go on with life as best as he can. It’s hard at times and he does fall off the wagon way too many times to count but he hasn’t given up, in which, thank God, that he has the support that keeps him going. With your emails and reading up on it has helped me a great deal. Thanks again Dave and have a Blessed day!
I am a mother of two children and seven year old boy with bi-polar and a 9 months old girl. I did ask why when I was younger because my sister has bipolar from her father ( we have different fathers )and became very angry because I couldn’t understand why she was doing all this stuff to our mother. I grew up very resentful and angry with my sister. But it took having my son and realizing that he also has bi-polar and i did honastly think this is what I get for hating my sister so much through out my life. I did get over that very quickly. But I just say now even to my son is who we are today makes us how we will be towmorrow. This is a leason in life so that hopefully some day you can help someone who is worse off then you are.
Thanks for the eye oppening e-mail
I am the mom of three special needs kids. All three are bipolar. We also have the following disabilities in our home, ADHD,OCD,ODD,PTSD,Autisum,PDD,and I suffer from depression. We just found out my husband has prostate cancer. My first reaction was why us.But after reading your e-mail, I’m going to fucus on each day and what the kids can do istead of all the problems.
Part of having the disorder is self-monitoring to “watch” for the next “episode”. If someone accuses you of too extreme a mood swing, you have to identify the triggers (WHY) in order to rectify the “mistake” from happening again. WHY? shouldn’t pertain, but it’s hard to avoid…WHAT? is sometimes more difficult to answer. Human beings are programmed with the capacity and desire to learn. The most haunting hole in my education is what mass mixed together of chance and choice to make me crazy? (ha)
But in spite of all that, this is an excellent point. And I shall attempt to celebrate the arm I have rather than shit-fit about the one I don’t.
I just wanted to Thank you for what you are doing!!! I have a 15 year old daughter that was just newly diagnosed…about 6 months ago. It has not been easy at times but I always knew that better days would come around.
Thanks again!!!
well, as all of u have mentioned, i dont think it would be wise to sit and crack ur brains asking “WHY ME???”…well.. if not u, some one else would have been suffering!! .. why not ME???!!!… we are all just too lazy to fight and find a way out,rather we prefer sitting,holding our head in our hands, elbows on the knees, and begging, literally begging people’s attention and sympathy, which has nothing but, burning the valuable seconds of ur life…. no one can change u, except YOU, YOURSELF!!… get up and do ur best for ur OWN … ALL THE BEST …
thanks i look forward to your e-mails ,god bless you. i am trying to find a pyclg that specializes in bipolar in oberlin ohio a male, can you help? want to go to know how to deal with this to help family member. doctors say litium is next step for him
Wow, great post David (-: When I’m really real depressed I tend to heavily focus on the “Why”, do I have this “God Awful”, illness, instead of doing what it is I know has worked for me time and time again when I’m in a “Funk”. Please note how I stated “What Works For Me”.. what works for me in relation to “Non Western Modalities”, may or may not work for you…we are all different “One Man Bread Is Another Mans Dead”.
It’s really hard to “Do” when one is depressed, however running can act as a great natural antidepressant. ..so “Just Do It”. I also drink tons of high quality water with a high PH level, and usually get a series of colonics, and do a host of other “Weird Sh#@%T”, which may seem funny to those who don’t get sick.
I help operate a business out of our home, so staying healthy is obviously very important, especially when conducting our business in a professional manner. The last thing in the world your customers want to deal with is some manic, hypo manic or depressed individual “Going Off On Them”. I actually had this guy go off on me years ago….I swear he was manic. He told me to go “F$%*K”, my dog cat, mother etc….obviously not a great way to conduct your business. Anyways I have officially digressed however, just wanted to say these Blogs are great..Keep Up The Great Work David(-:
Almost forgot…I want everyone who is even remotely contemplating stopping their medication, to get this foolish thought out of their “Head”.
No matter how successful your holistic, or alternative modalities are working, they often times just increase the efficacy of the medication you are contemplating quitting…just a thought.
I ordered your course for people with bipolar on Feb. 26, 07 and still have not received it. I paid over $25.00 for shipping. Where is it???